Adventurous Proposal

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Adventurous Proposal Page 3

by Laura Barnard


  ‘This is my father,’ he says quickly, avoiding her question.

  A tall man with a full head of grey hair smiles at me. It’s a tight smile. One full of suspicion.

  ‘I brought banana bread,’ I blurt out, presenting it to his Mum. Her eyes widen in alarm as if I’ve just asked her did she fancy a line of cocaine. Instead, she chooses to completely ignore me and turn to Hugh.

  ‘Hugh, we seem to have met Florence’s Mother and...friend.’

  ‘Life partner,’ Joan says, pulling Mum close to her.

  Oh, God. Kill me now. These are not the sort of people who seem open-minded to lesbian mothers. These look like the kind of people that hunt for sport.

  ‘Life partner,’ his Mum repeats as if she’s just said pig fucking another. ‘But what we’re all dying to know is why we’ve all been summoned here.’

  I gulp. She’s like a scary headmistress.

  Hugh takes my shaking hand in his. I look at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something.

  ‘Err...myself and Florence...we’re...’ I can make out a sheen of sweat on his forehead. He coughs to clear his throat, squeezing my hand tighter. ‘Getting married.’

  Silence descends on the room. I stop breathing, looking around at the frozen faces. Has someone pressed pause here?

  ‘What, darling?’ his Mum repeats with a tight smile.

  My Mum’s features finally move, and now she looks astonished.

  ‘Sweetheart, I didn’t even know you were seeing someone. How long have you been together?’

  There’s the awkward question we’re gonna have to get used to.

  ‘Err...’ Should I lie or tell her the truth? ‘Not long.’ There, that’s not actually a lie.

  ‘Congratulations,’ his Dad says, stepping forward to shake his hand.

  I’m glad someone’s happy for us. He kisses me awkwardly on the cheek. ‘Nice to meet you, Florence. My great grandmother was called Florence.’

  That’s a coincidence and a half. I can already tell this is his way of trying to put me at ease. I smile gratefully.

  ‘What, darling?’ his Mum repeats, shaking her head as if just realising what’s happening. ‘I’m sorry, but I must have misheard you. I thought you just said you were getting married.’

  His grip on my waist tightens. ‘That’s right, Mother. Now’s the time you should be congratulating us.’

  She stares back at me as if I’m the devil, her inquisitive eyes studying me suspiciously.

  ‘Well,’ Joan says with a clap, attempting to break the tension, ‘we certainly wish you rainbows and moonbeams.’

  I smile, despite being mortified. Why does she have to be such a hippy? Can’t she just say congratulations like a normal person?

  Mum smiles genuinely and gives me a quick kiss on my cheek. ‘Nice to meet you,’ she says to Hugh. ‘Hugh, is it?’

  ‘Yes,’ he nods with a dashing smile. ‘Nice to finally meet you.’

  I narrow my eyes at him with a comical smile. Finally. Finally, my arse. He only knew she existed this morning.

  We all look back at his Mum. The frown hasn’t faded. If she carries on we’re gonna have to call in her Botox guy, which she no doubt has.

  ‘I’m afraid that no, I cannot give you rainbows and moonbeams. I seem to be the only one here who isn’t pretending that this is a joke! This is the first thing I’ve heard of Florence. How long have you been together? And why on earth have you kept it a secret?’

  Someone was going to call us out eventually, and he did warn me about her. I look up to Hugh, biting my lip. Please be the one to answer. Don’t throw me to the lions straight away.

  ‘We met...’ he swallows, but shoots me a quick reassuring smile, ‘last night.’

  Jaws practically hit the floor. Awkward turtle.

  ‘Last night?’ my Mum repeats. ‘As in...’ she tilts her head to the side, ‘yesterday?’

  ‘Yep,’ I smile, attempting to hide behind Hugh.

  ‘Is this a joke?’ His Dad asks in all seriousness.

  Now that he’s said it out loud it does bloody sound utterly ridiculous.

  ‘Nope,’ Hugh insists. ‘Florence and I have decided that we’ve got the rest of our life to get to know each other.’

  ‘This is absurd,’ his Mum says in disgust. ‘Why on earth would you propose to someone you just met? Have you had a breakdown, darling? Should I call Doctor Jedwards?’

  They have a doctor called Jedwards? It reminds me of those nutty twins from the X Factor.

