Even as I thought it, my feet carried me in his direction. He looked up and saw me but quickly looked away again, and just before I reached him, he turned to Dariela and asked her to dance. She nodded calm acceptance, and the two of them swept off, leaving me standing awkwardly on my own.
I ducked my head to hide my flush and hurried for the refreshment table where I found Jasper, Clara, and Edmond filling plates for themselves with aplomb. For the first minute, I answered at random, barely hearing their words while I fought the swirl of anger and humiliation. But gradually my insides calmed, and I even stole several delicacies from Jasper’s plate.
“Are you all right?” he whispered to me. “You seem a bit…”
I quickly smiled. “I’m fine. Isn’t the party beautiful?”
“Gorgeous!” Clara spun around taking in the decorations and the finely dressed guests. “Poor Jasper and I never get invited to things like this back in Corrin.”
“Most of them aren’t like this,” Edmond assured us. “Dreadful, stuffy things, generally. But us youngsters seem to be in the majority this evening, and I sense it’s going to be a jolly night.” He winked at us and took off, weaving through the crowd. I hoped he was heading for Coralie and planned to ask her to dance. I knew she had dressed with him in mind and was hoping for several dances.
But when I caught sight of them moments later, Coralie was already dancing with Finnian, and Edmond was bowing to a young lady I didn’t recognize.
“Well, I certainly intend to have a jolly time,” said Jasper with a twinkle in his eye. “As long as you’ll agree to dance with me, of course, Clara.”
She flushed and agreed, her response supporting my suspicions about her feelings for my brother. The two of them eagerly excused themselves, and I was once again left standing alone. Only this occasion held no pointed sting of rejection at least.
I selected a small pastry ball from the table and looked around for other friends. Surely they couldn’t all be dancing. But the only person I could spot not doing so was Araminta, standing against one wall, watching the musicians.
I wandered over to her out of desperation, thinking she had never been unfriendly, even if we had never really connected, either. And we had been part of the same study group at the end of first year.
She greeted me warmly enough and complimented the room which made me feel even more pleasantly disposed toward her.
“I love music,” she said, her eyes straying back to the musicians. “Too bad there isn’t a discipline for that.”
“You don’t have to join a discipline, though, right?”
She shrugged. “My family can’t afford for me not to. I just hope I can find one willing to take me.” She glanced up at me and then down at her hands which had twisted into her skirts. “My father doesn’t come from a rich family, but he was handsome when he was young apparently, and his parents hoped he might marry well. A girl from a great family even, perhaps.”
“I’m guessing that didn’t work out,” I said softly, thinking of her struggles at the Academy.
She shook her head. “He fell in love and married a common girl. His family were horrified and almost disowned him. And they like me even less—I’m exactly what they were afraid of.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m weak. I mean, I’m a mage—I have enough control not to blow things up, and I can compose. But not strong compositions, or complex ones. And it doesn’t matter how much I study, I’ll never be able to. Not with a commonborn mother.”
“You must have a very different sort of family,” I murmured, trying to picture such a household. Did they have books? And what had her mother thought when Araminta had been taught to read as a child—a skill she didn’t have and would never have?
“We keep to ourselves mainly.” Araminta looked out over the dancers. “If I could marry someone strong, I could save things for the next generation, at least. But then, who would want to marry me?”
“Oh, I’m sure…”
She gave me a look, and my words trailed off. In truth it wouldn’t surprise me if she was right. The great families, at least, seemed to place great stock in their positions and strength. It was hard to imagine any of them falling for someone like Araminta, let alone actually marrying her.
“Well,” I said with a sigh, “no one’s going to be exactly falling over themselves to marry me, either.”
Araminta shot me a speculative look. “Really? I would have said…” But she let her own voice trail away, not finishing the thought.
After an awkward moment, she swallowed audibly. “I’m sorry, Elena. You probably despise me now.”
“Despise you?” I turned to stare at her. “Because you’re a weaker mage? Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“Not because I’m weaker,” she said, still not looking at me, “but because I have a commonborn mother. I of all people should have been welcoming of you when you arrived at the Academy.”
She sighed. “But I was afraid. I worried about passing the classes and about being accepted, and I thought if I aligned myself with you, I would have no hope…” She shook her head. “But it was foolish of me. I had no hope of being accepted by the great mages in our class anyway.”
“I don’t despise you,” I said. “No one could understand better than me about not fitting in. It can drive you to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do.”
She finally looked over at me, the warmth of gratitude in her eyes, and my mind swelled with guilt. She might not have reached out to me when I arrived, but I had done little to reach out to her since. She had spent her time at the Academy stuck between Natalya’s group and mine, with only the abstracted Clarence for company. Whereas if I had never arrived, I could easily imagine she and Coralie would have spent more time together. I resolved to encourage Araminta to sit with us at mealtimes, at least. And Clarence too.
Looking across the room, I happened to catch Coralie’s eye just as Edmond led her toward the dance floor. I sent her a silent plea for help, inclining my head slightly toward Araminta. She followed my gesture and whispered something urgently to Edmond. He looked over toward us, too, and then flagged down a passing young man I didn’t recognize.
