4. The survey by Hewlett et al. of educated white-collar workers found that 19 percent of men reported having sponsors as compared to 13 percent of women. See Hewlett et al., The Sponsor Effect, 8–11. A 2010 study of high-potential men and women found that in comparison to their male counterparts, women were “overmentored and undersponsored.” See Ibarra, Carter, and Silva, “Why Men Still Get More Promotions than Women,” 80–85.
5. Romila Singh, Belle Rose Ragins, and Phyllis Tharenou, “Who Gets a Mentor? A Longitudinal Assessment of the Rising Star Hypothesis,” Journal of Vocational Behavior 74, no. 1 (2009): 11–17; and Tammy D. Allen, Mark L. Poteet, and Joyce E. A. Russell, “Protégé Selection by Mentors: What Makes the Difference?,” Journal of Organizational Behavior 21, no. 3 (2000): 271–82.
6. Alvin W. Gouldner, “The Norm of Reciprocity: A Preliminary Statement,” American Sociological Review 25, no. 2 (1960): 161–78.
7. Tammy D. Allen, Mark L. Poteet, and Susan M. Burroughs, “The Mentor’s Perspective: A Qualitative Inquiry and Future Research Agenda,” Journal of Vocational Behavior 51, no. 1 (1997): 86.
8. Hewlett et al., The Sponsor Effect, 35.
9. Ibarra, Carter, and Silva, “Why Men Still Get More Promotions than Women,” 80–85.
6. SEEK AND SPEAK YOUR TRUTH
1. Denise L. Loyd et al., “Expertise in Your Midst: How Congruence Between Status and Speech Style Affects Reactions to Unique Knowledge,” Group Processes & Intergroup Relations 13, no. 3 (2010): 379–95; and Lawrence A. Hosman, “The Evaluative Consequences of Hedges, Hesitations, and Intensifiers: Powerful and Powerless Speech Styles,” Human Communication Research 15, no. 3 (1989): 383–406. For a review of how power shapes behavior, see Dacher Keltner, Deborah H. Gruenfeld, and Cameron Anderson, “Power, Approach, Inhibition,” Psychological Review 110, no. 2 (2003): 265–84. For a review of gender and speech, see Cecilia L. Ridgeway and Lynn Smith-Lovin, “The Gender System and Interaction,” Annual Review of Sociology 25, no. 1 (1999): 202–3.
2. Bell Leadership Institute, Humor Gives Leaders the Edge (2012), http://www.bellleadership.com/pressreleases/press_template.php?id=15.
3. Research by Kimberly D. Elsbach, professor of management at the University of California at Davis, and her colleagues found that most of the time when women cry at work, they receive negative reactions from colleagues and coworkers, unless the crying is related to a serious personal issue such as a death in the family or a divorce. Crying during a meeting or because of professional pressures or a disagreement is viewed as “unprofessional,” “disruptive,” “weak,” and even “manipulative.” For further description of Professor Elsbach’s findings, see Jenna Goudreau, “Crying at Work, a Woman’s Burden,” Forbes, January 11, 2011, http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2011/01/11/crying-at-work-a-womans-burden-study-men-sex-testosterone-tears-arousal/.
4. Marcus Buckingham, “Leadership Development in the Age of the Algorithm,” Harvard Business Review 90, no. 6 (2012): 86–94; and Bill George et al., “Discovering Your Authentic Leadership,” Harvard Business Review 85, no. 2 (2007): 129–38.
7. DON’T LEAVE BEFORE YOU LEAVE
1. In general, research on this topic finds that although young women often report having a strong commitment to both their future career and their future families, they anticipate that combining the two will be difficult and require trade-offs. Janelle C. Fetterolf and Alice H. Eagly, “Do Young Women Expect Gender Equality in Their Future Lives? An Answer from a Possible Selves Experiment,” Sex Roles 65, nos. 1–2 (2011): 83–93; Elizabeth R. Brown and Amanda B. Diekman, “What Will I Be? Exploring Gender Differences in Near and Distant Possible Selves,” Sex Roles 63, nos. 7–8 (2010): 568–79; and Linda Stone and Nancy P. McKee, “Gendered Futures: Student Visions of Career and Family on a College Campus,” Anthropology & Education Quarterly 31, no. 1 (2000): 67–89.
