Three days ago, I drove into town, thinking this was it, and I could live here. I went to the supermarket and walked down aisle after aisle, and it bothered me that I didn’t see anyone I knew. It also bothered me that I smiled at people, and they just nodded at me. God, this is what I wanted, I told myself. This whole thing of no one knowing me is what I was looking for, yet having it makes me feel more alone than I’ve ever felt in my whole life.
I prepare myself a little dinner, but all I do is move it around on the plate. I miss my family. I miss everything about what was my life. Did it suck at times? Of course, but it just made it that much more special, and I see it now.
I’m about to go and lie back outside and watch the sunset when the phone beeps and my heart skips a beat when I think it’s Beau. I wonder what he’s doing at this moment. I wonder if he is sitting down eating, thinking of me and wishing I was there. Instead, it’s a picture from Kallie of Ethan smiling at the camera.
I text her back right away.
Me: Thank you for the picture. I miss him.
I turn off all the lights and walk to the bedroom, slipping between the stark white covers and sinking into the bed. I open my pictures on my phone and go through them one by one. Most of them are of Beau and me that I never noticed before. He was always beside me at every single gathering. His hands resting on my shoulders or my arms or around my waist. I never noticed it before, or I never wanted to see it.
I fall asleep to his smile, and when I feel little kisses on my neck, I open my eyes, expecting him to be there, but he’s not. I’m alone in the bed without him, and when I turn over, my heart hurts. My body hurts, my muscles scream, and my eyes leak with tears as I feel this overwhelming sense of loneliness.
Even when I was pregnant and alone with no idea of what was going to happen, I never had this feeling. I never had it because I knew that Beau would be there, that he would always be there for me. I slip out of bed and grab my robe, heading to the beach when my coffee is ready.
I watch the sunrise and send him a text.
Me: Hope you have a great day. Missing you.
I stay out here, and when my phone rings at almost eleven, I hope it’s him. I want to reach out and tell him to come get me. I want to tell him that this is stupid, this whole thing is silly, and that I belong with him in my hometown. I look and see it’s Kallie.
“Hey,” I answer after the second ring.
“Hi,” she says, and she sounds out of breath. “I don’t want to disturb you for too long, but I just wanted to make sure that Ethan could stay out this weekend. He got invited to a birthday party on Friday, and then my father wants to take him fishing over the weekend.”
“Um, yeah,” I say, blinking. I never thought I would be able to share my son. I never thought I would be okay with a woman loving my son just as much as I do, but at the end of the day, my son is surrounded by so much love, and there is nothing wrong with that. “That sounds like fun.”
“How are you doing? Are you enjoying the alone time?” she asks. A tear falls and then another one, and suddenly, I’m sobbing. “Savannah, are you okay?”
“Not really,” I tell her. “I … just miss my family.”
“It’s not easy,” she says. She should know; she walked away from her family eight years ago because of me.
“I’m sitting on this amazing beach. I got this kick-ass house. I have people who say hello to me, and they don’t even know me. Nobody leers at me or gives me a side-eye like I’m yesterday’s trash.” It comes roaring out of me. “And all I can do is sit here and cry.”
“Oh, Savannah,” she says, her voice soft. “Let’s start with the first one. If you think about it, during one day, how many people said hello to you here?”
I watch the waves crash into the shore angrily. “I don’t know. I never really counted,” I tell her. “Plus, it depended on what I did.”
“Let’s just say you went to the grocery store,” she says. “How many?”
“I don’t know.” I watch the white foam absorb into the sand while the water comes rolling in. “There is the butcher that always asks about Ethan. Then the baker always gives me a couple of treats because I helped her sister with a job.”
“Okay,” she says. “And how many leer at you?”
I look ahead, trying to think. “I mean, my neighbors are pretty hard-core I hate Savannah fan club members.” I laugh at this now.
“Those old goats only glare at you because the missus wants your ass, and the man knows he could never get a girl like you even in his prime,” she huffs, and I laugh now. “Let’s be real.”
“Okay, fine. You got me there,” I tell her, and then my tone goes soft. “His mother doesn’t think I’ll be good for him.” I wipe away my tear because the hurt of her words still stings me.
“He chose you,” she says. “You. He knew who you were, and he chose you. He will choose you every single day of every single year because he’s been in love with you since forever.”
“I love him,” I finally say. “I love him so much, and all I want to do is be supportive to him and be there to help him do whatever he wants to do. I don’t want the town to turn their noses down on him because of me.”
“You know that he doesn’t give a shit, right?” she asks. “As long as you are on his side, to him, he’s winning.”
“Have you seen him?” I ask. “Is he okay?” I wipe a tear away from my eye with my thumb.
“He’s hanging in there,” she says. “You can see it bothers him that you aren’t here.”
“I think I’m going to just pack it in and come home,” I tell her.
“Sit out the week,” she suggests. “Make sure that this is really what you want.”
“Thank you, Kallie,” I say softly. “And I mean that in so many ways.”
“You’re welcome, Savannah,” she says. “Go enjoy the peace and quiet of the beach. I’ll see you when you get home.”
