by Saba Sparks
way. Maybe it was because she was living on their property, spending so many nights in their home.
It had been nine weeks since they’d first slept together, and in that time Anna had only stayed in the cottage a handful of times.
Neither man had been happy when she’d insisted on returning home, but Anna had good reasons to do so. The first time she’d woken up in their bed with painful period cramps. She’d wanted nothing more than to curl up on her own and watch one of her box sets. The second time had been after a particularly intense lovemaking session. Both men had fucked her one after the other, and at the end of it Anna’s head had been left spinning in both pleasure, and confusion. The next morning, for the very first time since she’d embarked on this crazy relationship, Anna had paused.
Was this right?
Was she acting out of character?
Was this about more than just her desires?
Was the grief making her act out?
The questions had filled her one after the other, and she had
needed some time to not only process them all, but to find some
answers. She’d headed back to the cottage even though both Jack and Lee had asked her to stay.
“I need some me time,” she’d told them.
What had actually happened wasn’t so much a thinking session,
but was more about Anna firing up her laptop and typing the words
‘ménage relationship’ into Google. The results she’d gotten back had been interesting to say the least.
Anna had never really considered all of the different relationship models out in the world. Her upbringing had been conservative
enough for her to think marriage was the norm, but feminist enough for her to be aware that male-male and female-female relationships were equally as legitimate. Grand, however, had never mentioned a ménage relationship, and though Anna had always been aware that
some people enjoyed them, until Google brought back its search
results, she hadn’t realized just how widespread they were. Anna, it seemed, was not the only woman being pleasured by two men…
She’d returned to the farmhouse a few days later, and though the questions she’d had around her own motivations, the grief, the feeling of being wrapped in this bubble of feelings, hadn’t been answered, any questions Anna might have had about the moral aspects of her relationship with Lee and Jack had.
They were three consenting adults.
They were all healthy.
They were honest with one another.
They weren’t hurting anyone.
This was their choice.
Anna smiled slightly as she picked up the brown wool with her
left hand and the green wool with her right. It wasn’t possible to pick just one. Both men awakened a need inside of her, and both quenched it just as easily. She had no choice but to combine the two. Carefully, Anna began to unwind both balls. She then took the end of each and began to twist the two strands of wool into one…
“New project?”
“Jack!”
Anna turned at the exact same moment that Jack bent down to
drop a kiss on her head. It landed on her lips instead and she inhaled sharply. He smelled of grease and sweat. The scents combined and made her stomach clench. Jack always smelled a certain way and
Anna loved it. Already her nipples were beginning to harden…
“Time to go, Annie,” he said.
“Go?” she asked. “Where are we going?”
He ran a hand down her arm, his fingers brushing the curve of her breast. Anna couldn’t help the little mew that fell from her lips. Jack grinned. “Not upstairs if that’s what you’re thinking. Geez, woman, you’re insatiable.”
“I wasn’t thinking that!”
His grin widened. “Uh huh.”
“So where are we going?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise,” he said. “Come on.”
Anna placed the wool back on the table and let Jack take her
hand. He pulled her up in one quick move so that she was pushed
against the length of him. Anna didn’t even think, it was so natural to her now, before tilting her head for Jack’s kiss. When his lips brushed hers she sighed. When his tongue traced the tip of hers she tightened her grip on his shoulders. The feelings his kiss evoked were both physical and emotional.
Tingles.
Shivers.
Excitement.
Anticipation.
Anna held on and simply let them wash over her. By the time
they pulled apart she was panting. Jack was too. His eyes were
narrowed, his erection pressing against her belly. “I want you,” he whispered.
“I know.”
A sigh and then, “But I can’t have you.”
“You can’t?”
“No,” he said, and the regret in his tone made her shiver. “We
have plans. Come on.”
It was cold outside. The sort of cold that was both crisp and clear.
Luckily, Anna was already wearing a thick jumper so it didn’t hit her straight away. But it would. The cold at this point in the year was all consuming. It was then that she spotted Lee. He was stood next to Jack’s truck, and in his arms he held her coat.
“Here, beautiful,” he said.
Jack let go of her hand and Anna made her way over to Lee. He
pulled her into his arms and wrapped the coat around her. “You’ll nose will turn pink soon,” he said.
“It always does.”
He smiled and pulled the truck door open. “I’ll kiss it warm
again. Hop in.”
Anna did, scooting across the seat to make room for Lee. Jack
would be driving, she knew that by now. Unless Lee was on his bike he preferred to be a passenger.
Soon enough she had a man on either side of her. The heating
was going at full blast, and the coat was no longer necessary. Anna looked around them as they drove, trying to work out exactly where they were going. They passed her cottage and picked up the dirt road.
