"Am I the only one who doesn't understand why this matters?" Durinda asked.
"So Crazy Serena has a different name," Rebecca said. "So big deal."
"Smith, Smith," Marcia said. "Now, why does that name sound so familiar...?"
"Because it's the same last name as Mommy!" Georgia said.
"It is?" Petal said.
"But I thought Mommy's last name was Huit," Zinnia said.
"It is now," Jackie said. "But before she married Daddy, her last name was Smith."
Eight minds thought about how there had been something familiar about Serena Harkness from the start. Eight minds thought about how we'd found Serena Harkness so beautiful. And now we sort of knew why.
"You don't mean," Annie said in dawning horror, "that Crazy Serena could be ... a relative?"
"That's exactly what I mean!" Georgia said.
"How could we not have known about her before?" Durinda asked.
"Well," Jackie said, "Mommy and Daddy have always been very mysterious."
We had just learned something: Some relatives are teachers. Some teachers are relatives. Not all are good.
"Does this mean we have to invite her for Thanksgiving dinner?" Petal asked.
"Of course not!" Georgia said. "She's crazy as a loon! And she's evil."
That was true too and was something else we had learned:
Sometimes evil doesn't look evil or ugly. Sometimes it looks good or, worse, beautiful.
"But how could we have been so wrong about someone?" Durinda asked. It was something we all wanted to know. All of us, with the exception of Georgia, had been wrong about Crazy Serena. Well, Mandy hadn't been wrong either.
Georgia shrugged. "We were all blinded by her beauty. Even me at first."
And that was something else we had learned:
It didn't matter what people looked like; evil people were not necessarily ugly, like the Wicket. Anyone could be bad. Anyone could be good. Looks were deceiving.
"How did you know she wasn't what she seemed?" Marcia asked Georgia.
"And don't say it was just what you overheard when she was on the cell phone in the gym," Rebecca warned Georgia. "There has to be more to it than that!"
"We don't have time for this right now," Georgia said. "We can talk philosophy all you want once we're safely out of here. At the moment, what we need is a plan to get us all out ... alive."
"And I suppose you have a plan?" Rebecca said.
"As a matter of fact, I do," Georgia said calmly. "I'll disappear again, and then you all pound on the door like crazy. Make as loud a racket as you can. When Crazy Serena comes, tell her you're ready to talk, that you'll tell her everything, but that there's not enough air in this room. Tell her you want to talk to her in that front room we first saw. I'll take care of the rest."
We all stared at Georgia, stunned.
Who knew she could be so commanding?
"Do it now," Georgia commanded.
Then Georgia twitched her nose twice and made herself invisible again.
The McG blinked twice, but said nothing.
What else could we do?
We pounded on the door, screaming at the same time.
"That's useless," the McG told us. "I've tried that before, and trust me on this: in this house, no one can hear you scream."
But we guessed that Crazy Serena could hear us, because the door swung open, nearly knocking us off our feet.
We could only hope that there was more to Georgia's plan than she'd said.
CHAPTER TEN
"We'll tell you everything," Annie said.
"But first Petal needs to go to the bathroom," Durinda said.
"And Durinda needs a drink of water," Jackie said.
"Jackie could do with a cookie," Marcia said. "She's looking rather pale."
"It's very cold in this room," Rebecca said. "Didn't you pay your heating bill this month?"
"It is very hot in here," Petal said, fanning herself and wholly missing the point. Still, we loved her.
"I need to go to the bathroom too," Zinnia said, adding, "to do number two."
"So you see," Annie said, "we'll gladly tell you everything you want to know, but we'd like to do it in that nice front room and only after you've met our reasonable demands."
"I think it all does sound very reasonable," the McG said, getting into the spirit of things.
"You know," Crazy Serena said sweetly, "it does sound very reasonable." Then she held the door open for us. "Just so you know, though, there's no point in trying to make a run for the front door. I have the only set of keys."
