Seth grasped her hands and held them away from her. "You don't know what you are saying and I don't think you understand what you're asking for."
Samantha grew angry and impatient. "Don't treat me like a child. I know exactly what I am asking for."
Seth drew a large breath of air. "I think you'll regret it in the morning."
This just infuriated her even more. "You can't tell me how I'll feel. I know what I want, and I want you. I want this. Don't you want me anymore?" she said softly.
Seth dropped her hands and put a hand over his face, shielding his eyes. "You know how much I want you."
She grabbed his hand, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Then prove it to me. I don't want to wait anymore. I want you to make me yours. I want you to make me forget."
Seth looked at her determined face and if he had any ounce of self-restraint in him, he shed it in those last moments as he leaned in and kissed her. No kiss was as intense as that one they shared, as Samantha sunk into his embrace, clawing at his chest, pulling him at his neck. She couldn't get enough of his touch as he pulled her tighter, consuming her in every way.
Samantha lost herself in his touch, locking her sadness into a pretty little box and hiding it in her heart. As she lifted her nightgown off her body and watched as he ripped his shirt hurriedly off, she let desire fill her body from head to toe, taking away the ache she felt. Soon all she could think about was his touch and taste as she turned into glowing stardust.
Chapter 10
Dirk waited on the platform, searching the crowd. He knew Colin Sullivan was there; he had spent the night before standing outside his door waiting for him to leave. After it spread Pat Walsh had met his untimely demise, he knew Colin would be on the first train out to where ever Samantha was. And he was planning to be on that same train. He just needed to make sure he didn't miss his chance.
He kept his head down, peering under his hat with every passing gentleman. As time dragged on, he thought he might have missed his chance. He didn't have much time left. It was the noose around his neck, squeezing him with every passing second. Finally, as the anxiety started to consume him, he spotted Colin carrying a small suitcase and aiming for the ticket counter. He walked to stand next to a pole, watching from a distance as he watched money exchange hands and a ticket be pushed into Colin’s fingers.
As soon as Colin was out of sight, Dirk descended on the poor man in the booth. When he approached the window, he tried to contain his impatience. "Where did that man purchase a ticket too?"
Judging from the man's face, he realized he said it a little more loudly than he intended. He took a deep breath to compose himself and started again. "That gentleman over there is my fiancée's father. He's traveling west to visit some family and I am supposed to join him. I stupidly forgot where we are going, and I am dreadfully embarrassed to ask. He already thinks I'm not fit for his daughter. I was hoping you could help me out?"
The gentleman in the booth looked skeptically at him, so Dirk continued. "I know this is strange, but I can assure you it is all true. And I hope this can be quick because I don't want to raise any suspicion."
The man eyed him again but seemed unconcerned with the validity of his statement. "He is heading to a place called Black Hills, Illinois.”
Dirk smiled wickedly. "Then I'd like a train ticket please."
Seth walked around with a kick in his step that morning. The last few days had been exciting; Samantha and he finally connected on a physical level and have been every night since. While he worked hard every day, he delighted in the fact he could take solace in her warm body every night. A fear was starting to gnaw at him, though. Although he enjoyed the new intimacy, he wondered if she was running into his arms for the right reasons.
He pondered the thought as he planted the tomato seeds in his small garden. Last night, as she nestled next to him to sleep, he gazed at her and realized he loved her. It was on the tip of his lips to tell her. Yet, he couldn't make himself, the fear getting the best of him. He didn't know where she stood and he didn't think he would get over if she rejected him.
As if she heard him, she appeared at his side and kissed his cheek. "Hello, darling," she said, hugging his side and lingering near his face. Close enough for him to smell lavender wafting from her skin.
He gulped. "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"
She smiled brightly. "Yes."
Her smile could lead a man to his doom. She could be the death of him.
"Are you almost done? I think it's time we headed into town."
Today they were going to see her adopted uncle. He was coming into town on the first train in. He was the only family she had left. Seth felt excited and nervous at the same time. Samantha had not talked about her father’s death since that night and he didn’t press the issue with her. Many times, he wanted to discuss her feelings, but she seemed so fragile he didn't want her falling to pieces. He couldn’t bear to see her so sad, so when she would snuggle up to him and kiss his neck, he wanted to give her a release she desperately needed. He knew she was trying to forget everything and, for these past few days, he was ready to oblige.
But with her Uncle Colin’s impending arrival, he knew one way or another, they were going to have to discuss where they stood. “As soon as I finish planting these last seeds, we can go.” He squeezed her and she squealed. Then he planted a kiss on her lips that lingered as she hooked her arms around his neck. As she opened her lips to deepen the kiss, Seth sighed and lifted his head up. “As much as I love to kiss you, if we continue, we are never going to leave this farm.” He kissed the tip of her nose and pushed her towards the house. “Now, go get ready and I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
She looked disappointed but didn’t object as she trudged towards the house. And his heart started to ache a bit as he watched her walk away. Would she walk away from him if she found out how he really felt?
