I stood numb, flinching slightly as I heard the 'bang' of the door as it shut. Yes. He was gone and, I knew, he wasn't coming back. There was no need. He had gotten what he had required and there was no further use of me.
I shook my head in sadness as I stared at the place he had stood. Turning around, I stopped suddenly upon seeing them.
Danny and Justin.
They stared hard at me for a while and no words were said by the three of us. Suddenly, Justin stepped forward. His beautiful eyes looked at me in what seemed like concern and he placed a cold hand on my arm. Even with this slight intimate contact he seemed highly uncomfortable.
He directed his sight to the distant hallway door, gazing at where Aaron had stood. He then returned his gaze to me, his hair flickering on his face as he spoke.
"Don't worry. I'll talk to him. He'll be fine." and, with that awkward comforting attempt, he moved slowly down the hallway and into the direction that Aaron had gone in. I watched in sadness as he too began to leave, but he halted on the spot.
Curious of his actions, I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped upon seeing Justin walk back towards me. The look on his face was the same as always as he stopped in front of me- expressionless yet his expression also held a bit of discomfort as he moved slowly towards me, putting his cold lips to my forehead.
It was quick. It only lasted 2 seconds and I knew it was probably not the highlight of his day, but the gesture was genuine. I smiled slightly at him before directing my gaze onto the floor.
Justin opened his mouth to speak, probably searching his cold mind for a piece of comfort, but his mouth was shut right after that and, I knew, he couldn't think of anything to say. He hesitated yet again and I wondered what it was that was so hard for him to say. Once again, his mouth opened and this time his deep voice arose through the hollow echoes of the grey hallway.
"Erm, I- just don't- er. Be safe." He said sternly, with a grim nod of his head, before he too disappeared down the hallway.
I smiled, seemingly haven forgotten the severity of the situation until I heard a cough from behind me. I turned around to see Danny still stood motionless and it was unnatural to see on him. Danny always had something to say. Yes, there had occasionally been a few dim sentences.
Well, not occasionally.
However, he was always speaking, nevertheless. To see him quiet was an odd sight and I opened my mouth in an attempt to stop the madness.
"The weather's been really good lately, hasn't it? " I said all - too cheerfully, but he didn't seem to be paying attention. He was looking at me, I was pretty sure of that, but he wasn't listening to what I was saying. I could tell that at the least. That was very evident from how he didn't even answer my question.
I opened my mouth to speak again, but was stopped by Danny. In what seemed like two seconds, Danny had latched onto me in a warm bear hug. I rubbed his back in comfort and tried to pull back, but to no avail. He wasn't letting go. I tried again, but all efforts ceased when I heard a loud sob. And then another. And then a whole cascade of sobs.
He was crying. For me.
I clenched my eyes shut tightly. To hear him sob like that, for me especially, caused a pain that could not be described. I had caused that sadness in him. It was me.
I could hear it all. Among all the sobs, there were pleas. He was asking me to 'stay' and 'listen to Aaron'. He was asking me a lot of things; many of which I knew I could not deliver.
And, then, he was asking me to promise him. To promise that I'd stay, no matter what to which I responded with a tight hug. I rubbed his back, speaking into his ear.
"Shh. It'll get better. It always gets better. "
**********
Raspberry or marmalade?
I picked both jam containers up, surveying them closely. I gazed back to the bread on my plate.
Yes. Raspberry always wins.
I picked up the container and dug a knife through it. I thought to myself as I spreaded it on the surface of the bread.
How was Aaron now?
It had been a week since I had last encountered Aaron and to say I was anxious would be an understatement. I was going mental to the point where I was jamming the plate instead of the bread.
Yes. That mental moment being now.
I sighed before picking up the bread instead to jam. Mum had said that I needed to eat. Upon hearing that I had gone to the doctors, she was beyond ecstatic. Of course, explaining to her again that getting the treatment was not even a possibly had sort of dampened her mood. Nevertheless, she was tremendously happy that I had taken such a big step in 'becoming the mature girl that she knew I was destined to be'.
