“But Leeann told me the Conservation Committee was trying to buy the land.”
“I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
She stared at him as a queasiness snaked into her stomach. Had she been right about him all along? “I don’t understand.”
St. John rested his butt against the desk, his chuckle good-natured. “Maybe this will help: when the town purchases large parcels of land, they sell portions to MacMillan, which they were going to do to seventy-five percent of this property. I wasn’t going to let happen. I’m showing you this because I want you to trust me completely, and I need someone to manage the project and would like that person to be you.”
“You’re going too fast, St. John. I’m still back at you buying the farm.” She leaned over the schematic to hide her embarrassment for doubting him.
“What do you think? You can still write your blog and work with Jimbo, but this way you’ll have extra money, so you can pay me back for the repairs on the house.”
She gave him a WTF-look and received a robust laugh in response.
“I know you, Shannon,” he said. “You’d never take the work for free. And this job is not a handout. I can’t be in twelve places at once. What do you think?”
“I need time to process this.”
“Fine with me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“What exactly does that mean?” She folded her arms to show him she was tired of pussyfooting around.
He held open his slip of paper, revealing the words, I Love You.
She opened her piece and showed him what she’d written. I’m sorry.
She realized her mistake as soon as she saw his crestfallen expression. “No, no,” she clutched his shirt. “Not that kind of ‘I’m sorry.’ I wrote this when you said I couldn’t go first and… I don’t mean I’m sorry that you love me.” She bent and rewrote on the reverse side of the paper and held it up. “See, I love you too,” she said and hugged him around the neck. “I love you, St. John.” She sensed him pulling away. “Where are you going?”
“I have to say something first.” He tried to loosen her arms.
She tightened her hold and insisted, “This isn’t the time to talk. Kiss me.”
“I’ll kiss you in a minute, but first, you need to know something about me.”
She let him go and crossed her arms. “Oh, please. I know exactly what you’re going to say, and no, I’m not writing it down. You’re going to say you might screw things up because that’s what you do, and you don’t know how to love, and you don’t want to hurt me or Chad and…and… What else?”
“You left out that I snore.”
“Great, so do I.” If she had to shake him to get him to understand, she would, but first she’d try words. “Listen to me, St. John. We’re damaged people, you and me, and we’re going to screw up, but I’d rather screw up with you than without you.”
“Deal,” he said and enveloped her with his arms. “Oh, I forgot to mention I do have one rule.”
“Of course you do.” She giggled. What was one more rule among his other hundred?
He looked down at her, the renegade piece of hair hanging over his eyebrow. “Never stop loving me.”
She twirled the strand. “You don’t have to worry. That’s not going to happen.”
Their lips met, and she exhaled.
She’d done it. She’d gotten herself and Chad away from Justin, and she’d found a safe place for them. And it was in St. John’s love.
Thank you, goddess.
The End
Epilogue
“Live the life you imagined.”
Henry David Thoreau
October 2011
“To sum it all up, Shannon, it’s over.” Martin stacked the papers on the conference table into a neat pile. “Any questions?”
Shannon sat stupefied at the news. Something wasn’t right. “Are you sure?”
“Except for Justin’s payment to you. Once it arrives, I’ll forward it on, but you have the money from the closing, correct?”
“Yes.” She was being silly, but she couldn’t shake the uneasiness suddenly gripping her chest. Justin had found his bliss and was living in Florida with his new wife and a baby on the way. “Justin can’t change the custody arrangements, can he?” It seemed foolish to ask; he’d willingly signed over full custody and all visitation rights. She’d told him she wouldn’t keep him and Chad apart, but he’d waved her off, saying she could raise ‘the brat.’ Plus, one of Tony’s guys was keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t take any sudden trips to Wexford. So what was eating at her?
“I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I’ll send Jayla in. I have a meeting in my office. There are some papers you need to sign, and she wants to talk with you.”
Marty shook Shannon’s hand and left the room.
Jayla entered. “Pretty surreal, huh?” She claimed Marty’s seat.
“That’s putting it mildly,” Shannon responded. “I don’t understand why I’m not dancing on this table.”
Jayla placed a pamphlet in front of her.
“This is why. Marty always wants to wait until the divorce is final before we broach this subject.”
Shannon read the name of the organization. “Bridges, domestic and sexual violence support?” She reread it, this time in silence, and stared at Jayla. “You’re saying I need a support group?”
“Yes, you and Chad both.”
“We’re fine,” Shannon said, pushing the brochure back to Jayla. “I make sure to talk to Chad about his feelings, and Justin didn’t really abuse me; he was just a jerk.”
