Which made it even harder to hear the whisper of my conscience.
This is wrong.
When I finally heard it though, it was a punch to the gut.
She wanted me, that much was true. But why? Because she’d been upset and needed comfort? Or, more likely, because I’d saved her from a terrible fate, and she was confusing gratitude with lust.
Either way, I wasn’t about to take advantage of her like this.
Reluctantly, with one last lingering kiss on her cheek, I wrenched myself away. It felt like chopping off a goddamn limb.
“Axe? Did I do something wrong?” she murmured, her pink cheeks and swollen mouth only making it harder to roll off the bed.
“Nope, all good. Go back to sleep, I’m going to take a quick shower.” I wanted to punch the wall I was so frustrated, but I managed to stand up, go to the bathroom, and not look back.
With my heart still jackhammering in my chest, I turned on the shower, adjusting the faucet to fucking frigid. The one logical thought keeping me focused was that I was a better man than the Ruffinos, an honorable one. A Capestrana.
I couldn’t take her tonight, no matter how badly I wanted it.
Practically on auto-pilot, I stripped down. Then, gritting my teeth, I stood under the freezing spray and let it cool my raging blood.
It felt like my entire body was on fire. Never before had a kiss felt like that.
Fulmine. Colpo di fulmine. The lightning bolt.
Those words hit me like a lightning bolt.
Oh, Christ. No. No, that can’t be it. And… It didn’t matter if it was.
Gritting my teeth even tighter, I shoved those thoughts away and tried to relax, tried to forget what had just happened, and reminded myself it could not happen again.
So much for keeping my distance, so much for our truce.
Groaning, I banged my head on the wall. How long would we be on the run before I figured out a goddamn solution to this mess?
But instead of solutions, my brain supplied a replay of our kiss. I tasted her again, heard the sounds she’d made, thought about the way she arched against me when I kissed her neck and her fingers traced over me…
I squeezed my eyes closed and plunged my head back under the icy spray.
I had better figure something out soon, though. Because if I didn’t?
I was gonna expire from a case of the bluest of blue balls, and save the Ruffinos the trouble of putting me six feet under.
Chapter Eight
Brenna
“Um, hello?” a female voice was asking. “Anybody home?”
“Sorry, what?” I jerked my head around from gawking out the window.
A blonde waitress slapped two menus down and rolled her eyes. I noticed absently that she was pretty – all tall, slender, and blue-eyed – even as a scowl flitted across her face.
“Well?” she asked.
“Oh, I’m-we’re, he’s still out.” I paused, wincing. “Sorry, not ready to order.”
“Yeah... I know. I asked if you wanted coffee or something. Geez, looks like you need it.”
Excuse me?
I tried not to make a face. “Um, sure, two coffees, thank you.”
She muttered something under her breath and left – just as Axe entered the diner, hat on backwards and scowling.
I snatched up a menu and buried myself in it as he slid into the bench across from me.
My cheeks flamed as I caught the scent of him and I bit my lower lip hard.
Don’t think about it.
But my heart had already started pirouetting in my chest.
Axe seemed preoccupied, too, gazing out the window with a slight frown on his face. He didn’t even seem to notice when the waitress came back to drop off the coffees. Her gaze lingered a bit too long on him and I felt a spark of annoyance.
“Thank you,” I said loudly, “we’ll be ready in a minute.”
She barely glanced at me, just said in a syrupy kind of voice, “Oh, take your time.” And with a smirk, flounced away.
Now I was scowling.
“Marone,” Axe murmured to himself. Immediately, my skin went hot and shoulders hunched. I peeked at him over the menu and he caught my eye. “Hey, sorry, did I just miss the waiter?”
“Oh, no. She’s coming back.” Unfortunately. I looked down again, my stomach woozy with butterflies. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s not a big deal, just annoying. Unc failed to mention the car needed an oil change, which needs to happen in the next couple of days.”
“Oh, so that’s what you were doing out there.” I had watched Axe pop open the hood from the window. Stared at his defined back muscles…those wide, strong shoulders, all the while not thinking about last night.
Not thinking about how his hard body had leaned over mine, then pinned me deeper and deeper into the soft mattress…
I pinched myself as I screeched in my head STOP STOP STOP!
“Yup,” he replied.
Again I peeped over the menu to look at him. His head was tipped down, and for a moment, I let myself stare – lost in the sharp angles of his cheekbones, the fullness of his lips...
I squirmed in my seat as last night’s events rolled over me again.
I was still reeling from it all. And it was mostly my fault, too, since I basically threw myself at him.
Oh, God, I almost whimpered out loud. I found myself thinking about Axe’s lips, then realized I was dragging a finger across my own. Sitting on my hand, I closed the other one tighter around the menu. Maybe we should have made a truce where I kept my hands to myself.
Oh wait, we did, right before bed, where I promptly broke it.
Something cold and painful pierced me, as I thought about the way Axe had abruptly scrambled away – the sudden, excruciating loss of his warm presence.
I had curled into a ball and lay there, stunned and trying not to cry, my body aching for his. Even if he had said I didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I had almost followed him into the bathroom…
Again, I savagely bit at my lower lip.
