by C. A. Harms
I turned around to face him and nodded. I was still pissed at him and had no intention of letting go of my anger so easily. Even though he had brought two very special people to see me, that didn’t fully make up for how rude he was when I was just being generous.
“What do you two think about making your own chocolate shakes?” I asked as I looked directly at Matthew and Zoey. “With whipped cream and sprinkles.”
Their eyes lit up, and my heart fluttered in my chest. This day had started out to be shitty, but it had just become one of the best I’d had in almost a week.
I linked hands with the kids as I led them away from the table and toward the small bar area just off the kitchen that held all the tools to make the perfect shakes. I looked back over my shoulder and found Jude watching us with a look I’d never seen before. He looked almost happy.
One at a time, I placed Zoey and Matthew onto a stool at the counter. Once I was sure they were safely seated, I stepped behind it and put two child-sized shake cups in front of them.
“Chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry?” I asked.
“Chocolate,” Matthew said with excitement. His little feet hung over the edge of the stool, and he was caged in by the arms of the chair. An uneasy feeling stirred within my stomach at the thought of him toppling the chair from bouncing around.
“Okay, but no wiggling. You sit very still in that chair. Okay?” He nodded, still wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen on him.
I turned to Zoey. “What about you?”
“Vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.” Her eyes grew wide, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Okay, one chocolate and one vanilla. With rainbow sprinkles,” I said before turning around to get to work.
“And a strawberry too.”
My body froze and my heart lurched as Jude’s deep voice sent chills over my back and arms. I hadn’t expected him to join us, but I was secretly thrilled he had. I wouldn’t tell him that, though. I took in a deep breath as I nodded without turning around to face him. I needed just a few more minutes to calm my nerves and stop my hands from trembling. I stood with my back to them as I slowly mixed each shake and only turned around long enough to grab the cups to pour the mixtures into.
Once each had their shakes, I grabbed the whipped cream and assorted sprinkles and turned to fully face them. I could feel Jude’s eyes on me, but I concentrated on the kids instead. I tipped the can of whipped cream upside down, pressed the nozzle, and topped off each cup. Zoey of course got the rainbow sprinkles, just as she asked for, and Matthew and Jude went with the chocolate flakes. I watched as Matthew imitated Jude’s every move as his uncle shook the sprinkles evenly onto his shake. Once they’d added the sprinkles, the kids dug in.
Jude held his spoon over the top of his shake and twisted it around between his fingers. As the seconds ticked by, I became more and more nervous.
“I really am sorry for the way I’ve treated you,” he said in a low tone. The kids were so consumed with their sugary treats that they were completely oblivious to anything else. “I am grateful for what you did for my family. I know you didn’t have to.” He lifted his eyes to meet mine.
His stare always did things to my senses. I tried to swallow past the dryness in my throat.
“You didn’t have to put your life on hold to take care of them,” he said.
“I wanted to.” I shrugged and looked back at Matthew and Zoey. “Nothing I did while you were in the hospital, or even after you got out, was because I felt sorry for any of you. It wasn’t charity. It was because I care.”
Too many emotions were hitting me all at once, and I needed some space. “I need to go check on my tables,” I said in a rush and didn’t stick around long enough to wait for his reply.
Chapter Eight
Jude
I showed up for work three days ago only to be turned away. Jett was up to something, and it was pissing me off that he wouldn’t share what was going on. But that wasn’t the only weird thing happening. For two days I’d seen contractors walking around the apartment building, and when I asked what they were doing, they said the property had been purchased by new owners and they would be remodeling and renovating.
On day three when I was just about to flip my shit, I looked out my front door to find Easton standing next to two men, pointing up and waving his hands.
I threw the door open and marched across the front lawn, not caring that I was only wearing a pair of sweats.
“What the fuck is going on, Easton?” I barked. I was done with everyone’s elusive behavior, and I wanted some damn answers.
“Well, good morning to you too, sunshine,” he said with a smile, and if I knew it wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass, I would have wiped that fucking grin off his face. Instead, I arched a brow and waited for him to explain. “Well, I just bought this place, and now—”
“You what?” I snapped as I took another step toward him.
“You heard me.”
“Un-fucking-believable.” I ran my hand through my hair in irritation and turned around to walk back toward my apartment. I was two seconds from igniting, and I had to stop myself before I did something I could never take back. Inside, I slammed my front door and hung my head.
“What the hell, Jude? My head is killing me,” Katelynn groaned from the bed in the center of my living room. She looked so tired. Today would be a bad day because we were going to visit her doctor. Each time we went, her prognosis only became harder to absorb. You could be told that someone only had so much time left. You could hear it a million times, but nothing would ever prepare you for the day it actually happens. I knew that day was coming, and I also knew it would destroy me and the kids.
I walked straight over to her and wrapped my arms around her. “I’m sorry, Kate,” I whispered, and she patted my arm. “I’m gonna finish getting ready, then we’ll head out.”