Jayla squeezed Shannon’s hand and returned the pamphlet. “Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re a survivor of domestic abuse. Justin didn’t break any bones, but he abused you emotionally. You may not have physical bruises, but the scars are there just the same.”
“Okay, but why now? Why didn’t you give this to me in September or back in the summer, for that matter?”
“That’s easy to explain: you’ve been occupied with the divorce, the child custody classes, meetings with the mediator, getting the house ready to move it. Plus, add in your new relationship with St. John, and your mind swept all the bad stuff aside. Now that the divorce is over, it’s creeping back in, and the first indication is what you’re feeling—like there’s some impending doom coming your way. I’ve been where you are, Shannon. That’s how I met St. John and Marty. I was at St. John’s bar with my ex, who used me as a punching bag. He smacked me, and St. John saw it. He threw my husband out into the parking lot and took me to see Marty. I learned the hard way that unless we, as survivors, do the head work to heal, we’ll doom any chance we get with a new man, or woman in my case.” Jayla tapped the pink-and-blue pamphlet. “They’ll help you. And they’ll help Chad. And I will too. The offer to spend some girl-time together still stands.”
“I’d like that.” Shannon slipped the pamphlet into her purse. She had been snapping at Chad and St. John lately, and no amount of spells and circle castings seemed to help. Or had they? She’d asked for guidance, and here it was. “I’ll make an appointment this week. Thank you.”
“My pleasure,” Jayla said. “I have some papers for you to sign, and then you’re a free woman.”
I still can’t believe it’s over.
While she rode the elevator, Shannon sent St. John a text, and received an immediate response.
Believe it. Rule number 39: Never question the universe.
The elevator doors opened, and she entered the lobby. Standing to the side, she returned her attention to her phone. I think you’re just making up rules.
Not true. Someday I’ll show you the bound copy. I keep it in the same vault where I kept my heart.
And where’s your heart now?
In your hands. Handle it with care, it’s pretty beaten up.
As is mine so you’ll need to do the same. There was no doubt in her mind; her heart was safe.
Got it. Kid gloves. We’ll celebrate
tonight after we get Chad’s Halloween costume. How does Chuck-E-Cheese sound? Nothing says you’re free like Skee-Ball and cardboard pizza.
I’ll bring my headache and stomach powders. I love you and I’ll see you tonight. Go back to work.
I love you too. See you tonight, Ms. Muller (I don’t know how to add the two dots over the ‘u’, sorry, we might need to change your last name.)
She reread the string of words. Had he just proposed? She nibbled on her lip as she contemplated asking him. She changed her mind and typed instead, I just got my name back but if you can offer something better, be my guest.
I have a few thoughts on the subject. I’ll see you and Chad later. Oh, and I love you. Bye.
See you tonight and I love you too. Bye.
She didn’t care if people passing by heard her laughing like a goof; she couldn’t contain her joy. She’d succeeded in rescuing herself and Chad, and had even rescued St. John along the way.
All was becoming as it should.
Blessed be.
Dear Reader
Writing Breaking the Rules was tough for me. The topic of gaslighting brought forth memories I’d long ago buried. Gaslighting isn’t in the forefront when people discuss domestic violence. Although the scars aren’t visible, the damage verbal abuse does to a person’s self-esteem, and spirit, is real.
To my beta readers, thank you for your gentle critiques (especially you, Barb – you rock); to my sister, Dyan, thank you for sharing your own story with me; and to my son, Chris, your words of wisdom kept me pushing forward. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And to you, dear reader, thank you for purchasing Breaking the Rules. I do so hope you’ll leave a review on Social Media. (Shameless groveling.) ☺
I love when readers connect with me and hope you’ll reach out. Until then,
Blessed be,
Tinthia
Journey Stew
Ingredients
1 Tbls extra-virgin olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 cup thinly sliced onions
1 cup each, thickly sliced carrots, celery, and mushrooms
3 medium, Yukon gold potatoes, unpeeled and roughly cut.
2 cups cooked kidney beans (If using canned beans, rise well first.)
8 ounces chunky-style, unseasoned tomatoes.
1 cup of veggie base mixed with two cups water (or 3 cups veggie broth, low sodium)
1 bay leaf
1 Tbls chopped fresh thyme and rosemary, or 1/2 tsp dry
3 Tbls flour
1/4 cup Sherry (not cooking Sherry)
Salt and pepper to taste
Directions
Heat oil in a large, heavy saucepan over medium heat, add garlic and sauté for two minutes (don’t let the garlic brown).
