by Najwa Zebian
Don't Be Shallow
What is the point of a diamond dangling on a heartless chest? Or on a deaf ear? Or on an ungenerous hand? What is the point of loving people for the way that your eyes see them, not for who they really are on the inside? Don’t be the one who gets fooled by an egg dipped in gold. At the first obstacle, its beautiful covering shatters, and all that is left is nothing that will please your eyes. Use your eyes to see into people's hearts, not the way that they make their hearts appear.
Contentment
Have you ever seen a thirsty ocean? Or air grasping for breath? Has it ever seemed that the sky wanted to stretch out more or that the rainbow wanted more colors? Before you ask for something, look at what you already have. Don’t ask for more than you need. Don’t let your want replace your need, because a day will come when you will lose what you need to get what you want.
The Power of Silence
Silence can hold more meaning than words. It has power to make a heartless person love and an innocent victim hate. It is much more powerful than words because it takes effort to keep. It is not only about closing your mouth. It is about taking in others' actions or words, thinking about them, formulating an answer, criticizing that answer, searching for logic from your mind and reason from your heart, and then convincing yourself that not saying the answer is better. Silence is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of intelligence and inner power. It is a sign of faith that replying in the same manner that you were treated with will only make you just as ignorant. Learn to be an observer, a deep one, who reflects not only on his or her mistakes, but also on the mistakes of others.
Philosophy of Life
I am not better than you because of my religion, color, culture, education, status, wealth, etc. I am not, and neither are you. I must accept, and so should you, that there are differences between us that we were born into. Why do we focus on these differences? Put your hand in mine and let us accept that our differences should not come in the way of us uniting for the basic human values that we share: compassion, peacefulness, respect, honesty, innocence, humbleness and sympathy. Does a baby born here smile differently from a baby born anywhere in the world? Do they cry any differently? We may not speak the same language and we may not live the same lifestyle, but a smile I put on my face when I see you puts a smile on your face before you can even think of it. Now, that is powerful. I hope that every sense of arrogance or greed in my heart is deviated to a sense of humility, so the wall of ignorance to the real issues in the world can be shattered by the common rights that I share with all of my brothers and sisters in humanity.
Invest Your Feelings Wisely
Be careful what you invest your feelings in, and don't expect people to care for you the same way that you do for them just because common sense says so. The moment you decide to allow your feelings to move in a certain direction, there is the potential to lose control of them. Your feelings may even become your own enemy through others' hands. That is why I say, don't invest your feelings in things. Don't invest them in people. Don't be good, considerate, honest, generous, and compassionate to others because you are investing in them as people, meaning because you expect something in return. If you do, you will be, and most likely you already have been, brought to deep disappointment. Be good to people because you are investing in goodness, consideration, honesty, generosity, and compassion, because those qualities have never failed to be rewarding. Treat people righteously because you are investing in the righteousness of yourself, and trust me, you will get something in return. You will be happy. You will be content. You will be truly free.
Forgive and Forget
It amazes me how we always remember how others have wronged us, but we forget how we've wronged others. We always tell ourselves to forgive but never forget. Here is my philosophy: if you want others to forgive you for what you have done wrong to them, then you should do the same. Some people need a second chance. Some people need to forgive themselves for wronging themselves and others. You can be in either situation. We need to help others and ourselves by forgiving others and, yes, by forgetting the actions that they've done as individuals. When you say, never forget, it shouldn't mean that you will never forget the person doing the mistake but that you will never forget the mistake that was done so that you will remember how it made you feel and never do it to someone else. We are all humans. We all make mistakes. Whether we are courageous and sincere enough to admit that is a different story. If you want a second chance at being the person that you want to be, then give that chance to others. Forgive people, and forget that they have made certain mistakes, but never forget the lessons that you learned from the mistakes they made.
Be Content
At any point in time, we always want to either catch a future event to put it in the present or reach back into our past and change an event, hoping that change will change our present. We don’t realize that this moment we are living now was at one point the future that we wanted and will become the past that we may regret not living or appreciating. Before we know it, it’s gone, and it’s too late to relive it. Why do we always want to change the order of events on our path? Why do we not want to wait for the reason part of everything happens for a reason? Why do we always want answers at the time we ask questions? We base our happiness on events that may happen in the future: if this happens, I will be truly happy. What about now? What about all of the things happening in your life now? Are they really not good? Or just not good enough? Reflect, reflect, reflect. Don’t be quick to judge how regretful or amazing your past was, how good or bad your present is, or how great your future will be. Be content with now. Anticipate a better, rather than anticipating a good.