The train came through with a huge billow of smoke. She was waiting on the platform, having trouble containing her giddiness. Seth was standing by her side, trying to be calm but she could feel the nervous energy leaping off him in waves. She had told Seth how important her Uncle Colin was to her; now that her father was gone, he was her only family. That was as much detail as she went into her father since she received the letter. She tried not to dwell on the thought and any time she felt that knowing ache in her chest, she would bottle it up and tuck it away. She kept herself busy around the house, throwing herself into mundane chores. She had cleaned the kitchen three times yesterday alone.
The nights were the worse when she would lie awake with her thoughts. They would consume her mind, so by the time Seth joined her, she would be so consumed with the guilt she would jump into his arms, kissing him until she forgot everything. It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy Seth; he was doing things to her that she never knew could be done, and the feelings she was feeling could not compare with how she felt about James. These feelings were more intense. James was a lovely companion, but she knew in her heart Seth was like the piece of the puzzle she didn’t know she was missing.
The doors to the train opened and people started to exit the train. She scanned the people coming out, but as more and more people crowded around, it was harder for her to see. But then something caught her eye. It was only for a few seconds, but it stuck out in her mind. It was a silhouette of a man, one she would recognize on even the darkest of days. She felt a chill run down her spine; Dirk was there. She frantically took a step forward and looked around over the heads of the passengers exiting.
She was so focused on her search for Dirk, she didn’t notice Uncle Colin had saddled up next to her. “Samantha, sweetheart! It’s been so long,” he said as he reached to drag her into the most embarrassing fatherly hug he could have given her. She was startled at first, trying to get away from him before she realized who was holding her.
“Oh, Uncle Colin! I didn’t see you leave the train!” She ended their embrace quickly and still searched a
round for Dirk.
Colin took notice. “What are you searching for, my dear?” Uncle Colin asked, as his eyes stared in the same direction her face was turned to.
As the crowd thinned, they were the only two still standing not the platform. She felt silly. How would Dirk be there? He didn’t know where she was. He was back in Philadelphia and she was safe out here. Not wanting to raise alarm, she turned back to Colin and smiled. “I thought I saw something, but I was mistaken.”
She searched around and saw Seth lingering a few feet away. He had removed his hat and was staring at them both, stone-faced. The color was gone from his face; she knew it was because he was very nervous. She smiled and grabbed Uncle Colin’s hand to lead him to her husband. “Uncle Colin, I’d like you to meet my husband, Seth Jenkins.”
Seth thrust his hand out towards Colin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said in a measured voice.
Colin smiled a warm smile and took his hand in a firm handshake. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you too.” He gazed back at Samantha with a knowing smile. “It seems you have taken great care of Samantha.”
Seth smiled sheepishly. “Well, that’s what love can do to a man.”
It was so quick, that Samantha thought she had missed it. It didn’t seem Seth himself had missed saying it because he next asked Colin if he could take his luggage and they started to walk away from the train station platform towards the hotel for some lunch. But she couldn’t unhear he said “love” and referred to her in the same sentence. And she couldn’t stop her heart from hoping he had really meant it.
Boy, was he in trouble. After Seth let it slip on the train platform regarding his feelings, he was analyzing it and reanalyzing the moment in his head. He kept stealing glances at Samantha, wondering what she thought about the whole thing. Maybe she hadn’t heard what he said? She seemed distracted on their way to the restaurant. If he was lucky, she didn’t hear it and he would be saved from the embarrassment of prematurely saying something like “I love you,” before they were both ready. Because when he was going to say it, it was going to be at a time when he knew she was ready to be completely his.
Samantha and Colin were busy catching up and it occurred to him they had yet to discuss her father. He thought it was weird she didn’t ask any questions regarding his death. He knew if it was his father, he would be asking questions left and right. But they were busy talking about the farm and he didn’t have the heart to interrupt. She looked so happy discussing their life together. But was it happiness for him or happiness towards her only family?
“As much as I would love to continue chit-chatting, I think it’s time we get down to business. First, I think we should discuss your father’s estate.”
He felt Samantha stiffen next to him. He immediately grabbed her hand. As she looked at him, he smiled reassuringly. She smiled as if that small moment gave her strength. She turned back to Colin and nodded. “Yes, even though it’s something I don’t want to discuss, it’s something we need to get through.
Colin nodded. “I left in quite a hurry, but the arrangements were made rather quickly. He will rest in the spot next to your mother. We had a small ceremony and burial, as his will dictates. It happened right before I left. I am sorry there wasn’t time to wait for you. But there is the matter of closing up the house and releasing the staff.”
Samantha nodded. “Then I will be prepared to make the trip back with you.”
Colin shook his head. “No, you are to stay here.”
Samantha stared at him long and hard, fire showing in her sapphire eyes. “No, I’m going with you.”
Colin shook his head, setting his hand on Samantha’s lone hand on the table. “Samantha, I know this is hard for you, but you need to understand. Your safety was Pat’s number one priority. And you coming back home is not safe. It’s not wise.”
