The clock tower began to shake and I saw a crack to an alien dimension open up. It was a place of countless angles which didn't exist in this reality. Oddly, it was capable of being described by a human vocabulary; it was weird. Very weird.
“Zul-Barbas is forcing his way through this reality,” Angel Eyes said. “We destroyed the runes too late.”
“It's the end of the world,” Diabloman said, pulling out his cellphone. “I must call my daughter to let her know I love her.”
Cindy looked between me and Mandy. “I suppose now is too late to reveal I was always horrifically jealous of you two.”
“Yeah, we got that,” Mandy said.
“We did?” I asked.
Angel Eyes’ likely last seconds on Earth were spent looking horrified.
“Well, I'll have you know—” Amanda was interrupted by the sound of an unearthly wail which shattered the windows of the clock tower.
A small black tendril started slinking over the side of the crack in the floor. From there emerged the true form of Zul-Barbas, a ball of tentacles and orifices every bit as disgusting as I remember. The only difference was in scale.
It was six-inches-tall.
I stared down at the tiny Great Beast. “Huh. That was unexpected.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
So Long and Thanks for all the Fish
I was standing in the middle of a ruined clock tower, its shattered face open to Falcocrest City's skyline. My henchmen stood still, stunned expressions on their faces. Before us was a Lovecraftian abomination bent on destroying the world.
And he was kind of adorable in an ugly-cute sort of way.
I can't explain it better than that. You'll have to take my word for it. The Great Beast was slithering towards us at a snail's pace, perhaps trying to grab our face like the hatchling form of Alien's monster. Seriously, though, tentacles are not the fastest means of travel outside of an ocean environment.
“Okay, what the hell is that?” I asked, pointing at the nightmarish but pint-sized creature.
“Well, you and the others did disrupt the ritual towards the end. Not to mention, much to my personal delight, the majority of residents were smart enough to evacuate. It's not like the whole of Falconcrest City's population was sacrificed as the ritual probably requires.”
“Huh, no wonder the world didn't end. The cultists in charge of this thing were morons. With so many of them tied to the government, I should have expected this!”
“You have to be an idiot in order to want to bring about the end of everything,” Amanda said, looking over my shoulder at the horror. “So, what do we do with it? Donate it to a zoo or something?”
“Fuck no,” I said, snapping at her. “We're killing this thing dead while we still can. For all we know, it could end up eating its Wheaties and return to kill us in five or ten centuries. Then wouldn't we look like assholes.”
“I think that ship has sailed,” Cindy said.
“Hush, you,” I snapped back.
“A wise decision,” Angel Eyes said, removed his ruined jacket and undershirt. This exposed his magnificent washboard abs and spectacular chest. I proceeded to look away and blush. He was really starting to annoy me when he did that.
“I am the beginning and end of all life in the universe. All souls exist to be consumed by me. “The miniature Zul-Barbas shouted in a cry of a hundred alien voices, louder than you'd expect from such a small frame.
I looked down at the little ball of evil. “You know, I liked the emotionless alien thing you appeared to me in my dreams as. If this is the cultist's view of what you were like, it sucks.”
The eldritch monster responded by leaping through the air and attaching itself to my face. Its tentacles wrapped around the back of my head, its hundreds of mouths bit into my face, and it tried to shove something down my throat. I would have made an Alien reference but I was kind of busy having my face assaulted.
“Blargh klarfg muaf blarg!” I shouted, waving my hands around like a madman and dancing around the room in a stunned panic.
“What did he say?” Amanda asked, looking to Mandy who'd been staring at the sight in stunned silence.
Mandy then burst into action. Her voice a low growl, sounding more annoyed than concerned. “He said to get it off him.”
Mandy rushed up to me and grabbed hold of Zul-Barbas' miniature frame and started pulling.
“Mmmph!” I shouted, pushing against the abomination. For those of you wondering what I was saying, it could best be summarized as 'try not to rip my face off in the process.' I think. It's all a bit fuzzy now, mercifully so.