I hang up, and the only thing that repeats over and over again through my head is he is my home.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Beau
I walk into the house, my ass dragging, and toss my keys on the counter, then throw a piece of pizza in the microwave. I lean back, waiting for the beep, and my whole body aches. I rub my hands over my face, and see that it’s almost ten p.m. I eat in the dark, chasing the pizza down with the beer I pulled out of the fridge. I don’t turn on the lights as I make my way upstairs, taking off the dusty clothes and putting them in the wash. The hot water rolls all around me as the only energy I have left is in this shower.
When I collapse in bed, I smell her all around me. She spent two days in this bed, and she is everywhere. I turn to the side, and the pain in my chest is worse today. It’s getting worse and worse as the days go by that she isn’t here. She’s texted me twice, and each time, it was to tell me that she was thinking about me. I answered her back that I missed her, but she never answered it.
Turning back over, I put one hand on my chest and another over my head. So much has changed since she left. I want to tell her everything that I’ve done. I let her walk away from me because I didn’t want her to pity me by staying. I let her go because no matter how much I love her, no matter how much I would give to have her, I have to know that she wants me just as much. I close my eyes, and I hear it, the softest knock I’ve ever heard. I sit up in bed, not knowing if I dreamed it or it really happened. I’m about to lie back down when I hear it again, this time just a touch louder. I grab my shorts and walk down the steps. Turning on the lights, I wonder who it could be. Unlocking the door, I pull it open, and my heart stops in my chest. I know that whatever I did or whatever I was going to do, it would be with her by my side.
“Savannah,” I whisper.
“I’m so sorry to wake you.” She stands there, looking shy and uncomfortable. “I can come back, and we can talk in the morning.”
“No,” I say, reaching out and bringing her to me. I can swear the heaviness that was in my ches
t is now lighter. I take her in my arms, and she wraps her arms around my waist, and I can die a happy man with her in my arms. A tear escapes my eye, and I don’t even know how long we stand here in the middle of my entryway hugging, but one thing I do know is I’m not letting her go.
“I missed you,” she finally says, and I feel the wetness to where her face is. “I missed you so much.” I let her go only to grab her face in my hands, my thumbs rubbing her cheeks.
“You are so beautiful,” I say. “You are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen.”
I lean down and take her mouth with mine. Her tongue slides with mine, and when I pick her up, she wraps her legs around my waist as I carry her upstairs.
“We have to talk,” she pants out when I let her go to undress her. “Things have to be said.”
“I know,” I say. “I know.” I kiss her again. “And we will. I just need you.”
When she lies down and I slide into her, I’m home. “I love you,” I whisper in her ear, wrapping my fingers with hers beside her head. “I love you more than life.”
Her legs wrap around my hips. “I love you,” she says. “I love you,” is all either of us can say at this moment. I lose myself in her over and over again, and she does the same. The sun comes up, and we are still wrapped in each other. She lays her head on my chest with the sheet pulled up over us.
“I used to get up every morning,” she says, “and watch the sunrise.” She looks up at me.
“I can’t do this lying down. I need to get up.” She rips the sheet off her and then grabs one of my shirts and puts it on. “Okay, I’m good,” she says, and she takes a huge breath. “I drove to this town about forty minutes away from here.”
“Was it pretty?” I ask, and she smiles so big her whole face lights up.
“It really was,” she tells me. “I had this house right on the beach, and I would get up every morning.” She moves her hands the whole time. “I mean, I didn’t really sleep, but I would grab a cup of coffee and sit on the beach and watch the sky turn from dark to a light pink to a blue. The whole time I did that, I wanted you next to me. I didn’t even care if the neighbors would come out and wave to me before they left for work. Then I spent time walking around the town, and not one person said anything to me. Not one person cared or looked my way, not a sneer, not a leer, and not even any words under their breath. I smiled at a couple of them, and they nodded politely, but that was it.”
I get up now, tossing the sheet to the side. “Will you come with me?” I ask, putting on my own shirt. “I mean, after you put pants on. Will you come with me?”
“Where?” she asks, and I look at her.
“It’s a surprise,” I say, and she just looks at me. I walk to her, taking her cheek in the palm of my hand. She tilts her head to the side, pushing into it. “But it’s a good one.”
“Okay,” she whispers. After she puts on shorts, we walk to the truck. She climbs in, and I turn to her before I start the truck.
“Can you do me a favor?” I ask, and she looks over at me. “Can you close your eyes? I want you to see it when it’s time.”
“I hate surprises,” she tells me, leaning back and closing her eyes. “Like I hate it more than coriander.” I laugh because she really hates surprises. One time, I wanted to throw her a surprise party, and she didn’t even show up. I had to go and get her at home.
“I know but trust me,” I say, “you’ll love this one.” I make my way over to the place where I’ve spent the past seven days. The number of splinters that I had removed this week has to surpass one hundred. I pull up and finally see it in the sunlight. I get out and walk over to her side of the truck, opening the door and grabbing her hand. “Keep your eyes closed,” I say, and she walks slowly with me. “Almost there,” I say, and when we are finally in the right spot. “Okay,” I tell her, watching her face. “You can open your eyes.”