The second man shrugged, grinned, and began weaving through the crowd toward us. A quick glance at Araminta showed her attention had returned to the musicians, much to my relief.
When he stopped in front of us and bowed, she started and looked at him in confusion. When he asked her to dance, her confusion deepened. But after a slight prod from me, she accepted with apparent pleasure, waving at me as they disappeared into the dancers.
I watched them go with a smile. I couldn’t do anything about her future prospects, but that didn’t mean she should spend the whole party lurking against the wall.
Of course, after another moment’s reflection, I realized that I was once again standing alone—and this time it was entirely my own fault. I sighed. No doubt if I stood here long enough, one of my friends would finish their current dance and come and ask me for the next one. But I suddenly didn’t feel in much of a dancing mood.
Long windows lined one wall, opening out to the gardens beyond. And with the mild weather, they beckoned appealingly. I would slip out for a short walk and clear my head. Hopefully by the time I returned both my mood and the availability of partners would be more conducive to dancing.
But I had barely started down the closest gravel path when I heard footsteps behind me. Glancing back, I saw who it was and sighed.
Chapter 14
“Are you following me?”
Lucas fell into step beside me, quirking an eyebrow. “What if I am?”
“Strange behavior for someone who couldn’t run away fast enough earlier in the evening.”
“You had that look on your face.”
“Excuse me?” I turned more fully toward him. “What look?”
“The look that said you had something you wanted to talk about. And I thought it was probably better
if you had your say—whatever it might be—without an audience. So here I am.”
“Oh.” A whisper of shame crept through me.
I had been approaching him to thank him, but that didn’t seem to have occurred to him as an option. He might be arrogant at all times, and obnoxious at least some of the time, but he had helped me train back at the Academy, and now he had helped the people of Abalene. Was I really so harsh toward him?
Yes, came the whisper in my mind. Yes, you are.
“I wanted to thank you,” I said. “That was all. I only just heard about what you did.”
“Should I be alarmed?” He smiled down at me. “What did I apparently do?”
“No cause for alarm,” I said stiffly. “I just said thank you, didn’t I?”
“That’s half the alarm.” He chuckled, seemingly in a good mood.
“Well, no cause for alarm. I meant about writing to your father. Getting him to put out a call for more healing compositions. I’m sure it’s saved a lot of lives.”
“Oh, that.” He glanced down at me again. “You weren’t supposed to find out about that.”
I stared up at him. “Why ever not? Do you want me to always think the worst of you?”
He sighed. “That has certainly never been my intention.” He paused. “I didn’t think you’d be very impressed, to be honest. He only sent out a request, not a command, and not very many have chosen to respond. I didn’t think it would do much to improve your impression of us.”
I shook my head. “But some responded. And for every mage that did, more people are being saved. It’s made a difference. You must have seen the empty beds.”
“And all the full ones,” he said quietly.
Another silence fell between us as I considered all those who had nothing to celebrate this Midwinter. And here we were dancing and partying. I ran my hands self-consciously down my dress. Had I become one of the people I railed against?
Lucas eyed my gown. “You look lovely tonight, by the way.”
I looked up at him in surprise, my thoughts diverted, but I could see nothing but sincerity in his eyes. I flushed and looked away.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” His stride didn’t falter, but he looked uncomfortable.
My eyes flew back up to him. “Which thing?”
The ghost of a smile flitted across his face. “Yes, there are so many to choose from, aren’t there? In this case I mean what you said when I found you at the healing tent. About how you just wanted to be consulted like an equal.”
“Oh, right. That.” Somehow here, walking through Coralie’s garden in the soft light of lanterns strung from the trees, I couldn’t call up the same anger I had felt then. Especially not in the face of what he had done since.
“It reminded me again, that you’re new to this life,” he said. “You’re not used to how we operate, to the elaborate game we’re all playing.”
I kicked some gravel with my slipper, not liking where this was going. Whatever he thought, I was already all too aware of my deficiencies in that arena.
He sighed, looking carefully ahead and not down at me. “In the world I live in, we’re not equal, Elena.”
I flinched slightly, and this time he did look at me.
“Not because you’re commonborn—although that is a factor, of course—but because I’m a prince. I’m the only prince, in fact. Apart from my parents and sister, no one is equal to me.”
He came to a stop, and reluctantly I stopped as well, turning to face him.
“People don’t expect me to explain myself, Elena. I don’t have to consult with them. Not outside the Mage Council, at any rate. No one expects it except you.” He shrugged. “You no doubt consider it arrogant and entitled of me—possibly it is—but in all honesty, the thought of consulting you as equal, of explaining my thinking fully, never even occurred to me.”
“I…I see.” I didn’t know quite what else to say. His words made sense, and they made a lot of things clearer. But at the same time he was right. It was arrogant and entitled, and if he wanted me to smile and say it was quite all right for him to act like that, then he was going to be disappointed.