After I was dressed and the kids were ready, I took them next door to Mrs. Reames. Easton was still there when I wheeled Katelynn outside and started to load her in the car. He folded the wheelchair and placed it in the trunk before walking around to meet me at the driver’s door.
“I’m not sorry I bought this place. And I’m not going to apologize for wanting to make it livable. I also won’t apologize for adding on to the unit on the opposite end and making it twice its size.” When I glared at him, he didn’t even flinch.
“And when I hand you the keys to that unit, I won’t apologize then, either. So you can fight me on it, bitch and moan like it’s gonna make a difference, but it ain’t gonna mean shit. I do what I want, when I fucking want, because I want to. Not for any other reason. You can try to put a label on what I am doing here, but in the end, I did it because I fucking can.”
He slapped his hand on my shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze before walking toward his own vehicle to leave.
***
“The last round of tests show that the radiation treatment didn’t do as we’d hoped,” Dr. Jess began. “In fact, the results show that the cancer has only—”
“—it’s only gotten worse,” Kate finished. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.
He nodded. “I’m afraid so. We could do another round.”
“No,” Katelynn replied without hesitation.
“Katelynn,” I said, turning to face her. She couldn’t be serious. I mean, we had to at least try.
“I can’t do it again, Jude. I got so sick—you remember, you were there. I can’t do that to the kids again, not anymore. I don’t want the last memories they have of me to be me being so sick I can’t even lift my head.”
“So you’re giving up?” My words came out in a whisper.
“No,” she replied. “I’m choosing to live. Whatever time I have left, I would rather spend making memories my children will have forever than being so damn sick I sleep every minute of every day.”
I couldn’t accept it. I refused to. I sat in the chair next to her as the doctor proceeded to give us
her prognosis. Hearing him talk about how her cancer had progressed over the last few years only made the lump in my chest grow. I knew her time was limited, and I felt myself becoming more tense and agitated with each moment that passed.
When we left the doctor’s office, we drove home in silence. I was afraid to speak. I could feel myself breaking down and knew that when I erupted, I needed to be alone.
As we pulled up to the apartment and I hurried to get her inside, she watched me in silence.
Once I put her in the recliner and the controller was within her reach, I quickly excused myself to go next door.
Mrs. Reames opened the door, and her smile fell instantly. “What is it?” When her eyes filled with tears, it was more than I could take.
“I need some time.” My throat burned as I blinked back the tears. “Can you keep an eye on them? I just need some air.”
“Of course.” She nodded, and I wasted no time before turning around and breaking out into a jog.
The longer I ran, the more my chest burned. I wiped away the first tear angrily as it fell. But when they began to come harder and faster, I didn’t try to stop them as I fell to my knees in the grass. I was far enough away from the apartment that I knew I had privacy, so I gave in to the heartache I had been fighting since I heard the doctor say we should begin to prepare for the end.
The end. How the fuck do you prepare for something like that?
Chapter Nine
Callie
That weekend a very pregnant Avery and myself had joined Quinn at Harper’s place for a day of sun. I had just placed my feet in the pool when Harper hollered out from behind me.
“Your phone is ringing.” She passed it to me over my shoulder.
The display showed it was an unknown caller. I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but at the last second I hit Accept. “Hello?”
“Callie,” a woman said in a soft whisper.
“Yeah, this is Callie.”
“It’s Katelynn.”
The weakness in her voice made my stomach tense. “Is everything okay?” I asked as I began to stand. All three girls looked at me in concern.
“Um, do you have a minute?” she asked.
“Yeah, of course I do.” My heart was racing.
“Jude took the kids to the store, and I wanted to talk to you before they got back.” I found myself nodding as if she could see me. “I went to the doctor a few days ago. The news we were given wasn’t the greatest.”
My eyes instantly filled with tears. “What can I do?” I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest even though I still had no idea what was truly going on. I knew she had cancer, but I also knew she had been undergoing radiation and things would be okay. Or at least that’s what I thought.
“I was hoping maybe you could come over and have that movie night we talked about. This place could use a little bit of your presence.” Forget trying to hold back the tears; there was no hope for that. “I don’t want sadness. I know that’s a hard thing to ask for, but I want the time I do have left to be filled with goodness. Can you help me give that to my kids?”
“Yes,” I whispered as the tears rolled over my cheeks. “Anything you need.”
“No tears,” she said in response.
“Too late,” I said before I took in a deep breath. “But I promise I’ll get it under control before I get there.”
“Okay, great.” I could hear the smile within her words.
“What time should I be there?” I asked.
“Around six. Will that work?”
“Yes, and tell your brother I’ll be bringing dinner and plenty of junk food, and he can forget about complaining because it won’t stop me.”
She laughed, and I closed my eyes, committing her happiness to memory. It was something I would always want to have.
“Okay, I’ll tell him,” she replied. “We’ll see you tonight.”
The moment the call ended, the tears fell heavy. I may not have known her for long, but the time I spent with her had made a tremendous impact on my life. She was one of those people you couldn’t help but love. She had been through so much and still had so much more to face, yet she pushed through. She was an inspiration.
