by Katie Dowe
“I like The Food Network and I’m a quick study,” he said with a smile. She opened her bottle of water and took a sip as she watched him cook. “I hope sloppy joes are good enough for you,” he said as he looked at her.
“Sure.” She took another sip of her water. His idea of making sloppy joes for dinner was brilliant because he was done in half an hour. He quickly tossed a green bean, lettuce and tomato salad before he served her. He poured a glass of wine for himself but offered her some apple juice. “That’s not fair,” she said as he sat down across her on the table.
“You have meds. I don’t.” He took a sip of his wine and then took a bite of his sloppy.
“They’re mostly supplements,” she argued.
“They still fall under medication. Now eat up.”
Needless to say, dinner was uncomfortably silent. Alex was looking at Emily and she was trying her best to avoid his line of sight. But she couldn’t do it forever. Eventually, she would have to face him. It seemed like forever before they finally finished. Alex looked at her and she sighed. She couldn’t take it any longer.
“Why am I here, Alex?” she asked. He looked at her and pushed his chair back before he got up. He walked up to her side of the table and stood behind her chair to pull it back. He looked at her and she got up wondering why she had to comply with everything he demanded.
“Come with me,” he said as he began walking out of the dining room. He led her to the bedroom and she rolled her eyes.
“Alex…” she started as she stood at the doorway. “We haven’t had any time to talk and the first time I see you after ten years you bring me to your bedroom. What the hell are you trying to pull?” she asked but Alex was walking to his closet. “Of course. You are a snob too.” She shook her head. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. “What the hell am I doing here?” She wondered as she stood there. She was about to walk out of the room when Alex walked out of the closet holding a box.
“This is why you are here,” he said in a soft voice. She looked at the box in his hands and then looked up at him.
“What is that?”
“Proof that I didn’t abandon you,” he said in a small voice. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. He looked up at her and beckoned for her to join him. “Come on.” She looked at him and walked over to where he was.
“All I see is a box. How exactly is a box going to prove that to me?” she asked. He opened the box and that was when she saw them. Letters. There must have been hundreds of letters and postcards in there addressed to her but she never got any of them. She looked at him and then looked into the box again. “I never got these…any of these.” She was now taking the letters out of the box looking at each letter one by one. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes again.
“I never abandoned you, Emily. I wrote to you every day for three years,” he said as she looked inside the box.
“But I never…” she started again. Those seemed to be the only words in her mouth. She gave in to her emotion and the tears finally flowed down her cheeks. He moved close to her and draped an arm around her shoulder before he pulled her close to him. He held her close as she sobbed into his shoulder. He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. He brushed off her tears and held her face in his hands. She tried to stop herself but the water works were still too active. He held her close again and she put a hand on his shoulder.
Like a wave, everything was coming together. Everything about those first years after the divorce. How her mother was always so quick to put away the mail, how she was always so secretive about their location. She pulled away from Alex’s embrace and looked into his eyes. “My mother,” she said. “She sent these back.” Alex nodded.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he stroked her hair.
At that moment, Emily was cursing in my head. She was cursing at her mother. She was the one who had kept Alex’s letters from her. She was the one who made sure Emily lived her life feeling like she never meant anything to Alex. As Emily lay her head on his chest with him stroking her hair, she thought of how different things would have been if she had known he was trying to reach out to her. If Emily had known that while she lived her life thinking he had forgotten everything about her, he was somewhere else wondering why she had forgotten him.
“I’ve missed you,” he said in a soft voice. “I missed you like no one ever missed anyone.”
Emily closed her eyes.
“I missed you too,” she said in a whisper.
She had no idea how long she stayed there with her head against his shoulder but when she finally pulled away, Alex was asleep. He was leaning against the bed’s headboard with his eyes closed. She thought he had never looked better. She pulled away as slowly as she could and then helped him lay down on the bed with his head against the pillow. She pulled the covers on him and looked at him with a smile on her lips. She had to hold herself back as much as she could because all she could think about was getting into bed next to him. Snuggling into his arms. She wanted to feel the way she felt when she was young…the way he would hold her close when she got scared during a storm or while watching a scary movie. She looked at him and then picked up the box and walked out of the bedroom.
