Bert Lloyd's Boyhood: A Story from Nova Scotia

by Madeline Leslie

  CHAPTER XXVI.

  VICTORY WON FROM DEFEAT.

  Bert had reached an age and stage of development when the raising of adecided issue between right and wrong was a matter of vital consequence.Although he had little more than rounded out a dozen years of life, hisnatural bent of mind and the influences surrounding him had been such asto make him seem at least two years older when compared with hiscontemporaries. He thought much, and, considering his age, deeply. Hisparents had always admitted him into full fellowship with themselves,and he had thus acquired their way of thinking upon many subjects. Thenhis religious training had been more than ordinarily thorough. Theinfluences and inspiration of a Christian home had been supplemented andstrengthened by the teaching at Sunday school of one who possessed arare gift in the management of boys. Mr. Silver not only understood hisboys: he was in hearty and complete sympathy with them; and the truthcame from him with peculiar force, as he met them Sunday after Sunday.

  Bert therefore would appear to have everything in his favour when setupon by the tempter, and it might seem strange that in this case heshould dally so long with the danger. But the fact is there were unusualelements in this temptation, such as have been already set forth, andBert's course of action from the time when he first saw the translationof Sallust in Regie Selwyn's room, until when at length after days ofindecision, of halting between two opinions, of now listening to, andagain spurning the suggestions of the tempter, he had a copy of the samebook hidden away in his own room, was but another illustration of thefamiliar experience, that he who stops to argue with the tempter, has asgood as lost his case.

  He tried hard to persuade himself that it was all right, and that itwould be all right, but nevertheless it was with none too easy aconscience that he slipped into Gossip's one afternoon, and timidlyinquired for the Sallust translation. The clerk did not understand atfirst, and when he asked Bert to repeat his question a cold shiver wentdown the boy's back, for he felt sure the man must have divined hispurpose in procuring the book. But, of course, it was only anunnecessary alarm, and soon with the volume under his arm, and breathingmuch more freely, he was hastening homeward.

  At first he kept very faithfully to the programme he had laid down ofnot resorting to the "pony" until he had done his best without it. Thenlittle by little he fell into the way of referring to it whenever hewas at a loss regarding a word, until at last he came to depend upon italtogether, and the fluent translations that won Dr. Johnston'sapprobation day after day were really nothing better than stolen matter.

  Yet all this time he was far from having peace of mind. That troublesomeconscience of his acted as though it would never become reconciled tothis method of studying the classics. On the contrary, it seemed to growincreasingly sensitive upon the point. Finally the matter was brought toa head in a very unsuspected manner.

  No mention has been made in these pages of one who occupied a very largeplace in Bert's affection and admiration--namely, the Rev. Dr. Chrystal,the pastor of Calvary Church. Dr. Chrystal was a man of middle age andmedium height, with a countenance so winning and manners so attractive,that Mr. Lloyd was wont to call him St. John, the beloved disciple,because his name was John, and everybody who knew him loved him. It wasnot merely by the elders of his congregation, who could fully appreciatethe breadth and soundness of his scholarship, the richness of hisrhetoric, and the warmth of his eloquence, but by the younger membersalso, who loved his sunny smile, and hearty laugh, that Dr. Chrystal waslittle short of worshipped.

  Bert had been his warm admirer ever since the time when on his pastoralvisits he would take the little fellow up on his knee, and draw him outabout his own amusements and ambitions, giving such interested attentionto his childish prattle that Bert could not fail to feel he had in him areal friend. As he grew older, his liking for the minister deepened. Henever had that foolish fear of "the cloth" which is so apt to be foundin boys of his age. Dr. Chrystal was a frequent visitor at Bert's home.Mr. Lloyd was one of the main supporters of his church, and the two menhad much to consult about. Besides that, the preacher loved to discussthe subjects of the day with the keen-witted, far-seeing lawyer, whohelped him to many a telling point for the sermon in preparation.

  This, of course, was quite beyond Bert, but what he could and did fullyappreciate was the skill and strength with which Dr. Chrystal, havinglaid aside his clerical coat, would handle a pair of sculls when he wentout boating with them, in the fine summer evenings.

