He smiled and told her quietly, “I welcome it. Thanks. I owe you one.” Noah pretended to enjoy his food and tried to ignore Erika, who wasn’t going to give up easily and mostly made a fool of herself. Meanwhile, Zoe was kind enough to run interference when she could. After the meal and lots of random conversation, Arlene insisted on helping clear the table and clean up, and she asked Erika to help. Looking resentful but desperate to gain approval, Erika followed her, and Zoe took the opportunity to snag Noah’s arm and drag him out to the back patio. The kids were out there, lounging by the pool, so they weren’t exactly alone, but it was far more peaceful.
“Well, that was a nightmare,” Zoe laughed. “I’m usually pretty sociable, but I felt like I didn’t fit in at all in there.”
“It’s not you. I’ve been here plenty of times for Sunday dinner,” Noah told her. “It’s Erika. She’s always been a piece of work.”
“How do you know her?”
“Let’s just say she was the unofficial mascot of the high school football team. She had a certain way of, uh, blessing the players,” Noah explained with distaste.
“Oh, I see.”
Her tone made Noah realize how that sounded. “I didn’t play football in high school, Zoe. I was with the FFA and I ran track.”
“Oh,” she repeated, looking embarrassed. “It sounds to me like Erika feels cheated by the fact that you weren’t the star quarterback.”
Now she was teasing, and Noah blushed. “Whatever it is, I’m not buying into it.” He shook his head. “My mother’s never going to stop trying to fix me up.”
Zoe gasped. “Oh, dear lord! Is that what this was about?” Noah frowned at her in confusion, and she said meekly, “I mean, Alan said he had some friends he wanted to introduce me to, help me socialize now that I was ‘a member of the community’. Now, I’m wondering if that really meant he was trying to broaden the gene pool since I’m ‘fresh blood in the community’.”
Noah laughed. “You’re probably right. You know, you could avoid all this pushing and shoving if you had a boyfriend back in Cheyenne.”
“But I don’t,” she said, as if the mere statement was offensive. That made him curious, but he didn’t have to ask. She continued, “I know I could fake it, but I have principles. I don’t need to create a boyfriend to fill a role that I don’t want to fill, just to keep everyone else from trying to fill it for me. I know that sounds a little convoluted and self-righteous as an explanation, but at least it’s honest.”
Noah wasn’t sure he’d understood her right, but if he had, she was as against being in a relationship as he was. Could that be part of the reason she’d relocated to a town that was practically the size of a single city block in Cheyenne? “You know, my mother still cries over my father. I’ve always thought there was nothing in life worth that kind of pain, even falling in love. I’ve managed to avoid it, even though my mother plots and schemes against me at least every couple of months.”
“If it’s always people like Erika, I can see how it would be easy to stay single.”
“That’s the extreme, though. She’s picked out some nice girls before. I just don’t see the point. You fall in love, you get married, you have kids or you don’t, and then one falls out of love or falls in love with someone else, or there’s some tragedy and you still lose each other.” He shook his head, the old sorrow he felt when he thought of his mother’s pain swelling up inside. “My mother’s still so hurt from losing my father that she can’t even admit she’s interested in Dr. Crosby. And he lost his wife recently enough that he probably feels like he’s betraying her memory for liking my mother. So, they’re both going to get hurt all over again because they were hurt the first time.”
“I agree,” she said leaning back against the wall. “My parents had a nasty divorce, and I actually spent a year living with my aunt in Tucson to keep them from using me against each other. Marriage does something to people that makes them miserable.”
“It’s just being in love,” Noah said, feeling grim.
“Maybe,” she sighed, straightening. “I suppose we should get back inside before someone in there like your old high school buddy decides to spread rumors through this little tight-knit community that we’re some sort of item.”
For a brief moment, Noah didn’t think he’d mind. Maybe if they played the part, people would leave both of them alone. But Zoe was right. If it was principles they were basing their decisions on, it would go against that to pretend to be in a relationship. “After you, ma’am.” He opened the door and let her enter first, taking a nice, long look at her ass and telling himself it was their mutual decision to refrain from love that drew him to her.
10
Zoe threw herself back on her bed and stared at the ceiling, telling herself she was just excited to find someone who understood her and her aversion to love and relationships. She’d stayed longer than she intended at Dr. Crosby’s house because she wanted to make sure Noah didn’t get clawed by that beast of a girl. And because she’d really enjoyed just talking to him.
But the more they’d chatted, the more she’d really started to like Noah, and she’d had some very strange feelings since she finally said goodbye to the gang and headed home. She didn’t think it was a crush. Seriously, she was a little old for something like that, and Noah was a grown man, too. They weren’t in high school. Someone like Erika would have a crush.
But Zoe didn’t want to believe she was truly starting to like Noah, either. They were perfect as friends, as two people who were going to have fun together when he came in to work on his portrait. But that was as far as it was going to go. And if she couldn’t get her body to stop responding so eagerly so that her mind had to fight to control herself and her reactions to him, she wasn’t even going to be able to continue working with Noah in a private setting like that.