Then she pointed at Petal and Zinnia. "You and you, go use the bathroom."
She pointed at Durinda and Jackie. "You and you, to the kitchen for your water and cookie."
She pointed at Rebecca. "You, take a blanket from the closet and wrap it around yourself."
She pointed to Petal. "You, take off your uniform."
"But I can't do that!" Petal tried to cover her clothed body with her hands. "Then I'd be naked!"
"Fine," Crazy Serena said, "so sweat to death. What do I care?"
She pointed at Annie and Marcia. "You and you ... I don't remember you asking for anything." She clapped her hands. "Okay, everybody, hustle! Hustle! You need to do everything you have to and then meet me in the front room in forty-five seconds!"
Gee, she didn't expect much, did she?
And yet somehow we managed to pull it off.
We all gathered back in the front room. "Fine," Crazy Serena said, her arms crossed, her foot tapping. "I've met your demands. Now talk."
Crazy Serena never saw Georgia coming.
It was the wooden spoon that entered the room first, floating along, suspended in the air as though by...
"Magic!" Crazy Serena said, awed. "I didn't know you could do magic! Did Lucy teach you that?" she asked, saying our mother's name.
Crazy Serena wasn't as delighted when the floating spoon struck her on the shoulder. "Hey!" she cried out, wincing.
A few moments passed, and then a frying pan entered the room and struck Crazy Serena on the rump.
Our parents had always taught us that it was wrong to be violent for the fun of it. But they'd also said that if a person is fighting for her life, almost anything goes.
And on that night, we felt as though we were fighting for our lives.
"Ouch!" after "Ouch!" after "Ouch!" informed us that Invisible Georgia was performing her pinching trick on Crazy Serena, who kept twisting around, trying both to escape and to locate her unseen attacker.
And suddenly Georgia was everywhere, popping in and out of sight, making herself appear and then disappear again. It took us a while to figure it out, but eventually we caught on: Georgia was taunting Crazy Serena!
"Georgia!" Crazy Serena cried, at last catching a glimpse of her.
"In the flesh, baby," Georgia said, then double twitched her nose and vanished again.
"Georgia Huit," Crazy Serena commanded, going all Bad Cop, "I order you to come back here!"
"Try and make me," Georgia said with a laugh.
So Crazy Serena tried being Good Cop again. "Didn't anyone ever train you to respect your elders?"
"Did they?" Invisible Georgia said, as though she couldn't decide.
Then she remembered something from our younger years. We all did.
"Mommy and Daddy always said," Invisible Georgia stated, "that everyone deserves a clean slate when you first meet them, and with that clean slate comes respect."
While Invisible Georgia spoke, Crazy Serena lunged at the space where the voice seemed to be coming from. But she was too slow, and Invisible Georgia kept dancing out of reach.
"But no one gets to keep that respect automatically," Invisible Georgia continued, "not if they do things to"—and here she paused as though searching for the exact word Mommy had used —"squander it."
"Squander means 'waste,'" Annie explained for the benefit of Petal and anyone else who might not know, "lik
e when a person spends money foolishly."
"Principals don't get automatic respect for life," Invisible Georgia said, "presidents don't get automatic respect for life, and pretty substitute teachers who lie through their pretty teeth about who they are and who kidnap real teachers don't get automatic respect... not if they squander it."
In that moment, we thought that Invisible Georgia was the most gloriously gorgeous person we'd ever not seen.
Then there was a huge tearing sound—Invisible Georgia had ripped the pocket off Crazy Serena's dress!—followed by the jangle of many keys.
"Give me those back!" Crazy Serena shouted as Invisible Georgia yelled, "Annie! Catch!"
As Annie raced for the door, keys in hand, we didn't need Invisible Georgia to tell us what to do next.
We fell on Crazy Serena, figuring we'd sit on her for as long as it took Annie to get someone to help us.
