“And there’s a good possibility it was one of the teams that now says they’re not going to try that cache.” Ben nodded along with the others. “It’s settled then.”
Wait, what’s settled?
“The only thing that’s settled here is that we’re not doing it.” Miles’s pulse raced, thumping in his head like a marching band. No. He wasn’t going to let it happen again. “We’re not doing it and that’s final.”
Zoe and Paige stared at him as if he’d grown a third head. Well, they could look at him however they wanted, he didn’t care. He wasn’t letting either of them — and certainly not Ben — anywhere near that cache.
“You’re kidding, right?” Zoe mimicked his earlier words. “You don’t really think you can boss us around, do you?”
Miles clenched his jaw. Ben leaned back in his seat and folded his arms across his chest. Everyone was silent.
Evan cleared his throat. “So this alliance is still going well then?”
Miles ignored his question. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do.”
“Really? ’Cause I’m pretty sure you just did,” Paige said. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. She was offended that he’d spoken to her that way. And he knew he shouldn’t have.
But damn it, it was hard to listen to them talk about doing something so stupid. And dangerous. And stupid.
He locked eyes with her. “I didn’t mean to tell you what to do. I know you can make your own decisions. But I can’t sit here and listen to you guys discuss something that is obviously dangerous. I can’t … ” His voiced dropped off as he fought to stay in control of his emotions as the memories of his last climbing excursion with Ben flashed through his mind.
If only he’d made better decisions that day. Maybe then Ben wouldn’t have been hurt.
He turned to Ben. Surely he didn’t have to spell it out for his friend. He cleared his throat, hoping his voice would be stronger than he felt. “Ben, you know it’s too dangerous. You know it’s too — challenging.”
“Do the rest of you think that cache is too dangerous to get?” Evan asked.
Paige’s voice was soft, as if she was talking to a temperamental child. “It’s not dangerous. Chip said safety crews worked all day to make sure it was safe.”
“Chip’s an asshole whose only concern is for himself and the show.” She flinched at his words, shifting away from him. Miles instantly regretted snapping at Paige.
“You will edit that out,” Miles said to Evan through clenched teeth.
Evan shrugged. “I’ll do what I can, dude, but I can’t make any promises.”
If they’d all get it through their thick skulls already, then he could focus on apologizing to Paige for coming off so gruff and overbearing. But he couldn’t even think of what to say to her to make the flicker of hurt in her eyes go away. And he wouldn’t be able to think of what to say until they stopped all this nonsense about going to that cache.
“That may be true,” Zoe said calmly, “but Chip wouldn’t put us in danger. He wants a good show, but he also cares about the contestants’ wellbeing.”
“I can do the cache,” Ben said. “I’m a lot stronger now than I was before.”
Miles shook his head again. He wasn’t going to give in. He wasn’t going to risk it. “No. It’s too dangerous. All the other teams are smart for turning their backs on that stupid cache.”
Zoe kept her tone low and controlled. “But there could be a prize in the cache. It would make sense. There haven’t been that many big prizes and it’s obviously one of the hardest caches to reach.”
“That’s not a convincing argument,” Miles said dryly.
“If it’s hard to reach, the show is going to reward whoever finds it,” Zoe insisted.
“She’s right. We’re doing the cache.” Ben shrugged as if his mind was made up.
“No, we’re not,” Miles said, his mind equally as made up.
“While you guys sort this out between yourselves, Paige and I will go get it tomorrow and then we’ll let you know how hard it is.” Zoe smiled sweetly at him.
“The hell you will.” He was so angry they were putting him in this position he could barely see straight. Why wouldn’t they listen to reason?
“The hell I won’t,” Zoe shot back.
“It’s too dangerous,” he said through a tight jaw. “We’re not risking it. None of us are. Your ankle is a warning to all of us just how dangerous this game can be.”
“My ankle is a warning that running in heels on wet grass is a stupid idea. That’s all.”
He wasn’t going to cave in. Not on this. Any other cache they wanted to try was fine. But this one — this one that had already taken out one team — wasn’t happening. “No.”
“Stop being such a coward,” Zoe said, her eyes narrowed at him in a way he hadn’t seen for a long time. “This is about you, not the cache.”
“Wanting to keep the people I care about safe doesn’t make me a coward.” And how dare she insinuate it did. She didn’t know anything about him anymore. Hell, she never really knew anything about him before either. She’d never bothered to know him.
Miles looked around at his teammate and alliance. They were wrong about the cache. But judging by their ignorant arguments, he could only assume that talking to them was useless right now. He needed to figure out how to get through to them, but to do that, he needed some distance so maybe he could start thinking clearly again. All he could think of right now was what could happen if he conceded.
Zoe could hurt her ankle more and be forced out of the game.
Ben could be physically unable to do the cache with his prosthetic. And knowing Ben, he’d pick that cache to be the one he finally got his confidence back on and would do it just to prove he could and would end up even more hurt.
Paige … Shit. He couldn’t even imagine what he’d do if something happened to her because of him.
