by Pat Warren
“Merry Christmas.” Behind him, her arms laden with wrapped presents, Millicent Crandall smiled. “We drove down from Bay City last night and checked in at the St. Clair Inn,” Stephanie’s mother explained. “This time of year, you can never tell about the weather, and we didn’t want to miss Jamie’s first Christmas.” Noticing Aaron’s somewhat stunned expression, she became alarmed. “The baby’s all right, isn’t she?”
Aaron recovered, outwardly at least. “She’s fine. Never better. I…uh…wasn’t expecting you so early.” He glanced down at his robe, his bare legs, his slippered feet. “I’m afraid I’m not dressed for company.”
“We’re not exactly company, son,” Todd grunted as he moved past Aaron and went inside. A short, ruddycheeked man who’d retired as a manufacturers’ rep ten years ago, Todd Crandall was everyone’s idea of a born salesman, outgoing and friendly. “Pretty chilly out there,” he said, setting down the packages and rubbing his gloveless hands together.
“How are you feeling?” Aaron asked his mother-inlaw, moving to small talk while he mentally regrouped. For years, she’d suffered migraine headaches, which Stephanie had also had. Aaron hoped Jamie wouldn’t inherit the tendency.
“Quite good, actually,” Millicent said, following her husband inside. She was a stern-faced woman who’d been a librarian and looked the part. She had two passions, books and Stephanie. Her daughter’s death had hit her hard. “You know we’re such early risers,” she told her son-in-law. “We had breakfast at six when the coffee shop opened and just couldn’t wait a moment longer to see our granddaughter.” Opening her coat, she gazed around. “Where is Jamie? Surely she’s awake.”
Of all the times for Stephanie’s parents to show up unexpectedly, Aaron thought, his jaw tightening. They had a home in Florida and spent winters there, but flew back to Michigan for Christmas each year. However, with their daughter gone, he hadn’t known for sure that they’d bother to make the trip this year. At the very least, he’d thought they’d call instead of just showing up on his doorstep.
“Oh, yes, she’s awake.” Uneasily, he glanced in the direction of the family room, then toward the neat living room. “Why don’t you have a seat in there, and I’ll go get her?”
“Da-da,” said a little voice, and Jamie came toddling
toward her father, dragging the quacking ducks. But when she saw the strangers, she stopped.
“Oh, how adorable,” Millicent said, smiling at the child, “the two of you have matching robes.” She started toward her granddaughter.
But Jamie was still going through the stage where she feared anyone not familiar to her. Turning tail, she ran back to where Kate stood in the family-room archway and clutched her legs, burying her face in Kate’s robe.
With a sinking heart, Aaron watched his mother-inlaw’s face register surprise, then shock and finally a hurt betrayal. “Oh. I guess we interrupted something. We didn’t dream you’d have company this early.” Her words were icy cold and directed at Aaron, although her assessing gaze took inventory of the woman Jamie had run to.
Nothing to do but bluff it out, Aaron decided. “This is Kate Spencer. She’s Jamie’s nanny.” A part of him could view the scene as it must look through Millicent’s eyes, and he could have groaned out loud. “Kate, Mr. and Mrs. Crandall, Stephanie’s parents.”
“Another matching robe,”. Millicent said. “How clever.”
“It’s good to meet you both,” Kate answered, ignoring the woman’s comment as she lifted Jamie into her arms. She’d never in her life felt so awkward, so exposed. If only Aaron had warned her that Jamie’s grandparents would be dropping in. She knew how this scene must look, exactly as it was—a man and woman looking as if they’d just tumbled out of bed.
Ever the congenial one, Todd came forward. “William told me a while ago when we talked that you’d hired a nanny for Jamie. Mr. Carver spoke very highly of you, Miss Spencer.” Aware of his wife’s disapproval, he peered past Kate, thinking he’d diffuse the situation by calling in the very proper housekeeper. “Is Fitz in the kitchen? I’ll bet she’s got some of her great tea brewing.”
Deeper and deeper, Aaron thought. He was getting in deeper, and there seemed no way out. “Fitz is visiting her daughter. She…she’ll be back later.”
