Snippets of memories from last night floated across her mind. Rain like silver thread, falling on her face, covering her body until it glittered. Her body felt alive, her mind free as she twirled around, hands held out and golden laughter running through her veins.
‘Are you okay in there?’
Natalie snapped her eyes open as Brianna’s voice brought her back to the present. ‘Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.’
We were out in the garden last night, what else did we do? she thought. She let her head fall under the water trying to chase away the bad thoughts.
Brianna was in the kitchen when Natalie came down dressed in a clean pair of jeans and jumper. She had roughly dried her hair and run a brush through it. She looked around, hardly recognising the place. The dogs lay snoozing on the floor, a fresh bowl of water set on the mat.
‘Your neighbour George kindly took them out for a walk. I’ve given them food and fed the cats but that’s the last of it,’ Brianna said. ‘Perhaps you can make a list and I can pick up some groceries on the way back from the station.’
Natalie shrugged. ‘I need some more baccy.’ She opened a drawer and took out a bar of chocolate. She suddenly felt ravenous. ‘Are those two detectives going to be at the appeal?’ She bit into the chocolate bar.
‘Meadows and Edris?’
Natalie nodded.
‘Yes, I expect they will be there.’
Brianna was still talking but her voice drifted away as Natalie let her imagination run. An image of Edris peeling off his clothes excited her senses, she took another bite of chocolate to stop herself smiling. She continued the fantasy, he was lying on top of her, looking deep into her eyes. Edris’ face was replaced by Jamie’s and Dan stood naked looking on. The chocolate suddenly felt thick heavy in her mouth. She tried to swallow the chocolate, but it stuck in her throat.
‘Are you okay?’ Brianna stepped closer.
Natalie gulped the dregs of her coffee, forcing the chocolate down her throat. ‘I can’t eat this anymore.’ She threw the rest of the bar down onto the counter as tears stung her eyes.
‘It’s okay.’ Brianna put her hand on Natalie’s shoulder. There came a knock on the front door. ‘Looks like it’s time to go. Have you got a coat?’
‘Yeah.’ Natalie looked around the hallway. It wasn’t in its usual place. She had a quick look around the sitting room. ‘Can’t find it.’
‘What does it look like?’ Brianna joined in the search.
‘It’s bright pink, can’t miss it.’
They looked around the house and upstairs. Feeling frustrated, Natalie grabbed a hooded jacket and pulled it on over her jumper before leaving the house.
* * *
The journey made her feel nauseous, she longed for it to end but at the same time dreaded arriving at the police station. She peered out of the window and tried to quell the panic. She didn’t want any more questions. Didn’t want to see Dylan with his snooty parents who always looked down on her. She twisted her hands together. They’ll blame me and tell everyone that I’m a crap mother, she thought.
‘Okay?’ Brianna swivelled around in her seat as they entered the station car park.
Natalie shrugged and opened the door as soon as the car stopped.
‘I want a smoke before I go in.’
‘That’s alright.’ Brianna came to stand next to her.
‘There’s a lot of cars here.’ Natalie drew on the cigarette and felt the smoke fill her lungs. She imagined a room full of people all staring at her.
‘There’s always a lot of cars here but some will belong to members of the press.’
‘Let’s just get this over with.’ Natalie ground the cigarette into the floor.
She was led into a room where the first person she saw was Nia. Relief at a familiar face made her throw her arms around her sister. ‘Thanks for coming.’
‘I wouldn’t leave you on your own,’ Nia said. ‘Are you sure you’re up to doing this?’
‘No, but I have to try.’ Natalie slumped down on the chair. ‘I just want to get this over with.’
The door opened and a suited man walked in. He was dark haired with serious grey eyes. He had an air of authority which made Natalie feel uncomfortable. She pulled her jacket tightly around her body and folded her arms across her chest.
‘Hello, Natalie, I’m DCI Lester.’ He pulled up a chair. ‘We’ve set up a room for the press conference and I have a statement prepared for you.’ He handed Natalie a sheet of paper. ‘If you would like to take a look and see if there is anything you’d like to add.’