“I said we’re not doing that cache. It’s off the table and I’m not discussing it again.” Miles turned to Evan, finally remembering they were supposed to be filming the daily wrap-up. “Is our time up? Did you get all that?”
“We’ve got more than enough for the day,” Evan said, shutting off his camera.
“Good.” Miles stood from his seat and walked out of the room without waiting for more complaints. His decision was made and he was doing it for their own good, even if they couldn’t see that.
Chapter Eighteen
Paige took a deep breath and stared at the closed door. Did she really want to do this? Did she really want to get into it with Miles? What if he hadn’t calmed down yet?
Had she calmed down?
She’d been furious at the way he’d decided their course of action for the show. It wasn’t his job to make decisions for everyone. Especially not for Zoe and Paige. Ben maybe. But even Ben hadn’t been thrilled with Miles.
So less than thrilled, actually, that Ben had found Chip and arranged to spend the night in another room stating that it was either a night away from Miles to give them both a little breathing room, or he would walk away from the show tonight.
Needless to say Chip found him a suitable room to sleep in for the night.
And Paige needed to talk to Miles and find out exactly what was going on with him because obviously something was wrong. Even in the few weeks she’d known Miles, she’d never once seen him speak to anyone in the demeaning way he’d spoken to them an hour ago.
This wasn’t just about a silly cache.
Forcing her shoulders back, she tried to mentally center herself for whatever state Miles was in. If he was still angry and upset, she needed to remain calm. And if he’d finally calmed down, then she needed to say the right things to keep him that way. Regardless, she needed to stay strong and let him know that whatever th
is hissy fit of his had been about, she wasn’t just some little girl he could boss around.
Maybe she had been at the start of this show, feeling timid and unconfident. But something had changed recently. Something inside told her she didn’t have to be that timid, pushover girl anymore. Maybe it was the heels. Maybe it was the push-up bra. Or maybe it was learning she was so much stronger than she’d realized, able to do even the toughest caches they’d found.
And she was certainly going to prove that to herself once and for all by doing the cache Miles had so arrogantly forbidden.
Feeling her resolve firmly in her stance and her emotions safely in check, she knocked on the door. Moments passed with no sound of movement from inside the room. She knocked again. Harder this time. He had to be in there. They hadn’t seen him anywhere else around the lodge and it wasn’t like the place was very big.
Still nothing.
She knocked one last time. If he didn’t answer then she’d take another loop around the lodge and grounds then come back and try again. She just couldn’t go to bed with this hanging over her head. She’d never sleep with the fight unresolved.
The door opened to reveal Miles, hair rumpled, eyes tired, chest … bare.
“What can I do for you tonight, Paige?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.
Um …
“Did you come to tell me how awful I am? Because there’s no need. I’m fully aware.”
She’d been prepared to find Miles in a lot of different conditions, but half naked wasn’t one of them. All that strength and resolve she’d felt a moment ago vanished like a puff of smoke at the sight of the gorgeous man in front of her. The man who looked like he could use a good friend to lean on. He could lean on her.
“Did I wake you?” she managed to ask, finally forming thoughts now that she’d pulled her gaze up from chest level. “I thought maybe you weren’t in there after all the knocking.”
“No. I was just hoping whoever it was at my door would go away.”
Oh.
Now would be a good time to find that resolve again.
“Well, I’m not going anywhere until we’ve had a chance to talk about what happened earlier. So you may as well let me in. Unless of course you’d rather the rest of the teams hear our business.”
She folded her arms across her chest, hoping it made her appear more determined than she felt. Seeing Miles without his shirt made it infinitely harder to concentrate on why she’d come to see him to begin with. She had to stay focused.
He eyed her for a moment, finally stepping aside to allow her into the room.
Once in, she didn’t know where to go. Her choices were one of two beds or the floor. Ben’s bed was still made up, the zip-up sweater he always had with him laid on the bed where he must have dropped it after returning from the day.
The other bed was clearly Miles’s and clearly unmade. Had he been lying in bed when she’d gotten here? The thought of his lean body lying there half naked made a flurry of butterflies spring to life in her belly.
Focus.
She didn’t feel right sitting on Ben’s bed since even though he was a part of her alliance, she really didn’t know him that well. It felt a little bit like a violation of his privacy. That only left Miles’s bed. Miles’s rumpled, ready to be used bed. The mess of sheets was almost an invitation to mess them up even more. Perhaps by rolling around in them getting sweaty with the shirtless hunk currently watching her with a mix of annoyance and amusement on his face.
“Sit. It’s not going to bite.” Miles walked to his bed and threw the covers back roughly into place so the bed appeared slightly more made. Then he propped the pillows against the headboard and leaned back, his stomach muscles tightening as he did. Her stomach tightened too watching him, but for an entirely different reason.
Paige perched on the edge of the bed. Now that she was here she had to figure out what to say. “I had this whole big speech planned out for you and now that I’m here, I don’t remember any of it.”