He did look a little disappointed at my flat response, but he pushed on with his explanation.
“That doesn’t mean my family is free from considering the opinions of others. Keeping the kingdom on course is a finer balancing act than you probably realize. But we have to maintain the act—the superiority—it’s part of how we maintain our authority. And without authority and leadership, everything would soon collapse into chaos. I told you once that my family makes it a priority to understand how each of the members of the Mage Council think. Well, they aren’t the only ones. We spend a lot of time learning what everyone else thinks—and influencing their thoughts, where we can. But we don’t consult with them. And when we speak, we don’t explain ourselves, we just expect our words to be accepted. Even when we do need to convince them, we have to do it without letting them know we think they need convincing.”
He laughed uncertainly and ran a hand through his hair. “That got a little convoluted. Did it make any sense? I was just saying that I’m not used to having to come straight out and explain myself.”
“And yet you just did. For me.” I spoke softly.
“Well, you’re not just anyone. Are you, Elena?”
For a brief moment—a trick of the lantern light, perhaps—I thought he was leaning toward me, his eyes on my lips. And before I could think, I was swaying toward him.
The sound of laughter made us both jerk, our eyes turning toward the now-distant ballroom.
“Elena, I—”
“We should probably—” I said at the same time before stopping to give him a chance to finish. But he made no attempt to do so.
After a moment, I gestured back down the path, and he fell into step beside me. I wasn’t sure what had just happened, but I was glad for the sound that had disturbed us. When a handsome prince looked at you in lantern light and said you were special, it was easy to get carried away. But I already knew I was special. I was the Spoken Mage, and a great many people seemed to think I—or rather my abilities—had great value for the kingdom.
But that didn’t make Lucas and me equals. He had used those exact words at the start of the conversation. Just as his actions had been saying it since the moment we met.
Clearly he had some interest in me—fascination, even. And while he might let highly charged moments like these scramble his brain, he would soon find himself returned to his usual mindset. I had seen it all too clearly the one time I had let him kiss me. And I didn’t intend to make the same mistake again.
Lucas was a prince of Ardann, and I was a commonborn curiosity. Even if my friend did sometimes dress me up and trot me out among fine company.
We didn’t speak for most of the way back, but as we neared the ballroom, Lucas’s steps slowed.
“I didn’t contact my father for you. I did it because it was a good idea, and the right thing to do. The sort of thing we should have thought of for ourselves. But I am glad you approve. And I would like to be friends again.”
“Friends?” My step faltered slightly. Had we ever been friends?
He chuckled, and when he looked at me there was a sparkle in his eyes. “Now I’m the one overreaching, I suppose. We haven’t exactly ever been friends, have we? But perhaps we could be. Or, friendly, at least.”
“Friendly.” I rolled the word around my mouth. “I suppose we could give that a try.”
“Thank you, Elena,” he said, before slipping back inside, leaving me alone in the cool night air.
The next day Coralie and I both slept in. By the time we woke, much of the clean up had been done, but we helped with what remained, chatting about the success of the evening as we did so.
Coralie had danced half the night with Edmond, and even slipped out into the garden for a stolen kiss.
“Just like last year at the palace.” She sighed dreamily, whil
e I eyed her uneasily. I liked seeing her happy, but I didn’t trust Edmond not to break her heart. He didn’t seem like someone who took much seriously.
“And I’m not the only one who escaped into the garden.” She gave me a significant look. “Don’t tell me you got a stolen kiss, too! From Lucas!”
I shook my head sharply, fighting a flush as I remembered the way he had seemed to sway toward me.
“Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.”
She giggled. “There wouldn’t be anything wrong with it, if you did, you know. He’s terribly handsome. And a prince!”
“Exactly!” I snapped. “Coralie, pull yourself together. A prince is not going to be interested in me.”
“Why not?” She looked at me stubbornly. “You’re one of a kind, Elena. You get to make your own status.”
“Tell that to the great families.” I gave her a pointed look before turning back to a garland I was unwinding. “And Lucas and I do not get along, anyway. Everyone knows that.”
“I know you clash,” she said slowly. “But sometimes I’ve thought…”
I turned toward her with narrowed eyes. “What? What have you thought, Coralie?”
“Nothing!” she said hastily, but I saw her fighting back a grin as she turned back to her own garland.
I sighed. Just what I needed. Rumors circulating about Lucas and me. I could only imagine how Natalya would react to that.
I hadn’t spoken to Lucas again at the celebration, beyond wishing him a brief happy birthday after midnight struck. He had smiled and thanked me before moving on to the next person eager to congratulate him on attaining another year.
I was fairly certain I had imagined the special warmth in his eyes when he did so. Reflections from the nearby chandelier, no doubt. And I had no idea how to expect him to act when I returned to the campus building the following evening with Coralie.
But when we passed in the dining room, he smiled, nodded, and murmured a greeting before passing me to sit at his usual table. Weston watched the interchange with narrowed eyes, but no one exclaimed or questioned him when he sat down.
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