From her previous excursions to the general store or the gas station Anna knew the road carried on for quite some time before finding any asphalt. She waited, excited to see what was coming.
“Turn off’s here.”
Lee pointed to the left and Jack nodded. There was a gap in the
trees there. Anna craned her neck to get a good look. “Are we—”
Jack turned into the gap, it was only just big enough to take the truck, but the ground was smooth enough that they were able to
maneuver through.
“We need to widen this path come summer,” Lee said. “Damn
thing grows over too quickly.”
Anna smiled and squeezed his hand. “It is so pretty.”
“Which is why you spend so much time in here,” Jack said.
He was referring to her daily walk. Anna had kept it up even
though she was no longer living full time in the cottage. Generally, one of the men liked to come with her. More often than not Anna
resisted. She needed some time by herself. Time to think. Time to just be. Being surrounded by Jack and Lee pleased her, but part of her knew that she couldn’t let it be all about them. She would have to pick her own life up at some point and keeping her walks apart from them almost seemed like a link to that. It was not something she had
consciously decided. It just happened and part of her understood why.
“It suits you,” Lee said.
“The forest?”
He nodded as Jack slowed the truck. “Definitely.”
“As the months go by it’s like I forget what the city is like,”
Anna said slowly. “It seems like another world entirely sometimes.”
“Being out here can do that to you,” Lee said. “You get so lost in everything, the space, the weather, even the quiet.”
“I think…” Anna paused, because
the words on the tip of her
tongue were more telling than she wanted them to be.
“What?” Jack asked.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Annie,” he sighed. “Don’t do that. You know that’s not how we
work.”
She nodded slowly, the truth of those words hitting hard. Fact
was, this crazy relationship of theirs only worked so well because they were all completely honest with one another. In the very early days when they’d slept together for the first time that honesty had been a key factor. Jack and Lee had always been clear that they
wanted her, and were willing to share her if that was what she wanted.
And then too, as they’d settled into some sort of routine, the honesty had been a continuing part of it. If Anna was feeling tired. If she was sore from their lovemaking. If she wanted cuddles from Jack. Or
kisses from Lee. So long as they were honest with one another
everything worked. No one got jealous. No one felt pushed out. Their relationship worked.
“I think,” she said slowly, “that it would be different if not for you guys.”
Lee squeezed her hand. “How do you mean?”
“I wanted the space, the time out here by myself,” Anna said. “I ached for it. But it was different then. I was different then. Now?” She shrugged. “I think maybe I would have gotten lonely by now. It
wouldn’t have been enough to pull me back to the city, but it would have weighed on me a little, hindered rather than helped the process.”
“You’re not on your own,” Jack said. “You’re not going to be.”
He brought the truck to a stop. They were in a clearing now with enough room to not only get out of the truck, but to turn it round when the time came to leave. Jack placed a finger under her chin, turning her head until she caught his gaze. Those eyes…they were almost the exact color of her wool. And he, Jack, was like one of the threads in her life now. Anna had no idea how it had happened, or even what it meant, she knew only that he was becoming increasingly important to her.
He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. Almost as if he was punctuating his point. When he pulled back Anna ran a finger along his jaw line, the stubble underneath it rough against her pad.
A moment later and she felt Lee’s hand running through her hair.
He liked to do that. To tangle his fingers in it and rub her head. She turned automatically and kissed him just as she had kissed Jack. The feelings that kiss brought to life were exactly the same with Lee as they were with Jack.
His lips moved across hers. She wanted him.
His tongue caressed her tip. She cared about him.
His teeth tugged on her lower lip. She had no idea what any of it meant.
“We’re running out of light.”
His whispered words against her mouth were enough for Anna to
pull back. Jack ruffled her hair. “We’ll be quick. Come on.”
Lips still tingling she waited until Lee left the truck then followed him out. Once they were outside she zipped up her coat, looked
around, and tried to work out what was going on.
“Did you bring me here to save me the walk?” she asked.
Lee shook his head. “No. We’ve given up trying to stop you
jaunting off for all hours of the day.”
“It’s a couple of hours at most.”
“In the freezing cold. Mostly without your cell because you
forgot to charge it.”
Anna pulled a face. “We don’t even get a signal out here.”
“Maybe if we did you’d know why we’re out here,” Jack said,
taking her left hand. Lee took the right.
She shrugged. “I’m lost.”
“Annie,” Jack said softly. “What’s the date?”
“Erm…December the something.”
He sighed. “December the twentieth.”
“Already?”
“Yeah.”
A pause and then Lee spoke. “It’s nearly Christmas.”
Christmas… Anna shook her head because she had not even
realized! It was this place. It was them. Lee had been right. It was just too easily to get lost in it all. “I’d forgotten,” she whispered.