Be True to Yourself
I may regret many things. Words I said. Words I didn't say. Decisions I made. Decisions I didn't make. Feelings I expressed. Feelings I suppressed. People I listened to. People I confided in. Questions I asked. Answers I gave. Promises I made. Promises I believed. People I respected and people I neglected. Reflecting is essential, but regret should not ground you in the past. It should make you grateful that you have a conscious mind that realizes right from wrong. It should give you strength to wisely use your present to make your future better. It should free you. If you don’t stop judging yourself, putting yourself down, believing that this is as good as you can be, then you've closed doors for yourself before they even appear in front of you. You've become a slave of your past. Don’t expect to be who you want to be without being true to yourself and believing in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, don’t expect anyone to believe in you. If you don’t see the best in yourself, don’t expect anyone to see the best in you. When you close a door, do you turn back and stare at it and say, I can’t leave because this door is still closed in front of me? Think about it.
Over-Analyzing Kindness
I often find myself wondering how people interpret kindness. Do they consider it a sign of respect? A sign of weakness? A sign of happiness? A sign of being naive? It's interesting how a good thing can be interpreted in so many ways other than itself. These interpretations and analyses are hidden behind our inner need to justify others' actions towards us, to understand the why behind their actions. They're based on our inner wants of what people's purposes are, so we start confirming what we want their purposes to be with the things that they do. The truth, though, is that there doesn't always have to be a purpose for people doing the things that they do. A smile can just be a smile, a conversation can just be a conversation, and an act of kindness can just be an act of kindness.
The Vicious Cycle of Rudeness
An important lesson that I had to learn over the years is that, if I respond to people's rudeness to me by mistreating those who care for me, then I have become like those who were rude to me in the first place. What is the point of putting the people who are good to you down because of others putting you down? Isn't it a vicious cycle of people being victims of rudeness? Turn that negative energy that you
receive from people into a positive attitude by appreciating the goodness around you. It will bounce back to you and keep you going. A smile is a beautiful human expression, so when you receive it from someone, don't return it with a frown but let your natural humane instinct kick in and smile back.
A Heart That Cannot Feel
It is easier to have eyes that cannot see those who deserve to be seen by you, hands that cannot reach out to those in need of your help, and ears that cannot hear those who deserve to be heard by you. It is easier to hold back from uttering words to those whose hearts can be comforted by your voice, or to deliberately deprive someone of a happiness you know you are capable of giving. It is all easier than having a heart that cannot feel. It is all easier than having a heart that cannot perceive the pain that you may be causing others. It is all easier than having a heart that cannot fear that it might be treated the same way someday by those whose care you think you might deserve but not receive.
Pamper Your Wishes
When you make a wish, believe that it is going to happen. Put it in your heart next to passion. Next to honesty to yourself and others. Next to humility with yourself and others. Next to consideration for yourself and others. Next to believing in yourself and others. And so that the wish will be the perfect gift when it is granted to you, wrap it from the beginning with the bow of hard work and determination. Don't ever make a wish and leave it, because it will leave you too. If you can't do anything about it, then start with your heart. Believe that you are worth that wish coming true so that you can be worthy of it.
Take Responsibility
Just as you can't deny that you can feel love and hate, happiness and sadness, anger and ease of mind, or tiredness and relaxation, you can't deny that you have a fate that, sometimes, you can't control. That doesn't mean that it takes control over you. You can't deny that you have words that need to be spoken. You can't deny that you have a choice. You can't deny the ability that you can say no. You can't deny the ability that you have the freedom to make a decision and defend it. You can't deny injustice when you see it, unfairness when you feel it, oppression when you witness it. Stop blaming the world around you for wronging you. Take responsibility for the nos you could have said but chose not to, the words you could have said but didn’t, instead wrapping your mouth with your own hands and remaining silent against what needed to be addressed. Take responsibility for the choices you could have made but restrained yourself from taking.
Dream Wisely
Imagine planting a little tree and anticipating its fruits. Day by day, you give it everything it needs. Similar to what the tree needs to survive is what our dreams need to survive: hope, which spurs from a little event that we build a dream upon, day by day, second by second, waiting for that dream to become a reality. What happens if the tree of hope grows large, yet no fruits are made? What if the fruits are damaged? What if, after all of that hope that you invested, you discovered that there was no dream to begin with? Are you then left with a huge hope that you built on your own for nothing? Never be afraid to dream. But be careful not to let the roots of your dream dig too deeply into the ground of hope, unless you have left enough hope to dream again in case the first dream disappoints you. If you allow all of your available hope to go towards one dream, you will have to wait for that dream to wilt, day by day, second by second, just as it grew, and die on its own before you can make another one.