Her eyes flicker open, and I see them take in the building that everyone has spent the whole week working on. “What in the world?” She looks at what she last saw as a pile of rubble. “How did you …?” She looks at her bar in shock.
“God,” I say, looking down, “I had this whole speech set up for when you came back home, and now, I don’t know what to say. When you left, you said that you didn’t feel at ease in this town. You said that everyone always looked at you with a sneer or a leer.” I turn to look at her. “But the town made this possible.”
“What are you talking about?” she asks, walking toward the new bar.
“I’m talking about how the whole town came together to rebuild Savannah’s Bar,” I say. “Every single day, almost twenty-four hours a day, people would show up to help rebuild this place.” I look over at the sign that we just put up last night that says Savannah’s Bar. “People would go to work and then show up at night to offer help.”
“You did this?” She blinks away tears. “You made this happen.”
“I want to take all the credit, but I couldn’t have done it without everyone coming down and helping. Let’s go look inside.”
I grab her hand and walk over to the door, opening it and stepping in. “Anything that you don’t like can be returned,” I say. The bar that was old is now in a shape of an L, and there are more stools than there were before. New tables and chairs are scattered around as well as high-top tables. “There is a bigger stage for the bands.” I point at the big stage against the wall. “There are also six pool tables and two dartboards.” I point at the raised level. “There are two steps so they can watch the dance floor.”
“This is …” she says, looking around. “I don’t know what to say,” she sobs.
“You mentioned when we got married that a house is just a house, and it’s who is inside that makes them a home. This …” I put my hands out. “Savannah, this is your home. It’s what you built. You may think that people don’t like you, but there are more than you know who will stand up with you and not against you.”
She puts her hands to her mouth and starts to shake with tears. “I can’t believe this.”
“If you don’t want it and don’t want to stay here, we can go wherever you want,” I say, and she looks at me shocked. “I’m nothing without you, so if you say the word and decide that this isn’t what you want, then we will find a place where you want to be.”
“You would do that?” she asks. “You would walk away from everything?”
“I’m empty without you,” I say. “This whole week just proved to me that my heart beats just for you, and only when you’re around. I was empty, a shell of a man.” I walk to her. “You, Savannah, where you are is my home. Beside you, holding your hand, kissing you, laughing with you, fighting with you, making love to you. That is where my home is.” I get down on one knee in front of her. “I know that this is late, and technically, we are already married, but …” I take a huge deep breath. “Will you marry me? I mean, this time for real.”
“I came back here, and I was expecting to have to beg you to forgive me. What I did to you by leaving was uncalled for. It hurt you, and I didn’t even think how you would feel having me leave. It was selfish, and I promise to never do it again.”
“Does that mean you’re staying?” I ask, the hope filling my heart.
“It means that this …” She opens her arms. “This bar, this town, Ethan, you …” She grabs my face, bending over. “You are my home, and I’m not going anywhere.” I smile through my own tears. “And to answer your question, yes, I’ll marry you again.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Savannah
Four days later
“Where do you want us to put all of these red Solo cups?” I hear a voice behind me and turn around. “The table out there is full.”
I look at one of the volunteers who has come to help us set up for our grand opening. “Is there space under the table?”
“Good idea,” he says and walks away from the bar toward the door.
“Are you done ogling other men?”
I hear Beau coming out of my office and looking at me. I throw my head back and laugh.
“I have enough man at home that I don’t need to go out looking for another one,” I say, smiling. It’s been four days since I’ve been back home. Four days that I’ve cried only happy tears. “Are you ready for your speech, Mr. Mayor?” After Kallie and Olivia came over, they told me about all the men and women who came out. I didn’t know how else to say thank you to everyone, so I thought we should throw one epic party.
I brought it up to Beau, who thought it would be amazing if we did family day there also, so my parking lot is now set up with barbecue pits. There are a couple of ponies that Casey has donated for the kids to ride. There are some inflatable rides also. “How is setup outside going?” I ask as he walks to me. “It’s good. The bands are setting up.”
“I can’t believe it’s going to be so big,” I say as the door opens, and I see Billy, Charlotte, and Cristine walk in.
“Give me a kiss,” he says in a soft voice. I lean my head back, and he kisses my lips. “I love you.”
“Love you more,” I say, and I hear Charlotte squeal.
“This is so nice,” she says, looking around. Beau takes my hand and walks me around the bar. “Savannah, this is wonderful.” She envelops me in a hug when I get close enough to her. “So, so wonderful.”
“It’s filling up out there,” Billy says. “But I thought we could whip up a special sweet tea.”
“No!” Beau and Charlotte yell at the same time.
“Why don’t you come down on a Saturday night, and we can have a Billy’s Special?” I suggest, and I see him smiling so big. “We can even set you up behind the bar.”
He takes his cowboy hat off his head and smiles. “Well, I reckon I can do that.”
“You just made his day,” Charlotte says, and I’m about to tell her that it’s the least I can do when the door opens, and Ethan comes running in.
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