The cookies fit in one of the cloak’s inner pockets, and for a long time I held the book, telling myself I could take it too. But I knew I couldn’t. I couldn’t remove my ability to read just because I was returning to the world of the commonborn, but neither could I justify taking any writing with me. If it didn’t bring the Grays down on my head, it might well bring them down on one of the other recruits.
The shawl and fan I also reluctantly left. I would have no use for such items in the Armed Forces.
Finally there was nothing more to be done, or even to pretend to be done. I made myself slip into bed, and surprised myself by waking several hours later. I hadn’t thought I would sleep at all.
Dawn was about to break, and I stood at my window for the last time, watching as the Academy grounds and the river beyond slowly lightened from gray, the first fingers of orange appearing.
Then I dressed in my own clothes from Kingslee, wrapped myself in my new cloak, and stole silently from my room.
Chapter 18
When the Academy doors closed softly behind me, it felt more final than anything before had done. I paused for a moment on the top step, looking down at the courtyard and the fountain. How grand and foreign it had all looked the day I arrived.
Dawn still hadn’t truly arrived, and everything around me was dim as I made my slow way across the courtyard, my feet dragging.
When I heard the doors behind me open, I jumped and spun around. Lucas almost slammed them closed behind him, running lightly down the stairs toward me.
I stared at him. “What are you doing here?”
He jerked to a halt and stared back at me, his eyes running up and down my new cloak. A slow smile spread across his face.
“It looks good on you.”
I froze. “Is…Is this from you?” Had I been right, after all?
He nodded and closed the distance between us. “It was your eighteenth birthday. I wanted to give you something practical.”
“Practical?” I shook my head, still trying to gather my thoughts. “It is, of course. But it’s also beautiful. And far too expensive for me.”
He shrugged. “I have plenty of coin.”
“I suppose you do,” I said, my feelings souring somewhat. “And you haven’t answered what you’re doing here at this hour.”
“The real question, is what are you doing here.”
I raised my chin. “I don’t have to account for my movements to you, Lucas.”
His eyes narrowed. “I thought you seemed a bit strange last night. What are you planning, Elena?”
I stared back at him, defiantly silent. A sudden thought shook me.
“Did you follow me out here?”
He looked away and shifted slightly. I leaned forward.
“Lucas. Did you follow me out here?”
I saw the briefest flash of guilt before his court mask descended.
“So what if I did? You’re clearly about to do something stupid. You need to be protected from yourself. You always have.”
“Wait a minute. What do you mean I always have?”
His eyes widened slightly, and I realized he had let something slip he hadn’t meant to. I pounced on it.
“Last year. There was that day I visited Jasper at the University. And the day I went exploring in the city. Both times you were there.”
“And a good thing, too,” he said. “If you remember, you needed protecting both times.”
I shook my head, my eyes distant as I raced through my memories. “And when I was abducted during the final exams. My friends said you disappeared just as the commotion was breaking out. Almost as soon as it happened. And you can’t have gone to Lorcan because he would never have let you pursue me on your own. Yet you were the first one to get to me.”
I fixed him with a hard stare. “And then in Abalene, when I slipped away from the group. You knew where to find me. And now here you are. Why are you following me, Lucas?”
I quickly shook my head. “No, never mind that. How are you following me?”
A slight tinge of color crept up his cheeks, and he wouldn’t meet my eyes. I stepped closer.
“Tell me the truth. I’m sick of deceptions and half-truths and never knowing what’s really going on. How are you following me?”
“It’s a composition.” His words tumbled out in a rush. “One I designed myself. It lets me know where you are. Basically it alerts me if you start to leave the Academy. I probably wouldn’t have noticed this morning until you were further away, but I was already awake. Awake and alert because I suspected you had some foolish scheme.”
“You put a working on me? A constant one? You’re tracking me?” My voice rose in volume with every question, and he winced.
“I only did it to protect you. Since you didn’t seem overly interested in protecting yourself.” He shook his head. “Almost every one of those excursions was poorly thought through. And I would have thought you would be glad to have someone tracking you when you were abducted.”
“Are you serious? You expect me to be grateful? First I learn you had someone secretly watching me the whole summer, and now I learn you’ve been watching me at the Academy. Are you mages ever going to trust me?”
“I don’t know, Elena. Are you ever going to stop doing foolish things? Like right now. You still haven’t told me where you’re going.”
“And I don’t intend to. Certainly not until you remove that tracking composition.” I put my hands on my hips.
He sighed. “Elena. Please. Be reasonable. I’ve already said, I’m only trying to protect you.”
“You really don’t see it, do you?” I shook my head. “How condescending that is. How arrogant. Did you ever once consider talking to me? Asking me to tell you before going somewhere?”
“Would you have?” He pinned me with a stare.
“In all honesty?” I paused. “I don’t know. Because you never asked.”
He ran a weary hand over his face. “I never seem to get things right with you. No matter how hard I try.” He stepped toward me, closing the last of the gap. “And I do try, Elena.”