I, for one, had tagged it as the worst decision of my life because,not only, did the 'mature girl ' have to endure hearing yet another health official question her life choices, but she also had to verbally embarrass herself in front of the man she loved.
I let out another sigh before squishing the two slices of bread together. I wasn't hungry, but- in hindsight- I hadn't been hungry in days.
Maybe it was just a matter of forcing the food down now.
I thought back to my first meeting with Aaron.
Britney tore her gaze from me and smiled flirtatiously to Aaron. He grinned widely and winked at her.
I rolled my eyes. Oh, how he loved being the centre of attention.
"Er, look Brooklyn," he started lazily, gesturing tiredly with his hands.
"Britney," she piped up, sweetly.
He rolled his eyes. I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing. It was pretty clear he didn't care.
"Yeah, Britney. I really need to talk to..." He raised his eyebrow at me, awaiting for me to throw in my name.
Seriously?! He didn't know! I was in most of his classes.
"Alexis" I deadpanned, eying him with a flat stare. He smiled in return.
"I really need to talk to Alexis, so if you don't mind..."
Britney's flirtatious smile faltered a little bit causing me to grin toothily. I was enjoying this conversation way more than I had planned. Nevertheless, Britney brightened instantly.
"Yeah, I'm going, but you'll get back to me, right?" She asked, the desperation practically seeping out of her words.
"Sure, er, Bridget," he responded, his face marred with boredom.
"It's Britney," she chirped, the sickly smile never leaving her face.
"Yeah, whatever," he deadpanned, eying his watch before looking up and dismissing her with a wave of his hand.
"Bye," she all but chirped out, her voice coated with such a sick sweetness it made me gag.
With one last glare sent towards me, Britney tottered down the hall, stopping at the end, where she turned briskly put her manicured hand to her mouth and blew a small kiss in Aaron's direction. He lazily drew his hand up, not taking his eyes off me, and captured the kiss. With this, Britney smiled contently and sauntered away.
Aaron stole one last look at her before he turned his full attention to me, his face turning from boredom to seriousness in a matter of seconds. He cleared his throat before speaking.
"I need a favour."
I never knew then how strongly I would feel for him in the course of our relationship. Thinking back,I wish I could say I regretted agreeing to the damn favour yet I knew it wasn't true. I'd say yes again in a heartbeat, even if I knew what was to come.
Before my thoughts could reach closure, a sharp pain hit my stomach. I screamed loudly for Mum, but remembered her and Dad had both gone to my aunts house. I cursed to myself before making my way over to the medication drawer where I knew my medicine were. They were to be taken regularly, twice everyday, but I never felt the need to do that, seeing as I had decided on not going through with the treatment. However, the pain I felt right now was unbearable to what I had felt a few times in the past.
It was sharp and abrupt. I reached into the drawer to find my pills, only to fall back when a certain shot of pain hit extremely hard. I tumbled down onto the ground, clutching my
stomach in pain.
I needed help, I knew that. I couldn't do this alone. I needed him.
So, I dialled his number.
20- Interrupting Lovers
So, I dialled his number.
*************
Ringing.
I could hear the ringing, but it wasn't from the phone. It was from my head. I clenched my eyes shut tightly as the incessant pounding continued. I needed my medicine; I needed to call the doctor.
But no.
I wanted to call him. I opened my eyes widely as the phone stopped ringing.
"Aaron! Help, I-"
'I'm sorry. Your call cannot be taken right now. Please wait for-'
I screamed loudly in frustration, but regretted the action soon after when it's aftermath impacted heavily on my head.
I tried to console myself with thoughts of him actually being too busy to answer rather than ignoring me, but the odds seemed unlikely. I sighed heavily, knowing that what I had done; what I had hid was undoubtedly wrong. Nevertheless, I couldn't shake the hurt that reverberated within me upon knowing that he didn't answer my call.
I panted as the short jabs of pain turned to vigorous and long aches. Sweating from pain, it was getting to much for me too handle.
