by G. V. Steitz
After a month or so into our final year of high school, I came home to find my mom packing up boxes. I dropped my books in complete shock. My mom looked up to find me staring at the boxes and walked over to me.
“Honey, I was just promoted! Isn’t that wonderful? We will be able to get a nicer place to live, I have better benefits and…”
I just cut her off. “What? Wonderful? Are you kidding me mom? Please tell me I am staying in the same school.” I pleaded with tears welling up in my eyes.
My mother fidgeted and looked down, breaking our stare off. “Well, no honey. We need to relocate. But guess where? We are going back to Texas, and close to the same area we were at the last time. You can go back to your old school, and see all your friends…”
“Wait a minute. You mean to tell me, you honestly believe I have friends in all these places we jump to every few months? I thought you finally found a place you liked. I thought since this was the longest period of time we ever stayed in any place, you… you finally would stay.” I went to a whisper on the last sentence that I couldn’t get out before tears fell from my eyes.
“Honey, please listen to me. You and Dominic will probably not be going to the same college, and you can still visit each other…” She began but never finished. I just threw my things in my bedroom, and changed into my running gear.
My mother knew better than to tell me to stop. I needed to burn off some steam. I ran back to the school track and I knew Dominic had practice for football. We were planning on meeting up later at the pizza place to work a shift together. I couldn’t wait though. I wanted to see him right away.
Once I finally made it to the field, I seen he had his back to me. I began running towards him and then I seen him shift in his shoes and Lena was standing in front of him talking. They both seemed to be involved in a serious conversation, and I started to slow my run down, watching their conversation play out. I seen Lena begin to cry. Something was really wrong. She doubled over, and was crying hysterically. Dominic leaned over and rubbed her back. He squatted down in front of her, and was talking to her. At this point I was no longer running and I was about 20 feet away from them. All of a sudden I froze. I watched as Lena threw herself into Dominic’s arms. He lost his balance, and landed on his ass as Lena kept her arms around him. After that, what probably took a whole 5 seconds to play out, even though it felt like many minutes had passed. Lena whispered something in Dominic’s ear while he had her in his arms, and he pulled her back in front of him to look at her. And she leaned in and began to kiss him. She broke away after a few seconds and cleared her throat and looked up over at me and smiled.
“Hi Ivy. I didn’t know you were here. I was just talking with Dominic.” She said, causing Dominic to whip his head around so quickly I thought it would spin off.
“Ivy, this is not what you think baby.” He started with.
A fresh batch of tears began to quickly tumble down my cheeks. I looked back to Lena. “Well, you finally got what you wanted. I hope you both are happy.” I spat out to her and looked back at Dominic. He sprang up to his feet and began walking over to me. “Ivy, listen to me, I can explain. Lena tell her what was going on.” He yelled back at her, looking back and then to me. I looked back to Lena, and she had a grin on her that spoke volumes.
“I was just telling Dominic how I felt and we kissed.” She said, shrugging her shoulders.
I didn’t need to stay and hear all the details. I took off running, no sprinting. I needed to high tail it out of here before I killed them both. I never thought in less than an hour, would I be relocated and seen my boyfriend with the bitch who made my life a living hell ever since I stepped foot on this field to begin with. She wanted Dominic, well, she got him.
I heard Dominic yelling my name. It didn’t seem that he was chasing after to and once I made myself out of sight, I ducked into a park near by and hid in the climb around thing. There was a little cave type hiding place, and I crawled in and huddled in a corner crying.
After a few minutes I heard Dominic yelling for me. He must of told Lena he would get back with her after he let me down gently or something. Well he can save it. I quietly wiped my tears stained cheeks and covered my mouth and nose with my sleeve, silencing my cries and sniffles. I heard Dominic running around the park, yelling my name. Luckily I heard his foot steps back track and his voice became softer hearing him leave.
I took a deep breath and cried harder. Rocking myself, waiting and wondering when it would be safe to leave and not see him. I needed to wait. And while I waited, I began to think… Thinking about dangerous dark things.
It finally became dark outside and I forced myself to pop out of my hole and stretch. I began to run to get out of the lit up park. I didn’t want to be seen. So I faded into the darkness of the back of the park near the creek and trees.
I found a soft patch of grass, and laid down and stare up at the stars.
“Mitchell. Are you one of those stars up there?” I said out loud. It was peaceful. No sounds except nature. The frogs and crickets. The creek washing over the rocks and the wind in rustling through the leaves.
I came to the decision I no longer wanted to be a part of this world. I decided I would follow my mother one last time and finish things off back in Texas. I thought I would write four good bye letters. One to my mother, one to my father, one to Dominic and the last one to Mr. and Mrs. C. I think I will miss Dominic’s parents more than I was hoping. They were a big part of my life.
I picked myself up off the ground and decided I needed to get back home to search for a new friend. A fresh razor…
Chapter 11.
Dominic
Lost.
My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to have a heart attack any minute. Lena is damn lucky she is a girl. If she was a guy, her ass would have been splattered all over that damn field.
Looking back to how Lena acted, I wouldn’t put it past her to had made that move if she seen Ivy first.
