Home.
The first thought that crossed my mind.
Bliss.
The second.
“I’ve never taken a bath in here,” he whispered. “I’ve not brought a woman here. What are you doing to me?”
“I’m pleasing you.”
“Yes, you are.”
His hands soaped my body and cleaned me gently. When his fingers grazed the area between my legs, my hips rose from the water. My body responded to everything he said and did.
“What are you doing to me?” I asked. This was more than sex. He was making me fall for him in the hardest of ways, and when I finally hit the ground, it would be painful. I knew it, but I couldn’t stop it.
“I’m playing,” he said. I could tell he was smiling by his voice. It had a happy inflection to it. “Are you on birth control?”
Now he asked. I answered by mocking him. “Your sperm is safe with me.”
“Good to know. I’m going to be making huge deposits on a regular basis. I hate to ask, but do you…”
I knew what he was going to ask. He wanted to know if I let other men come inside me. “No, you were the first ever. I mean, ever. I’ve never allowed that kind of contact. I should tell you—”
“No, I don’t want to hear about the others. I just want to know why now? Why me?”
“Jonathan, I trust you. I trust in you. I’ve never felt like this before…you mean something more to me.” I wanted to tell him there were no others, but we had agreed early on that I wouldn’t discuss that.
His fingers slowly circled the tangle of raw nerves between my legs. Long minutes of his heated touch had me squirming, and I reached for the pleasure that was so close.
“I’m lost in you.”
And with his last word, I soared. He kept me tethered to him while I flew higher and faster than ever before. We sat in the tub until our skin was pruned. The only thing that made us stir was the grumble of our stomachs.
Starved, we had pizza delivered and curled up on the couch to watch the news. It was such a normal night. We did things normal people did, and it was my favorite night so far.
Thursday morning came much too soon. I didn’t want to say goodbye to Jonathan, but he had to rush off for a meeting at the school. I wondered if I would see him on campus, and if so, if he would acknowledge me.
There was no reason to hurry. Jade wasn’t meeting me for coffee. Luca and I were hanging out at the end of the day, but I didn’t have a lot of time for him. I had to hurry home and get ready for my one and only encounter with Craig Hagen. I hoped he was the kind of guy Jade had described, the kind who liked to come on your boobs and be done. I had lucked out so far; maybe my luck would hold out.
* * *
Luca was saving my seat when I walked into Entrepreneurship. He sat there with a smile and a vanilla latte. I had wondered why he’d dashed off so quickly after our last class, and now I was touched he thoughtfully bought me my favorite brew.
“How’s it hanging?” It was probably the wrong thing to ask the man-child.
“About ten inches down my leg. It was only nine inches until you looked at me. That sexy smile of yours gave me that little extra sumpin’ sumpin’.”
“Glad to know I’m good for an inch.” Our joking ended as soon as the instructor stood in front of the podium.
“I am excited to have a guest speaker today. Please welcome Mr. Jonathan Ferris, the founder of Integrity Financial Services.”
“Shit.” My voice might have carried. Several people turned to scowl at me. I slunk down in my chair and watched my Jonathan take charge of the room.
“Something I should know?” Luca asked. “Something you want to share?”
“Nope,” I squeaked.
When I turned my head toward the podium, Jonathan was staring at me. He spoke for an hour about taking risks. He said you had to love numbers and feel passionate about finance. Every time words like ‘love’, ‘passion’, ‘push’, ‘risk’, or ‘pulse’ were spoken, his eyes were on me, and I felt him. It was as though his hands had been caressing my skin.
By the time class was over, my panties were soaked. Against my better judgment, I pulled my work phone from my purse and texted him a message.
Jonathan
You could have said something. My panties are drenched.
Sunshine
It took longer to gather my belongings than usual. I watched him pull his phone from his pocket. He may have been talking to my professor, but he was reading my text. He held up a finger to my professor, asking him to wait for a second.
Sunshine,
I wanted to see you in your natural environment. Who’s the playboy? I’m not sure I like his familiarity with you.
J
PS What panties?
He glanced my way, and my knees nearly buckled. His look was feral. I knew I had to gather my things and run; otherwise, we would be screwing in the nearest mop closet.
Luca was waiting by the door when I exited.
“What the hell, River? I could smell your arousal. Who the hell was that guy?”
“Gross, Luca. You don’t tell a woman that. Besides, I can’t tell you. It’s against policy.”
“He’s the broom?”
“Stop asking. I can’t say.”
“No words are necessary.”
We walked to the coffee shop at the student union and sat down to talk. It’s not like we hadn’t talked all day, but we just hadn’t talked freely.
“Luca, how are things going for you?”
“Oh, you know. Have prick, will travel.” He laughed at his joke. I didn’t.
I wondered if he was struggling with the situation as much as I.
“Seriously, do you feel dirty?”
“Nope, I feel all right. I think it’s different for women. I sleep with a hundred women, and I’m a stud. You sleep with a fraction of that number, and you’re a whore.” Direct and to the point. I had to love that about him.
“I’ve been lucky, as only one actually has sex with me.” I blush at the mention of sex. It’s not something I would have talked openly about a month ago.