Swallowing down her simmering anger, Millicent stepped closer to the blonde holding her granddaughter and spoke directly to Jamie. “Hello, darling. I can’t believe you’re walking already and not yet a year old. Your mother walked early, too. Come see Grandmother, Jamie.”
Jamie peeked again at the stranger, and her small arms tightened around Kate’s neck as she turned her back on Millicent.
Kate felt she had to say something. “She just needs to get used to you for a bit. We’ve been opening packages, and she’s a little overexcited.” She looked to Aaron to help her out but saw that he wore that tight look she hated, the one he hadn’t had on for some time now. Damn, why couldn’t these people have used the phone?
Hurt at the rejection and furious at. her son-in-law and the blonde, Millicent turned her back and walked to the door. “Todd, I think perhaps we should leave. They’re obviously busy here.” Each word was deliberately cutting.
Aaron ran a hand through his hair, feeling like a teenager caught sneaking a girl into his room. “Look, why don’t you both have a seat in the living room, and Kate will make some tea while I get dressed?” Helplessly, he shot a look at the packages they’d brought. “I’ll sit down with Jamie, and she can open her gifts and—”
“I don’t believe so.” Mrs. Crandall rubbed at her forehead with her gloved hand. “I believe I’m getting one of my headaches. Todd?”
As a man who’d never stood up to his wife, Todd Crandall wasn’t about to start now. He didn’t view the scene they’d run into quite the same as Millicent. He’d loved his daughter dearly, but Stephanie had been gone for many months now, and Aaron was a healthy male in the prime of life. Surely they couldn’t expect him to live alone with only a small child and a fussy old housekeeper? Perhaps Aaron had used poor judgment in taking his daughter’s nanny to his bed, but the man wasn’t a monk, and the woman was a looker. Still, he had no choice but to go along with his wife’s decision.
Quietly, he shook Aaron’s hand, then sent Kate an apologetic glance before escorting Millicent out. There were days when Todd Crandall wished he were still on the job and traveling five days out of seven. Life had been infinitely easier.
Aaron stood with his hand on the door frame. “Won’t you please come back around four? Dad’s coming over for dinner. I know he’d like to see you both.” Which wasn’t exactly the truth. Dad had never cared for either of the Crandalls, but Aaron had to try to get past this nightmare somehow.
“We’ll see,” Todd said, unable to make a decision on his own about this, knowing his wife’s feelings.
“I doubt I’ll feel better,” Millicent added as she went down the steps. “First, you put away all of my daughter’s photos, and then you bring another woman into the house you built for Stephanie, with her barely gone.” She dabbed at her eyes as she got into the car.
Todd tossed him a powerless glance before getting behind the wheel.
He had no defense, Aaron thought. His mouth a thin line, he watched the Buick drive away. Shoving the door closed, he stood there wondering what else he could have done.
“I’m so sorry,” Kate said, coming to his side. “If you’d have mentioned they might drop in, I’d have—”
“I didn’t know myself.” The words were harsh, clipped.
She set the baby down and touched his arm. “Is there something I can do? I feel terrible.”
As if sensing the sudden tension in the house, Jamie began to cry.
Aaron bent to pick her up, cuddling her close, his heart a heavy stone inside his chest.
“Shall I make breakfast?” Kate asked, wanting, needing, to do something.
“I’m not hungry.” Carrying his daughter, Aaron went upstairs.
<
br /> Slowly, Kate walked over to stare out at the snowcovered yard. “Merry Christmas,” she whispered as tears trailed down her cheeks.
“Aaron, are you still here?” Nick Chambers, one of the junior architects Aaron’s father had taken on last year, stood in the doorway to Aaron’s office. “Everyone’s gone home to primp for the party. You’re going, aren’t you?”
Wearily, Aaron dropped his pen and leaned back in his desk chair. “Maybe later.”
Young, single and handsome, Nick grinned as he shrugged into his coat. “Your dad really knows how to put on a shindig. Great food, lots of booze. I’ll wait for you if you like.”
Aaron shook his head. “Thanks, but you go on. New Year’s Eve has never been my favorite night.” Especially this year.
“All right, but drop by later. I know your dad will feel terrible if you don’t at least put in an appearance.”