Natalie looked at the paper, the words seemed to dance around. She tried to concentrate, but the words wouldn’t sink in, she handed it to Nia.
‘What do you think?’
‘I think it’s okay.’ Nia nodded as she read through the sheet and handed it back to Natalie.
‘Good.’ Lester smiled. ‘Is there anything you’d like to ask before we go in?’
‘Is there going to be a lot of people?’ Natalie picked at her fingernail.
‘There are quite a few, yes, but the more coverage we get–’
‘Will I be on my own in there?’
‘Of course not. Your sister can sit with you, Dylan will be there to read a statement, and I will answer any questions from the journalists.’
‘I won’t have to answer any questions, will I?’ Natalie felt her stomach knot.
‘Not if you don’t want to.’
‘I don’t.’
‘That’s fine.’ Lester stood. ‘Shall we?’
‘What, now?’ The knot in her stomach tightened.
‘It’s best not to have too much time to think about it. It’ll be over very quickly.’
They walked down a corridor and Natalie spotted Dylan talking to a policeman who patted him on the shoulder before turning away. She didn’t see why he should get any attention. Irritation crawled at her skin.
Dylan turned and gave Natalie a weak smile.
Natalie turned her head away from him.
‘You okay, Dylan?’ Nia asked.
‘Holding up. How are you doing, Nat?’
‘How do you think?’ Natalie snapped. She wished Ryan was there.
Lester stepped between the two of them. ‘It would be good if you could sit next to each other, show a united front.’
‘I’ve got no problem with that,’ Dylan said.
‘Fine,’ Natalie said. She could hear a hubbub behind the door and already imagined hundreds of eyes upon her.
Lester opened the door and the room fell silent for a moment. Natalie kept her eyes down as she walked inside. Immediately there was a rush of chairs being scraped back followed by clicks and flashes from the cameras. Natalie took her seat between Nia and Dylan and laid the sheet of paper on the table. She noticed the microphones placed in front of each person. The noise in the room gradually died and Lester talked through the events of the day. He then announced that Natalie would read a short statement.
She became aware of the eyes boring into her, she looked at the paper and opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her mouth felt dry and her tongue too heavy. Nia took hold of her hand and squeezed. Natalie took a shaky breath and tried again.
‘If… if you have Ella, you need to give her back. She will be missing her mummy.’ He voice sounded unnatural. Natalie felt her heart strumming against her ribs, blood pounded through her head making the room look hazy. She remembered digging with her hands, laughter wrapped around her like a warm coat and something else. Music? No. Wailing.
‘She needs her family.’
Dylan’s voice broke through Natalie’s thoughts and she took a gulp of air. Her hands were shaking, she looked across at Dylan who sat rigid staring into the camera as he spoke.
‘She needs her mummy and daddy, we love her very much.’ Dylan’s voice broke.
‘If you have seen Ella then please call the incident room.’ Lester’s words washed over Natalie, she felt Nia’s arm around her shoulder,
then there was a sudden rise in noise as journalists shouted questions and cameras flashed and clicked.
Natalie allowed herself to be led out of the room, a cup of tea was placed in her hands as she was guided to a seat.
‘You did well,’ Nia said.
‘No, I didn’t. I looked like an idiot.’
The door opened and Meadows and Edris walked in. ‘How are you feeling, Natalie?’ Meadows pulled out a chair.
‘I’m alright.’ She didn’t want to tell them how she really felt.
‘It’s pretty tough doing an appeal but we got the message out, that’s the important thing. Lots of volunteers have turned up to help search the woods and many more will be looking for her, but I must tell you that it is looking doubtful that she wandered into the woods alone. We would’ve found her by now.’
‘Maybe someone found her and didn’t know what to do, now they’ll know where to bring her.’ Natalie said. Her mind wandered. It wasn’t wailing, it was crying she’d heard. Ella was crying. She tried to grasp the memory. Ryan had grabbed her hand and said, “Leave it, she’ll shut up in a minute.” She felt panic snake around her body.