“It’s him, isn’t it? You don’t have to say it…I can see it. You’re, like, all swoony over him.”
“I am not.” I’m pretty sure I was. I couldn’t help the way I responded to him. He made my heart beat faster and my thighs clench.
We chatted for a few more minutes before I told him I had to leave for an appointment. He knew my meaning. He was off tonight, and I was envious. For me, tonight was simply a means to an end.
On the way home, I sent a response to Jonathan’s last text.
I like the fact that you might be jealous. However, there is no need. Luca is a friend and if you must know, a co-worker. Next time you’re coming to class let me know. I’ll be sure to skip the panties and wear your favorite color.
Sunshine
He texted back with a short note, telling me I was killing him. I closed my phone feeling giddy.
* * *
Although I did shower and shave, I didn’t put much effort into my look. I let my hair hang loose, and I applied my makeup sparingly. Maybe if I looked plain, Craig wouldn’t be interested.
I put on the dress I wore for the pictures and pulled on a sweater. As fall was coming, and the nights were getting colder, there was a chill in the air. I took the elevator down when my cab arrived.
My stomach roiled as I slid into the back seat and handed the driver the address. I kept telling myself it would be okay, but something in my gut told me it wouldn’t. I finally convinced myself it was just like my meeting with Paul, and that had turned out all right, so this would, too.
By the time I reached the hotel, I’d talked myself into a false calm. I made my way to the room and knocked.
The minute he opened the door, I could smell the alcohol. Shit. I wanted to turn around right then, but I didn’t want another call from Sandra telling me I’d disappointed her. Hadn’t I disappointed enough people in
my life? I would get through this night, and it would be smooth sailing from that point on.
The hotel was pleasant, not anything worth writing home about. It wasn’t the Ritz, but it wasn’t a Red Roof Inn either. It fell somewhere in-between.
He walked unsteadily to the coffee table and pulled a bottle of gin from a paper bag.
“No drink?” he slurred.
“No, thank you.” Everything about this situation was wrong. The man was drunk and still drinking. We were in a hotel that was off the beaten path, and I wasn’t sure what he wanted. “How was your day?”
“The day? Totally okay. The night, I expect to be amazing.”
I walked at a snail’s pace around the room. Gold fabric covered the windows, making it obvious we wouldn’t be enjoying the view. One peek between the panels into the alley, and I could see why the curtains were closed. There was no view.
He snuck up on me, and I jumped. His fingers ran up my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps. Not the kind that made you feel warm and fuzzy, but the kind that made you feel scared. Every cell in my body wanted to turn and run.
“Tell me, River. When you purchase something, do you think the seller should be able to change the product before delivery?"
His lips traced the edge of my neck while he unzipped my dress. This was obviously going to be all about sex. Relief and fear set in. It would be over soon, but how much would it cost me?
Could I do this? Think about the end goal. Think about the end goal.
“It depends if the seller offers a full refund should the customer be dissatisfied.” Why was he asking this?
“So, what you’re telling me is that the seller can change the rules anytime she wants.”
“What are we talking about? I might be able to answer better if I knew what the product was.”
“You.”
His hands gripped my arms painfully as he dragged me to the bed. What had I promised him that I was reneging on? I was here against my better judgment because I refused to let down my boss or my client.
“You’re hurting me. Let go.” I struggled against his hold, but his grip tightened. His fingers dug into my flesh, and it felt like he was touching my bones.
“You owe me what I want…what I signed up for,” he slurred. He pushed me down on the bed face first. I struggled against his strength. “I want that ass of yours, River. It’s what I like, and I’m paying a lot of money for it.” One of my arms was set free as he lifted my dress and pulled at my panties.
That’s when I began to fight back. Up until then, I’d been stunned.
“Stop. What do you think you’re doing?” I screamed.
I lashed out with my only free hand. I was at a disadvantage being pinned to the bed with a two-hundred-pound man holding me down. This was the kind of thing that wasn’t supposed to happen. These men were supposed to be safe. I was supposed to be safe.
He growled as he tore my panties from my body and spread my legs with his feet. I felt helpless and trapped. He intended to rape me. The sound of his buckle being undone brought me out of shock and into action.
No. I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
I felt his hardness press against me, and all the while he told me he paid for it, so he was taking it. Everything around me became silent. It was like my world was slipping away, and if he managed to penetrate me, it would be gone for good.
My self-worth would vanish. My self-respect would crumble.
I twisted and turned, but I was stuck. It was then I reached back and grabbed his package. I gripped and twisted until his hold on me was gone.
He swung angrily and connected to the side of my face. Stars floated around my head. I could have collapsed, but I knew this was my only chance to run. He was drunk and angry—never a good combination. I stumbled across the room to grab my bag and bolted for the door.
I could hear his shouting as I ran down the stairs. There was no way I was waiting for the elevator. When I got to the ground floor, I pushed the door open and landed on my hands and knees in the alleyway.
How I got several blocks away, I had no idea. I ran until I couldn’t run anymore. Like a caged animal, I looked around me, waiting for the attack to begin again. With shaking fingers, I pulled my phone from my purse and called Jade. My tears burned as they poured from my eyes.