I swallowed, all too aware that enough of the dawn had crept in to give me a clear look at his straight, strong features, and the breadth of his shoulders.
“Do you?” I asked, the question coming out as a whisper. “It’s hard to tell.”
The ghost of a smile crossed his eyes. “It’s all that ingrained princely arrogance, remember?”
And then his arms reached out, and before I quite knew what was happening, I was pressed against him, our hearts beating against each other. He leaned down and rested his forehead against mine.
“I try harder than you realize.”
“Oh.”
“And I’m trying now.”
“To…” I stopped and licked my dry lips and tried again. “To do what?”
“Not to kiss you.”
I froze.
“Tell me not to, Elena, and I won’t.” He was still whispering.
I opened my mouth to say the words, but nothing came out. My mind had betrayed me, instead reliving the burning warmth of the one kiss we had previously shared. I had been denying it to myself all year, but I couldn’t now open my mouth and deny out loud that I wanted to feel his lips against mine again.
“Oh, good,” he said when my silence stretched out. “I’ve been waiting all year for this.” And then he crushed me against him, his lips meeting mine in an explosion of heat.
I responded instinctively, my arms twining around his neck, and my fingers pushing up into the perfect waves of his hair. I stood on my tiptoes, reaching up to meet him, and somehow his arms tightened even further around me.
For a long moment there was only us. And then he pulled away and placed his forehead against mine again, his breathing now ragged.
“Where are you going, Elena?”
And without thinking, my mind still spinning, I opened my mouth and replied.
“I’ve turned eighteen. I’m going
to enlist.”
“What?” He almost yelled the word, thrusting me away from him.
I staggered backward, barely managing to keep my balance at the sudden loss of his support.
He stepped forward quickly again, gripping my arms. “No, Elena, you’re not. You’re a second year trainee at the Academy. You can’t enlist. Lorcan would never allow it. I don’t allow it.”
I was shaking now, not even attempting to stop the tremors racing through me.
“You don’t allow it? Why, because you’re royal? Because you’re a prince? Because I’m only commonborn, and therefore you have the right to order me around and control my life?”
He groaned. “Because I—” But he broke off abruptly before finishing the thought.
“Well, you are a prince, Lucas. But tell me this. Do you have the power to protect Clemmy?”
“Of course you’re doing this for her,” he almost snarled. “I should have realized. But I thought I’d taken care of that. I never thought…It never occurred to me, you might…” He let go of me and ran a hand through his hair, turning as if to stride away before turning back again.
“Might think what? That my family had to sacrifice one child to conscription? I wonder where I got that idea? But you haven’t answered my question. Can you protect Clemmy? If I don’t enlist now, can you change our family’s status? Can you make it so my service after I graduate counts for my family’s enlistment?”
Lucas’s face twisted. “I could try. I could talk…” His voice trailed away, but I stared at him expectantly.
“The royals have no role in such administrative matters,” he said with a sigh. “We could request from the relevant head, negotiate, possibly even order. But there are things going on right now. It isn’t a good time. Maybe later in the year…You just need to wait. Don’t do anything rash.”
“General Griffith.”
My words stilled him.
“The relevant head—the Head of the Armed Forces—is General Griffith. Natalya and Calix’s father. The one whose efforts to have me executed were blocked by your family and the council. The one who just lost an untold number of soldiers to a surprise attack he didn’t anticipate. Do you really think he’s going to give me a free pass on enlisting? Can you guarantee me that you can convince him? That your family will consider it enough of a priority?”
“You are a priority, Elena. Never doubt that.”
“Oh, my abilities are of great interest, I’m sure. But can you promise me that if I wait, Lorcan and your father won’t see an easier option? One that doesn’t involve approaching General Griffith at all?”
Lucas looked at me warily. “What do you mean?”
“Oh come on, Lucas. One thing you’re not is stupid. The minute you report my intentions, they’ll forbid me from stepping foot outside the Academy. Find some way to forcibly prevent me, no doubt. They just have to wait until I turn nineteen, after all, and then all inducement for me to enlist disappears. Problem solved.” I took a shaking breath. “I may be of interest, but my twelve-year-old sister is not.”
I could see from his arrested expression that this possibility had genuinely not occurred to him. But it had occurred to me. I had long ago thought it through from every angle. And now that I had planted the idea, I could see in his eyes that he considered it all too likely.
He ran another hand down his face, and I began to mutter as quietly as I could.
His brow creased. “What are you—”
But I had already finished the binding words. “Bind Lucas in stillness and silence until I put my mark on the enlistment roll. End binding.”
His eyes widened as I spoke, but I had caught him off guard. He had no defense ready. As my power hit him, his whole body froze, and he fell, landing hard against the ground.
I knelt down and rolled him over onto his back. His eyes pleaded with me, but his mouth didn’t move, bound shut by my power.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “But I have to do this.”
