by Lane Hayes
“For you,” he said, sliding a large cup across the table.
“Thank you. And this…is for you.” I popped open the box with a Vanna White hand motion and then handed him a fork. “Chocolate Peanut Butter and Red Velvet. Dig in.”
“Wouldn’t you rather have lunch first?”
“Nope!”
“You’re like a kid sometimes,” he said affectionately. “Come here. You’re already wearing your chocolate frosting.”
I leaned across the table, expecting Finn to wipe a smudge I had zero interest in addressing while a chocolate cupcake was calling my name. He met me halfway then licked the corner of my mouth and kissed my lips.
“Um…th-thanks,” I stammered around a mouthful of cupcake.
“My pleasure. You’re not going to cross the bridge, are you?”
“What?” I asked with faux surprise. “Are you doubting my endurance?”
“Never. It’s just that you tend to stall when you don’t want to do something.”
“You noticed that, eh? Well, no. I don’t want to ride across the bridge. It’s windy, I’m tired and honestly, I’m kind of scared too.”
“Why would you be scared?”
“Seriously? Being suspended above the ocean with a piece of metal separating you from a sheer drop into shark infested waters on one side or a gory run-in with a semi-truck on the other does not sound like my idea of fun. Rain check?” I fluttered my eyelashes then picked up my cup and raised it in a toast.
Finn chuckled. “All right. Another time. I know you aren’t ready to tackle the hills home yet, so what do you want to do after you eat your cupcakes?”
“They’re for you too. Have a bite.” I dipped into the red velvet and held it to his lips. He rolled his eyes and finally opened his mouth and sucked. Maybe I was dehydrated from our bike ride, but I swore I saw stars. I gulped as I pulled my hand away.
“Delicious,” he agreed in a seductive, low voice that made my workout pants feel a size too small.
“Don’t do that,” I whispered. “We’re too far from home to do anything sexy, so behave.”
Finn winked then took a sip of his coffee. “All right then. Where to next?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just…walk around the shops for a while. Maybe we can ride to Chrissy Field after. It’s nice and flat there. Plus we can see the bridge up close, which is almost as good as riding on it. Or I can call Eric and Zane and see what they’re up to. They live a couple of blocks away and—”
“I’m sure Eric is sick of me. We’ve spent a lot of time together at work lately,” he said with a wry smile as he stretched his legs in front of him. Like me, Finn was wearing long black workout pants. Unlike me, his muscular calves and thighs filled them out to perfection.
Oh. I hadn’t expected him to bring this up but…this was good.
“Right. I didn’t know Eric and Nick would be in Chicago with you. How are they involved in your new office opening?”
“I sell a lot of their products. It’s important that my new team members are familiar with EN Tech from the top down. Both Eric and Nick addressed my sales force and my engineers and attended a couple of Q&As. It was great. I’ll have to go back again soon to hire a manager for that region but—”
“What about Scarlet?”
Finn cocked his head and narrowed his gaze. “I doubt Scarlet is interested in being a regional manager.”
“But she was in Chicago too. Wasn’t she?”
Finn nodded slowly. “Yes, she was. She was visiting family in the area and—did I do something wrong?”
I managed to pull off an indignant “oh, puh-leaze” look but for good measure I added, “Like what?”
“I don’t know. You know she’s my friend. Why would you be upset?”
“Because you didn’t tell me,” I snapped. “I heard it from Zane. And then Dante made some comment about you ‘keeping up appearances’ and…it bugged me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep anything from you. It didn’t occur to me to mention it.”
“Believe it or not, that doesn’t make me feel better.” I swallowed a bite of cupcake then stared out the window and silently berated myself for opening my big mouth in the first place.
“Josh, look at me.” He waited until I obeyed before continuing. “Scarlet and I are old friends. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I’m not worried,” I lied. “But hey, it’s a little weird that I’ve never met her. It makes me feel like I’m the temporary one and—whoa. I need to shut up. I can’t blame tequila or excess sugar until I’ve eaten this whole cupcake so let’s just…change the subject. Read any good books lately?”