The phone rang four times and went to voicemail. I tried again and again, but I got the same result. The only message I left was a hysterical cry for help. I thought about calling Jonathan, but what would I tell him?
I was going to have paid sex with another guy, and it didn’t work out so I called you to save me.
No, that would never work. I dialed the only other number I could remember.
“Luca.” Help me. “I’m in trouble.”
Chapter 22
I had curled up into the dark corner and collapsed into myself, and that was where Luca found me.
“River, I’m here.” His voice was muffled. All I could hear was screaming.
The screaming in my head.
The sound wouldn’t go away. It got louder and louder as the seconds ticked by.
“Make it stop,” I cried.
“Make what stop?” he asked.
“The screams.” I grabbed hold of my head and began to rock.
Somehow, I ended up in his lap in a taxi. The next thing I knew, I was being placed in a strange bed and covered with an unfamiliar blanket. The frost against my cheek gave me a jolt.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re at my place. You have a pretty good egg on your cheek. It’s going to be black and blue for days.” Luca tilted my chin to look at my face from every angle before replacing the icepack.
I lifted my hand to feel my cheek, but the pain in my arm was excruciating. One glance told me why. I had purple bands that rivaled Jade’s purple bracelets. Seeing the marks brought it all back. The alcohol. The vehemence. The violence. The escape. I broke down again. I don’t think Luca was prepared for that. Who would be? When he befriended me, I was pretty sure this wasn’t in his plan. Through the haze, he looked scared and lost.
“I’m calling the police.”
“No! What do I tell them? I’m an escort, and things got out of hand?”
“Did he rape you?”
“Is that even possible, Luca? Can a prostitute be raped?” I wailed into his pillow.
“Yes, River. No means no.”
I believed that. Luca believed that. But obviously, Craig Hagen did not.
Luca. I’m at Luca’s. I was nearly raped.
“No,” I said vehemently. I recalled his hands, his breath against my neck, and I shuddered.
I was going to be sick.
“He didn’t get that far,” I whispered.
Luca swore. I felt like I was emerging from a dark tunnel.
“He didn’t get anywhere, Luca. He was violent from the onset…but I fought back.” His gentle touch across my forehead soothed me. “I have been letting people beat me up for years, whether it was mentally or physically. I’ve had enough, Luca.” A new torrent of tears streamed from my eyes. Would I ever cry myself out of tears?
“Yes, you have. I’m calling Sandra. She needs to know.” I nodded my head and pressed my face back into the pillow to cry.
Whispers faded in and out. The distinct sound of Sandra’s voice broke through my void. I preferred the nothingness of sleep. When I was awake, everything became a reality. When I was asleep, it was just a bad dream.
The bed dipped, and a gentle hand glided across my hair. The focus of my eyes was off. At first, I saw my mother, but I knew that couldn’t be right. Things came into focus, and Sandra sat on the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry this happened, River. In all my years, I have never had something like this occur. He’s been removed from The List. He said you brought it on yourself when you promised something you didn’t deliver. Is that true?”
Was she really sitting there, asking me if I deserved this? Stupid bitch. I couldn’t dea
l with her now. I rolled over and covered my face with the blanket. The bed shifted again, and I hoped she left.
The next voice I heard was Dr. Chang’s. He rolled me over and inspected my cheek and arms. His eyes told the story, and sadness blanketed his expression. He said something about giving me a shot to help with the pain. After that, I don’t remember much of anything.
“Sunshine. Wake up, sweetheart.”
His voice took over my dreams. I was glad my mind could grasp something positive amidst the terror of the night. My head ached, and my eyes burned. My body felt sluggish, and nothing made sense.
“Baby, look at me.”
Eyes fluttering, I opened them to see Jonathan sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyes filled with concern. Behind the concern was darkness. Tethered by a thread, I could tell he was furious. I’d seen that look once before. I’d never wanted that look to be directed at me.
He’ll never want me now.
“Jonathan? What are you doing here?”
I couldn’t process the information. I was in Luca’s apartment. I remembered Dr. Chang and Sandra visiting. I remembered Luca hovering but looking lost. I recalled trying unsuccessfully to reach Jade. I had no memory of calling Jonathan. I would never have done that. This wasn’t his place. He didn’t need to be tainted by the ugliness of my life.
The pain made me wince when I struggled to sit up. I looked down and saw I was still in the dress I’d worn to the encounter. I would throw it away the minute I got home.
“Luca called me.” Jonathan’s hand cupped my unblemished cheek while his thumb brushed my lips.
“He had no right.”
The tears sprang to my eyes. Everything came crashing down. Up until this moment, I was still lying to myself. If I’d only had intercourse with Jonathan…if I’d just gotten Thursday and Friday over with. If…if…if.
“He did the right thing. I’m grateful to him. I’m taking you home. Howard is downstairs.”
His tone was matter-of-fact. There was no arguing with him. It wouldn’t have mattered regardless, as the fight had been beaten out of me. I was exhausted and emotionally spent.
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