Chapter 19
I ran through the streets, afraid that at any moment someone might discover Lucas’s prone form and release him. And then they would come after me.
Plus, just the thought of him hitting the ground, lying there helpless, made my heart seize. If no one found him, then the sooner I put my mark on that paper, the sooner he would be free.
At least I hadn’t been called on for any great use of power the day before, and my energy levels were at full strength. Still, I ran as fast as I could, the cobblestones flying beneath my feet. And my mind raced equally quickly—too many thoughts to keep track of spinning on an endless loop.
I had just assaulted a member of the royal family. The very thing General Thaddeus of the Royal Guard had always claimed I would do if given the chance. Would I ever even reach the front lines? Or would I be executed first? At least if I was, my last act would have been protecting Clemmy.
But not even fear could drive away a stronger memory. Lucas’s lips against mine. His arms around me. He claimed he had been waiting to do it, and if I was honest, I had been waiting for it as well. But then he had pulled back and asked me where I was going. Tricked me into answering while I was dazed and distracted. Had that been his purpose all along? How could I be sure?
My mind replayed the scene, remembering how he had thrust me away from him. The anger in his eyes. He hadn’t even hesitated at the mention of my sister, not even a trace of confusion. Earlier memories sprang at me from the distant recesses of my mind.
Of Finnian apologizing, telling me he hadn’t sent Beatrice. That he hadn’t even known I had a sick sister.
Of me and Lucas in the library in first year when I had thrown the issue of conscription in his face. When I had also mentioned my chronically ill little sister.
And of his words in the dawn. Of course you’re doing this for her…I thought I’d taken care of that.
I stumbled, regaining my balance and rushing on through the early morning. Powerful friends. Of course. Lucas had sent Beatrice. I should have guessed it. Even more emotions coursed through me.
Gratitude.
Disgust at the thought that he had done it just so she could go and fight on the front lines.
Confusion. How was it possible to feel so many emotions toward one person?
And then finally I reached the barracks. I stumbled through the doors, letting them bang behind me. Reaching the desk, I leaned against it, regaining my breath.
“I’m here to enlist.”
“Well there’s no need to get excited about it,” said the young man manning the desk. His gray uniform proclaimed him a commonborn soldier. “We’re here all day.”
“I’m in a hurry.”
He raised an eyebrow. “That would be a first.”
Far too slowly for my taste he drew out a sheet of parchment. I looked back toward the door for any sign of pursuit. When I turned back to him, he was watching me with curiosity.
“You look like you’re expecting someone to appear and drag you away. It’s usually the opposite, you know.” He pulled out a shallow tray with a black sponge sitting inside it. “I suppose you must be a conscription case. Doing the noble thing are you? Who disapproves? Your parents? The sibling in question? We did once have a full brawl in this very receiving room. Some seventeen-year-old trying to stop his brother making the sacrifice. More excitement than we usually get, I can assure you.”
I cut through his chatter. “What do I do?”
“Put your thumb on the ink and then make your mark on this page. Once your thumbprint’s on here, there’s nothing the king himself can do.”
He grinned at me, and a prickle ran down my neck. I knew it was a saying, that he didn’t mean the words literally, but they fell all too close to the truth.
Taking a deep breath, I pressed my thumb into the black sponge, pulling it away covered in ink. With a single firm movement, I pushed it down against the parchment. I lightened instantly as the drain on my power broke off. Lucas had been freed.
Only when it lifted did I even register its presence. I should have known no one was following me since as long as the power continued to drain away, Lucas remained bound and unable to report my departure. But now he was free. It was too late, though. I had made my mark. I had enlisted. My family had fulfilled its conscription responsibility.
It took me a moment to realize the soldier was still speaking. He directed me to go through a wide door and down a corridor until I found an office marked with a silver star.
“That’s the symbol of our mage officers,” he told me. “You’ll learn it soon enough. And come to recognize their silver robes even quicker. The mage in the office will take down your name and family and record it against the register. Whoever you’re protecting is free now.”
He smiled at me, and I managed a shaky smile back. Clemmy was free. And she’d been healed—whatever Lucas’s intentions. Her whole life was before her now.
I managed to propel myself into the corridor and find the marked door. The mage inside seemed even more bored than the soldier had initially been. But he dutifully wrote my name, and the name of my family and of Kingslee. My eyes followed his pen until he looked up, and I quickly looked away. It was hard to remember I was a commonborn and no longer a trainee. I was a mage, of sorts—but did the freedoms of a mage still apply to me now? I couldn’t be sure.
He regarded me with narrowed eyes for a moment, before scanning a full shelf of books behind him. He pulled out a fairly slim volume with Kingslee marked on the spine. Flipping through it, he found the record of my family and drew a line through it.
I let out a breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding.
“This is the central training barracks,” he told me. “All new recruits are sent here from the other enlistment centers. And all records are kept here as well. Don’t think there’s any chance of wiggling out of your enlistment now.”
Voice of Command (The Spoken Mage Book 2) Page 17