I dialled his number in haste; in the hope that he'd have second thoughts on answering; that maybe he forgave me and would cuddle me in the last moments we would share together. Even during the intense pain I was feeling, I managed a pathetic scoff and thoughts of, what had happened when we last met, arose to my mind.
"Aaron, wait! I love you."
His shoulders were tensed, that much I could tell. They had been tensed since I uttered those rotten words and the urge to go to him and power slam his shoulders down seemed insatiable.
Pulling me from my thoughts, Aaron turned his head slightly to his left, so he could look at me from the corner of his eye. He was breathing heavily, something I realised him and his friends had in common when they were angry.
I tried deriving emotion from the look he was giving me, but it was futile. His face was stone hard; unlike him. He dropped his gaze to the floor and a look of focus passed over his face.
He was thinking. About what, however, I was not sure. I felt the need to say something; something that could disrupt the silence that had created a pit on my stomach, but- before I could- Aaron sighed heavily and I watched his actions intently. He gazed up at me for a last second before slowly shaking his head and, with that, he exited the hallway.
He was gone.
He didn't feel the way I felt about him, about this, I was sure. I hummed hurriedly in a feeble attempt to distract myself from the pain as I waited for him to pick up. It was ringing, so his phone was not off.
Maybe, he's not near his phone.
I scoffed again at my pathetic high hopes. In the period of which I knew Aaron, there hadn't been a time in which his phone wasn't either in his hand or his back pocket. He never kept it away from him- I knew that much about him at the least.
I contemplated the thought of using my Mother's cell to call him, knowing all too well that the reason he wasn't picking up was because he knew who was on the other side of the call.
Me- and he was in no mood to talk to me.
Yet, I disregarded the thought as soon as it had come. I wanted him to pick up with the mind frame that it was me; not because he thought it was someone else. If he answered my call, it would presumably indicate that a part of him has forgiven me. Maybe not fully, but a single fibre of his being could feel my actions forgivable.
'I'm sorry. Your call cannot be taken right now. Please-'
I hung the phone up, sighing heavily. It was useless. I knew he wouldn't answer me. I panted as the pain began to increase.
I needed to get help. It would be the right thing to do, but I couldn't go without hearing Aaron's voice. I wanted to hear my name roll of his tongue, not 'Alexis' but 'Lexi'. I wanted to hear his laugh and feel shivers invoke my spine.
But, mostly, I wanted to hear an 'I love you too'.
I didn't want anything else in this moment of time then to hear him reciprocate that what I felt towards him. I wanted to hear him say it quietly as if to show he wasn't saying it for anyone else's pleasure, but my own. I wanted to hear him say it loudly as if he were proud for the whole world to hear about us. I tutted.
I wanted to hear him say it, screw if it was loudly or quietly.
I bit my lip in thought as I looked down at the phone. Should I call again? Third time has always been deemed as 'the charm', never the second time.
And, with this justification, I rang again.
His number was dialling and I looked at it tepidly. Had I made a mistake? The sharp shoots of pain continued, but it all felt numb now- numb compared to the pain I felt in my heart.
I tutted as it rang for what seemed like a millenia. He was probably annoyed at this minute of time, but I couldn't think about that. I needed him right now and that need exceeded my regards for his well mannered behaviour. All I could think about was hearing his voice.
I expected to be sent to voicemail again yet that wasn't what happened. The ringing stopped and a silence passed. The silence in which I realised- he had answered the call. I was about to speak, but a cold voice arose from the other side- sounding both dead and unfamiliar.
"What do you want?" The voice spoke; it's question blunt and soaked with distaste. I breathed through my nose. He probably hated me and, the worst part of it all, I deserved it.
I coughed heavily as another sharp pain hit my stomach before speaking.
"Aaron, I just-"
"Actually, I don't want to hear your answer. It's probably going to be a lie too." He interrupted me before I could tell him about the pain that I was suffering.