She walked to the living room and sat down. Her heart was beating hard as she began looking inside the box. She took a batch of letters and pulled one envelope out of the batch. She looked at the date and sighed. It was probably one of the letters he wrote within the first two months of the divorce. She opened it and leaned back as she read it.
Emily.
I don’t know what’s going on but my letters keep on coming back to me. But I keep writing because I somehow think that one day you will actually read my letters. I miss you. I miss having our movie nights. I miss having cold pancakes with you. I miss everything about you.
She pulled another envelope and opened it.
Hey Em.
Hope you’ve been good. Today dad decided that we would be better off in Arizona. I hate thinking that I will be so far away from you but maybe you can come down there sometime. I’m not really sure what’s good in Arizona. I mean, it’s not New York but surely we can find something to do. So long as you are there, that’s all that matters….
There were so many letters to read. She suddenly felt like Celie in The Color Purple reading up on years’ worth of her sister’s Nettie’s letters. She looked at the many letters and felt a tear roll down her cheek. She could actually establish a time line of Alex’s life based on just these letters alone. She quickly brushed off the tear and looked at the stack of papers. A smile played on her lips when she remembered how she used to feel guilty after taking a peep at Alex in the pool in his briefs with his all so wonderfully glorious abs glistening after taking a dip in the pool. She saw an envelope that looked heavier than the rest. It was not even tied up with the rest. She picked it up and opened it. She gasped and smiled when she saw what was in it. A letter and photos of Alex as a young teenager, in school, with what she assumed was his pet dog, with his dad. There was even one with a cute blonde. She assumed her to be his girlfriend because she was in a number of photos.
“He did write to me,” she thought sadly. “He wrote to me and my mother hid all the evidence from me.” She looked at more photos and sighed again. “He wrote to me.”
*****
Emily didn’t know how long she had been asleep on the living room couch before Alex finally came out to where she was. He looked at her and gently brushed strands of her hair from her face. He then saw the letters all over the floor and couch. She had been reading them. A smile played on his lips as he looked at her. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked up at him.
“Hey,” Alex said in a low voice.
“Hey,” she said as she pulled herself up to a sitting position.
“Don’t do that. You don’t have to wake up,” he said as he sat on one edge of the couch.
“It’s fine. It’s about time I got up anyway,” she shrugged. She loo
ked at the letters and then up at him apologetically. “I’m…I’m sorry,” she said as she looked at him.
“What for?”
She pulled her knees to her chest and bit her lower lip.
“The letters. I was just curious.”
“It’s okay. They were addressed to you anyway. It’s not like you were breaking any laws.”
Emily looked at him and smiled.
“You did write to me,” she said and he nodded.
“I did write to you.”
“But why…why did you keep them after all these years?” she asked feeling a little confused.
“Honestly, that is the one thing I cannot answer. I guess I just hoped that one day you would get to have them…I know it sounds corny but I did.” Emily looked at him and then caught a glimpse of the rain outside. Alex looked out the window and smiled.
“It’s raining,” he said in a soft voice.
“Yeah it is,” Emily said in a whisper.
When they were younger, they would spend rainy days inside, curled up in front of the TV watching Lost while sipping on hot chocolate. Alex looked at her and Emily opened her mouth to say something but he cut in.
“I have every season of Lost on DVD.” She smiled. “You can get them and I’ll get the hot chocolate.” He got up and began walking towards the kitchen.
“And don’t forget the…”
“…cinnamon and ice cream. I remember,” Alex interjected leaving a smiling Emily on the couch.