  "I tell you what it is, Frank," said he, enthusiastically to his friendone day. "There's nothing soft about our minister. He can pull just aswell as any man in the harbour. That's the sort of minister I like.Don't you?"

  One Sunday evening, after Bert had been using his "pony" some littletime--for although his father had returned, he had come so to dependupon it, that he continued to resort to it in secret--Dr. Chrystalpreached a sermon of more than usual power from the text, "Providethings honest in the sight of all men." It was a frank, faithfuladdress, in which he sought to speak the truth in tenderness, and yetwith direct application to his hearers. If any among them weredisbelievers in the doctrine that honesty is the best policy, and actedaccordingly, they could hardly hope to dodge the arrows of argument andappeal shot forth from the pulpit that evening.

  Bert was one of the first to be transfixed. When the text was announcedhe wriggled a bit, as though it pricked him somewhere; but when, furtheron, Dr. Chrystal spoke in plain terms of the dishonesty of falsepretences, of claiming to be what you really are not, of seeking creditfor what is not actually your own work, Bert's head sank lower andlower, his cheeks burned with shame, and, feeling that the speaker mustin some mysterious way have divined his guilty secret, and be preachingdirectly at him, he sank back in his seat, and wished with wild longingthat he could run away from those flashing eyes that seemed to belooking right through him, and from the sound of that clear, strongvoice, whose every tone went straight to his heart.

  But, of course, there was no escape, and he had to listen to the sermonto the end, although, had it been possible, he would gladly have thrusthis fingers in his ears that he might hear no more. He felt immenselyrelieved when the service was over, and he could go out into the cool,dark evening air. He was very silent as he walked home with his parents,and so soon as prayers were over went off to his room, saying that hewas tired.

  For the next few days there was not a more miserable boy in Halifax thanCuthbert Lloyd. He was a prey to contending feelings that gave him notone moment's peace. His better nature said, "Be manly, and confess." Thetempter whispered, "Be wise, and keep it to yourself." As for the causeof all this trouble, it lay untouched in the bottom drawer of hisbureau. He could not bear to look at it, and he worked out his Sallustas best he could, causing Dr. Johnston much surprise by the unexpectedmistakes he made in translating. He became so quiet and sober that hismother grew quite concerned, and asked him more than once if he feltill, to which, with a pretence of a laugh, he replied:

  "Not a bit of it. I'm all right."

  But he wasn't all right, by any means, as his father's keen eyes soondiscovered. Mr. Lloyd, like his wife, thought at first that Bert's queerways must be due to ill health; but after watching him awhile he came tothe conclusion that the boy's trouble was mental, rather than physical,and he determined to take the first opportunity of probing the matter.The opportunity soon came. Mrs. Lloyd and Mary were out for the evening,leaving Bert and his father at home. Bert was studying his lessons atthe table, while his father sat in the arm-chair near by, reading thepaper. Every now and then, as he bent over his books, Bert gave a deepsigh that seemed to well up from the very bottom of his heart. Mr. Lloydnoted this, and presently, laying his paper down, said, pleasantly:

  "Bert, dear, put your lessons aside for a few minutes, and come overhere. I want to have a talk with you."

  Bert started and flushed slightly, but obeyed at once, drawing his chairclose up beside his father's. Laying his hand upon Bert's knee, andlooking him full in the face,
Mr. Lloyd asked:

  "Now, Bert, tell me what's the matter with you? There's something onyour mind, I know; and it has not been your way to keep any secrets fromme. Won't you tell me what is troubling you?"

  Bert fidgeted in his chair, the flush deepened in his face, his eyesdropped before his father's searching gaze, and his hands workednervously. At last, with an apparent effort, he replied, in a low tone:

  "There's nothing the matter with me, father."

  Mr. Lloyd sighed, and looked troubled.

  "Yes, there is, Bert. You know there is. Now, don't conceal it from me,but speak right out. Remember your motto, Bert: 'Quit you like men.'"