Amanda and Mandy were strong enough together to pull Zul-Barbas off. Apparently, the Great Beast had left its world-crushing power back in its home dimension. Zul-Barbas sailed through the air, the thing flying back toward the rift it'd come through.
“Oh no you don't!” Mandy shouted. With superhuman speed, she hefted the Reaper’s Scythe and used it to slice through the creature in mid-air. Zul-Barbas split in half, its two sides landing three feet apart.
With that, the threat of Zul-Barbas ended. The walls stopped oozing and the crack in reality became nothing more than a hole in the floor. Outside, the downpour of blood was replaced with good old-fashioned acid rain. Even the air lost its crackle, becoming no more ionized than it would be after a common electrical storm.
“Well, that was anticlimactic. I confess, I was hoping for something a trifle more traditional. An epic confrontation between good and evil where everyone combines their powers to drive back the evil monster. Maybe a heroic sacrifice or two. This is almost subversive.”
“Blargh!” I responded, coughing up the goop Zul-Barbas had oozed from its appendages. “Blargh!”
“I can see you're busy now, so I'll wait until you're done to talk to you about it.”
“Gary, are you okay?” Mandy asked, using her vampire speed to return to my side in an instant.
“I'll pretend you didn't ask that.” I wiped off my mouth with my sleeve, partially to annoy Cloak. “Congratulations, Mandy, you saved the world. You're a superhero now.”
“At the mere cost of my soul,” Mandy said, showing her fangs. Her eyes glowed red too. I thought she was adorable.
“I wouldn't believe in any God or Goddess who didn't consider you his favorite child.” I moved to embrace her.
Mandy stopped me before I could, putting a hand against my chest. “You smell like alien goop. Also, I want you to brush your teeth.” She paused. “For a month.”
There was something odd about her posture, as if she was expecting to feel something but didn’t.
I put my palm in front of my mouth and breathed in the smell. The stench was enough to make my eyes roll back into the back of my head. “Maybe I'll mix bleach in with my mouth-wash. God, what the hell are Lovecraftian abominations made of, anyway?”
“You did a good thing here, today, Gary. For once, I'm proud to be joined with you.”
“Don't get too sentimental there, Pops. Don't forget this is all your fault.”
“I see we're not going to be having one of those 'start of a beautiful friendship' moments.”
“I preferred The Maltese Falcon myself,” I said, wiping my tongue down and trying to spit up any remaining goop.
“It didn't like, lay any eggs inside you, did it, Mister Karkofsky?” Amanda asked, walking up behind me and giving me a hug. “You're not going to have any alien demon babies, are you?”
“Please, never ever say that again.” I said, giving her a pat on the shoulder. “Don't you have high school classes to attend or something?”
“I'm twenty-five.”
“Don't worry. You still have plenty of time for the bitterness and hate of adulthood to set in.”
I vowed to help Amanda with her superheroics. A staggering number of Falconcrest City's supervillains had been killed during this nightmare but not all by any stretch of the imagination. She'd need all the help she could get. Besides, I wanted to buy her evi
l castle as a potential lair. I was going need a new one now that the Brotherhood had wrecked the clock tower.
Diabloman looked up from where the pieces of Zul-Barbas had fallen. “Boss, how do you want me to report this? Many of the city's ganglords and master criminals will want an explanation for recent events.”
I thought about how they would react to my almost getting eaten by a six-inch-tall monster. “Say I beat it up with my bare hands and it was two-hundred-feet-tall.”
“Very good, Boss.”
Amanda tapped me on the shoulder. “What's going to happen with the zombies?”
“Cloak?”
“Without Zul-Barbas to animate them, I imagine they're all going to return to the grave within the next hour or so.”
“Huh, that wraps everything up in a neat and tidy package, doesn't it?”
“It's hard to believe it's over. For nearly a century, the Brotherhood has been preparing for Zul-Barbas' rise. In the span of a month, you've wrecked their plans and left their god dead. There's no chance of recovering from this, they're finished.”