A Dialogue with Myself
So you go on with your daily life, interacting with people for the most part. Once the night settles its darkness upon you with that imaginary breeze tickling your eyelids softly, causing them to helplessly close, all you have is a confrontation with yourself. Are you who you want to be? Are you really who you seem to be? There’s no pretending here. It is you having a heart to heart with yourself. One thing that we often miss is that, when fooling others, we are only fooling ourselves. We have habits that we would rather live with than get rid of. We have unspoken words that we would rather keep hidden and rest than speak loudly and show a different side of ourselves. If we don’t work on changing that hidden side of ourselves, it will surface one day, regardless of how hard we try to hide it. All I’m saying is, before trying to be honest with others, be honest with yourself. Don’t be afraid to take risks and say what’s in your heart. Don’t risk losing what matters because of the fear of disappointment in yourself or in others.
Happiness Is in Your Hands
When people's definitions of happiness differ, the level of difficulty to reach that happiness also differs. If happiness means money or status to you, then wait to pursue it, but if it means seeing and appreciating what you have, caring for your family, seeing beauty in the simplest things, then start now. While you are doing that, others will need something to keep them motivated to achieve their shallow goals of money or power. They will envy you for being so happy with so little. People may befriend you for an ulterior purpose, smiling back at you when you smile, not out of happiness for your happiness, but out of questioning. How can you be so happy? How can they reach that happiness? How can they take that happiness away? That is what greed can do to people. Greed doesn't always have to do with money, and it is even worse when it has to do with happiness because people start building their happiness on the misery of others, and oh, how hurtful and deceitful that can be. At the end of the day, be thankful for your health and family. Don't let any insignificant things or people get in the way of this aura of happiness that you choose to surround yourself with.
Trust?
How many times have you told yourself, That's it. I'm never trusting anyone anymore? Then you go on, you meet new people, and you trust them. Sure enough, eventually you go back to your initial realization that no one is trustworthy. What is the true meaning of trust? We need to evaluate our beliefs and re-define what we consider trust to be. I am sure that, for most people, it means being able to tell someone your secrets, whether they are about you or not, and expecting that they won't reveal them to others. That is called being able to listen and not repeat what you just heard. If that is your definition of trust, then the solution is simple. You need to aim to assess your purpose in speaking about yourself or others to anyone but yourself. If someone is not trustworthy because you found out that they repeated something you said, then how many people's words have you repeated without them knowing? Ask yourself, What is my purpose? before you say anything that you consider confidential. That really is not the definition of trust. Think about it. Define it in your head. Take time to reflect.
Where Am I?
Sometimes we think that we know what's going inside of people's hearts and minds and that we are certain of our thoughts. And it makes sense because, based on our experience with them, we think that we know exactly the way they think. As hard as we try to give others the benefit of the doubt, we feel that we need to protect ourselves from their harm by expecting them to be the same as they've been before. That just makes it easier for us to perceive and understand their new actions. It's a safe feeling. The slightest inflection in their voice can have so much meaning behind it. The look they have on their faces as they are saying or asking for something can tell us whether to read into their words or whether to take them just as they are. The truth is that most of us are constantly challenged to be better than we are, and we do try to fix our image to be the way that we want it to be seen by those around us. Somewhere along the way of trying different things that we think will help change us, we may be misunderstood to be trying too hard, to be fake, and to be different than what we really are. Compare this to the metamorphosis of a butterfly. Halfway through, it looks nothing like what it ends up being. It is your choice to either stay halfway through or to continue your journey once you start it, to reach that destination of the person you know you can be.
A New Language
If my heart could speak, it would need a whole new language to express the way I feel. If my heart could create a piece of art, artists could not handle the po
wer of its feelings. If my heart could sing, composers would not be able to put together its symphony, the softest ever made. If my heart could smile, it would flutter out of my chest and into my eyes to see the world with a touch of beauty and a hint of joy.
Baby Steps
Today, promise yourself to be the best that you know you can be at whatever you do. Celebrate the little steps and little successes that you have, no matter how small you think they are. No step towards your dreams is too small. Those little steps are like the beginning of the storm of good things that will hit you; starting with the little steps, the raindrops fall slowly and softly. Don't expect to be an expert at whatever you do from day one. Be realistic. Be up for the journey. Prepare yourself for the victory by staying humble about your achievements.
Delusion
I wonder what's worse, disappointment in reality or feeling indifferent about whether reality changes or stays the same. Life never turns its back on you. You turn your back on yourself when you allow every closed door to stop you from moving on to the next one. Sometimes we choose to stand at a closed door and hope that it will somehow open, although that may defy logic and although we may know deep down that no goodness will come from it. We wait. We choose to wait. We choose to have hope, and we're always scared that the door will open the second we walk away. We claim ownership over what we do not have and fear losing it, although it really never was ours. We read too much between the lines of hope that we weave in our own mind's imagination, only to figure out at the end that we have woven a web of fragile hopes upon fragile hopes. And just as with a spider's web, once one thread is broken, the whole web falls apart.