It didn't take Annie long to find the help we needed. She unlocked all the many locks and threw open the door, and there stood Pete.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
"What are you doing here?" Annie asked, more stunned than she'd been by anything yet.
"Do you know this house is soundproof?" Pete asked. "I've been out here banging for hours." He raised his fist. His knuckles were raw.
"But how did you get here?" Annie asked. "How did you know?"
"Oh, that," Pete said. "It was that schoolmate of yours, the little redheaded one."
"Mandy?" Annie said. "Mandy Stenko?"
From our position on top of Crazy Serena, we could just barely see Pete's shrug.
"I dunno," he said. "I suppose that's what she's called. Anyway, just as I was leaving, she grabbed me and she told me she thought this substitute teacher of yours might be A Bad Person and that she got worried when she saw you lot getting into her car. When she told me that, I naturally jumped in my pickup and followed you here. But the teacher got you all inside before I could stop you, and then it didn't matter how much I pounded and yelled. I guess that when you're outside of this house, no one inside can hear you scream."
Just then, Pete caught sight of the McG, whom he'd met before when we'd gotten in trouble that one time.
"Oh, hullo, ducks," he said, tipping an imaginary hat as he stepped into the house. "Nice to see you again."
"You're the Eights' uncle, aren't you?" the McG said, as though wondering if wonders would ever cease.
"Er, yes," Pete said, "yes, I am, Mrs. McGillicuddy."
"Please feel free to call me Hilly," Mrs. McGillicuddy said.
Hilly? But we thought the McG's first name was Phyllis!
"It's a nickname," the McG added. "My mother used to call me that because—"
"What is this?" Crazy Serena shouted. "Old Home Week? Let me out of here!"
"Did this lady hurt you?" Pete asked us.
Eight heads nodded, plus the McG's.
"To be perfectly exact," said Georgia, who'd popped back into view just before Pete crossed the threshold and who was now sitting on Crazy Serena's back, "she hasn't really hurt us, not yet. But she wanted to."
"And she did keep me hostage here for two weeks," the McG added.
"You were right to fear me," Georgia said with satisfaction to Crazy Serena. "I am always the most trouble. You really should have kept a better eye on me." Then she laughed. "Too bad you couldn't."
Crazy Serena sneered a sneer that would have done Rebecca proud, but we weren't bothered by it.
"Leave the lady to me," Pete said.
Then he indicated that we should get off her.
We were reluctant to do so. We felt as though we were safer with all of us sitting on her back, her arms, and her legs. But we did trust Pete. So one by one, we each peeled ourselves away.
Crazy Serena scrambled to her feet, but before she could do anything, Pete grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. Then he hustled her through the door and out onto the street.
"Get out of my town," he told her, "and stay out. And don't even think about coming back, because if you do, if you ever bother the Eights again, I will know it, and what I will do then, you will not like."
Then he turned her around so she was facing away from us and gave her a slight tap on the shoulder blade with one finger. It was like starting an old wind-up toy working. At first, Crazy Serena just took a stumbling step or two, but then she started moving faster until she was running down the street, racing away from us.
"God, you're wonderful, Mr. Pete!" Jackie cried, throwing herself at him and giving him a mighty hug.
Then we were all hugging Pete. The McG looked as though she would like to, but she hung back.
"C'mon, Eights," Pete said once we'd all hugged for long enough. "It's time to get you lot home. You've got school in the morning."
"School?" Rebecca said. "After what we've just been through? Don't you think we deserve a day off?"
"I'm sure your teacher won't be missing school tomorrow," Pete said, glancing at the McG, "will she?"
"Oh, I'll be there," the McG said with a firm nod of her head.
"You see?" Pete said. "Now, what kind of an uncle would I beif I let you scarper off school?"
We couldn't very well argue with that.
So we all, including the McG, climbed into the bed of Pete's pickup truck; Pete said we would drop off the McG first.
As we drove through the night, the cool wind whipping our hair, the McG had a question for us. In fact, she had more than one question.
