by Marie Force
“Did you miss me?”
“Did you go somewhere?”
His eyes glimmered with amusement, his smile transforming his face from handsome to ridiculously sexy. “You hurt me with your nonchalance.”
“Yes, I missed you. Feel better now?”
“I’ve never felt better in my life.”
“Never?” she asked, relying on humor to hide her emotional reaction to his heartfelt words.
“Not that I can recall.”
With his fingers on her chin, he tipped her face up for a soft, sweet kiss that left her dizzy and dying for more.
“To be continued,” he said, releasing her.
It was too much and not enough at the same time. How was that possible? All he had to do was walk into the room to put her on full alert. Her nipples were tight, her belly quivering, her palms sweaty, and the tingle between her legs had become a full-blown throb from one simple hug and kiss.
Nothing about him was simple, especially the way she reacted to him. If he could turn her on so completely with nothing more than a hug and a kiss, what would happen later when they were alone again at the lighthouse? She needed a fan to cool her face and a stiff drink to calm her nerves.
Erin poured herself a vodka and soda on ice, hoping for some liquid courage to deal with a situation that was rapidly spinning out of her control. She made the same drink for him, and they joined the others. Slim sat next to her on the sofa, his leg pressed tight against hers, his arm stretched out behind her.
While the others laughed and talked about the McCarthys’ anniversary party, plans for the upcoming holidays, Lizzie’s nursing home project and other island gossip, Erin tried to find the equilibrium that had deserted her when Slim arrived. As exciting as it had been to be on the receiving end of his affection, it was still possible to stop this before it went any further. They hadn’t made each other any promises. They hadn’t done things that couldn’t be undone.
Yet.
If the heated make-out session earlier and her reaction to seeing him again after a few hours apart were any indication, the status quo wouldn’t last much longer. This was happening, and she’d encouraged it by asking him to stay with her. She’d encouraged it with every hour she’d spent flirting by text, on the phone and FaceTime with him over the last few months.
But now that he was here, sitting right next to her and obviously wanting more of what they’d had earlier, she was scared to cross that invisible line between flirty fun and seriously committed. With the exception of her family and a few close friends like Jenny, she’d made being noncommittal an art form, living her life on the surface without delving below to see what she might find.
The surface had worked fine for her. No one got hurt on the surface. Everything was simpler there, cleaner. This situation with him was getting complicated and messy, and she already ached at the thought of him leaving. So what would it be like when he actually left and they were forced to go back to texts, phone calls and FaceTime to stay in touch? Would he want to stay in touch if they had a hot and heavy fling while he was here? Maybe a fling was all he wanted anyway.
This, right here, was why she avoided entanglements at all costs. So how had she found herself firmly entangled in this enigmatic man?
It had happened the night he told her his real name. Nothing had been simple after hearing he shared a name with her beloved brother.
“Hey,” he said, nudging her with his shoulder. “Where’d you go?”
She emerged from her thoughts to find that Evan McCarthy and Grace Ryan had arrived with her friend Fiona, Evan’s brother Adam and his fiancée, Abby Callahan.
“Nowhere,” she said in response to Slim’s inquiry.
“You’re not overthinking things by any chance, are you?”
“What? No. I’m not doing that.” Scalded by his insight, she tried to escape, mumbling something about helping Jenny in the kitchen.
He took her hand, stopping her. “You want to go?”
“I…” She wanted to go, and she wanted to stay, to buy herself some time to figure out what was happening to her and how to get it under control while she still could.
He watched her with those knowing eyes that saw right through her bullshit and found the heart of her more easily than any man before him ever had. “Let’s go.”
“I, um, Jenny…”
“She’ll understand.”
And she would. Erin had no doubt about that. “Okay.”
They made their excuses to Jenny, who was far too pleased about the development for Erin’s liking.
“Call me in the morning and tell me everything,” Jenny said as she hugged her. “Take notes so you don’t forget anything.”
“Stop it.”
“You stop it.”
“What am I doing?”
“Other than freaking out?”
“I’m not doing that.”
“No?”
Erin could fool some people but not Jenny. Never Jenny. “Maybe a little.”
“It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
“You can’t know that for certain.”
“None of us can, but one thing I know for certain is that a life half lived is no life at all.”
And what, really, could Erin say to that?
After shaking hands with the McCarthy and Martinez brothers, Slim held out a hand to Erin, who was still reeling from Jenny’s pronouncement. “Ready?”
Eyeing his hand the same way she might an unpinned grenade, she nodded and let him help her into her coat and lead her from the house.
“Leave your car here,” he said. “We’ll get it in the morning.”
“Oh. Okay.” Relieved not to have to drive, she let him help her into the passenger side of his truck and tried to put on her seat belt. Her fingers were like a bunch of thumbs, refusing to behave, which was why she was still fumbling with the seat belt when he got in and clipped it for her.