Chapter 3
After the mandatory bed rest period, Emily had to go back to work but in all honesty, she was not looking forward to it. She had grown to enjoy Alex’s company a little too much. She had a little taste of her childhood and it was…perfect. But it had also become too much for her to handle. Being around him so often was rousing some feelings she thought had been buried a long time ago and soon enough it became clear that the crush he had on her as a teenager was still very much alive.
It was Wednesday morning and she was making her way to her office. She was in a black skirt suit, a pink shirt and a pair of black platform suede heels. She had her hair straightened and cascading over her shoulders as she walked. Normally, skirt suits wouldn’t be her cup of tea but Cadence had picked out this particular outfit from a clothing store the company had recently signed. It was designed to bring out the curves of a plus size woman and from the way people had looked at her in the elevator, the suit was doing exactly that. She had just walked into her office when Cadence walked in holding some files.
“You could give me a chance to catch a breath before you bombard me with files, Caddie. You know that, right?” Emily asked as she sat down.
“Well, if I did, your breakfast would be cold.” She walked up to Emily’s desk and placed the coffee she had in her hand on her desk. She then placed a white paper bag next to the coffee before she sat down. Emily felt guilty that she had not even noticed her assistant had more than just work to offer.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t…” Emily started before Cadence held up a hand.
“You don’t need to explain yourself to me Carter. You forget I have known you for most of my professional life. It’s not your fault you are…” Emily looked up at her forcing her to suddenly cut her sentence short. Cadence smiled. “Just so you know, I was going to say work oriented,” she finally said.
Emily smiled and took a sip of her vanilla latte.
“Perfect,” she said as she leaned back in her chair.
“And the blueberry muffins you swear by,” Cadence added with a smile. “Honestly, I deserve a raise.”
Emily couldn’t help but notice the proud tone in her voice.
“I’ll talk to Chase,” she said.
“Oh please, don’t. I’ve got the raise thing covered,” Cadence said.
Emily looked up at her in surprise.
“How exactly do you have the raise thing covered? Are you engaged in some kind of illegal thing I should know about? Am I getting a subpoena any time soon?” Emily asked, an eyebrow raised.
Cadence crossed her arms over her chest.
“Please, if I was it would be some grand heist. I’m talking private security boxes in some Swiss bank grand heist. Or Euro printing plates out of a bank in Zurich…definitely nothing you should concern yourself with.”
Emily took another sip of her latte before she began opening the paper bag. She pulled out one muffin and bit into it.
“I am not sure if that explanation was supposed to make me feel better or worse.”
“Chase owes me a favor. Let’s just say it’s in his best interest to make sure I am very happy here,” Cadence pointed out albeit a little proudly.
“Blackmail?” Emily asked in surprise.
Cadence rolled her eyes.
“No, he had me take care of something over my lunch break and also made me miss my cousin’s bar mitzvah. He told me I could ask for anything I wanted and I want a raise.”
Emily could not help but be relieved. “You need to cut back on all those espionage TV shows you love so much.”
“Why? They make me sound smart when I talk.”
“You don’t need TV shows to sound smart, Caddie. You are smart.”
“I am, aren’t I? After all, I do have an IQ of…”
“You say that one more time and I swear I will beat you to death with my shoe,” Emily teased.
“A hundred and forty,” Cadence said in a whisper.
“So, what do you have for me?” she asked as she looked at the files Cadence had put on her desk.
“Two prospective clients that Chase wants you to personally handle and I’ll need a few authorization signatures on these,” Cadence handed her three of the files. Emily looked through them and sighed. Normal accounts stuff. The highlight of her days. “So,” Cadence started as she leaned forward to look into Emily’s eyes. “Alex Brewer.” Emily felt a thrill go down her spine at the mention of Alex’s name.
“What about him?”
“What do you mean what about him? Go on, dish,” Cadence had a girlish look about her like some teenager who had just been asked to the dance by the quarterback.
“There is nothing to dish, Caddie,” Emily said as she bit into her muffin.