I can’t believe I fell for that bullshit from Lena. She was crying about some asshole she started to see, and I felt so bad for her telling me how he was treating her. She nearly fell over hysterical and crying. I leaned over and rubbed her back. I mean it wasn’t right to treat women the way she was describing to me. He was in another school, so I had no clue who this loser was. Lena wouldn’t stop crying so I squatted down, trying to talk some sense into her and she threw herself into my arms. I seriously was not expecting that and Lena lunging so hard at me, throw me off balance and I fell back on my ass. After she had her death grip around my neck, she leaned into my neck and whispered she was in love with me. I pulled her back to look at me right away. I tried to explain that there was a zero chance in her and I getting together and the next thing I know, she is kissing me. No sooner did she pull that stunt, Ivy happened to walk over to catch that part and Lena was only too happy to make it known Ivy seen us.
The look on Ivy’s face, nearly brought me down to my knees right there on the damn field. Stupid bitch Lena… Her explanation only made things worse.
After Ivy took off, I yelled for her and made an attempt to chance after her. Lena stopped me and I pulled her off me and told her off. By the time I out of breath from yelling at Lena, Ivy was gone.
I took off from the field in my football gear and everything to find her. I know she would understand this was a complete misunderstanding. I looked in the park, nothing, I ran to her house. Her mother said she went for a run and if she had spoken to me yet. I didn’t want to say anything to her mom before seeing Ivy so I said no. After that Mrs. Kane looked really worried. She told me Ivy took off to run, most likely to burn off some steam because the two of them got into a fight. I didn’t want to wait around, I told her mom I would call her if I found her. She would do the same for me. I took off, getting back to school so I could drive home.
Once I got home, I bolted through the house, yelling for Ivy. My mother was concerned I forgot this was our home and not Ivy�
��s, wondering if I forgot where I lived. I threw myself on the stairs, bent over my knees and dropped my head. “Ma, Ivy seen something that didn’t look like it was suppose to.” I said in a desperate voice.
“Oh good Lord, where do you think Ivy ran off to?” My mother looked as concerned as I felt. She called the pizza place and spoke with my father, filling him in on the details. I ran upstairs to shower and change and get over to the pizza place. We were both suppose to work together tonight. Maybe she would show up and we could talk. I could explain to her the big misunderstanding. And put everything back together for us.
Not being a surprise, Ivy, never showed at work. Finally, around 9 pm, Mrs. Kane called. Ivy had just walked in and she would have Ivy call me after they talked.
Locking up the pizza place, I told my parents I was going to stop by Ivy’s to see if she had her bedroom light on. Maybe I could talk to her and get this straightened out.
The house was pitch black. I ran around to her bedroom window and it was locked. Ivy’s bed was still made, and she wasn’t there. I tried texting her, nothing. I tried calling her, the call went straight to voice mail so I knew she didn’t have her phone on. I decided to drive home and wait.
By the time I got home, I texted Ivy 10 times and left her 6 voice messages. Now every time I called, the voice said her voice mail was full and I couldn’t leave another message.
Once inside, my parents were both sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee. Once I walked in, probably from the look on my face, they realized I didn’t find Ivy yet and slumped back into their chairs.
I filled them both in, and they tried to assure me that once they seen each other in school, that it would all straighten itself out.
“Sure it would.” I mumbled as I dragged myself up to my room.
The next day finally came. I barely slept at all. I was tossing and turning and had nightmares all night.
I got to school early, looking for Ivy. I tried calling and texting her again. No luck.
By the end of first period, I know she wasn’t coming in to school today.
I wouldn’t give up until I finally had Ivy in front of me and she would hear what a big misunderstanding everything was.
A week had gone by, and no contact. No word. Nothing. Every day after school, I drove to her house. Looking for any signs of life. I tried calling her mom. Just got her voicemail. Ivy’s voicemail still said it was full and I couldn’t leave her any messages. My texts went unanswered. I just couldn’t figure out what the hell the situation was. Why wouldn’t she talk to me. At least end this fair and square if she didn’t believe me. At least have one last conversation with me.
I thought I would give her the weekend to sort things out. Then I was just going to camp out on her front porch and wait her out.
Monday came and after school, I drove straight over to her place.
I walked up to her door, rang the bell. Waited. Nothing. Rang it again. Nothing. Rang it again, this time though the sound of the bell sounded strange. Like it was in a hollow room or echoing. I moved over to the living room window and looked in. Finally finding a way around the blinds in one window, I actually slumped forward holding myself up with the building as support. There was no furniture. Nothing. I ran around to look in her window. Nothing. I couldn’t believe it. I called home and my mother told me as soon as I answered that a letter from Ivy came for me. I hung up on my poor mother and raced home.
Once I flew through the front door of our house, I seen my parents sitting at the kitchen table. My mom had been crying. She was looking at a letter. “Did you open my mail?” I asked in shock. They never did before.
“Of course not dear. Here. This is your letter. Ivy wrote us one as well. But I think you need to see what she said to you first.” My mom said as she began to cry again.