2. Lesley Lazin Novack and David R. Novack, “Being Female in the Eighties and Nineties: Conflicts Between New Opportunities and Traditional Expectations Among White, Middle Class, Heterosexual College Women,” Sex Roles 35, nos. 1–2 (1996): 67. Novack and Novack found that if forced to choose between getting married or having a career, 18 percent of the male students and 38 percent of the female students in their study would choose getting married. They also found that 67 percent of the male students and 49 percent of the female students would choose having a career over getting married. Notably, about 22 percent of the men and 15 percent of the women declined to answer this “marriage or career” question, with the majority creating their own response of having both marriage and career. The authors state that “many men found the choice of marriage or career unacceptable, likely because historically they have been able to experience both options.” A recent survey by the Pew Research Center found that among young people ages eighteen to thirty-four, the percentage of women stating that “having a successful marriage” is “one of the most important things” in their lives has increased among young women but decreased among young men since 1997. See Eileen Patten and Kim Parker, A Gender Reversal on Career Aspirations, Pew Research Center (April 2012), http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2012/04/19/a-gender-reversal-on-career-aspirations/. Another recent study of young people aged eighteen to thirty-one found that women had a higher “drive to marry” than men. See Judith E. Owen Blakemore, Carol A. Lawton, and Lesa Rae Vartanian, “I Can’t Wait to Get Married: Gender Differences in Drive to Marry,” Sex Roles 53, nos. 5–6 (2005): 327–35. For a notable exception, see Mindy J. Erchull et al., “Well … She Wants It More: Perceptions of Social Norms About Desires for Marriage and Children and Anticipated Chore Participation,” Psychology of Women Quarterly 34, no. 2 (2010): 253–60, which surveyed college students and found no difference between men and women in their self-reported level of desire to marry.
3. For reviews of studies about job satisfaction and turnover, see Petri Böckerman and Pekka Ilmakunnas, “Job Disamenities, Job Satisfaction, Quit Intentions, and Actual Separations: Putting the Pieces Together,” Industrial Relations 48, no. 1 (2009): 73–96; and Brooks et al., “Turnover and Retention Research: A Glance at the Past, a Closer Review of the Present, and a Venture into the Future,” The Academy of Management Annals 2, no. 1 (2008): 231–74.
4. Caroline O’Connor, “How Sheryl Sandberg Helped Make One Entrepreneur’s Big Decision,” Harvard Business Review Blog Network, September 26, 2011, http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2011/09/how_sheryl_sandberg_helped_mak.html.
5. Approximately 80 percent of women without children are in the workforce. Of women with children, that number drops to 70.6 percent. For men, having children increases workforce participation. About 86 percent of men without children and 94.6 percent of men with children are in the workforce. These labor force participation rates are based on the employment rates of men and women aged twenty-five to forty-four, with and without children under the age of eighteen. Bureau of Labor Statistics, “Table 6A: Employment Status of Persons by Age, Presence of Children, Sex, Race, Hispanic or Latino Ethnicity, and Marital Status, Annual Average 2011,” Current Population Survey, Employment Characteristics, unpublished table (2011).
6. Sylvia Ann Hewlett and Carolyn Buck Luce, “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success,” Harvard Business Review 83, no. 3 (2005): 44.
7. David Cotter, Paula England, and Joan Hermsen, “Moms and Jobs: Trends in Mothers’ Employment and Which Mothers Stay Home,” in Families as They Really Are, ed. Barbara J. Risman (New York: W. W. Norton, 2010), 416–24. Women whose husbands earn the least (in the bottom quarter of male earnings) are the group of women most likely to stay at home, followed by women whose husbands are in the top 5 percent of male earners.
8. The National Association of Child Care Resource & Referral Agencies, Parents and the High Cost of Child Care: 2010 Update (2010), 1, http://eyeonkids.c
a/docs/files/cost_report_073010-final.pdf.
9. Child Care Aware of America, Parents and the High Cost of Child Care: 2012 Report (2012), 7, http://www.naccrra.org/sites/default/files/default_site_pages/2012/cost_report_2012_final_081012_0.pdf.
10. Youngjoo Cha, “Reinforcing Separate Spheres: The Effect of Spousal Overwork on Men’s and Women’s Employment in Dual-Earner Households,” American Sociological Review 75, no. 2 (2010): 318. This study also found that the odds of quitting among professional mothers whose husbands work sixty hours or more a week is 112 percent greater than those of professional mothers whose husbands work less than fifty hours a week.