“Really? You get sick at a client’s event and the best looking man there decides to ride with you in the ambulance to the hospital and there is nothing to dish? Not forgetting the fact that I dropped by your place thrice during your mandatory bed rest period and you were not there.” Emily sighed. If ever there was anything she wanted to keep private, it was her and Alex. “And when I called you, you were always quick to dismiss me.” Cadence was skating on really thin ice at this moment.
“Caddie, I really don’t want to talk about this,” Emily said as she took a sip of her latte. She was trying her best to avoid her assistant’s line of sight.
“Oh my God! There is something to dish, isn’t there?” Cadence was now too excited. Emily opened her mouth to speak but Allison, one of the company’s secretaries, poked her head through the doorway.
“Allison! Please, come in,” Emily said grateful for her timing.
“Actually, there is an Alex Brewer here to see you,” Allison said. Emily felt her cheeks flush. Cadence looked at her and smiled widely.
“Please show him in, Allison,” she said giving a look to Emily that screamed ‘I am about to get to the bottom of this’.
“Cadence,” Emily said in a warning tone making Cadence roll her eyes.
“Fine. You make me miss out on all the fun stuff,” she said as she stood up and began walking towards the door.
Emily almost gasped when she saw him. He was looking dashing as usual in a black slim suit and a sky blue shirt coupled with a navy blue tie.
“Hi, I’m Cadence,” Cadence said stretching out her hand to shake his.
“Alexander Brewer. Nice to meet you,” Alex said with a smile.
Cadence looked at Emily over her shoulder and then walked out closing the door behind
her. Alex looked at Emily and began walking towards her.
“Hi,” he said softly.
“Hi.” She really didn’t know or have anything else to say.
“May I?” he asked when he got to the chair in front of her desk snapping her out of her trance. She nodded and put the muffin she was holding down on the desk. She looked at him as he undid the button of his jacket. He looked at her and her gaze dropped.
“Would you like some coffee? Tea maybe?” she asked as she fumbled with her desk phone. He shook his head.
“I’m fine,” he said.
“Really? It’s no trouble.”
“I’m fine,” he said again.
“It’s kind of weird to just sit here eating as you look at me,” she said in a small voice.
“Don’t worry about that. I won’t be staying long,” he said.
Emily felt relief wash over her when he said that.
“Okay.”
“How’s work?” he asked, confusing her. This was definitely not a question a man who didn’t mean to stay long would ask.
“I can’t complain,” she shrugged.
“Are you taking it easy?”
She nodded.
“Eating well, sleeping properly?” He pressed.
She looked at him and nodded.
“You know how important it is to take care of yourself, right?” he asked.
Emily should have been agitated but she wasn’t.
“I do,” she said in a small voice.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” he finally said.
She wanted to tell him that she hadn’t been avoiding him. She wanted to say that she thought hooking up with him (which at this rate was inevitable) was a bad idea.
“I know because I have been calling you and you won’t answer the phone but you do reply to my texts.” He crossed one leg over the other and rest his arms on either arm rest.
She looked at him and for the first time ever, she had no comeback.
“Is there something I should know?” he asked.
She wanted to talk so much but her mind was full of the last time they had been together. It had been raining for four days straight and they were still binge watching Lost. She didn’t know how or when it happened but she was sitting in between his legs and he had his arms around her. For a moment, a very long moment, it all felt so good. So perfect but when she turned her head at the same time he was looking down at her, everything came tumbling down. She could tell from the way she began feeling his bulge hardening on her back that he wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted to kiss him back. The fact that she was wearing his shirt was not helping the situation. She could feel him gently rubbing his thumb on her elbow. Damn, she wanted him. She wanted him more than she had ever wanted anyone but the sad truth was that she couldn’t have him. She had suddenly pulled away from him and dashed out to the guest room where she had stayed till the morning. But even then, Alex would not let her go home alone. He had insisted on going with her and he even went ahead to offer to sleep on the couch.