‘We’ve spoken to Ryan,’ Meadows said. ‘He told us he was with you last night, we just need you to confirm what time he left this morning.’
‘Erm, about eleven.’ She caught the smile on Edris’ face. Oh shit, maybe he told them a different time, she thought.
‘Why didn’t you tell us that Ryan was with you last night? It would have saved us a lot of time,’ Meadows asked.
‘Because everyone is always interfering in my life, saying he can’t stay over.’
‘You mean like social services?’ Edris said.
Natalie felt the heat rise up her neck. ‘The drugs weren’t his, it’s not fair.’
‘You said you didn’t leave the house last night, but you were seen getting into your car and driving away at two this morning.’
Natalie looked away from Meadows’ gaze. Yes, they were out the garden, but she didn’t remember coming back inside. She didn’t remember anything.
‘Natalie?’
Natalie met Meadows’ eyes, he was leaning towards her, his look questioning.
‘No, I wouldn’t drive the car, I’d been drinking.’
‘You were seen, wearing your pink coat. You do have a pink coat?’
‘Yes, but I can’t find it.’ Anxiety gnawed her stomach and pain stabbed at her temples. ‘Maybe someone took it. Maybe Claire went out and used my coat.’
‘But you said no one left the house.’
‘Maybe I was asleep.’ Natalie felt her throat constrict. ‘I don’t know.’ She put her hands to her head and gripped her hair.
‘Is this really necessary, I think she’s been through enough today,’ Nia said.
‘We really need to know who left the house.’ Meadows stood. ‘I’ll let Brianna take you home now, but I need you to think hard about what happened last night. We need to know everything.’
Natalie nodded her head.
Chapter Ten
I sat and watched the appeal with you, listening to your comments and tuts. I should’ve left the room, but I couldn’t escape from it. Everyone was talking about it – it was on every station and would be in the papers. I stayed on the sofa. If I couldn’t act normal with my family then what chance did I have?
The camera showed the house and I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from shouting. The house brought the memory back in vivid technicolour. The stairs that creak on the forth step. The nursery with a beautiful sleeping child. A child that will sleep forever. A child limp in my arms. I bit the inside of my cheek to chase away the memory.
The little girl’s mother struggled to speak, couldn’t say the words. I can feel her pain, I want to feel pain. The child’s father sat rigid, struggling to hold back the emotions, the heartbreak, the fear, the not knowing. The news cuts to the woods. A detective is talking, he looked tough, not the sort to have any sympathy. I hope he is not the one to come. They showed local people that turned up to join in the search. It was then I saw him walking by, he stopped and looked into the camera. I had to dig my nails into the palm of my hand. He was looking straight at me, I know what he’s thinking. “I know what you did.”
Chapter Eleven
‘That’s everyone on the list checked out,’ Edris said, then yawned and leaned back in his chair. ‘All Dylan’s relatives, friends, work colleagues, the lot. Nothing on the guy.’
‘Valentine, did you find anything on the neighbour, George?’
Meadows turned to the incident board and looked at the list of suspects.
‘Nothing, not even a parking ticket. Story checks out. He divorced in his late twenties, one daughter who lives in London. He worked down the pits until they closed and hasn’t worked since. No sign of him on social media.’
‘Probably doesn’t know how to use a computer,’ Edris said.
‘What about Natalie’s mother?’ Meadows asked.
‘Naturally she was upset and is still recovering. She let us look around and she still has the keys to Natalie’s house. She voiced her concerns about Ryan but seemed to be under the impression that they were no longer together.’
‘I expect Nia kept it from her not to cause any worry,’ Meadows said.
‘She’s protective of Natalie. Says she works very hard and is doing a good job managing as a single parent. I didn’t want to push her on Natalie’s lifestyle.’
‘Okay, thanks, Valentine.’ Meadows smiled. ‘It comes back to this lot.’ Meadows pointed to the names on the board. ‘Natalie, Claire, Ryan, Jamie and Dan. They were all there last night and have all lied. One or all of them knows what happened to Ella, I’m sure of it.’
Paskin walked into the office and plonked herself down on a chair.