11. Findings from the 2007 survey of Harvard Business School (HBS) alumni were provided by the Career and Professional Development Office at Harvard Business School to the author on October 15, 2012. Another survey of graduates with two or more children of HBS classes of 1981, 1985, and 1991 showed that more than 90 percent of male graduates were in full-time careers compared with only 38 percent of female graduates. Finding provided by Myra M. Hart, professor emeritus of Harvard Business School, e-mail message to researcher, September 23, 2012. The results from these HBS surveys may be influenced by the disproportionately low response rate for women relative to men. Also, these surveys were not designed to allow respondents to explain what they are doing if they are not employed in a full-time capacity for pay. When respondents indicate that they are not working full-time, they could still be actively involved in nonprofits and community organizations or sitting on boards. It should be noted that women are more likely than men to have career interruptions linked with having children, prioritizing personal goals, and meeting family responsibilities. For more on women’s nonlinear career paths, see Lisa A. Mainiero and Sherry E. Sullivan, “Kaleidoscope Careers: An Alternate Explanation for the ‘Opt-Out’ Revolution,” The Academy of Management Executive 19, no. 1 (2005): 106–23.
Other research has found that the employment participation rates of women vary across professions. A study of women from the Harvard graduating classes of 1988 to 1991 found that fifteen years after graduation, married women with children who had become M.D.s had the highest labor force participation rate (94.2%), while married women with children who went on to get other degrees had much lower labor force participation rates: Ph.D.s (85.5%), J.D.s (77.6%), MBAs (71.7%). These findings suggest professional cultures play a role in women’s rates of employment. See Jane Leber Herr and Catherine Wolfram, “Work Environment and ‘Opt-Out’ Rates at Motherhood Across Higher-Education Career Paths” (November 2011), http://faculty.haas.berkeley.edu/wolfram/Papers/OptOut_ILRRNov11.pdf.
12. This survey of Yale alumni from the classes of 1979, 1984, 1989, and 1994 was conducted in 2000 as cited in Louise Story, “Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood,” New York Times, September 20, 2005, http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/20/national/20women.html?pagewanted=all.
13. Amy Sennett, “Work and Family: Life After Princeton for the Class of 2006” (July 2006), http://www.princeton.edu/~paw/archive_new/PAW05–06/15–0719/features_familylife.html.
14. Hewlett and Luce, “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps,” 46.
15. Stephen J. Rose and Heidi I. Hartmann, Still a Man’s Labor Market: The Long-Term Earnings Gap, Institute for Women’s Policy Research (2004), 10, http://www.aecf.org/upload/publicationfiles/fes3622h767.pdf.
16. Ibid.
17. Hewlett and Luce, “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps,” 46.
8. MAKE YOUR PARTNER A REAL PARTNER
1. Melissa A. Milkie, Sara B. Raley, and Suzanne M. Bianchi, “Taking on the Second Shift: Time Allocations and Time Pressures of U.S. Parents with Preschoolers,” Social Forces 88, no. 2 (2009): 487–517.
2. Scott S. Hall and Shelley M. MacDermid, “A Typology of Dual Earner Marriages Based on Work and Family Arrangements,” Journal of Family and Economic Issues 30, no. 3 (2009): 220.
3. Between 1965 and 2000, the amount of time per week that married fathers spent on child care almost tripled and the amount of time married fathers spent on housework more than doubled. In 1965, married fathers spent 2.6 hours per week on child care. In 2000, married fathers spent 6.5 hours per week on child care. Most of this increase occurred after 1985. In 1965, married fathers spent about 4.5 hours per week on housework. In 2000, married fathers spent almost 10 hours per week on housework. The largest increase in the time spent on housework took place between 1965 and 1985. The amount of time married fathers spend each week doing housework has not increased much since 1985. See Suzanne M. Bianchi, John P. Robinson, and Melissa A. Milkie, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life (New York: Russell Sage Foundation, 2006). Analysis done by Hook (2006) of twenty countries found that between 1965 and 2003, employed, married fathers increased the amount of unpaid domestic work they performed by about six hours per week. See Jennifer L. Hook, “Care in Context: Men’s Unpaid Work in 20 Countries, 1965–2003,” American Sociological Review 71, no. 4 (2006): 639–60.