Without thinking, she grabbed her cell phone and dialed Tracy. Despite her girlfriend’s penchant for telling her that she needed to find a man and stop being so stubborn, Tracy knew Zoe’s determination not to fall in love, and she would be the voice of reason in the situation. She answered on the first ring. “Hey, you! I was just thinking about calling you.”
“Really? Then you must have projected because I called you without really thinking at all,” Zoe laughed. “How are things going up in your neck of the woods?”
“Oh, a lot of the same. Although, I met this guy last night, and I think this could be a good one. He’s a manager at a car dealer downtown, and he’s really laid back and fun. He’s hot, too.” Tracy laughed. “What about you? How are things in Nowhere, USA?”
“Fine, I guess. I went to lunch at one of my students’ houses today and…” She sighed, not sure what to say. “I’m having a personal crisis, Trace. I know what I need to do, but I don’t know if I can do it.”
“Oh, no.” Tracy’s tone told Zoe she already had a good idea what was going on. “Who is he?”
Zoe groaned. “It’s not what you think, okay? I didn’t break down and go on a date, and he hasn’t even shown any interest in me. There’s no reason for me to feel anything for him. I mean, he’s just one of my students that I’m helping with a special project. And we have the same proclivity for solitude.”
“And yet you went to have lunch with him at his house.”
“No! Oh, this is complicated.” She explained more carefully who Noah was, about the portrait he wanted to paint, and about how going to lunch at Dr. Crosby’s today had been a bit of an eye opener and game changer. “I’m finding it hard to draw the line between a reasonably close friendship and intrigue versus interest and romance. And since neither of us wants to get involved in anything more with anyone, I don’t even know why it’s so difficult to keep that subtle distance. I’m usually so good at it.”
Silence from the other end of the line deafened her. Then, Tracy said, “Zoe, I’m going to give you some harsh reality that you don’t want to hear, okay?” Zoe wanted to say, Spare me. But she didn’t. “My paren
ts have been happily married for 34 years. My grandparents were happily married for 56 years before my grandfather died. My sister has been happily married for almost ten years. I have three cousins with more than ten years under their belts. Just because your parents had a horrible divorce doesn’t mean it happens to everyone. It just means some people aren’t as careful about who they marry and aren’t sure what love really is.”
“But everybody can make that mistake,” Zoe pointed out. “It’s just easier to stay away from it in general.” She told Tracy about Noah’s mother and why he was determined not to fall in love. “I hadn’t thought of it that way before, but it’s just another good reason not to get involved with someone. What if you lose them too soon?”
“And what if you have a fatal accident the next time you go to the supermarket for a head of lettuce?” Tracy countered. “That doesn’t stop you from getting behind the wheel of your car?”
“It’s different,” Zoe said, though she had no explanation as to how or why it was.
“Look, if that’s how you want it to be, that’s fine. All I can say is that you’ll have to keep things on a business level. But I think you should really evaluate what you’re doing and what you really want. Maybe you should keep an open mind, just in case.”
“Just in case?” Zoe couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Usually, Tracy said her piece and then fully supported what Zoe wanted, said what she needed to hear. So why was she changing the routine now, when Zoe needed it most?
“I’m going to support you, no matter what you choose to do, Zoe. Don’t worry about that. But I’ve never heard you sound so torn and confused before. That means something, and I think you owe it to yourself to figure out what it means.”
Zoe didn’t know what to say, too stunned to respond. So, she told Tracy she’d think about it just to pacify her friend, and then she hung up. She had wanted Tracy to give her the advice she was looking for. She’d gotten advice, but it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. So what did she do now?
Today was Sunday. She would see Noah in class on Tuesday, two days from now, but that would be in a public setting, and she could handle that with poise and professionalism. It wasn’t until Wednesday that she had to worry about being alone with him. That meant she had three days to figure something out. Zoe was nothing if not resourceful, and she could rebound from anything, even a little hiccup in her confidence or her resolve. She would find a way to negate her strange attraction to Noah, and she would take care of business like the reasonable and self-sufficient adult she was.
Forcing herself off the bed and to her feet, she went to the living room and attacked the last of the boxes she needed to unpack. It would give her something to do to let out her frustration until she could focus and maybe release her emotions through art. It was the best outlet she had, the most expressive means through which she could find a way to take what was bothering her inside and visualize it. Sometimes, when she had that visual, she could better understand her own issues and then work through the problem logically.
She certainly wasn’t handling things in a logical manner now.
It didn’t take as long as she wanted to empty the last two boxes and put things away, and feeling restless, Zoe grabbed the keys and went for a walk, hoping the fresh, clean air of the small town would clear her head completely.
11
Noah had trouble focusing on the floral arrangement he was supposed to be painting. The varied blooms were all shades of purple, and he didn’t think it would be hard, if he could just find his concentration. But the way Zoe was acting today threw him off. He thought they’d bonded at Sunday dinner, actually getting friendly and finding mutual ground to stand on.
But today, she seemed to be keeping a wide berth around him, like he had some contagious disease and she was highly susceptible. She would come by and nod, tell him he was making good progress, and wander away before he could say anything. She didn’t seem to be avoiding conversation with any of the other students, so Noah had to take it personally. Had he said or done something that upset her? If so, he hadn’t meant to, and he needed to find out what it was before she decided to back out of their arrangement.