  He laughs shortly, his jaw tense. ‘No, mother. I’m not having a breakdown. Just seeing things clearly for once.’

  ‘Clearly? How on earth is marrying the first girl you set your eyes on last night thinking clearly? It’s being a complete dumb arse by any standards!’

  He sighs, his body deflating from effort. ‘You’ve been banging on at me for months to settle down and get married.’

  ‘I meant to Felicity. Not this tramp!’

  Oh, my God. She actually called me a tramp?

  ‘How dare you call my daughter a tramp?’ My Mum shouts from across the room. She walks over and stands beside me. I smile at her solidarity. She might be embarrassing sometimes, but at least she trusts me to make my own decisions.

  ‘Oh, what do you know? You big hippy lesbian!’ his Mum shouts back.

  ‘Mother!’ Hugh admonishes, his eyes wide with horror.

  She scoffs, hand on her hip. ‘I’m sorry if I’m the only sensible one here, but I simply cannot accept this news. I cannot.’ She throws her arms in the air. ‘I refuse to give you my blessing.’

  ‘Darling,’ his Dad says, clearly trying to calm her down. ‘I’m sure they’re going to have a long engagement.’ He looks to Hugh. ‘Right?’

  ‘Actually...’ he starts, clearing his throat.

  I have to help him. This is beyond awkward to watch.

  ‘We’re getting married on Christmas day.’

  ‘Christmas day,’ Joan repeats in horror. ‘As in this Christmas day?’

  ‘Yes,’ Hugh nods confidently. ‘And we couldn’t be happier.’ He squeezes my waist in encouragement. I’m starting to feel like a stupid little kid for thinking we could ever get away with this, but we need to stand strong. I’m thirty-years-old for God’s sakes.

  His Mum’s eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets. ‘I refuse...’

  ‘Luckily I’m not looking for your approval,’ Hugh interrupts. ‘This is my life and my decision, and I’m happy with it. You either get on board or prepare to see me far less. Now excuse me and my wife to be, we have wedding plans to get on with.’

  He takes my hand and trails me behind him out of the room and down the long corridor.

  ‘Wait, what about my Mum?’ I ask, looking back into the room.

  ‘I’m sure she can find her way home by herself,’ he snaps, bad temperedly.

  Wow. This is the first time I’ve seen him angry. It’s quite intimidating. He grabs my hand again and pulls me out of the house. He opens my car door and deposits me inside before getting into his side.

  I turn to face him, trying to gauge his mood. He leans his head on the steering wheel, breathing heavily.

  ‘Are you okay?’ I ask after what feels like an eternity.

  He looks up, his face flushed. ‘Fantastic,’ he snarls sarcastically. He quickly realises he’s sounding like an arse, so smiles kindly. ‘I’m sorry. I knew it would be hard, but I didn’t think it was going to be that much of a disaster.’

  ‘I suppose we did just kind of land that on them. It is kind of a weird thing to come out with.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. I just...My Mother!’ He smacks the steering wheel with both hands.

  ‘Yeah, she’s a delight,’ I say sarcastically. ‘Thanks for the heads up. And who’s Felicity?’

  He rolls his eyes. ‘Just an ex-girlfriend. Don’t worry, my mother didn’t particularly like her anyway.’

  I want to ask why they broke up but I almost don’t want to know. It’ll rui
n the whole magic of our story.

  ‘So anyway,’ he says, taking a large deep breath. ‘Do you want to look at venues tomorrow?’

  I burst out laughing. Is he crazy?

  ‘Didn’t you hear them in there? They think we’re insane. I can’t get married if my Mum’s not supporting me.’

  He smiles confidently. ‘Let me work on your Mum. I guarantee she’ll be there at the wedding.’

  I cock an eyebrow. ‘You sound pretty cocksure of yourself,’ I chuckle. ‘What makes you so sure of yourself?’

  ‘Come on,’ he sniggers. ‘You’d only met me once, and I had you agreeing to marry me.’

  Dammit, he’s got me there.

  ‘Okay,’ I smile, despite myself. ‘But you know we have an even tougher crowd to tell, right?’

  He frowns. ‘Who?’

  ‘Our friends.’

  ‘Ah,’ he nods. ‘Yeah, I kind of forgot about them.’