4. Letitia Anne Peplau and Leah R. Spalding, “The Close Relationships of Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals,” in Close Relationships: A Sourcebook, ed. Clyde A. Hendrick and Susan S. Hendrick (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage, 2000), 111–24; and Sondra E. Solomon, Esther D. Rothblum, and Kimberly F. Balsam, “Money, Housework, Sex, and Conflict: Same-Sex Couples in Civil Unions, Those Not in Civil Unions, and Heterosexual Married Siblings,” Sex Roles 52, nos. 9–10 (2005): 561–75.
5. Lynda Laughlin, Who’s Minding the Kids? Child Care Arrangements: Spring 2005 and Summer 2006, U.S. Census Bureau, Current Population Reports, P70–121 (August 2010), 1. For a commentary, see K.J. Dell’Antonia, “The Census Bureau Counts Fathers as ‘Child Care,’ ” New York Times, February 8, 2012, http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/08/the-census-bureau-counts-fathers-as-child-care/.
6. Laughlin, Who’s Minding the Kids?, 7–9.
7. Maria Shriver, “Gloria Steinem,” Interview, July 15, 2011, http://www.interviewmagazine.com/culture/gloria-steinem/.
8. For a review of studies on maternal gatekeeping, see Sarah J. Schoppe-Sullivan et al., “Maternal Gatekeeping, Coparenting Quality, and Fathering Behavior in Families with Infants,” Journal of Family Psychology 22, no. 3 (2008): 389–90.
9. Sarah M. Allen and Alan J. Hawkins, “Maternal Gatekeeping: Mothers’ Beliefs and Behaviors That Inhibit Greater Father Involvement in Family Work,” Journal of Marriage and Family 61, no. 1 (1999): 209.
10. Richard L. Zweigenhaft and G. William Domhoff, The New CEOs: Women, African American, Latino and Asian American Leaders of Fortune 500 Companies (Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield, 2011), 28–29.
11. James B. Stewart, “A C.E.O.’s Support System, a k a Husband,” New York Times, November 4, 2011, http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/05/business/a-ceos-support-system-a-k-a-husband.html?pagewanted=all.
12. Pamela Stone, Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home (Berkeley: University of California Press, 2007), 62.
13. Stewart, “A C.E.O.’s Support System.”
14. For a thorough review, see Michael E. Lamb, The Role of the Father in Child Development (Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2010); and Anna Sarkadi et al., “Fathers’ Involvement and Children’s Developmental Outcomes: A Systematic Review of Longitudinal Studies,” Acta Paediatrica 97, no. 2 (2008): 153–58.
15. Elisabeth Duursma, Barbara Alexander Pan, and Helen Raikes, “Predictors and Outcomes of Low-Income Fathers’ Reading with Their Toddlers,” Early Childhood Research Quarterly 23, no. 3 (2008): 351–65; Joseph H. Pleck and Brian P. Masciadrelli, “Paternal Involvement in U.S. Residential Fathers: Levels, Sources, and Consequences,” in The Role of the Father in Child Development, ed. Michael E. Lamb (Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons, 2004): 222–71; Rona
ld P. Rohner and Robert A. Veneziano, “The Importance of Father Love: History and Contemporary Evidence,” Review of General Psychology 5, no. 4 (2001): 382–405; W. Jean Yeung, “Fathers: An Overlooked Resource for Children’s Educational Success,” in After the Bell—Family Background, Public Policy, and Educational Success, ed. Dalton Conley and Karen Albright (London: Routledge, 2004), 145–69; and Lois W. Hoffman and Lise M. Youngblade, Mothers at Work: Effects on Children’s Well-Being (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999).
16. For a review of studies on the impact of fathers on children’s emotional and social development, see Rohner and Veneziano, “The Importance of Father Love,” 392.
17. Robyn J. Ely and Deborah L. Rhode, “Women and Leadership: Defining the Challenges,” in Handbook of Leadership Theory and Practice, ed. Nitin Nohria and Rakesh Khurana (Boston: Harvard Business School Publishing, 2010), 377–410; and Deborah L. Rhode and Joan C. Williams, “Legal Perspectives on Employment Discrimination,” in Sex Discrimination in the Workplace: Multidisciplinary Perspectives, ed. Faye J. Crosby, Margaret S. Stockdale, and S. Ann Ropp (Malden, MA: Blackwell, 2007), 235–70. A survey of fifty-three Fortune 100 companies found that 73.6 percent offered mothers paid family or disability leave, but only 32.1 percent offered fathers paid family leave. See Joint Economic Committee of the U.S. Congress, Paid Family Leave at Fortune 100 Companies: A Basic Standard but Still Not a Gold Standard (March 2008), 6.
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