He tried to buckle down and just do the work, but his eyes kept wandering back to Zoe as she threaded between workstations and observed. Several times, he thought he caught her looking at him, and he felt like he would have locked eyes if he had glanced over a split second sooner. But for the better part of three hours, he felt the brunt of her cold shoulder.
When he left with his mother, Arlene was all kinds of enthusiastic. “I think I’m finding my groove again, sweetheart. I sort of fell right into this one without any trouble, and Zoe came by several times and praised my dedication and talent. She gave me a couple of pointers that reminded me of some techniques I used to use, and it just improved my work ten times over. I really like that girl. Don’t you?”
Noah knew what she was doing, and that grated on his already raw nerves. There was no reason he should have felt jilted, considering that he and Zoe didn’t have anything between them, and with her belief that love wasn’t worth the risk mirroring his own, there never would be. But it still hurt that she’d barely spoken to him, and he didn’t know why. “She’s a very nice woman. And a great teacher. She’s very talented.”
“And pretty, too,” Arlene added. Noah didn’t have to look at her to see the twinkle in her eyes. She wanted to push him into admitting something that wasn’t true. He wasn’t interested or infatuated, and those were the answers his mother wanted to hear.
“Pretty, too,” he said in a distracted tone. “Listen, Mama, I can’t stay for dinner tonight. I’ve got some things I need to take care of, and I’ve got an early morning, so I have to get it done in time to get to bed.” He pulled into the apartment complex and parked in front of her ground floor unit. “Do you want me to walk you to the door?”
“No, sweetheart, I’ll be fine. I’m excited, and that gives me more than enough energy to take care of myself.” She got out and stood there in the open door, smiling. “I think that Zoe is a lovely girl, and the two of you got along just fine at Dr. Crosby’s house. Maybe you should talk to her more often.”
“Goodnight, Mama. I love you,” he said dismissively, and she shut the door with a huff. How much more could he talk to Zoe? He was taking a class and meeting with her twice more each week. And then there was Sunday at the Crosbys’. Apparently, that was already too often for her, since she seemed to be completely devoid of conversation with Noah today.
Still, he had to set things right if he intended to finish his father’s portrait with her help. He couldn’t imagine how he might have hurt or offended her, but he was going to find out. And even if she wouldn’t tell him, he would apologize flatly for whatever it was and ask forgiveness like the southern gentleman everyone fancied him to be.
Flipping a U-turn, he hurried back to the studio, hoping to catch her before she left. He had no idea where she lived, didn’t want to track her down like some stalker, and refused to have a conversation like this over the phone. Women were manipulative, and it was too easy to hide emotions and thoughts when you couldn’t see each other’s faces. He wasn’t going to rely on Zoe’s tone of voice to tell him anything. He could read a lot in those beautiful eyes of hers.
He parked and practically jumped out of the truck before he had the engine shut off, watching lights go out inside the building. The front door was unlocked, though, and he hurried down the hall to find her locking up the studio behind her. “Zoe, wait.”
She jumped and turned to look at him in shock. “Noah! Did you leave something inside? I can open it for you.”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t forget anything in there. I just…” He trailed off. What was he supposed to say? He just got his feelings hurt tonight when she ignored him? He looked down at the ground, trying to find the right words. “I feel like I did something wrong and want to fix it.”
“There is no right or wrong in art
, Noah. Whatever you did in your painting tonight came out exactly as it was meant to, from your perspective.”
He laughed. “That’s not what I meant, Zoe.” She frowned, looking confused. “Come on, now. I thought we were friends. Or something like it. We talked a lot on Sunday, and tonight, it was like you were trying to pretend I wasn’t there.”
“That wasn’t my intention, Noah. You just have so much more talent than most of the others I had to spend more time guiding them. I—”
“Bull.” She gawked at him as he cut her off and crossed his arms. “You were laughing and talking with them, and you barely even commented on what I was doing. It was so obvious you wanted me to disappear that I could barely concentrate on anything else. Now, I don’t know what it was I said or did that upset you, but whatever it was, I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or hurt you or whatever it was I did to you. And I’d like to make up for whatever it was.”
She stared at him, not blinking, like he was an alien from three galaxies away with twelve heads and a forked tongue. What was wrong with him that he couldn’t even choose to be friends with a woman? Just because he didn’t want to get romantically involved didn’t mean he didn’t like having friends. But apparently, he was doomed in that aspect.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Noah,” she sighed, her shoulders sagging. “I’m the one who should apologize. My actions tonight were very immature, and that isn’t fair to you or anyone else. I’m sorry. I won’t let it happen again.”
Noah was more confused than ever. “What are you talking about? Zoe, there has to be some reason you acted that way, and I want to make sure I never do anything to earn it again.”
But she shook her head, blushing fiercely and averting her gaze with a shy smile. “It’s really nothing you did. It’s just something I’m struggling with.”
Like A Cowboy (Wild At Heart Cowboys Book 1) Page 5