  Chapter Four

  Saturday 3rd December Continued

  We’ve each sent group texts round to our mates asking them to meet us at a bar in London. They were all suspicious, so we had to tell them that we had news. They’ve been speculating ever since. Job promotion, pregnant, new boyfriend—they’ve gone through them all. Funnily enough, none of them guessed I’d be married by Christmas.

  ‘Ready?’ Hugh asks, grasping my hand.

  I look down at it. Is it weird that holding his hand already feels like the most natural thing in the world? I take a deep inhale. ‘As I’ll ever be.’

  ‘Hey.’ He stops walking and lifts my chin with his finger. ‘I know you’re nervous, but they’ll be fine.’

  ‘Really?’ I smile with raised eyebrows. ‘You must have seriously chilled friends.’

  ‘Nah, they’re gonna try and have me committed. Make sure to stop them, or we’ll never get down the aisle.’ He plants a quick kiss on my lips.

  God, he’s dreamy.

  ‘Okay,’ I smile.

  We walk into the bar, the electric jazz buzzing in the background. I spot my friends on a chesterfield sofa in the corner—their faces lit up by tea light candles.

  ‘Meet you over there?’ I ask with a shy smile.

  ‘Course,’ he smiles, squeezing my hand. ‘Prosecco?’

  ‘Keep em coming.’

  I rush over to the girls. I have three close-knit friends: Nadine, Kelly, and Mia. Nadine was my next door neighbour growing up, Kelly I met at my first job, and Mia is an old roommate.

  ‘Hey, bitches,’ I greet them fondly with a smile.

  ‘Here she is,’ Nadine smiles. ‘Took your time, love.’ She hates me even being a couple of minutes late. Typical schoolteacher.

  Kelly and Mia jump up to give air kisses.

  ‘So,’ Mia says with a wicked glint in your eye, ‘what the hell is this news?’

  ‘Yeah, talk about keep us in suspense,’ Kelly chuckles, draining her glass of rose.

  ‘It’s...kind of a long story,’ I say with a grin, looking down at the floor.

  I really want Hugh with me when I tell them. You know, so they don’t just book me straight into an asylum.

  ‘But, seriously,’ Nadine says, her hand on my arm. ‘Are you pregnant? Because I didn’t even think you were seeing anyone?’

  ‘Um...’

  ‘Ladies!’ a voice booms over us.

  I turn round to see Hugh with a tray of drinks. Thank God, he’s finally here. I smile, feeling a sense of calm waft over me. How is it I’ve only known him a few days and already he makes me feel better about everything? He must be an expert handler.

  ‘I took the liberty of ordering you another round.’

  Ah, he got the girls drinks? Clever guy.

  ‘Thanks, but we’re not interested,’ Mia says rudely. ‘We’re just having a girlie night.’

  I raise my eyebrows at Hugh, unable to hide my smile.

  ‘No, girls, this is the news I was talking about. This is Hugh.’

  He places down the tray of drinks and then gives me a quick peck on the lips.

  Kelly’s eyes nearly pop out of their sockets.

  ‘And these are my friends,’ he says gesturing to two guys behind him. ‘Jace,’ he explains nodding to a tall, good looking blonde, ‘and Troy.’ A black guy with a huge afro and hipster glasses smiles back.

  His name can’t seriously be Troy, can it? Do people call their children that?

  ‘Hi,’ Mia says, smiling apologetically.

  The guys sit down between them.

  ‘So,’ Troy says, clapping his hands, leaning forward on his knees. ‘What’s this big news? That you guys are together now?’

  ‘Yeah, I thought you only had a date Friday night,’ Nadine says suspiciously. ‘A bit early to be announcing yourselves as a couple, isn’t it?’

  Uh-oh. I look at Hugh, my eyebrows raised so high they’re basically touching my hairline. She thinks it’s too soon for a relationship? Wait until she hears about the engagement.

  ‘What can I say,’ he smiles, taking my hand in his. ‘When you know, you know.’

  I take a large gulp of Prosecco.

  ‘Well, I’m happy for you,’ Kelly says, raising her new glass of Rose at me. ‘Great news.’

  I clear my throat. I have to get this over and done with as quickly as possible.

  ‘That’s not all of the news,’ I admit.

  Mia gasps. ‘I knew it! You are pregnant!’

  ‘They only met the other night, dickhead,’ Nadine snaps. ‘That’d be the fastest conception in history.’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ she frowns, slumping back down on the sofa.