“I probably will.” After Nick left, Aaron swung his chair around to stare out at a dark evening sky with a few stars already out, the river unusually calm for winter.
A man who’d lived all his life in a cold climate, yet he disliked winter. Or perhaps it was just his mood these days, disliking everything. He felt like the season—cold, forbidding, frozen inside.
The past week had been plain awful, ever since Christmas Day. He’d phoned the Crandalls later that day at the St. Clair Inn and invited them again to dinner, but Todd had told him Millicent didn’t feel up to it and they’d be driving back home as soon as she felt able. Aaron knew that it was just an excuse, but he could hardly insist.
Nor did he really want to. Dad had come over, as he had past Christmases, and immediately sensed the tension between his son and Kate. For Jamie’s sake, they’d tried to pretend that things were as usual, but he doubted even the child was fooled. Dad had taken him into the study, and assisted by two glasses of wine, he’d told his father about their morning, leaving out nothing.
William Carver was hardly shocked or even surprised that he and Kate had become lovers. As a matter of fact, he heartily approved. He’d told Aaron to ignore “the old biddy,” as he had often called Millicent, and forget the whole incident.
But he couldn’t. He kept seeing the shock on his mother-in-law’s face as Kate had walked out wearing the matching robe, looking tousled and well loved. He had only himself to blame. He had never been one to flaunt things in someone’s face, yet that’s how it had turned out. He was a grown man who wasn’t cheating on his wife, for she was gone. And Kate was free.
Yet he felt drenched in guilt. Guilt over being alive when the Crandalls’ daughter was dead. Guilt that he wanted a woman when he shouldn’t. Guilt that he would wind up hurting Kate. His life was a mess, and he shouldn’t tangle her up in his problems. He’d hardly spoken ten words to her since that day, yet each time he looked at her, he saw the pain in her eyes.
Swiveling around in his chair, he decided he’d had enough of his own pity party. He’d go to Dad’s annual New Year’s Eve gala and not think about anything. He’d eat, drink and be merry.
Sure he would.
He knew everyone at the party, and they were all nice to him, even though he was moody and somewhat sullen. He didn’t deserve their kindness, Aaron thought as he sipped on his third ginger ale. He knew better than to mix alcohol with depression.
For two hours, he’d wandered around his father’s house, shaking hands, inquiring as to the health of people he rarely saw, making nice. He’d nibbled at the lavish buffet and watched his father’s worried gaze follow him around. He wished he knew what to say to remove the concern from his eyes.
“Hey, bro!” Johnny Carver, glass in hand, sauntered to where Aaron stood on the sidelines watching the festivities. “Dad told me earlier he didn’t think you were going to show.”
Just what he needed, Aaron thought. Johnny with his insincere prattle and his whiskey breath. “I changed my mind.” He checked out his brother’s camel-hair jacket and his designer tie. “You look as if you’re dressed to go out on the town.” And he wished he would go, anywhere but here.
Johnny ran a slim hand down one of his lapels. “You like the new threads? Thanks.” He stood back and looked up and down Aaron. “You, on the other hand, look like something the cat dragged in. You need a haircut, your tie’s crooked and your shoes could sure use a shine. What’s happening to you, bro?”
Aaron hated being called “bro” and felt that Johnny knew it, so he wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of letting him see his irritation. “Well, bro, some of us have to work for a living, and hard work takes its toll on a man.”
“I wouldn’t know.” Johnny grinned, turning on the charm, then swallowed more of the amber liquor from his glass. “So, where’s Katie, the nanny? I thought she’d be here, and you’d be guarding her from all these bright young architects who would undoubtedly know a good thing when they saw one.”
He couldn’t prevent his jaw from clenching momentarily. “She’s home with Jamie, which is what I pay her to do.”
Shrewd eyes stayed on Aaron’s face. “Uh-huh. Do I detect a little falling-out in paradise?”
“My personal life is none of your business.” Aaron drained his ginger ale before he gave in to an impulse to throw it into his brother’s smiling face.
“Home, eh? Okay, answer this for me. Are you two an item? I mean, I got the impression you were keeping Kate for yourself.”