‘Has there been a good response to the appeal?’ Meadows asked.
‘Yeah, the phone hasn’t stopped ringing. Just taking a break.’ Paskin swivelled back and forth on her chair.
‘Anything interesting?’
‘Lots of sightings, usual stuff. I guess people think they’re being helpful. They think they’ve seen some kid that looks like Ella in a supermarket or the park. One claims that Natalie was renting her cottage in Lancaster over the weekend, even had a child with her.’
‘Lancaster?’ Edris laughed. ‘Well, unless she has a teleporter we can rule that one out.’
Meadows stood and grabbed his jacket.
‘I’m going to head out to the woods, it’s time Blackwell knocked off. I’m not sure how beneficial the search is in the dark. The rest of you can go home and get some rest, we’ll start early in the morning.’
‘I’ll stay on the phones a bit longer,’ Paskin said. ‘See if anything comes up that’s worth checking out.’
‘I’m with you.’ Valentine stood up.
‘I’m not going home before Blackwell.’ Edris grinned. ‘I’ll never hear the last of it.’
Meadows felt a swell of pride. They’ll stay until they can’t keep their eyes open and then some more. No one is willing to give up on Ella.
‘Come on then.’ He threw Edris the car keys. ‘You can drive.’
Darkness fell around them as they left the main road and streetlights and turned onto the track that led into the woods. The headlights picked out the way ahead but on either side only the silhouettes of trees loomed, the branches like gnarled fingers grabbing at the rooftop.
‘Spooky here in the dark,’ Edris said.
As they drove further in, they came across a group of people walking towards them, torches lighting their way. Meadows looked out of the window noting the tired look and despondency on their faces.
‘I guess they were expecting to be in the pub by now, celebrating their triumph of finding the little girl and exchanging stories.’
‘Now they’re wondering how safe their own children are as they sleep in their beds,’ Edris said.
Up ahead a group of vehicles stood illuminated by an overhead
light.
‘Is that–?’
‘My mother,’ Meadows said as Edris parked the car on the verge. He could see Blackwell with a cup in his hand talking to his mother who stood behind a makeshift table with Marina.
Meadows climbed out of the car and grabbed his coat from the back seat. His mother had spotted him and was waving as Blackwell sauntered away.
‘I bet your mum has some of her cakes.’ Edris grinned. ‘Just what I need.’
‘Hello, Winny love.’ Fern Meadows reached up and kissed her son on the cheek.
Meadows was glad Blackwell wasn’t close enough to hear his mother’s pet name.
‘What are you doing here, Mum? You know the cold and damp makes your arthritis worse.’
‘Oh, don’t make a fuss. I wanted to do my bit to help. I can’t traipse through the woods, but I can bake and make sure all those out looking get a hot drink and something to eat.’
‘Your mum’s been a great help,’ Marina said as she pulled a large water flask from the van.
Meadows smiled. ‘I’m sure the search teams appreciate it.’
‘I was just having a nice chat with Stefan,’ Fern Meadows said. ‘Lovely boy.’
‘Only you could manage to find something likable about Blackwell.’ Edris laughed, picked up a slice a cake, and took a bite.
‘Now, Tristan, that’s not very nice of you,’ Fern scolded. ‘He just needs a bit of love.’
‘We’d better get on. Don’t stay too long, Mum.’
‘You haven’t had any cake,’ Fern said.
‘I’m not hungry.’
‘Nonsense, I bet you skipped lunch. Here.’ She placed a large piece of cake in Meadows’ hand. ‘He’s another one who needs a good woman to look after him.’ She turned to Marina and smiled.
Meadows groaned inwardly. He gave Marina what he hoped was an apologetic smile and kissed his mother.
‘You can shut up,’ Meadows said to Edris as they walked away.
‘I didn’t say anything,’ Edris protested.
‘No, but you thought it.’ Meadows gobbled down the cake as they came to stand next to Blackwell.
‘Saw you on the news,’ Edris said. ‘You’ll be fighting off the women now.’
Suffer the Children Page 8