Well, there was a bright side, I guess. Now, I knew I could trust him not to molest me. He’d all but jumped out of bed to hide in the bathroom.
In fact, even with my head and heart fuzzy from kissing, I’d also realized something else.
Axe didn’t even want me.
At first I wasn’t sure what I was stunned about – that it’d happened at all or that I was hurt he’d left. I’d just buried my face in the pillows and tried not to scream.
But this morning, when I opened my eyes, I knew.
I was hurting and aching for him – and that was throwing me for a loop – while hot, choking desire raged through my entire body. All I wanted was to be in his arms again.
Clearly, however, he wasn’t interested.
And so far, I’d barely been able to look at him. My shoulders slumped and I leaned back, suddenly not even hungry.
“What’ll you two have?” simpered the waitress, reappearing back at our table. She had a huge, almost painful kind of smile on her face as she stared at Axe.
“I’ll have the pancake platter, thanks,” Axe responded.
“Sure, sugar, comin’ right up.” She winked and looked over at me, her expression shifting to one where she’d apparently just discovered gum on the bottom of her shoe. “And you?”
“I’ll just have the same,” I muttered, realizing I had been looking at this menu for almost fifteen minutes and couldn’t have listed one thing that was on it.
The waitress started giggling. “You’re kinda tiny for a plate like that.”
“That’s what I want.” I shoved the menu at her. “Thank you.”
Rolling her eyes again, the waitress left and Axe chuckled, shaking his head.
I felt exposed, almost naked, without my menu barrier. So, I pulled over my mug and stared down at the black liquid. Something else had been nagging at me, and smelling the coffee, it slowly pieced itself together.
<
br /> I’m not in the mood for coffee… I’m not even tired.
Usually I craved caffeine – it was how I got through a day. Frowning, I remembered my nightmares, then stopped myself before I relived the impromptu make-out session. Again.
Besides the absolute, burning shame of last night combined with my crushing crush on Axe – I didn’t feel that nauseating, dense pull of stress and terror in my stomach.
It had always been there, more or less – usually more – since I’d lost my mother. Never mind the typical hellish feeling of being in a waking nightmare for the last year.
No, instead, I was alert, and felt…safe, for the first time in a long time. Which was odd, considering I was about to have the Ruffinos on my ass soon, if I didn’t already. But there it was. I felt safe.
Axe did that. I glanced up at him. He was resting his cheek on his hand, eyes half-lidded, gazing absently at some middle distance.
He’d held me during those nightmares, I’d figured that much out. But sometime in between the nightmares and the kissing – which I was not going to think about again – I had slept. Really slept – peacefully and dreamlessly, while Axe hugged me to his chest.
Somehow, he’d chased my bad dreams away.
A funny sort of ache pushed into my chest and I put a hand to my heart. Looking across the diner, which was practically empty in this quiet town, it finally hit me where I was. Far away from Ehlrich, unharmed, and safe, because of the person sitting across from me, who was trying to help me, and was willing to sacrifice for me.
Of course, I still had to be careful, because that same person sitting across from me was a mobster, after all. But, in spite of the way I’d treated him, I had no doubt now. For whatever reason, he cared about what happened to me. He was the only person in the world I could say that about, and that meant something.
The waitress reappeared, carrying two huge plates overflowing with pancakes, sausages, bacon strips, and home fries. My eyes went wide. Now I knew why the waitress had laughed.
“Enjoy,” she snickered.
Axe dug right in, and I grabbed a fork, trying to look hungry – but I didn’t think an army could eat this much food, never mind one person.
As I nibbled at a pancake and Axe tucked into his, my resolution strengthened. No more drama or fighting, no more half-assed escapes or attempted stabbings. And no hounding him with a million questions.
My heart sank a little with that last thought – I didn’t know how I was going to keep myself from being insanely curious about him.
Either way, though, I was going to make it as easy as possible for Axe to protect us both.
Maybe I wasn’t big or strong like him, but I was smart – smart enough to know that this was Axe’s world now and I needed to follow his lead.
I picked up my coffee, glanced over at him and saw he was looking at me. Quickly I averted my eyes.
“Why are you shaking your head like that?” he asked, yawning.
“Oh, it’s nothing.” I swallowed a gulp of the burnt, bitter brew, and forced the words out of my mouth. There was nothing I hated more than someone who couldn’t admit when they were wrong. “Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t take you at your word. I’ve had a lot of bad shit happen in my life and it’s… It’s not easy for me to trust anyone. Especially a guy.”
I still couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze, but I saw him cock his head in my periphery. “Don’t apologize. It shouldn’t be that way. But people, especially where you ended up, are mostly assholes. Thanks for that vote of confidence, though. I promise I won’t let you down.”
Nodding, I went quiet again, pushing the giant lion’s share of my breakfast around the plate with my fork. There was a ton left, but better to leave it there, save room for the crow I wasn’t done eating.
That cold disappointment, coupled with stomach-churning humiliation, invaded me again.