He had to start sometime to withdraw, to end this pseudorelationship that was tearing him apart. What better way to start the new year? “You’ve got it wrong. Kate’s an employee and nothing else.” His throat tightened as the words tumbled out, and he wanted to call them back. But it was too late.
Johnny’s handsome face moved into a wide smile. “That’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time, bro. Since Katie’s free as a bird, I think I’ll pay her a visit.” Tipping two fingers to his forehead in a mock salute, he strolled off, swaggering a bit.
Aaron marched over to the bar his father had set up in the family room. “Scotch, on the rocks,” he told the bartender.
Kate sat in the dim family room with only the blinking Christmas tree for company. Feet propped on the coffee table, she sipped tea and stared out at the frozen river. In half an hour, the grandfather clock in the marble foyer would chime the midnight hour, and another year would begin.
Last New Year’s Eve hadn’t been particularly memorable. She’d gone to the country club with her parents and several old friends. It had been nice but not exciting. A couple of weeks ago, she’d envisioned this New Year’s Eve as truly wonderful.
Weeks ago, Kate had heard about William’s annual party and she’d hoped to attend with Aaron. She’d fantasized that he’d stay by her side, loving and attentive. Then afterward, they’d return here, and she’d greet the new year wrapped in the arms of the man she loved, something she’d never done. But that was not to be.
Fitz had taken the call from Aaron informing them that he was going to his father’s party straight from the office. Fitz had hung up the phone and glanced over at Kate, who’d come down after putting Jamie to bed. She’d given her the message and made no further comment. What was there to say?
Aaron couldn’t handle people knowing he cared about her. That was the bottom line. Yes, it had been awkward to have his dead wife’s parents pop in on them, all three in robes and obviously recently out of bed. But if Aaron hadn’t been steeped with misplaced guilt, he could have eased the situation with a heartfelt explanation. She and Aaron were both single, both adults, after all, yet the timing had been terrible. Empathetic as she was, Kate could understand Stephanie’s mother’s pain and anger. Perhaps nothing they’d have said would have eased the woman’s pain.
What had bothered her the most was the way Aaron had reacted, as if he’d been caught cheating on his wife with the help. He’d looked ashamed, which had hurt the most. Was he ashamed of her, of his own actions or of being caught in a compromising situation? She didn’t know, for he was barely speaki
ng to her.
Kate had foolishly hoped that the nostalgia of the new year might bring him around. So she’d made a special dinner tonight, hoping he’d arrive home at a decent hour and they could eat together and talk. Since the incident, she hadn’t thought he’d attend the party at all.
But only Jamie and Fitz had eaten, for when she’d realized Aaron wasn’t coming, even before his phone call, she’d lost her appetite. She’d spent lonely New Year’s Eves before, sometimes even in the middle of a happy group of people, but never quite like this. That was because she’d never been crazy in love before with a man who didn’t feel the same.
She reached for her teacup just as the front doorbell chimed. Fitz was already in her room, and Kate saw no reason to disturb her. Who on earth would be coming at this late hour? she wondered as she got up. Didn’t anyone Aaron knew ever call first?
She swung open the door and immediately regretted not having called Fitz to come down. Hand on the knob, she kept her expression cool. “Hello, Johnny. Aaron isn’t here.”
“Don’t I know it,” Johnny said, brushing past her. Inside, he turned around and held up a bottle of champagne in one hand and two fluted glasses in the other. “I’ve come to help you welcome in the new year.”
Leaving the door ajar, hoping he’d get the hint, she just stood there. “I’m not much in the mood to celebrate.”
He shrugged off the cashmere coat that he’d had draped over his shoulders. “Then it’s up to me to put you into a better mood.” He glanced up the stairway. “Fitz and Jamie all tucked in for the night?”
Resigned, Kate closed the door. “Jamie’s asleep, but Fitz is watching television. Why don’t I call her down and-”
“No, no, no.” He grabbed her arm, all but dragging her back toward the kitchen. “Let’s let the sweet lady enjoy her evening while we enjoy ours.” He set the bottle and glasses on the table and reached for a towel. “This is good stuff. Dear old Dad buys nothing but the best.”