  The working of Bert's countenance showed clearly the struggle that wasgoing on within, and there was silence for a moment, while Mr. Lloydawaited his answer, praying earnestly the while that his boy might behelped to do the right. Then, suddenly, Bert sprang up, darted towardthe door, and heeding not his father's surprised exclamation of--"Bert,Bert, aren't you going to answer me?" ran up the stairs to his own room.An instant more and he returned, bearing a volume which he placed in Mr.Lloyd's hands; and then, throwing himself on the sofa, he buried hishead in the cushions, and burst into a passion of tears.

  Bewildered by this unexpected action, Mr. Lloyd's first impulse was totake his boy in his arms and try to soothe him. Then he bethoughthimself of the book lying in his lap, and turned to it for anexplanation of the mystery. It was an innocent-enough looking volume,and seemed at first glance to make matters no clearer, but as he held itin his hands there came back to him the recollection of his ownschoolboy days, and like a flash the thing was plain to him. Bert hadbeen using a "pony," and in some way had come to realise the extent ofhis wrong-doing.

  With feelings divided between sorrow that his boy should fall a victimto this temptation, and gladness that he should have the courage toconfess it, Mr. Lloyd went over to the sofa, lifted Bert up gently, andplaced him on the chair beside him.

  "Come, now, Bert, dear," said he, in his tenderest tones, "don't beafraid, but just tell me all about it."

  In a voice much broken by sobs, Bert then told the whole story,beginning with the first conversation with Regie Selwyn, and leaving outnothing. His father listened intently, and it was clear the recitalmoved him deeply. When it ended, he silently lifted up his heart inpraise to God that his darling boy had been delivered from so great adanger, and he determined that Dr. Chrystal should not fail to hear howeffective his faithful preaching had been.

  "I need not tell you, Bert, how sad this makes my heart, but I will notadd my reproaches to the remorse you already feel," said he, gravely."You have done very, very wrong, dear, and it is now your duty to makethat wrong right again, so far as is in your power. What do you thinkyourself you ought to do?"

  "I must ask God to forgive me, father," answered Bert, almost in awhisper.

  "But is that all? Is there no one else of whom you should askforgiveness?"

  "Yes, of you."

  "I have forgiven you already, Bert, for I know that you are sincerelysorry. But I think there is some one else still. Ought you not to askDr. Johnston's forgiveness?"

  "Why, father," exclaimed Bert, looking up with an expression ofsurprise, "Dr. Johnston does not know anything about it."

  "Ah, yes, Bert, true enough; but remember that ever since you've beenusing the translation you've been getting credit from him for work youhad not really done. Was that providing things honest in the sight ofall men, do you think?"

  Bert flushed and looked down again. He was silent for a little while,and then said:

  "But, father, I could never tell Dr. Johnston. He is so stern andsevere."

  "Do you think God will ever fully forgive you while you are concealingfrom Dr. Johnston what you ought in common honesty to tell him?"

  This question evidently staggered him, and Mr. Lloyd, seeing what astruggle was going on within him, put his hand upon his shoulder, andsaid, with tender emphasis:

  "Remember, Bert: 'Quit you like men, be strong.'"

  For a moment longer Bert seemed irresolute. Then suddenly hiscountenance brightened, his features settled into an expression of firmdetermination, and rising to his feet, with hands clenched and eyesflashing, he stood before his father, and almost shouted:

  "Yes, father, I will; I'll tell him. I don't care what he does to me."

  "God bless you, my brave boy!" exclaimed Mr. Lloyd, as, almostover-mastered by his emotions, he threw his arms around his neck, andhugged him to his heart, the big tears pouring down his happy face.

  Just at that moment the door opened, and Mrs. Lloyd and Mary entered.Great was their surprise at the scene they witnessed. But they soonunderstood it all, and when the whole story was known to them they wereno less thankful than Mr. Lloyd that Bert had come off conqueror in thissharp struggle with the enemy of souls.