Seth looked at the two people. He was confused as to why Colin was talking about Samantha’s safety. He wondered if it was the primary reason why she had decided to travel out here in the first place. “There are still strenuous circumstances regarding your father’s death. We aren’t entirely sure what happened. And there is Dirk to think about.”
Seth was started by this information. Who was Dirk? He had never heard that name before. But he wasn’t one to interrupt; he tucked away that information to ask later.
Samantha pulled her hand away from Colin. “I don’t care what you say. There is nothing that will stop me from coming home to tend to my father’s estate. I need to be there. If I couldn’t be there for him, I will definitely be there for him now.”
Colin let out an exasperated breath. “Samantha…”
He could feel Samantha tense and saw her square her shoulders ready to fight. It was the stance he had seen so many times before and he knew she would argue until she got her way. Before she opened her mouth to speak, he squeezed her hand and spoke. “Sir, if it’s safety you are worried about, I would never let anything happen to Sam.”
Samantha turned towards him, raising one of her eyebrows. Colin leaned over the table. “Sam? Now, that is interesting. What do you mean, Mr. Jenkins?” he asked.
“Samantha’s safety means everything to me. And when we make this journey together, I will make sure she is within my sight always. I’ll never leave her, so you needn’t worry she’s not being protected.”
Samantha’s mouth dropped. “You want to come with me?” she asked, drawing his attention to her. “What about the farm?”
They have had discussions before regarding the farm. Seth had mentioned he was worried about leaving the farm unattended for extended periods of time. While they didn’t have the cattle yet, the property was still open to possible loss, especially vandalism. When they were together at the hotel, he had asked Tom to watch the farm, but he still complained he felt Tom was not taking it seriously. And he knew leaving to go back east would mean being gone for a few weeks, at the least, to get everything prepared.
But as he stared into his wife’s beautiful blue eyes, he made his choice. No matter the consequences, they were together. “You are what’s most important. Wherever you go, I go. This isn’t up for discussion,” he added, as she had looked like she was about to argue.
They stared at each other for a long time, until Colin cleared his throat to bring their attention back to him. “I think it’s a splendid idea for Seth to come with us.”
Samantha crossed her arms and nodded her agreement. “Well, if that’s the only way, then Seth may join us.” He knew that she was trying her hardest to act nonchalant about the exchange, but judging from her fidgeting, he knew that she was would be having a long discussion with him back at the farm house.
“Since you are coming back with me, I don’t believe it’s necessary to discuss your affairs anymore” to which Samantha looked relieved, “but there is the matter of James estate.”
Seth’s ears perked up when Colin said, “It seems that the business is worth far more than we had expected.”
Samantha gazed out the window and sighed. “Yes, I know.”
Colin seemed rather annoyed by Samantha’s behavior. “I understand you know, but you are the sole owner of the business now, so decisions have to be made.”
Seth was startled by his words. They briefly discussed James, Seth knew James had a business, but he realized he made two errors – that Samantha would be involved in the business or a beneficiary, or just how large James’ holdings were.
“Samantha, I’m not asking you to take over the business. It’s not something that a young lady should have to do anyway. But we would need to transfer the business over. It could give you a hefty sum, maybe even set you up with a nice life. We can start thinking about places to move to after this whole thing is over.”
Seth was brought back to reality. He was referring to a life after they dealt with whatever danger was awaiting her back east. And all his worst fears were realized: she wasn’t prepared to stay with him forever. She was planning on taking the firs
t train out. It made sense. As much as she tried to hide it and as much as she tried to fit in, it was obvious that this was not the life meant for her. Her delicate hands were not made for this hard life he already chose for himself.
Samantha sat back in her chair, turning towards Colin. Seth resigned himself to hear his love agree with Colin. But she said something else instead. “No, I’m not interested in the money. Do what you want, but my life stays as it is right now.”
Seth looked at her as Colin rubbed his forehead. “It’s important we at least look at the all facts before us before making a rash decision.”
Samantha crossed her arms again and gave Colin a ruthless stare. “I’m aware of the facts, and I will reiterate what I said before: do what you want with the money. I’m staying here.”
Seth felt inclined to speak. “Sam, sweetheart, I think you should listen to what your uncle is saying.”
Samantha turned to Seth and glared at him. “I’ve already made up my mind.”
“I think you are being irrational.”
“And I think you are being overbearing.”
Seth was about to list all the reasons for how he was being the opposite of overbearing when Colin stood up from the table. “I’m going to use this moment to use the facilities. If you’ll excuse me,” he said quickly, as he all but ran away from the table.
When they were alone, Seth turned to his stubborn wife. “Why must you be so difficult?”
“Why are you so quick to get rid of me?”
Seth’s mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about?”
Samantha shook her head. “I don’t understand why you want me to leave. Do you not want me around?”
“No, it’s not that…”
“Then why do you want me to go back home? Why are you pushing this?”
Seth let out a frustrated growl. “Because! I don’t want you to settle for me. I don’t want you to keep wondering in the future, thinking about what if. I don’t want to hold you back from your dreams.”
Her Secret Past Page 9