“Oh please,” I snorted, finding his optimism idiotic. “They'll be planning to resurrect Zul-Barbas or finding themselves a new evil god to worship in a month, tops.”
“Probably.” Cloak sighed. “It's the endless dance of our world. Supervillains commit crimes, superheroes arrest them, and then supervillains escape to commit more crimes. In Zul-Barbas' case, there's no end of fools like Chief Watkins who will be look for a way to bring him back. I bet there’s already a line of criminals forming to take over the Typewriter and Ice Cream Man’s identities too.”
“Eh, I wouldn't worry about it. If this is the best they can do, we'll be able to stop them easy.”
“Be careful, you’re sounding dangerously close to an antihero.”
“Perish the thought.”
“It’s a never-ending battle between good and evil.” Mandy hefted my scythe over her shoulder. “It gives us something to do.”
“But we're evil,” I said, before realizing the implications of her words. “Wait, you can hear him now?”
“Thank God, I couldn't imagine speaking to you alone for all eternity.”
“Yeah,” Mandy said. “It makes you sound marginally less like a crazy person.”
“Marginally,” I said, looking around the ruined Night Tower for my henchmen. “Okay, head count people, who's still alive?”
I knew everyone had gotten through this alright. Cindy was standing there looking exultant, still smiling the cane in her hand. Angel Eyes was looking bored, probably annoyed he hadn't had a chance to seize the spotlight. Either that or realizing Mandy preferred me over him.
“No accounting for taste.”
“Ha-ha, very funny. Even if I agree with you.”
Diabloman looked shell-shocked by everything which had happened. I'd have to take my Number Two on my next couple of heists. He hadn't had much chance to shine during our final battle and I wanted to give him that option. Maybe I could arrange a 'Take Your Daughter to Work Day' when I incorporated my evil empire. I bet he'd appreciate that. Mandy and Amanda, the resident non-evil members of my team, were beside me. Both looked worn-out yet triumphant. I couldn't blame them. They'd contributed the most to seeing the world saved. Yes, even more so than me. I'm not afraid to say it.
Amanda, despite everything, had weathered the storm of her first real crisis successfully. Despite my teasing, I was starting to see her as a worthy heir to the Nightwalker legacy. If I could come to believe her as the next one, I'm sure the average citizen of Falconcrest City would do the same. In a few years’ time, I suspected she'd be tough enough to take me down. I'd have to make sure I was tougher too by then.
Mandy, on the other hand, had a lot more on her plate now with the whole 'transformation into a creature of the night' thing. She looked hungry now, more than anything else. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to provide all the blood she needed, especially if it involved chewing me up. Still, a woman like her came twice in a millennium and I was willing to work through whatever problems life (and un-life) had to offer us. After all, if a marriage outlasted 'til death do us part' then it was worth saving.
Angel Eyes spoke up. “This is not what I signed up for, Merciless, but I will say you've rid the city of competition. A staggering number of my rivals are dead along with most of the city government. We will have little difficulty taking over the city.”
“Yay,” I said, without enthusiasm. I was just glad the city was safe, which I never expected to say.
Cindy, meanwhile, waved around her cane, looking armed and irritable. “Is anyone going to comment on the fact I shot the main villain? Or are we going to ignore that because Mandy killed the little octopus-gerbil thing?”
“Yes, Cindy, you're awesome. You are a special snowflake princess who rules over all other snowflakes.”
“And don't you forget it.” Cindy put the weapon back into her picnic basket. “I'm expecting a bigger cut of the billions we'll be extorting from the city over this.”
“I'll see if I can work something out with the city fathers,” I said, imagining they'd do anything to get the city's tourism trade back on track. I was already thinking of Planet Merciless, Merciless Supervillain Rap Records, and a dozen other franchises to rebuild the city on. I'd have to work out the details with Diabloman.