I walked over to the table and sat down with them. “Ma, please, tell me. Is she ok? Is Ivy hurt or something? I went to her home today. There was nothing there. They left Ma. They aren’t here.” I said nearly in tears myself.
My mom nodded, wiping her face. “She basically wrote us a good bye letter. She moved. She didn’t say where though. It was mailed Saturday from here. So being local, we got it today. It’s only Monday. So they must of left Friday night or Saturday.” My mom said, wiping her face again.
I turned and ripped my letter open. I began to read my letter to myself. I stood up and began pacing as I read it.
Dear Dominic.
I thought it would be easier to write you a good bye letter rather than tell you face to face.
You probably have figured out by now, I am no longer living in town.
That day I found that bitch hanging all over you, I was running from my house to tell you my mom just told me she received a promotion or something and we were moving. I had decided to tell her I wouldn’t be going with her, since you and I had spoke of it before. I still wanted to talk to you and see what you thought.
Obviously I didn’t need to ask you anything. I actually seen with my own eyes my answer.
I am getting a new phone number Monday. I didn’t look at any of your text messages. I deleted all of them, with out looking at them. Same thing with the voice messages. I didn’t listen to them. I just decided once I got a new number I would have it deleted. The only messages I saved were from Mitchell.
Personally, I felt I didn’t need to hear any of the reasons or excuses you had to tell me.
It’s fine Dominic. I understand. It was fun while it lasted. I think we both know we wouldn’t be able to stay together once we graduated. I don’t want to hold you back from your dreams. You are a very gifted man Dominic. I know you will go far in football. I plan on hearing about you some day in the major leagues.
Dominic… If you ever really cared about me, even a little. Please, please, don’t look for me. Let me go. I can’t bare to fight with you. I don’t want to hurt you or be hurt either. Let’s just remember how wonderful our time together was, and leave it at that.
The better fit for you won. I decided after seeing you that day with her that maybe a fresh start would be best. My mom was given a new position and I thought it be best to go with. Out of sight, out of mind.
Let me keep the memories of us good. I will never forget you Dominic. You were a truly good person. You deserve the best.
I love you.
Ivy.
I dropped the letter and fell on the couch and felt like dying…
Chapter 12.
Ivy
Fate. 6 years later.
It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and walk away from the love of my life back in high school.
I made sure to follow Dominic’s education and I secretly kept a photo album of all of his accomplishments.
Dominic did grant my wish and not look for me, which I was grateful for. I find it so trivial that it makes me sad in a way, and grateful at the same time. It’s sad because we had such a true passion for each other and then it was a blessing because I can honestly say I didn’t hold him back. I was so proud of him.
Dominic was given a full scholarship to Ohio State. He graduated with honors and had been first draft pick for the Dallas area Pro Football League. I saved all the news clips on his progress, I taped every conference or news mention of him. The local news station did a special on his story. His schooling, and family life. They showed pictures of him from high school, made me cry actually. He took Lena to his senior prom, the news special showed the two of them in the picture. His history with Ohio State and now with That Pro Football team in Texas. I think it’s in Dallas. Or close to at least. How ironic in the city I live in I thought.
Craig and I were reunited when I returned to Texas. Craig was my first serious crush and the first guy I slept with. Turned out I was the one that convinced him he was actually gay. I am not sure if that is a compliment or an insult. Which ever it is, I don’t care really. We are best friends now and he knows my entire story. Lucky for me, he was a really supportive friend and
he and his boyfriend John lived near by. I loved them both.
Today was the first home game for that Dallas/area team, and Craig surprised me with REALLY good seats and some sort of special badge to get near the players after the game and near their locker room. John not a cowboys fan happily sent Craig with me with his blessing. I could kill them both. I was really excited though. And nervous. I didn’t plan on seeing him. Or at least this soon.
“Mommy, are we going to go watch your friend play football today?” Ava asked me, making me smile down at her. My little blessing. Ava saved my life in ways she will never fully understand. My little five year old is a little spit fire. She has my long dark chestnut color hair, curly though, and very thick. She has her father’s beautiful green eyes. Today, she will indeed meet her father for the first time, and not even realize it.
I explained to Ava before she could even talk or understand what I was saying about her daddy. So she never doubted her daddy would love her very, very much. I explained to Ava that is was Mommy’s fault her daddy didn’t really know about her arrival and Mommy was too afraid to tell him because he had a very important job to do and when he was done with his work, he would find us and love her to pieces. I suppose his job is actually done. Dominic did make it to the majors and was well on his way for instant stardom. I followed Dominic’s social life. I was secretly thrilled he was not married or serious with anyone. He was not dating anyone very intimately and Lena ended up with some junkie and ultimately got hooked on drugs, in and out of rehabs, and now serving time in jail for an accomplice in a robbery and had a great deal of cocaine in her possession. Or so I had heard. Luckily Dominic got away from her.
Ava was my little ray of sunshine. I had gone back to cutting myself briefly to deal with my depression. Until my mother found my journal and read it. I was planning on killing myself. I had written my letters I had planned to mail and she read them all.