Finn didn’t laugh at the silly face I made or my corny delivery. He simply shook his head and then leaned in and cupped the back of my neck. “I—I’m not good at this part, Josh. I’ve been on my own for a long time. I don’t know the rules and—”
“There aren’t any rules,” I scoffed. “Not formal ones anyway. We’re friends. We’re supposed to know how to communicate, right?”
“Wrong. I can’t read your mind and I can’t unlearn a lifetime worth of coping skills if I don’t know there’s another way. You have to tell me,” he said in a low earnest tone.
“Fine. It bothered me that she was with you and I didn’t know it.”
“Okay. It won’t happen again.”
“Just like that?” I asked skeptically.
“Just like that.”
Finn squeezed my hand and then angled his chin toward the exit. “Come, love. Let’s take a walk.”
“You want to go shopping?”
“I didn’t say that, but…I’ll follow wherever you lead.”
The swoon-worthy sentiment spoken in that beautiful brogue was nearly my undoing. And when he placed a protective hand on my shoulder and then kissed my brow before moving to open the door, I knew I was in big trouble. Because unlike the first time I’d fallen for him, I was in deeper than ever. Yet those niggling doubts weren’t easily overlooked. They were like landmines we navigated carefully in an effort not upset the peace.
We meandered through a couple of shops but neither of us was really interested. When I pointed at the window of a drug store, Finn shook his head and mouthed stalling. I sighed and followed him back to our bikes, thinking it was funny that he knew me so well already.
“Did you forget the combination or are you coming down prematurely from your sugar high?” Finn snarked.
“Where do you see yourself next year?”
Finn didn’t seem as taken aback as me by my weird non sequitur. “You forgot the combination, didn’t you?”
“No, smartass. It’s a real question.” I waved impatiently then ducked my head to concentrate on the code. I gave him a shit-eating grin when the lock clicked.
He smiled then shrugged nonchalantly. “You go first.”
“I honestly don’t know. I had a hard time picturing myself at Dante’s gallery. It was crowded and chaotic the way openings are, but I usually love that and…I didn’t love it last week.”
“Maybe you should go back on an ordinary day to see what it’s really like,” he suggested as he pulled his bike out.
We walked side by side then stopped at the corner to put our helmets on. “You’re right. I’ll swing by one day next week.”
He held his helmet at his side and gave me a searching look. “Dante is thrilled to have you start, you know. He really likes you.”
“Have you been talking about me?”
Finn’s phone rang loudly. He moved his cell from one pocket to the other but didn’t answer it. “Don’t get defensive. He didn’t call to chat about you. He was asking after Scarlet and—”
“Dante knows Scarlet too?” I don’t know why, but that bugged me.
Finn gave me a perturbed look. “Yes. We’ve all been friends for ages. What—”
“Your phone is ringing,” I snipped irritably. He gave his cell a cursory glance. His expression changed from agitation to
worry in seconds flat. “What’s wrong?”
“I have five missed calls from Scarlet.”
“It must be important,” I said over the buzzing in my ear.
I studied him carefully as he licked his bottom lip and pushed Call. He stood straight and tall with his cell pressed to his ear in the same no-bullshit way he always did when he was discussing business or something he knew might be significant. He wiped his free hand on his navy pullover and turned slightly.
“Hi. Are you okay?”
I heard a woman’s scream through the connection and had an instant of panic when Finn went pale. He clenched his jaw as if in pain but before I could truly freak out, he smiled. It wasn’t an effusively happy gesture, but it indicated a positive response to whatever news the caller was relaying.
My nostrils flared as I tried to contain my emotions and not embarrass myself in public. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I wasn’t sure how I felt about what I thought might be happening. The buzzing noise was louder than ever. I could see Finn speaking but I couldn’t hear a thing. I wasn’t surprised when he turned to me with a shocked expression.