Speaking of which, Diabloman stood on the edge of the shattered clock face, gazing out onto the city below. “In a moment like this, all of a person's sins are erased. By saving the world, we could abandon our paths as supervillains and embrace the light. We would be accepted as superheroes and the world would laud us as champions.”
“Why the hell would we want to do that?” I asked, walking up beside my Number Two.
“You have no regrets?” Diabloman asked.
“Why should I? As far as I'm concerned, I have learned nothing from this little adventure except how to do evil more efficiently. Oh and never try to summon horrible monsters from another reality. That never works out.”
It wasn't true. I regretted what happened with Mandy. I regretted what happened with Sunlight. I also regretted not getting the chance to kick Amanda’s father’s ass for what he did to his wife and child. Overall, though, I was pretty satisfied with how things had turned out. After all, the world wasn't primordial chaos or a place without superpowers. I think I'd go mad in such a banal and colorless place.
“You are truly a great supervillain,” Diabloman said, bowing his head. “One we are all honored to follow.”
“Speak for yourself,” Angel Eyes said.
“I'm thinking of actually demanding a full partnership,” Cindy said.
“He follows, I lead,” Mandy said.
“I'm not a supervillain. I'm more just not arresting you guys.” Amanda clarified. “Which won't happen the next time we meet.”
I smiled. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Nightwalker.”
Diabloman didn't notice. Instead, he just laughed. “What next?”
I looked out onto Falconcrest City, taking in all its breathtaking glory. It was a whole city ripe for the taking. Seeing Ultragoddess’ light move through the air, I pushed aside those thoughts. “I’m not feeling very supervillainy right now. If you won’t tell anyone, I think I’m going down there to take care of any remaining zombies to get this place back on its feet.”
Angel Eyes said, “I won’t tell.”
Cindy and Diabloman laughed.
Mandy was silent.
Epilogue
I worked until the better part of the morning, only stopping when it was clear I was running out of power. My compact with Death had given me massively expanded energy reserves, far more than the Nightwalker ever had, plus the city was a walking negative reservoir but my experience with channeling was limited. The others helped, though, and with the Shadow Seven's help we'd made the city absent several thousand more zombies.
Now the city was freed from its dome prison, hopefully the government wo
uld be able to send relief or allow superheroes in. If not, we'd probably be able to cleanse the city ourselves in a week. Falconcrest City had suffered a terrible blow but my city would recover, I guaranteed it.
It helped that I intended to extort the government into sending a massive amount of relief money and, if not, would steal however many billions necessary to get it fixed. The fact the Brotherhood of Infamy was no longer present to the corrupt the city or outright working for me would help.
Angel Eyes, Cindy, and Diabloman went off on their own after I decided to retire with Mandy. Angel Eyes was fascinated at the prospect of being a hero and my suggestion he use the camera equipment at WFCB to address the city and nation. If nothing else, social media would let the world outside know who had saved them. I certainly didn't want them to know it was me and Gabrielle's team was, at present, still a secret.
I hoped I hadn't created a monster.
Mandy was conspicuously silent on the way home, giving one word answers or staring out the window of the Nightmaster's car I'd stolen. I wasn't sure how our marriage would adjust to the fact she was a vampire now, but I was willing to try. Pulling the car to a stop, I opened the door for her to get out and walked beside her to the porch.
“I think we'll focus on finding you blood stores which won't offend your moral sensibilities,” I said, smiling.
“That would be best, yes.” Mandy's voice was cold, colder than I expected.
Entering through the front door with my wife by my side, I was already trying to figure out how to introduce our dogs to their newly changed mother when Mandy grabbed me by the arm.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, looking at her.
Mandy shut the door behind us. Her gaze was empty. “I don't know who you are.”
I stared at her, a sudden sense of overwhelming terror filling my belly. “What?”
“I know your name, I know our past together, and I remember the emotions associated to them. But you are a stranger to me.”
I shook my head. “Don't joke around like this, Mandy.”
The Games of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 2) Page 24