by Fiona Miers
“I believe Ellie is in love with you.”
Robert’s jaw dropped open. Talk about getting straight to the point! His old friend stared into the fire, his eyes glazed over and unseeing.
How was he going to tackle this? He knew Ellie had feelings for him, she had all but told him that she did. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to reveal all just yet.
“I don’t think so William, we haven’t spent enough time together for that.”
William turned his head, his eyes refocusing in a moment.
“She is young and impressionable Robert, I don’t want her hurt.”
Robert looked down at his whiskey, heat flushing his cheeks. He had been chastised like a school boy and he had deserved it. Playing down her feeling had not been well done of him. At her age most ladies were married with at least one child. She was a woman and knew her own mind.
However, he didn’t want to see Ellie hurt either. He wanted to take care of her, nurture the spirit that would surely be destroyed by so many others. But was marrying her even a possibility?
William cleared his throat meaningfully.
“Unless, you feel the same for her?”
Robert swallowed and looked up into his friend’s green eyes. Those eyes that were a mirror image of Ellie’s, proclaiming their connection. Robert’s chest tightened further and he waited, not wanting to answer the question. He swirled the whiskey in his glass, listening to the noises in the room. The crackling fire, the swishing of the drink.
William just waited some more and Robert knew he wasn’t getting out of this without committing one way or the other. He couldn’t get out of it, and did he really want to? If he offered for Ellie then he would have to speak to William about it at some stage, it may as well be now.
“I don’t know how I feel, William.”
His old friend frowned.
“Of course you do. A gentleman always knows his own mind and you have always known exactly what you wanted Robert. Even at University you had plans for the rest of your life.”
Robert smiled at the whimsy he saw on William’s face.
“I did and look what that got me. A bitter marriage followed by being a childless widower at seven and thirty. I don’t know if I have the strength to do it all again, William.”
His friend took a long drink of whiskey and lay it down.
“That is disappointing Robert, because that was one of the reasons I asked you to visit for Christmas.”
Robert sat up straighter in his chair. Did William just say that he had hoped for Robert to show interest in Ellie? Surely not.
“William, did you just say that you wanted Ellie to attract my attention?”
His old friend looked his straight in the eye.
“Robert, she is the most important thing to me in this world and I know that the husband she chooses will determine her future happiness. I want a gentleman who will love her and I had thought you still had enough courage to look at the future with hope. Was I wrong?”
Robert fell back against his chair, shocked. He had thought that William would be shocked, disgusted even by the prospect of marrying his daughter off to an old friend. How wrong could he be?
William cocked his head again and repeated his question.
“My question has not changed Robert. Do you feel the same for her?”
Robert swallowed. Fear clenching in his belly as his future changed course, light momentarily blinding him.
“I…” Robert cleared his throat loudly. He sat up; it was time to live in the present, not in the past. It was also time for courage.
“I do feel the same as I hope she does.”
William met his gaze, steady and sure. A smile flickering in his green eyes.
“That’s better. I thought as much. So, the reason you have not offered for her is your fear of an unhealthy marriage?”
Robert shrugged, his friend repeating his fear made it seem small, pathetic even. His heart was beating faster than it had on any horse ride. He shifted in his chair and moved forward.
“I am also twice her age, a little more.”
William smiled.
“My father was almost forty years older than my mother. It has nothing to do with the success or happiness within a marriage. If you will do the right thing by her then I will give you my consent.”
Robert looked down, pain tightening his chest.
“There is one more thing. I couldn’t... If I lost her as I did Mary...”
William reached forward and squeezed his hand. Robert looked up and saw pure understanding in his friends eyes.
“I know how you are feeling my friend, but that is not a way to live. If I found someone I could be comfortable with, I would remarry despite the pain of losing Ellie’s mother.”
Robert released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.
Was he really going to do this? Yes, he was. He was now walking the path of his choice, there would be no going back.
“I can look after her William. I want to.”
His friend sat up straighter and his eyes narrowed. “I know you can. Tell me why you want her.”
Robert took another sip of his whiskey, hoping for some of the famous Scottish courage. When it didn’t come he set his glass down on the table, he needed to call on his old strength for this.
He needed to stop thinking for a moment and just feel. How did he actually feel about Ellie?
“She is beautiful William, in all ways. She is funny and smart, loving and tender.”
William’s eyebrows raised in surprise and even Robert smiled at his suddenly easy way of talking.
“Then why is she tricking you into Christmas kisses when you feel this way?”
Robert took another sip of the whiskey, the warmth spreading along his legs. He needed to be honest. With Ellie, with William and most of all with himself.
“I never thought to marry again William and I told Ellie that. I honestly did not think I would find someone I wanted to spend time with as I do her. It has taken me completely by surprise.”
It was William’s turn to flush at Robert’s honesty, his brown eyes opening wide.
“Does Ellie know you feel this way about her now?”