“She’s pregnant.”
11
Everyone reacted to major life-changing events in their own way. But generally speaking, most people would agree that finding out you were expecting a baby was a big fucking deal for first-time parents. The promise of a new beginning in its most elemental, pure form was a thing of beauty. I may have been actively grappling with misplaced jealousy, but I was thankfully able to set it aside and celebrate the occasion with a whoop of joy and a heartfelt hug. I even whipped the phone from Finn’s hand to congratulate Scarlet when his frozen silence went on a beat too long.
The conversation wasn’t particularly memorable. I introduced myself, she told me she’d heard a lot about me and then thanked me for the well-wishes. It wasn’t the content of our brief interaction that stood out. It was the silence in between. Finn’s stony expression, Scarlet’s sweet but carefully chosen words and me…the guy in the middle. I didn’t get who they were to each other because I’d never had a relationship like theirs. I had plenty of female friends, but Finn and Scarlet weren’t just friends, they were each other’s alibi. Like my parents had been.
Finn’s initial state of shock morphed into a sort of cautious emotional distancing from the situation. He rarely talked about the baby and he never asked questions. Then again, he also worked like crazy too. He spent long hours at the office or he traveled. When I halfheartedly joked that Chicago was turning into his second home, he just smiled and suggested that I come with him next time. We could meet at the Art Institute and go on an architecture tour. As tempting as it sounded, I couldn’t just leave. Not now.
I’d just given my two-week notice at Kostas Realty and I owed them my full time and attention, even if said job was traipsing to Starbucks for Talia’s daily caffeine fix. And I still had to decide what I was going to do afterward. Take over Marley’s position at the museum or work for Dante at his gallery. I pondered my two choices as though it was a matter of life or death. Something was holding me back and I couldn’t figure out what it was.
Marley wasn’t particularly sympathetic.
“I don’t get it. What’s the fuss? Either job is easy money to work somewhere you’d like and both would look great on a grad school application. That’s what you should do. Go get your master’s,” Marley suggested testily before motioning toward Matisse’s La Conversation. “Make this guy proud! The best way to show your appreciation for anything you love is to share it with others. Stop farting around with language courses you aren’t serious about, get your ass in gear, and figure out how you can make a difference.”
“I will, I will.” I chuckled as I put my arm around my friend. “I’m not sure why I’m stalling. I’ve developed a bad habit of waiting for other people to make decisions before I step up and make my own.”
“Who are you waiting on…Finn?” she asked as she laid her head on my shoulder.
“No, well…maybe. I don’t know. Everything feels unsettled in a way I don’t get.”
“Are you looking for a ring?”
“No! What I really want is a sense of certainty.”
“Join the club,” she snarked. “You can’t be sure of anything. Not really. You have to have faith. I’m not feeding you religion. It’s just life. You have to take chances and sometimes you’re prepared and other times, you close your eyes and send up a quick prayer you don’t bust up in a spectacular wreck. Trust yourself and above all, be happy, Josh.”
I hugged her tightly and smiled. “When do you leave?”
“Monday. I don’t want any teary good-byes. I want to look at art with you and then make a date to do it again next month. Deal?”
“Deal.”
She pulled away from me and pointed at the painting in front of us. “I like Matisse’s other La Conversation better. The one with the brilliant blue background and the artist and his wife engaged in an intense fight or debate or…something. They aren’t touching and you don’t know what they’re saying but you can feel the heat coming through all that blue paint. We’re all like that, aren’t we? We look at the surface or hear what we’re told but we’re constantly engaged in sub conversations. You tell me you like my earrings and I wonder why you didn’t compliment my hair cut. Maybe you didn’t notice or maybe you hate it. How will I know that you’re sincere?”
“I get it. And for the record, I love your earrings and your hair.”
“Good answer,” she said with a laugh. “Just remember…if you aren’t the artist, you aren’t allowed to touch the art. You have to use your other senses and figure it out on your own.”