“Well, you better think of something soon. Ben’s bound to get tired at some point and want to go to bed. Unless of course you don’t mind saying whatever it is you’re here to say in front of him.”
Still in a bit of a mood. Well, she had news for him that ought to set him straight on how he should be speaking to people versus how he had spoken to them tonight.
“Ben’s not coming back tonight.” Except she didn’t like the concern in his eyes. So she added quickly, “He’s fine. He asked to sleep in another room tonight to give you both some space.”
The concern left his eyes replaced by sadness. “I’m sorry to hear he felt he had to do that.” Miles watched her. “So what, he sent you here to check up on me?”
“No. I came here because I want to talk to you.”
“So talk.”
“So be rude.”
He sighed and she noticed the tension in his shoulders for the first time. He was not his usual self. “I’m sorry,” he said simply.
“Thank you.” She shifted on the bed so she could face him straight on, sitting cross-legged. “I want to know what’s going on with you and this whole ‘I forbid you to do the cache’ thing, because I know that’s not who you usually are.”
“You don’t really know anything about me. How can you know that’s not how I am?”
She thought back to the night before when they’d been together. He’d been gentle and giving and not the least bit overbearing or demanding. Not to mention how he’d taken care of her after she’d fallen in the lake, literally giving her the shirt off his back. And how he’d carried her after she’d slid down the hill in her heels so she couldn’t slip again.
Those weren’t the actions of a man who didn’t care about the people around him and how they felt. So what had happened tonight to spark this change in him?
“I know you’re a good man who’s had a shitty night. The only thing I don’t know is why? But you can tell me. I want to know. I want to understand why you spoke to us the way you did. And I want to help you sort out whatever it is that’s going on with you tonight.”
Miles stared at her for a moment and she thought she might crawl across the bed and right into his lap and comfort him. The way he looked at her with pain in his eyes instead of the lust she’d grown accustomed to was surprising.
He sighed. “I’m sorry for the way I acted. But I’m not going to change my mind. I can’t let either of our teams attempt that cache.”
She felt her annoyance level start to rise. “But it’s not your choice what Zoe and I do. We are our own team. Don’t you get that?”
He pushed away from the wall, leaning toward her, anger flashing in his eyes. “Don’t you get how dangerous it is? Do you really think I’m going to let any of you get hurt just to try and win some stupid prize in some stupid game?”
“Why is it suddenly your responsibility to keep us all safe?”
“It’s always been my job to keep my team safe, and now that I’m involved with you and … ” He paused, sighing. “Zoe’s on your team. Your team is my responsibility too. I’m not going to fail again.” The anger creasing his features faded with his words and he rested his head into his hands, his shoulder slumping.
“What are you talking about? You haven’t failed anything.” She inched closer, placing her hand on his knee.
When he looked up at her, she gasped. The pain, the deep-rooted sorrow etched in his very being, was laid out for her to see.
“Ben’s accident. The accident that nearly cost him everything … ” Miles’s voice wavered. He cleared his throat. “It was my fault.”
“No. I’m sure it wasn’t. And I’m sure Ben doesn’t think it was either. If he did think that, he’d never have agreed to do this show with you.”
Miles shook his head. “It doesn’t m
atter what he thinks, I know the truth. That day, I knew there was a good chance the weather could change, but I ignored the reports.”
Paige didn’t say anything. His eyes glazed over as if he was reliving the memory. She took one of his hands in both of hers, holding it tightly while she waited for him to continue.
“We were so close to the top. I knew we’d make it to the summit that day. And if we didn’t go then, the storm blowing in would prevent us from continuing and we couldn’t wait it out on the side of the mountain for days. I thought we’d make it up and back with plenty of time to spare. Then we’d make it to the lower base camp to ride out the storm before heading home.”
Miles met her gaze and she wanted to take his pain away. Her breathing quickened with his story, unable to imagine living through the scenario he described.
“I was right about us being able to make the summit at least. We were on our way down when the winds picked up without warning. The storm came hours earlier than it was supposed to. We tried to get down the mountain faster, but the terrain was really rough. Ben slipped. He slid down the side of the mountain, loosening rocks along the way. And when he stopped against an outcropping, a large boulder tumbled after him, narrowly missing his body, but catching his foot.”
Paige sucked in a breath, fighting back the tears pooling in her eyes. She couldn’t even imagine what that must have been like for Ben. Or for Miles. Any anger or annoyance she’d felt coming to talk to Miles was long gone.
“The boulder crushed his foot and ankle bones so badly that by the time we finally got him to a hospital, they had no choice but to amputate. He is the way he is now … because of me.” He sat up straighter. “I can’t let something like that happen again. To any of you. I won’t make another mistake like I made with Ben.”
Paige didn’t say anything as she climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him close. No wonder he was always so worried about everyone. He’d been carrying around his guilt about Ben for a couple of years now. But it wasn’t his fault. Accidents are called accidents for a reason.
Unscripted Love: The Complete Reality TV Romance Collection Page 40