Robert shifted back in his seat again. He didn’t really know. He had told her so many things and then acted in a completely different way. The poor girl probably didn’t know which way was up.
“I don’t know. She knows I like spending time with her, but I haven’t given her any other indication, no.”
William stood up and hobbled over to the whiskey counter, refilling their glasses again. When he walked back, Robert accepted the glass, confused about what had just happened.
“Get her to agree Robert. She needs a good husband and you are my first choice. But if she doesn’t agree, come New Year I will be finding her a gentleman worthy of her that she will marry.”
Robert jumped to his feet, fists clenched. William wouldn’t dare.
“You don’t need to introduce her to anyone William. I will offer for her now.”
William shrugged.
“She’s the one you want to marry. Get her to agree, not me”
Robert placed his glass down with a thump.
“So I have your consent to court her and propose marriage tomorrow?”
William nodded slowly, looking surprised for a moment before it disappeared.
Robert consciously relaxed his face, and his fists. The very idea of another marrying Ellie had driven home just how much he wanted her. No one else would ever have her.
Bowing to his friend and perhaps his future father in law, he turned and left the room. So many feelings he thought were long gone. Anger, passion, possession.
Perhaps he wasn’t so dead after all.
Six
Ellie sat at the breakfast table eating a plate of fruit and toast. She heard the door open and looked up. Robert walked in and looked at her kindly.
She grimaced, still too embarrassed about her behaviour the ni
ght before. She had had a terrible night’s sleep despite the beautiful kiss they had shared.
“Good morning.” He bowed to her with a smile.
He was always so thoughtful and that only made Ellie’s guilt worse.
She stood up and dropped her napkin onto the table.
“I need to apologise for last night, Robert.”
He waved his hand, dismissing her apology.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.”
Ellie dropped her head down, not able to look at him whilst she said what she needed to.
“Robert, you are kind but I know I behaved poorly.”
He chuckled and she looked up, surprised and delighted to hear such a noise.
“Would you join me for a picnic luncheon, Ellie? I need to confer with your father this morning about something but I would like to take you out for a walk around the hillsides later today. Would noon suit you?”
Ellie nodded, too flabbergasted to do anything else. She had almost forced him into a kiss last night and now he was wanting a private luncheon with her? Incredible.
Robert picked up a pear and bowed again.
Ellie curtseyed back, still too shocked to talk. He smiled at her with so much tenderness her knees shook a little and she fell into her chair the moment he was out of sight.
Perhaps she hadn’t destroyed her chances of winning Robert as a husband, judging by his easy smile and picnic invitation.
Ellie finished her breakfast slowly and tried to still the nervous roll of her belly.
She made her way upstairs and had a long bath before calling her ladies maid in to dress her properly. If Robert was finally courting her, then she needed to look beautiful.
Just before noon Ellie emerged from her room. She wore her prettiest walking dress of sage green, her matching gloves and parasol. Her maid had spent an hour curling and arranging Ellie’s hair so that it would look fetching under her matching bonnet. Even Ellie had to admit that she did look lovely.
She took one step at a time, seeing Robert at the front door waiting for her, basket in hand.
The moment he saw her, he dropped the basket and stepped onto the stairs, hand extended.
“You look beautiful, Ellie.”
He smiled one of his melt her heart smiles and she stumbled a little on the bottom step.
With a cry she fell against a hard chest and strong arms came around her.
The contact was shocking and comforting all at once. Her body flushed from the inside out, her belly curling in a foreign way.
“Are you all right?”
Ellie felt his words rumble out of his chest and flushed even brighter, her cheeks growing hot. She knew a little of what happened between a husband and wife. If he could make her blush from such a small amount of contact, imagine what her wedding night would be like.
She stepped away reluctantly. She was embarrassed by both her inappropriate thoughts and that he had seen her being clumsy again.
“Thank you Robert. At least I didn’t stumble over you this time.”
He chuckled and held out his bare hand.
Ellie looked at it and regretted her choice of gloves. She looked down at her hands and imagined being able to hold his hand properly.
“Let’s go, young lady.”
The tone of authority in his voice gave her the perfect push to lift her hand and walk out the front door with her chosen gentleman.
Robert tucked her hand into the crook of his arm and walked along the path, picnic basket in hand. Happiness welled up in Ellie like a natural spring. How perfect.
“So tell me why you have chosen not to marry a London gentleman.”
Ellie looked at Robert’s profile in surprise, then sighed. Did she really have to explain this again?
“I have already told you Robert. I hate the strange hours, the parties and the focus on clothes and money.”
He smiled without looking at her and spoke again.
“Then tell me what you do want in a husband.”
Ellie frowned but her breath caught in her throat, betraying the butterflies in her belly. Was this conversation heading where she expected it to? She had been disappointed with him before. She needed to keep her feet on the ground before she got excited by his new found interest in her.