  I look to Hugh for help. He smiles reassuringly before turning back to address them.

  ‘We’re also...getting married.’

  Blank faces greet us. I look from face to face expecting a reaction. Any minute now.

  Jace starts laughing. ‘You’re joking, right?’

  We both shake our heads.

  ‘Look,’ Hugh starts, ‘we know it’s sudden, but we’re hoping you can get behind us, as our friends, and be excited for us.’

  ‘Excited for you?’ Nadine shrieks. ‘Are you fucking nuts?’

  ‘I mean...’ I fidget with my hands, ‘maybe a little, yeah. But...I’m still doing it.’

  ‘Are you a foreigner?’ she barks at Hugh.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Is that what it is? You need a green card or something? Because I’m sure there are other far dumber girls out there willing to help you. Don’t fuck around with our girl, Florence.’

  ‘Woah,’ he says with a large puff of air. ‘I don’t need any card. I’m completely self-sufficient. I just want someone to spend my life with.’

  ‘And you thought that was her?’ Troy asks in disbelief.

  Wow, that hurt.

  ‘Hey!’ Mia says in outrage. ‘Don’t you dare be rude to my friend.’

  ‘Sorry, it’s just, Hugh, I’ve seen you with lots of women and—’ he points to me.

  ‘Don’t fucking dare finish that sentence,’ Hugh warns him. ‘You haven’t even spoken to Florence.’

  ‘Have you?’ Jace asks with a bemused grin. ‘Because I’ve spoken to my dentist more than I reckon you’ve had time to chat to her since Friday.’

  ‘I agree,’ Kelly says. ‘I’m all for a big romantic gesture, but getting married?’

  ‘Yeah, but I assume it’s going to be a long engagement?’ Mia asks with enquiring eyes.

  ‘Not...exactly,’ I admit. ‘We’re getting married on Christmas day.’

  ‘Christmas fucking day?!’ Nadine and Troy seem to shout at the same time.

  ‘Yep,’ I nod.

  Nadine stands up and takes me by the arm. ‘Excuse us everyone while I talk to my girl in private.’ She drags me up to standing.

  I allow her to lead me into the corner. ‘Ok, Florence. What the fuck is up? Have you had a breakdown or something? I mean, I know he’s hot—but married? What if he’s a fucking psycho?’

  I smile. ‘But what i
f he’s not? What if he’s a beautiful man with a great personality that for whatever reason wants to marry me?’

  She stares back at me. That’s stumped her.

  ‘I just...are you serious? By Christmas day?’

  ‘Yes, and I was going to ask you to be my maid of honour. But if you don’t approve...’

  ‘I’ll do it,’ she interrupts, sighing as if it’s a massive inconvenience. When I know deep down she’s peeing her pants in excitement of being asked. ‘Of course I’ll do it, but promise me something.’

  ‘Yep,’ I nod with a comical grin. ‘First born will be called Nadine.’

  ‘Shut up,’ she laughs, shoving me on the shoulder. ‘No, promise me that from now until Christmas day you’ll truly consider if this is a good idea. If you have any doubts, any doubts whatsoever, you won’t marry him.’

  ‘That’s fine,’ I nod. ‘Believe it or not, I get how crazy this is, but I mean, look at him.’

  We look back at Hugh who’s already got the others laughing along to some story he’s telling. I knew he’d win them over.

  ‘Okay, he is kind of dreamy,’ she admits, a smile escaping.

  I sigh, almost swooning as I look at him. ‘And he’s going to be my husband.’

  Chapter Five

  Sunday 4th December

  The night actually ended up going fabulously after the initial shock. We drank a fuck load of alcohol and ended up in a club. The last time I glanced at my watch it was just after two am and then it gets a bit fuzzy.

  I was glad when I woke up this morning and found that Hugh hadn’t slept over. I don’t want the first time we have sex to be something I don’t remember.

  He’s there, on my doorstep at seven am with a coffee for me.

  ‘God, you’re such a morning person,’ I grumble, letting him follow me up the stairs.

  ‘I thought we could start with the wedding planning,’ he grins, cheerfully. ‘No time like the present.’

  ‘Let me wake up at least,’ I grunt.

  ‘Aren’t you girls supposed to lap this stuff up? Don’t you have a Pinterest board with our entire wedding already planned?’

  I look back at him to check if he’s being serious. He seems like he’s genuinely expecting an answer.

 

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