I sighed, sweating profusely. "Look, Aaron, I know I was-"
Yet, before I could finish, he interrupted me again.
"You were what? Selfish? All you ever did, by hiding it, was think about yourself. Did you consider what anyone else was feeling? " He spoke, his voice harsh and cold.
I sighed, knowing he was right.
"I know, Aaron, but-"
He interrupted me again yet this time his voice sounded different; almost fragile.
"Did you consider how I'd feel?"
I stopped trying to speak then because it was all getting too much for me. It was all too overwhelming to hear him as broken as he sounded now and, knowing it was my fault, was like a stake to the heart.
I gulped back the tears that were on the verge of spilling. Amidst all the pain, the sound of his breathing was the only thing I could concentrate on. By the pattern of it, I knew he was angry, but mostly, I could tell he was upset.
Maybe, he had...
No. That wasn't the case. He hadn't begun to care for me, I was completely and utterly sure of that. All I was to him was an instrument in which he could use to carry out his favour. Nothing more and now he was annoyed that I called him one to many times. That's why he sounded emotional because he was agitated that his phone was ringing nonstop.
That would explain his breathing.
Another sharp shot of pain hit and I gasped at the unexpected severity of it. Nevertheless, I continued in my pleas for him to listen. Maybe if he knew the pain I was in, he'd come to me.
"Aaron, I feel-"
Unsurprisingly, I couldn't finish what I had to say and Aaron's cold voice arose from the other side.
"You feel what? Guilty? Good. You should. Actually, you know what? You shouldn't feel guilty; you should feel pained and hurt because that's how you made me feel." His voice was choked up yet so emotionless that I couldn't decipher what he was feeling.
"But, I am in pain, Aaron!" I finally let out, shouting as another jab of pain shot through me.
I was hoping for him to enquire or panic or at least something of that sort, but- instead- he scoffed.
"No, don't try to act like you know how I'm feeling; like you know the extent of my suffering." He sai
d with a frustrated sigh.
I coughed wildly before answering.
"Believe me. I know." I simply said because I knew how hard it would be to get any other words in with a guy like him on the other side of the call.
He scoffed yet again and I began thinking as to whether this was a newly devised fad.
"Why should I believe anything you say? Give me one example of when you said something that wasn't a lie." He said in a condescending tone.
"Aaron, wait! I love you."
I was about to bring it up, but dismissed the idea, knowing I'd regret it immediately after. He didn't feel the same way and the conversation would take an unneeded tangent. All I should focus on right now was telling him about the pain.
"What? So, you don't believe me?" I asked and I cursed at how vulnerable my voice sounded when asking this question. I didn't want to sound weak on front of him. I needed to be strong.
I was expecting a softer answer or maybe just a dismissal. I didn't, however, expect him to be so blunt.
"No." He said so simply yet that simple answer brought the tears to my eyes and they cascaded down my face. I soon regretted letting them spill as it increased the pain I felt in my abdomen.
"Please, believe me, Aaron. I know I've hurt you, but that was never the intention." I said, fighting through the pain. I needed to clarify it all before speaking about something else.
Aaron laughed, but it wasn't the laugh that I had been so diligently waiting for. No, this was a different laugh altogether.
"Then what was your intention? To discretely leave this world in the hope that no one will notice?" He asked sarcastically and I wavered a bit because that was sort of the plan.
Well, in a less pathetic way, of course.
I wiped the sheen of sweat off my forehead before speaking.
"No. The intention was to keep it from you because I knew you wouldn't care! " I let out, my voice rising to octaves I didn't think it could reach.
He didn't waver at all, however. Instead, he laughed yet again and -if anyone else was standing beside him- they'd probably guess he was talking to a comedian.
"Yes, you're right. I don't care. I'm just shouting at you right now because it gives me kicks. I mean,YOLO, right? " He said yet again in a heavily drenched sarcastic tone and it took everything in my power to not get up; run to his house and bitch slap him into his senses.
Faker Boy (Alexis Secret Book 2) Page 14