“We didn’t,” Jack said. “And we know this one is going to be
hard for you. Our was, the first one home, I mean. The holidays are always difficult after a loss.”
“Jack—”
“It’s fine,” he added. “We don’t expect anything of you. I’m
going to rustle up some sort of Christmas dinner. I already picked up what we need from the store.”
“And I’ve been working on the decorations. We don’t usually
bother. More often than not we end up going to our folks. But this year.” Lee paused. “This year is different. We’ll spend it together.
The three of us.”
The three of us…
Anna’s heart clenched and in that moment she found herself
wondering how on earth she had gotten so lucky. She’d come here to heal. Thinking that the space, and the distance from home, would be enough to do that. But now, all these weeks later, she realized the truth. It was Lee and it was Jack. They were healing her. Healing her with their attention and their affection. Healing her enough that she had begun to remember Grand with an ache more than a crushing
pain. Part of her had even imagined Grand looking down on them, a wry smile on her lips, a disapproving word or two coming out of her mouth, but beneath that a twinkle.
Because her granddaughter…the girl she’d raised as her own…
was happy.
That moment, that realization, was one that Anna would look
back on years from now and see it for exactly what it was.
A fork in her life.
A point where everything became clear.
She wasn’t sure what she felt for her men, her lovers. But right there, with the trees surrounding her, with the crisp air making her nose turn pink, she knew that it was something real. Something that was more than just her trying to claw out of her grief, or discover a part of herself that had lain undiscovered for so long.
Lee and Jack were hers.
“Then we…” She paused, struggling to order her newfound
thoughts. “We’re here because…”
“Because,” Lee said and the next thing she knew he was tugging
her hand, and Jack was tugging the other. “It’s time to pick out a tree.”
Chapter Sixteen
It was the early hours following Christmas day and Jack was sat
outside, feet propped up on the rocking chair opposite him, a whisky in hand. He’d left Lee and Anna in bed together. Both had been fast asleep. He’d been tired too, the day had been frantic, but for some reason Jack had been unable to settle.
In the end he’d slipped out of the covers, dragged his pants on, and poured himself a drink. The outside had called to him, and Jack had heeded it. In a way it made sense. How many hours had he sat out in the frigid cold or the blistering heat? In those days there was no opportunity to think, he’d had to stay on guard, but here was different.
No one was going to jump out at him, no one was going to shoot at him, no one was going to bother him…at least that’s what he’d
thought.
Lee took the seat next to him. Jack didn’t even need to turn his head to know it was him.
“You left enough for one glass in the bottle.”
Jack smiled as he brought his glass to his lips and took a sip.
“Was planning to come back and finish it.”
“I have another in the larder,” Lee said. “Stashed behind your
jalapeño supply. We can crack it open if need be.”
“Anna will be surrounded by the smell.”
“She won’t mind. She’s so relaxed with us…” Lee trailed off.
“Today has
been…” He laughed softly. “Not what I expected.”
Jack nodded. “Never thought we’d have a Christmas quite like
this.”
“Because you had to cook dinner or because Anna had me
spending half the day decorating the tree?”
“Both, I guess.”
“It’s certainly been something different.”
Silence settled between the two men. Jack took another swig of
his drink. It warmed his throat and then his stomach. No wonder. The cold was absolute. They’d had the heating running in the house
twenty-four-seven for at least the last month. Anna liked to be warm and Jack, well, he couldn’t refuse her.
You’ll never be able to refuse her.
He frowned into his glass. She had looked so beautiful today. Her hair had been loose, tumbling down her back. Her nose was pink,
seeming to get pinker every time she scrunched it in laughter or annoyance. And those eyes…his frown deepened. Jack did not think that he had ever met anyone with eyes as expressive as hers. It was one of the reasons this relationship of theirs had lasted for as long as it had. They didn’t even need to ask Anna questions most the time. One of them said something and the look in her eyes said everything they needed back.
“She was happy today,” Jack said after a moment.
“She was,” Lee agreed. “We gave her a good day.”
“We gave her the right day,” Jack corrected. He was thinking of Bob, Anna’s friend from the city. He had called to ask Anna to return home for the season. Jack hadn’t been eavesdropping, the signal had been so poor Anna had called him back from his office phone, and Bob’s voice was clear over the wire. When she’d refused the other man’s offer the satisfaction that had filled Jack was stronger than he’d been comfortable with. And yet…he knew that being here, with them, was the right thing for her. They made her happy. They made her
laugh. With them the grief that still ached her lifted.
And it was odd. Jack had wondered, though he’d never said as
much, if there was going to come a point where he’d feel odd about this relationship they had started to build. He and Lee were as close as brothers, but his feelings for Anna were growing every day, and Jack wasn’t sure if jealousy would come with them.