by Keary Taylor
My hands are clammy. And I’m suddenly cold.
And afraid.
How will they all react?
What if this is too much?
But as I hear Lexington breathe my name, my longing to see him outweighs my fear.
My heart breaks out into a flutter.
And I burst through the door.
His blue eyes lock onto mine, wide, shining with unbelief. He’s frozen, staring at my own blue eyes.
In this infinite moment of magic, despite everything, here I am.
I’m frozen. Rooted. Waiting.
But only for a moment.
Lexington rushes forward, his hand slipping into my hair, his other hand wrapping around my waist, crushing me to him.
And his lips magnetize to mine.
Tender and full of longing, his lips alternate to fierce and possessive. I breathe into his mouth, gripping the front of his shirt, pulling him tighter to me, even though there is no more space left between us. We’re two oceans, torn apart, only to come colliding and crashing back together with a force that could destroy nations.
I can’t get enough oxygen and I’m suffocating, unable to breathe him in deep enough to make up for the absence of him in the last few months.
There was only ever one man on this planet that I needed. Only one that fit in with all the complicated puzzle pieces I’d become.
“You’re here,” he breathes, bringing his hand to my cheek, pulling away to look into my eyes.
“I am,” I say, and my eyes well with tears.
He’s always been the only one to bring this kind of emotion out of me.
“Elle!” someone yells from the stairs. Four heavy bounding footsteps later, and suddenly Ian breaks into the room, his eyes wild.
He gives Lexington a momentary glare before shoving him out of the way and wrapping me into his arms, tucking my face into his neck, holding me so tight it’s almost painful.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers into my own neck. There’s emotion cracking his voice. My strong, tough and stubborn-as-nails brother, breaking before my eyes.
“I’m not going down that easy,” I try to lighten his mood.
But he only squeezes me tighter to him.
From the doorway, suddenly steps my sister-in-law.
“Alivia,” I breathe.
Tears immediately spring into her eyes as she crosses the room and also wraps her arms around me.
And my little family is complete.
A single tear breaks free onto my cheek and as Ian and Alivia finally release me, I quickly wipe it away, trying to smile.
But I’m so filled to the brim. Too full when my glass is feeling too fragile.
I don’t know where to start.
How to take this next step.
“Are you okay?” Alivia dares ask. Lexington steps forward again, pulling me into his chest, engulfing me with his embrace.
I bite my lower lip, just as tears once more well in my eyes.
With everything I have in me, I want to tell them that I am okay.
But I’m not.
Not even a little bit.
I squeeze my eyes closed, forcing more tears out onto my cheeks. I tuck my face into Lexington’s chest, pressing my forehead between his chest muscles, just as a sob rips up my throat.
Followed by another.
My body shakes violently, trembling out of control, growing weak and exhausted.
“I got you,” Lexington whispers in my ear over the sound of my cries. “I got you, Elle.”
I hear Ian swear loudly and there’s a loud bang, which I’m guessing is him hitting the wall. Soon he’s ranting about killing Charles the second he can find him. And Alivia doesn’t say a word.
Lexington is holding me up by this point. My legs have completely lost their strength. But he grips me tightly, cradling me gently as he continues to whisper in my ear, over and over that he’ll never let anyone touch me ever again.
But they don’t understand.
None of them have seen yet.
I hear a set of boots clomp over the wooden floor, and know Michael has come to check on me.
And suddenly I need him. I need him like oxygen.
This old world of mine has been turned into something entirely different, and in this newness, he is the only familiar.
I turn away from Lexington, not looking up into his eyes. He releases me, I’m sure with confusion. And I look up at Michael as I walk toward him, the crow’s feet surrounding his eyes deep and concerned. But I see the understanding there. The shared scars.
My fellow witness to this injustice.
I stop just two feet from him and reach out for his hand, which he gives immediately.
He may not be my father, but the bond that has formed between us these past few months will be enough to tie us together for the rest of our mortal lives.
“Elle?” Lexington says.
“Honey, please talk to us,” Alivia asks with tenderness in her voice.
“What happened?” my brother asks, and I can tell he’s trying really hard to be patient.
My gaze on the floor, I take in three slow, deep breaths. I hold Michael’s hand tightly, as if trying to siphon strength and calm from him.
“It’s okay,” Michael says quietly. “You’re strong enough. Always have been, always will be.”
I take one last deep breath, straightening as I let my eyes slide closed for just one moment.
You’re strong enough.
I open my eyes, let go of Michael’s hand, and I turn back around to face my family.
I bring my hands up to my stomach, pulling my shirt tight against my skin, showing off the slight roundness there.
“A lot has happened in the past few months,” I say with a quiver in my voice.
I kind of expected chaos with the revelation. Lots of swearing. Walls being punched in. Demands for more answers.
But they all just stare at my stomach in silence. Their expressions, slack. All the color drains from Lexington and Alivia. A darkness creeps into Ian’s eyes.
It’s too shocking. Too much.
They aren’t quite grasping it yet.
I grab the hem of my shirt and pull it up to the base of my bra, exposing the tight and rounded skin there.