“Um,” I burst out, then winced, and said more softly, “I-I also owe you an apology – for stabbing you and um, haha…” I chewed at my bottom lip and shifted uncomfortably in the seat. “For, um, y’know, breaching the pillow wall.” My cheeks were heating up again. “I was half asleep and I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again now that I know you don’t –”
I broke off, horrified, cheeks burning with color now, as I realized I’d said too much. I should’ve just left it alone, but if there was one thing my beautiful mother had taught me – it was that making mistakes are part of life. Everyone messes up.
And good people always apologized.
I put both hands on the table, as though to brace myself for what he was going to say, and stared at my giant, uneaten plate of food. Vaguely, I noticed Axe was almost done.
“Don’t what?” he asked softly, leaning in to rest his arms on the table, one of his hands a scant inch from my own. My fingers started to tremble.
“Don’t want me,” I finished in a lame whisper.
His crack of laughter was so loud I flinched, pressing myself into the bench, and wishing I could just sink into the wood.
“Oh, Brenna, dolcezza. That is the furthest thing from the truth.” His voice was all gritted as he leaned over and tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet his gaze. “I want you so bad, I can hardly think straight or even walk straight. I had to leave the bed last night because, if I didn’t? I wasn’t going to stop until your voice was hoarse from screaming my name.”
The words hit me straight between the thighs and suddenly, the desperate, clawing need from the night before came back tenfold.
Axe’s hand drifted over mine, and he picked it up, looking at it, and I thought I saw a faint flush of need heating his olive skin. “You’ve been through a lot and if we ever decide to sleep together, I want it to be because you want me. Not because I helped you.” He moved his thumb across my knuckles and I shivered. “Not because I was nice to you, or held you through your bad dreams. But because you want me so bad, you ache with it, like I do.”
I spluttered, watching him incline his head as he brought my hand to his lips, and laid a firm kiss on it. Then with a sigh, he let go and I pulled back, folding my hands together in my lap, not sure what to say or what exactly had just happened.
“You want me to finish that?” Axe asked after a moment, gesturing at my uneaten plate. His usual cocky smirk was back in place, but I thought I could still see the color in his cheeks and his eyes seemed brighter than usual.
I nodded, still fumbling for something, anything to say.
Axe had polished my plate off by the time the waitress came back with the check.
“Oh, did you finish your little sister’s plate for her?” She giggled. “Nothing like a man with a good appetite.”
I had a sudden vision of jumping this blonde Barbie and clawing her eyes out, but I managed to stay put. Axe looked bemused and didn’t respond, just pulled out his wallet and some bills.
“I’ll be right back with your change.” She grinned even wider.
“You know what, keep the change,” Axe said. “We gotta go.”
“Oh, you’re leaving? Well, if you’re gonna be in the area or pass back through,” my hands clenched as I saw her extend a pink slip of paper, “give me a call sometime.”
Axe took it, almost reflexively and nodded, then slid out of the bench as she twirled away. A surge of jealousy filled my stomach and I wanted to grab that stupid pink paper and tear it to shreds.
Who does that?
I was so lost in my fantasy of beating up that waitress, I barely realized we were back in the car and back on the road. For a moment, I wondered where we were going next, but then my mind flashed back to Axe’s words and I took a shaky breath.
The waitress was the least of my problems. I had a far more dire situation brewing.
What if he was right? What if I was mixing up desire with gratitude?
Casually, I snuck a peek over at him. My eyes drifted from his sure, strong hands gripping the wheel, up to that square jaw, and down to his broad s
houlders. Fire raced across my skin.
Nope. I definitely wanted him.
Now, what to do about it.
Chapter Nine
Axe
Women.
Apparently, the male Capestranas were right for always laughing at me, whenever I’d claimed I knew how a woman’s mind worked. They’d always shake their heads, pound their fists on the table and howl, “You don’t know shit!”
First, with that waitress, who I was pretty sure I’d barely made eye contact with.
And now, again, with Brenna.
Although, granted, I didn’t think any woman had thrown me as many curveballs as Brenna had – and I’d barely known her two days. Though it felt like it’d been forever at this point.
I hadn’t meant to laugh, either, but when she couldn’t even look up at me, all flushed and worried, apologizing in that sweet little voice for one of the best make-out sessions of my life…
Well, it was either that or get into another one right then and there.
My thoughts turned again to that shit-show of an auction and whether if what Gabrielle had claimed about Brenna was true.
If she was a virgin...
Biting my cheek, I stared down the road blindly as I drove. If that was the case, I really had to be careful and try to keep my head on straight. No matter how cute and sexy Brenna might look – curious and asking questions, pouting at breakfast or trapped in my arms…
I swerved a bit and Brenna’s hand flew out, landing on my arm. “Geez, Axe!” she huffed. “You need me to drive? Or more coffee?”
“Nah, it’s good. Just makin’ sure you’re paying attention.”
Electricity was sparking up my arm as she squeezed it and let go.
Fuck, the next place better have two beds. Or two rooms. I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle another shared bed…
God, did I need some serious distance – for both our sakes.
“So, music? Or more silence, like yesterday?” Brenna asked.
I glanced over. She was sitting cross-legged in the seat, her back straight, and gazing out the windows. I fought down the images of her blue-green eyes staring up at me last night, the curves of her lips I’d memorized with my own.
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