I nodded in acknowledgment. She was right. My direction wasn’t clear but I wasn’t alone. I had people I loved and respected to lean on when times got tough. Assurance and clarity might have been nice, but they’d come eventually. In the meantime, I had to trust what I couldn’t touch and hope for the best.
Twilight had begun to descend when I finally said good-bye to Marley and hopped a westbound bus. I grabbed an empty seat in the back and fished my phone from my pocket. I typed a quick text to Grant just as a new call from Finn lit up my screen.
“Hi,” I answered.
“Hi. I’m home.”
God, I loved his voice. It was deep and sexy and after a week apart, it did things to me. I shifted in my seat and tried to clandestinely adjust my cock without looking like the perv on the bus.
“I’m somewhere on Market, making my way toward the Castro. I need to go home to—”
“Just come over. I have everything you need here.”
“You don’t have a change of clothes,” I smirked, glancing out the rain-streaked bus window.
“You won’t be needing clothes,” he replied in a husky tone. “Come, love. I missed you.”
My heart expanded in my chest making it difficult to breathe for a moment. “I’m on my way.”
Really, what more was there to say? I wasn’t sure I trusted myself or my direction where Finn was concerned. But this felt right. And for now, that was enough.
A week apart made for a passionate reunion. The pull between us seemed stronger than ever. We spent all Friday night and most of Saturday in bed. We ordered take-out when we got hungry and went out for coffee when Finn realized he’d run out. We made sure some body part was in constant contact when we weren’t writhing between the sheets. I might have chalked it up to your average horny homecoming, but when Finn held my hand above my head and stared into my eyes, I knew something was changing again.
We couldn’t get enough of each other. When I commented that we’d had more sex in twenty-four hours than we usually had in a week, Finn chuckled and massaged my sore ass. “Are you saying no more?”
“I’m saying it’s your turn to bottom if you want more, baby.” I waggled my eyebrows to infuse a little humor before I bent to suck his cock.
He moaned beneath me, holding my head as I worke
d him over. His caveman aggressive side was a total turn on. I ground my pelvis against his leg, unable to keep my desire in check. I broke away for air and bent to suck his balls, one at a time. Then I lifted them and licked a trail to his hole. He loved being on the giving and receiving end of a good rim job, but he usually diverted the attention back to me so I was the one begging him to fuck me. I couldn’t do it again today if I wanted to walk tomorrow, but I was willing to play all day and all night.
Finn lifted his hips and spread his cheeks in invitation. I stabbed at the puckered flesh with the tip of my tongue then licked the sensitive skin over and over until he chanted my name in a sort of worshipful litany. I blinked in a daze when he pushed at my forehead to stop me.
“Fuck me, Josh,” he whispered, pointing to the supplies on the nightstand. He threw a condom at me and then poured lube onto his hand and laid back to slick himself. Then he scooted closer to me and spread his legs wide. “I want you inside me. Please.”
I nodded and suited up as fast as I could. My racing pulse and clammy hands made me clumsier than usual. And while I had a million questions, I wasn’t about to ask any of them now. Especially not, “Are you sure?”
I knelt between his thighs and set my sheathed cock on his entrance and pushed.
He was tight. Very tight. It took serious patience to work myself inside him. I moved at a glacial pace, inch by inch, stopping to let him adjust to my girth until I was all the way there. Then I rested my forehead against his and slowly rocked my hips. I kept up a languid back and forth, nothing more than a steady rolling motion. When he clawed at my back and cried out, “Fuck me!” I readily obeyed. I bit his bottom lip then licked his scruffy chin and his neck and let myself go. I drove into him, clutching his shoulders for purchase then gritting my teeth when he tweaked my nipples.
“That hurts,” I growled.
Finn chuckled softly and immediately let go. He pulled me forward with one arm and pushed his free hand between us to stroke his dick while I fucked him.
“I’d never hurt you, Josh,” he said in a low earnest tone. “Never. This is so good. So perfect.”