The girls wrapped their arms around me and allowed me to just cry it out.
***
Familiar tension filled me as I raised my hand to the buzzer, remembering the last time I showed up here with food in hand. This time, I went for pizza and lots of other goodies. Since I had no clue what everyone preferred, I chose four different kinds and hoped for the best. My overnight bag was slung over my shoulder, and my hands shook with nerves. This could go one of two ways—a repeat of the last encounter I had in this very same doorway, or I would be welcomed in without hesitation.
The door came open, and I was greeted by two children jumping up and down in excitement.
“Callie,” Zoey squealed, and Matthew hugged my legs.
“Hi, guys,” I said as I tried to balance the pizza and my bags.
“Let me takes those,” Jude said.
I looked up and he winked, which completely threw me off guard. I had not prepared myself at all for that type of reaction. “Thanks,” I said as he pulled the pizza from my hand and took the bag that held chips and a box of microwavable popcorn.
He lowered the bag and gave it to Matthew. “Take that to the kitchen, buddy,” he said before reaching out and taking the heavier one that held assorted bottles of soda. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were bringing junk food, were ya?”
I shook my head and smiled. “Not at all.”
Jude chuckled before stepping aside and allowing me to enter. Katelynn sat up in the recliner as I came into view and smiled at me knowingly. I had a feeling she had blindsided her brother with these plans, and I was more than positive she had some others stewing in her mind.
I looked to the floor in front of the couch and noticed a heaping pile of blankets and pillows. “What’s all this?”
Zoey took my hand and led me to the blankets. “We’re camping out in the living room,” she said as she sat down in the middle. “Uncle Jude said so.”
“Wow,” I said as I let my eyes wander toward the kitchen. Jude stood at the side of the small table staring back at us. The tense look he always wore was no longer there. In its place was a sadness I was not used to seeing on him.
“Okay, Zoe, let’s eat this pizza before it gets cold,” he said. “Then we’ll choose a movie.”
I watched as she hurried off, and then I turned to face Katelynn. “Did he know I was being invited before you called, or after?”
She smiled back at me. “I told him—” She shrugged, mirroring the innocence both of her children used when they knew they’d done something naughty. “—about thirty minutes ago.”
My mouth fell open in shock, and she laughed. “You’re evil,” I whispered, and she only laughed harder.
“What are you two talking about in here?” Jude asked as he bent down and lifted Katelynn from the recliner. I watched as he carried her to the wheelchair and lowered her carefully.
“I was just explaining how happy we are that Callie decided to accept our invitation to a sleepover.” She looked up at her brother innocently, and an uncontrollable laugh exploded from my lips. I covered my mouth with my hand, but it was too late to hide.
Katelynn looked over at me smiling brightly, and all Jude could do was shake his head. I knew he hadn’t wanted me here at first, but I had a feeling he wasn’t entirely against it now.
Chapter Ten
Jude
The movie had been playing for less than an hour and Katelynn had already dozed off. She was sleeping more often, yet when she was awake, she was truly giving it her all. I tried not to focus too much on the changes, but I did see them daily.
I sat on the couch while Callie lay on the floor with a kid at either of her sides. On occasion I could hear one of them whisper or giggle, and it hit me deep in the chest each time. Seeing j
ust how much they both loved her was something I didn’t really understand at first. Yes, I knew they liked her and had enjoyed her being around, but now I could see their feelings were so much more than that.
Callie’s focus was solely on them as they stared at the television while the Disney movie Tangled played. When the characters began to sing and all three of them followed along in hushed voices, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. They were careful not to wake Katelynn, but they couldn’t hide their joy. The animated way they waved their hands outward with each note was beautiful to watch.
They watched movie after movie, and when all three of them had finally fallen asleep, I muted the television but left it on. I wanted the light from the screen to continue to highlight them so I could just sit back and watch them. As I looked over at Katelynn and then back to Callie, it finally hit me. Callie had helped cheer Zoey and Matthew up, just like Katelynn had said. Callie didn’t let them dwell on the impending end. Instead, she gave them the smiles and the strength they needed to find the good in a bad situation.
I don’t know how long I sat in the darkness and watched them, but when I looked up to see the credits rolling over the screen, I knew it was longer than I had thought. I was glad I had already moved Katelynn to her bed and didn’t have to wake any of them. They all looked so peaceful.
I leaned forward and got a little closer to Matthew before I placed a kiss on his forehead, then offered the same to Zoey. Leaning back with every intention of standing up, I was startled by Callie. Her eyes were open, and she was looking up at me.
“Are you comfortable on the floor? Or would you rather sleep on the couch?” I asked.
“I’m good here,” she whispered as she looked to each side, smiling at the kids. “They’re super cozy.”
“Why are you here, Callie?” I asked before I could stop myself. Her smile fell, and she looked away from me immediately. “I don’t mean that badly. Not at all. Please don’t take it that way.”