  It was a hard task that lay before Bert, and he would have beensomething more than mortal if his resolution did not falter as hethought about it. But he strengthened himself by repeating the words"Quit you like men, be strong," laying much emphasis on the latterclause. His father thought it best for him to go very early the nextmorning, taking the book with him, and to seek an interview with Dr.Johnston before he went into the school.

  Accordingly, in the morning, with throbbing heart and feverish pulse,Bert knocked at the doctor's private entrance. On asking for the masterhe was at once shown into the study, where the dread doctor was glancingover the morning paper before he took up the work of the day.

  "Well, Lloyd, what brings you here so early?" he asked, in somesurprise.

  With much difficulty, and in broken sentences, Bert explained the objectof his visit, the doctor listening with an impassive countenance thatgave no hint of how the story affected him. When he had ended, Dr.Johnston remained silent a moment as if lost in reflection, then placinghis hand upon the boy's shoulder, and looking at him with an expressionof deep tenderness such as Bert had never seen in his countenancebefore, he said, in tones whose kindness there could be no mistaking:

  "You have done well, Lloyd, to tell me this. I honour you for yourconfession, and I feel confident that never so long as you are a pupilin this school will you fall into like wrong-doing. You may tell yourfather what I have said. Good-morning." And he turned away, perhaps tohide something that made his eyes moist.

  Feeling much as Christian must have felt when the burden broke from hisback and rolled into the sepulchre gaping to receive it, Bert went tohis seat in the schoolroom. The ordeal was over, and his penancecomplete.

  His frank penitence was destined to exert a far wider influence than heever imagined, and that immediately. The volume he placed in Dr.Johnston's hands set the master thinking. "If," he reasoned, "BertLloyd, one of the best boys in my school, has fallen into thiswrong-doing, it must be more common than I supposed. Perhaps were I totell the school what Lloyd has just told me, it might do good. Theexperiment is worth trying, at all events."

  Acting upon this thought, Dr. Johnston, shortly after the school hadsettled down for the day's work, rapped upon his desk as a signal thathe had something to say to the scholars, and then, when the attention ofall had been secured, he proceeded to tell, in clear, concise language,the incident of the morning. Many eyes were turned upon Bert while thedoctor was speaking, but he kept his fixed closely upon his desk, for heknew that his cheeks were burning, and he wondered what the other boyswere thinking of him. In concluding, Dr. Johnston made the followingappeal, which was indeed his chief purpose in mentioning the matter atall:

  "Now, scholars," said he, in tones of mingled kindliness and firmness,"I feel very sure that Lloyd is not the only boy in this school who hasbeen using a translation to assist him in his classical work, and myobject in telling you what he told me is that it may perhaps inspirethose who have been doing as he did to confess it in the manly, honestway that he has done, and for which we must all honour him. Boys, Iappeal to your honour," he continued, raising his voice until it rangthrough the room, st
artling his hearers by its unaccustomed volume. "Whoamong you, like Bert Lloyd, will confess that you have been using atranslation?"

  There was a thrilling silence, during which one might almost have heardthe boys' hearts beat as the doctor paused, and with his piercing eyesglanced up and down the long rows of awe-stricken boys. For a moment noone moved. Then there was a stir, a shuffling of feet, and Regie Selwyn,with cheeks aflame, rose slowly in his seat, and said in a low butdistinct voice:

  "I have, sir."

  A gleam of joy flashed in the doctor's dark eyes as he looked toward thespeaker, but he said nothing. Then another and another rose and made alike confession, until some six in all had thus acknowledged theirfault. There was no mistaking the pleasure that shone in the master'sface at this answer to his appeal. When it became clear that, howevermany more might be no less guilty, no more were going to confess it, hespoke again:

  "While it grieves me to know that the use of translations has been soextensive, I am also glad to find that so many of my boys possess thetrue spirit of manliness. I ask them to promise me that they will neverlook at those books again, and if there be others in the school whomight have admitted the same impropriety, but have not, I appeal to youto show by your contempt of such helps your determination that nothingbut what is honest, fair, and manly shall characterise the actions ofthe scholars of this school."

  And with this the doctor resumed his seat.