Add onions and continue sautéing until slices are translucent.
Add carrots, celery, and mushrooms and cook 10 minutes, stirring frequently, scraping the bottom of the pan to loosen browned bits.
Add potatoes, beans, tomato sauce, and veggie base/water mixture, reserving 1/4 cup of the veggie base/water mixture.
Stir well.
Use a toothpick and scratch your journey’s goal into the bay leaf and add, with remaining spices, to the stew and bring to a boil.
Reduce heat to low and simmer 30 minutes or until vegetables are fork-tender, stirring occasionally.
When veggies are tender, whisk the flour into remaining broth until smooth and add to stew, along with the Sherry.
Simmer for an additional five minutes.
Adjust seasoning with salt and pepper to taste.
Remove the bay leaf and set aside. When you're able, bury it outside while visualizing your journey's goal. Add a prayer of thanks for the food that nourished your body and soul.
Serve with a rustic bread. Enjoy!
Aphrodite’s Brownies
Ingredients
1 cup butter
1 cup 100% Dutch unsweetened baking cocoa
4 large eggs
1/2 tsp finely-ground sea salt
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup dark brown sugar, packed
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 cup unbleached, all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup 60% cacao chunks
1 cup black walnuts (optional)
Directions
Preheat oven to 350°F.*
Line a 9″x 13″ baking pan with parchment paper. Allow the paper to extend from the 9″ edges to form 'handles'.
Melt the butter in a microwave or on top of the stove in a boiling water bath (double-boiler).
Stir in sugars until dissolved.
Add cocoa to the above mixture and stir until dissolved and set aside to cool.
In a separate bowl mix the dry ingredients and set aside.
In a medium-sized mixing bowl, beat the eggs, vanilla, and salt until light and frothy.
Using a wide rubber spatula, gently mix the cooled chocolate mixture into the blended eggs.
Make a depression in the dry ingredients and fold in the egg-chocolate mixture. (Don't over-mix or your brownies will have a tough texture.)
Gently blend in the chocolate chunks and pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 25 minutes.
The brownies will be done when the top is shiny and cracked. The inside should be fudgy, not dry.
Allow to cool in the pan for five minutes then remove by lifting parchment paper using the 'handles'.
Allow the brownies finish cooling on wire rack before cutting.
Store in an air-tight container; may be frozen up to three months.
*If using a glass baking dish, decrease oven temperature by 25°
Adapted from the recipe archives of Grace DiLorenzo
Soft Sugar Cookie Bars
Ingredients
Cookie Dough
1/2 cup unsalted butter softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
2 Tbsp. sour cream
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 -1/3 cups unbleached, all- purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp finely ground, sea salt
Frosting
1/2 cup unsalted butter softened
2 heaping cups powdered sugar
2 Tbsp. milk, half and half, or light cream
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
food coloring (optional)
candy sprinkles (optional)
Directions
Preheat oven to 375°F and line a 9X13-inch baking pan with foil and grease lightly.
Beat butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add the egg, sour cream, and vanilla and beat until thoroughly combined. The mixture might look slightly curdled.
In a separate bowl, combine dry ingredients.
With your mixer on low, add the dry ingredients, mixing until a soft dough forms. Avoid over-mixing.
Using your fingers, evenly press the dough into the pan.
Bake for about 15 minutes, until the top appears dry and the edges are just starting to turn light brown.
Make sure not to over bake, as dough will continue to cook a little after you remove the pan from the oven.
Leave the baked dough in the pan and set aside to cool while you prepare the frosting.
Frosting
Beat the butter and powdered sugar until light and fluffy.
Add the milk and extract and beat for several more minutes until smooth.
Add food coloring, if using.
Use an offset spatula or butter knife to spread the frosting over the cooled dough.
Top with sprinkles and slice into squares and remove bars from pan.
Store in an air-tight container; may be frozen up to one month.
Soft Sugar Cookie Bars courtesy of www.celebratingsweets.com
Half-Moon Cookies
Ingredients
1 cup butter, softened
2 cups granulated sugar
3/4 cup 100% Dutch unsweetened baking cocoa powder, sifted
2 large eggs
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
3-3/4 cups unbleached, all- purpose flour
2 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp finely ground, sea salt
1-1/2 cups whole milk or 2%
Vanilla Frosting
6 Tbsp. butter softened
2-2/3 cups confectioners' sugar
1/3 cup cream, or half and half
1-1/2 tsp vanilla extract
Chocolate Frosting
Breaking the Rules Page 27