“I’m almost seventeen weeks along now,” I whisper as my voice trembles.
“He raped my baby sister?” Ian seethes, his voice barely audible. His fists tremble, a violent tremor working its way from his feet up, overtaking his entire body.
I squeeze my eyes closed.
It was bad enough to have to live through the events of the past few months. The idea of having to recount it all is exhausting.
“It wasn’t rape,” I say, my voice barely able to form words. When I open my eyes again, I can’t really meet anyone’s gaze. “Why don’t we all go downstairs and I’ll… I’ll…”
“Come on,” Michael says, wrapping an arm over my shoulders. “We got this.”
I nod, and walk out into the hall with him. He practically carries me down the stairs, and with all the panic and stress raging through my body, I don’t even hear footsteps behind us, or think to listen for them.
Michael guides me to the chair next to the fireplace. He flips the switch and it lights to life. He grabs a blanket from the basket on the other side of it and tucks it around me.
Lexington sinks into the couch, his elbows resting on his knees, Alivia sitting stiffly beside him. Ian stands beside the stairs, arms crossed over his chest, but he keeps shifting them, as if he’s fighting back the urge to destroy something.
“You already know when Charles came for me,” I begin, staring at a point on the floor, just beyond the tips of Lexington’s shoes. “I asked Lexington to go get Shada, my cat. I wasn’t worried, because Duncan and Julie were at the House of Martials. But just a few minutes later, Charles’ people stormed the house, immobilized them, and Charles was there. He threatened Lexington, said he would kill him if I didn’t com
e quietly.”
Lexington swears under his breath and I squeeze my eyes closed.
“He took me to this house in Vermont, but he told me it wasn’t the official House. I guess some Houses have backup homes, in case they need to hide.”
“We’ve never even thought of that,” Alivia says. “But we really should, considering everything we’ve been through.”
“Makes a lot of sense,” Ian pipes up. “Could have used one of those a few times.”
I nod, though I’m not really hearing them.
“It was in this really little town named Woodson,” I continue. “It was pretty secluded. Small population.”
“Did they feed outside of town?” Lexington asks. “Kind of hard to go undetected in small towns.”
“Charles was paying the whole town off,” I say, grateful to have something other than me to talk about for a moment. “He paid them to feed on them, to do whatever he needed. He’s down to only three House members now. He can’t do anything on his own now, but he still has money.”
“Three?” Alivia asks in disbelief. “That’s… Last we heard there were five.”
“Adriane left just before Charles took me,” I say, finally looking up to meet her eyes. “I killed another as Michael and I escaped.”
“Who the hell was that that called me this morning?” Ian asks. His eyes are brilliant, red embers igniting in them. “She wouldn’t say who she was or how she knew you, just that she had you and would be taking you home immediately.”
“She was a…friend,” I say with uncertainty. Before four days ago I never would have called Rose that. But without her, I would probably still be wandering the woods of Vermont, and I’d still have to worry about how to deal with Charles Allaway. “She kept me safe.”
“When…” Lexington asks, but his voice breaks. “When did you escape?”
I still can’t quite look up at him. “Five days ago. We got lost in the woods for a while. I thought I could find our way to the next town. The plan was to steal a car, but we got turned around. Then my friend found us and needed some help.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Ian growls.
“You don’t want to know,” Michael says cryptically.
Ian draws breath to go full anger-protective mode, but I hold a hand up. “Don’t. We did what was necessary and it turned out for the better. Let it go.” I say it as a command, not a suggestion.
We’re all quiet and the massive elephant in the room grows a whole lot bigger.
“You said it wasn’t rape,” Lexington finally breaks the silence.
And I have to look. I have to see.
My eyes lock with his, and I’m trying to see what is going through his head. But they’re just open, trying to figure out what is going on right now.
“He had a doctor there,” I say quietly. “Charles didn’t want to touch me, but he needs an heir.”
“Why now, though?” Alivia says, confusion in her voice. “Why you?”
“A sister for a sister,” Ian fills in. He gets it.
I nod. “He said that I would pay for the sins of our mother. He plans to kill me after I give birth.”
“He’ll be dead long before then, I promise you that,” Ian says as he takes two steps forward.
“King Cyrus has already threatened him,” I cut my brother off. “He’s not happy with how he’s been ignoring things. And now that Chelsea is gone, the Allaway line is fragile, and it sounds like Cyrus plans to kill Charles. Cyrus told Charles that he had a year to produce an heir or he’d kill him and replace his House with a new family. He only has seven months left on the King’s timeframe.”
I look over at Alivia, and there’s a dark shadow in her eyes. She knows the cruelty Cyrus is capable of, how little he cares for life. She knows what will happen if Cyrus comes back to America.
“So Charles picked you as his victim,” Ian says. “Artificially inseminated you, and then planned to hold you prisoner until you gave birth, and then what? Just rip your throat out?”
“Decapitation, actually,” I say through a thick throat. “He planned to have my head delivered to you.”
Ian lets out a string of the foulest curse words. He goes on and on and soon I can barely understand him.