"What happened back there?" she asked. "How did Georgia manage to disappear and then appear again? And what exactly is going on?"
After all she'd been through, we felt we owed her an explanation, but as we opened our mouths, she cut us off.
"No," she said. "Come to think of it, I don't think I want to know. In fact, I'm going to pretend none of it happened."
But she couldn't stop herself from asking one more question.
"I'm grateful, of course," she said, "to your uncle for chasing Crazy Serena out of town. But why didn't he call the police? Why didn't he have her arrested?"
It was Georgia who answered, honestly, looking the McG square in the eye. "Because then the Proper Authorities would know about us," she said. "And then they would come split us all up because we are eight little girls living at home alone."
It was hard to catch all the expressions that raced across the McG's face: shock, sadness, understanding.
At last she spoke. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that either," she said, "because if I had, I'd have to do something, like report it." Then: "But thank you, Eights. Thank you for finding me in that room and for keeping me company and for everything else you did. Thank you."
***
We dropped off the McG, with promises to see her at school bright and early the next morning, and then went back to our own house.
Pete came inside with us.
We fed the cats, made some cocoa, and then filled Pete in on all our latest news, about how we'd tricked Crazy Serena by using Georgia's disappearing act and all the rest.
"So Georgia can really disappear now?" Pete said.
"Oh, yes," Georgia said.
"Show me," Pete said, crossing his arms.
We couldn't understand why he'd doubt us now. After all, hadn't everything we'd ever told him turned out to be true, like refrigerators who could talk and fall in love, and like Durinda being able to make everyone except Zinnia freeze? Well, we figured, maybe, like everybody else in the world, Pete just enjoyed a good show.
So Georgia twitched her nose two times and disappeared.
A moment later, Pete put his big hand to his own cheek.
"Georgia," he said, wonder in his voice, "did you just kiss me?"
"I did, Mr. Pete," Georgia said shyly after she'd twitched herself back into view. "It was to thank you for everything you do for us."
"This is all very sweet," Rebecca said, interrupting the tender moment. "But earlier in the night, I asked Georgia how she had known that Crazy Serena
really was A Bad Person after all, and I'm still waiting for my answer."
"I don't know," Georgia said, sounding puzzled. "Maybe in the same way she recognized that I was the one she needed to keep a special eye on, that I'd cause the most trouble? You were right about that, by the way. Or maybe because I'm so awful myself, I guess I just know evil when I see it."
"I don't think you're awful," Pete said to Georgia, "and I don't think you're evil."
"You don't?" Georgia asked.
"No," Pete said. "In fact, I think you're grand."
Georgia blushed.
"Now get to bed, you girls," Pete said as he rose to leave. "School in the morning!"
He paused with his hand on the doorknob.
"And you say," he asked, "that this Crazy Serena person is some sort of relative of yours?"
Eight heads nodded.
"Huh," Pete said. "The missus and I have a few like that in our families too. I suppose all families have them."
And then he was gone.
Pete had said that he and Mrs. Pete had a few relatives like Crazy Serena in their families? And we hadn't even known Crazy Serena was our relative, not until that day.
It was awesome to think that we might have other relatives we didn't know about yet, loose out there somewhere in the world.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The next day—Tuesday, March 18—when we arrived at school, it was as though none of the events of the month had happened. Crazy Serena was gone, no one was even talking about the parade anymore—it is amazing how quickly things become old news—and the McG was at her desk, looking down her long nose at us as though she smelled something bad.
In fact, we'd almost begun to doubt that any of it really had happened, but then—we swear!—the McG winked at us before calling the class to order. If that weren't proof enough that the universe had tilted strangely, nothing ever would be.
And there was more universe-tilting!
Right after the first class, the McG ordered us to take an early recess outside because it was the nicest day we'd had so far all year.
So we raced to the jungle gyms, where, hanging upside down and such, we filled Will in on all that had happened.
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