“I want a husband who doesn’t need my money.”
Robert nodded and gestured for her to continue.
“I want a husband who doesn’t want to go into town unless it’s very necessary. A husband who won’t keep a mistress and will be happy for me to ride my horses.”
Ellie stopped speaking again, amazed at her own list. She hadn’t really thought about her answer before she opened her mouth. All of the things she said were true, but she hadn’t really thought about the mistress issue before.
“I’m sure you can find someone with those attributes, Ellie.”
Robert turned his head and smiled at her. Ellie’s heart did a little flip. Could he really mean what she hoped he meant?
“Will this area do?”
Robert stopped walking and pointed to a flat, grassy area that was in the limited sun light. It hadn’t rained or snowed in a few days but the ground still had a light dew.
“Yes, it’s perfect.” Ellie squeezed Robert’s arm beneath her hand and the muscle tensed.
He put the basket down, opened the lid and took out a plaid blanket.
“Oh, how thoughtful,” Ellie sighed as he spread the blanket on the ground for her to sit upon.
She sat as elegantly as possible and began taking out the food the servants had packed.
“This is really lovely.”
She took out chicken and cheese, bread and ham. Even some pears and apple cake. Her father had a wonderful English cook. Hopefully Robert had a good cook also.
“Please sit, Robert.”
He smiled down at her as he arranged himself on the other side of the picnic basket.
Ellie looked across at the pond where she and Robert had met, then glanced back at her older gentleman.
“It’s hard to believe that it’s only been three days since we met.”
Robert turned his head to gaze on the pond also, his eyes warming as he looked back at her.
“Yes, almost impossible really.”
Ellie smiled back, unable to hold such an intense stare for long. Now that she was no longer chasing him, she felt overwhelmed. How was she meant to act now?
Sighing happily, she looked at the pieces of chicken. Which piece should she have?
Before she could pick one up, Robert reached over and took her hand in his. The heat of his skin, even through her gloves was lovely. Her belly tightened in anticipation.
He had moved closer too and was now sitting right next to her. Her cheeks flushed with pleasure. What was he going to say?
“Will you do me the honour of marrying me, Ellie?”
Ellie’s initial response was shock. Then a giddy pleasure followed quickly in its wake. She wanted to simply scream yes, but his tone stalled her.
“Why are you asking me, Robert?”
He looked confused, his brow furrowed in thought.
“Because you need to marry and you have told me everything you want in a husband. I can fulfil all of your requirements. I don’t need your money, I won’t keep a mistress and you may ride your horses whenever you like.”
Her disappointment was as keen as a sharp blade slicing through her rib cage. She stood up, unable to believe she had entertained the notion that she could be happy as his wife.
She had thought her father was a cold Englishman, well, Robert was much worse. What sort of proposal was that?
“I don’t wish for a husband that marries me from pity or because he simply fulfils my list of requirements. I am not a lonely old spinster Robert. If you are not asking because of my own merits, then I want nothing to do with you.”
Dignity in check, Ellie turned around and left, her stomach growling because of their interrupted lunch. Thoughtless man! Not only h
ad he destroyed her hopes of them as a happily married couple, but she was also starving!
Robert watched Ellie walk away, shock keeping him planted to the ground. He reached across to her shawl and picked it up, her warmth still imprinted upon it.
“What have I done?” He asked the now empty hillside.
He had not meant to propose in such a way. He would never have said he was proposing out of duty, it wasn’t true.
Her question had been unexpected, and that showed how ignorant he was. She was a young lady, wanting affection and encouragement. Not a rational reasoning of how well they would suit.
He had completely ruined what should have been a beautiful moment in both of their lives.
His words came back to him in a rush and he groaned. If he had been a little bit more honest, as he had been with William, she would have said yes.
He bit into the chicken, his appetite gone. It tasted wrong in his mouth somehow.
Sighing, disappointed and angry with himself, Robert began to pack up the rest of the picnic. Still beautiful and untouched, much like Ellie herself really.
All of the things he should have said came back to him. He should have told Ellie that she was beautiful. Thanked her for making him laugh and touching his heart in a way no one had ever done, not even his wife.
Why had he not said such things to her? They were the truth and she deserved to hear them if she was going to forsake all other men for him. The thought of her cuckolding him made him clench his teeth together. He would expect her to, he would be faithful to her.
The blanket folded over his arm, he lifted her shawl and brought it carefully to his nose. She smelled divine.
Groaning, he lifted the basket and walked in the direction of the house. He had been stupid, ignorant and cowardly. But he would make it up to her.
That evening Robert dressed carefully. It was Christmas Eve and he knew that William had invited family friends over for supper. His valet tied his cravat in an extravagant way and spent far too much time combing and arranging his hair.
Robert found it hard to remain still for so long, he was impatient. Now that he knew what he wanted to do - what he needed to do - he just wanted to do it.