“What are you going to do now?” Alivia asks as she leans forward, bracing her elbows on her knees.
My eyes fix on the floor again. Numbness creeps into my chest, spreading out to my stomach, my arms, my legs. “I don’t know.”
“She’s safe for now,” Michael says as he places his hands on my shoulders, standing behind the chair. “Charles can’t touch her again until after the baby is born.”
“How…” Lexington begins to ask.
“Again, don’t ask,” Michael cuts him off with the shake of his head. “But for now, Elle, you need some sleep. You didn’t get any last night.”
I nod, and suddenly I am exhausted. I’m pretty sure I could sleep for five days straight right now.
“We still have a lot to figure out, Elle,” Ian says as I stand.
“I know,” I say numbly. I take two steps across the room. But I stop, and an instant later, Lexington is at my side, his hand in mine. Not a word needed, he follows me up the stairs, and into my bedroom.
I still can’t quite look at him, though. I slip into the bed, facing the wall. But it’s everything I need when Lexington tucks himself against me, his arm gently resting over my side, holding me close.
My eyes slide closed, and I tell myself that everything can wait until later. And I let the dark claim me.
When my eyes slide open, the view outside is a dim gray. It’s hard to tell if it’s evening or morning.
The warm body beside me shifts, and I know that he knows I’m awake.
But I just stare at the wall. Hardly breathing. Scared to move.
I don’t know what to say. What to do. Where we go from here.
A million thoughts are racing through my head, but they are too chaotic and too violent and terrified to make sense of.
I’m a mess.
I can’t say I’ve ever once really been a mess in my life.
“Good morning, beautiful,” Lexington whispers into my ear.
I’m scared. My lips won’t move.
“You okay?” he breathes, sliding his hand down my arm, as if he can smooth out my worries.
I just keep staring at the wall, feeling so cold and stiff. Finally, I shake my head.
“It’s okay, Elle,” he says gently. I’m thankful that he doesn’t try to force me to roll over and face him. “No one expects you to be.”
The tightness in my chest relaxes just a fraction. “Nothing is right. I don’t… I don’t know where I am right now.”
My statement could be taken many ways. But despite the past few months apart, I trust that he knows what I mean.
“You’ll find yourself,” he says. I feel his lips touch the tip of my shoulder, gently, unassuming. “I know you will.”
“But what if I don’t?” I whisper.
“You will,” he says softly. “I’ll help you.”
The tenderness there in his voice, it relaxes me just a little more. I roll onto my back, looking up in his eyes. “It feels like this should change everything. I never saw this coming, I don’t expect you to be able to just…deal with such a big twist.”
Lexington’s eyes drift down from mine, to my stomach. He gently slides his hand from my hip, up to caress the side of my stomach. “I certainly never saw this coming either,” he says with a small chuckle. “The love of my life, carrying another man’s child.”
The statement causes bile to rise in my throat. I turn my face away from him, shame crawling up the back of my neck.
But only a moment later, Lexington’s hand is on my cheek, turning my face back to him. His blue eyes are intense and vivid, full of honesty. “But I’ve always known one thing about you from the first day I met you. You’re a survivor, Elle. You fight, every single time something big and bad r
ears its ugly head in your life. This isn’t your fault. This was a bad man blinded by revenge and you were caught in the crossfire.”
His hand slides down to my neck but he brushes his thumb over my cheek, back and forth slowly. “I promise, I’ll walk through the fog with you. I’ll help you find your way.”
Lexington is so honest and without hesitation with everything. When it comes to anyone else, I’d doubt the statements he just made. But coming from him, I know he means what he says.
“It might not be easy, and I might not act like myself for a while,” I tell him. I don’t know what to expect, so neither can he.
“That’s okay,” he says, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the corner of my eye. “I’m in no hurry to go anywhere.”
I reach up, lacing my fingers into his ever-wild hair. And I crook just a tiny little smile for him. “Thank you.”
He gently presses his lips to mine. “Anything.”
“I’m seriously going to puke if you say another word to my sister, Lex,” a loud voice calls from just outside my bedroom door. “Now put some distance between you two before I rip your arms from your body.”
“Seriously, bro, you’re just going to have to get used to this,” Lexington calls back. “I’m not going anywhere and the death threats are already getting old.”
“It’s just wrong,” my brother says as he swings my bedroom door open and steps inside. “She was sixteen when you first met her. You’re an ancient bag of bones. It’s just…”
I grab a pillow and lob it in my brother’s direction, hitting him square in the chest. “I’m not sixteen anymore, Ian! Open your damn eyes!”
“You tell him, Elle!” Alivia yells from downstairs.
“See? There she is!” Lexington declares proudly as he pulls me to his lap, balling me up. “Spittin’ fire!”
I chuckle, even though I’m still well and annoyed with my brother, who is glaring at Lexington like he’s imagining how much blood would pour from his body when he rips his arms off.
I push myself off the bed with a groan. Everything is already harder, and I’m not even halfway through this pregnancy.
“Time to order a million baby books and get my reading on,” Lexington says with a wink as he takes my hand. I laugh, even though I’m not sure how I feel about what he just said.