He turned on the engine and cranked the heat. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Could you not do that? Could you not say it’s nothing when anyone who knows you even a little can see it’s something?”
Remember that thing about the way he saw her? Yeah. So…
“Have you changed your mind about this, Erin? If you have, all you’ve got to do is say so. I’ll be disappointed, but I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”
Suddenly, that was the very last thing she wanted. “I don’t want you to leave me alone. But I also don’t want…”
“What?” His hand was warm upon her cheek as he caressed her face so tenderly it brought tears to her eyes.
“I don’t want you to hurt me. And you could. You could so easily.”
“Erin, sweetheart… God, that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.” The seat belt he’d just clipped was released, and he lifted her right out of her seat onto his lap and into his arms.
“How’d you do that?” she asked, stunned by his strength and how quickly he’d reacted.
“I will not hurt you. I promise.”
Moved by the ferocity behind his words, she said, “You can’t promise that.”
“I can promise I’ll do everything I can to make you happy if you give me the chance. That’s all I’m asking for. A chance, and that’s more than I’ve wanted from anyone, if that tells you anything.”
“I’m afraid.”
“Why?”
“I don’t do things like this. Not anymore. It’s been so long, I… I may have forgotten how.”
“You’re doing fine so far.” He kissed her softly and sweetly, making her head spin with awareness and desire and a craving need for more that took her by surprise. How could she be trying to wiggle her way out one minute and craving more the next?
“We should probably talk before this goes any further,” she said.
“We probably should.” He kissed her again, drawing her bottom lip into his mouth and running his tongue over it.
Erin gas
ped and fisted handfuls of his coat, needing to hold on to something. “That’s not talking,” she said when he released her lip.
“It’s communication of a different sort.” Holding her close to him, he said, “We’ve done a lot of talking in the last few months, but we haven’t talked about what it is we’re doing here.”
“No, we haven’t. And we need to. Before anything else happens.”
“Anything else. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
Erin laughed at his predictably witty reply. His humor had attracted her from the first night they met, and it made whatever they were doing easier than it would be otherwise. “You’ve got to let me go so you can drive us home.”
“In a second.” He held her for another full minute before he released her to climb back to her own seat. “Jenny probably thinks we’re getting busy out here.”
“Hopefully, she’s entertaining her guests and not paying attention to what we’re doing.”
He steered the truck toward the long driveway that took them past the greenhouses on the way to the main road. “Oh, she’s paying attention.”
“What do you mean?”
“She watches over you like a mother hen. No harm shall come to you under her watch.”
“She’s more my sister than my friend. I think she’d kill for me.”
“So noted. I vow to never give her a reason to kill for you.”
Though his tone was joking, she believed the underlying sentiment was sincere.
Chapter 8
They rode the rest of the way to the lighthouse in silence tinged with anticipation, at least for Erin. She had no idea what to expect. Would they pick up where they’d left off before Luke’s call, or would there be awkwardness now that they’d had hours to think about what’d nearly happened earlier?
As if he knew she was spinning, he reached for her hand.
The heat of his hand around hers calmed and soothed her. He released her only so she could open the gate for him when they arrived at the lighthouse property. After he drove the truck through, she closed and locked the gate, sealing them off from the rest of the island for the night.
“I can’t remember the last time I did this,” she said.
“Did what?”
“Brought a man home with me for the night. It’s been… years.”
“I’m honored to be spending tonight and this week with you.”
“I’m far too old to be nervous, but I am. I don’t want to be, but I can’t seem to help it.”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about. We’re just hanging out, having fun.”
“That’s what I thought, too. Until…” Whatever truth serum had her spilling her guts to him dried up at the thought of telling him everything.
He parked the truck outside the lighthouse and shut off the engine, casting them into darkness. “Until what?”
“You walked into Jenny’s tonight, and I was so incredibly happy to see you. It… It stopped being casual for me. I’m not sure that’s what you want—”
With his hand on her face, he turned her toward him. “I’m exactly where I want to be tonight, with the woman who’s worked her way so far under my skin in the last few months that I can no longer imagine a day without her being part of it.”
His gruffly spoken words made her heart leap and her blood race. She could feel the throb of her pulse in her neck and between her legs.
“Let’s get out of the cold,” he said.
In the time it took Erin to gather her belongings, he was around the truck, helping her out and guiding her over a patch of ice that she would’ve missed if he hadn’t been there. They removed their coats in the mudroom and hung them on the hooks one of the previous tenants had installed.
Erin felt his gaze on her as she went up the spiral stairs ahead of him. The enhanced sense of awareness she experienced when he was near made her feel out of sorts and off her game, but not necessarily in a bad way. How had she made it to thirty-eight without having experienced anything that could compare to the way she’d felt when he’d walked into Jenny’s earlier?
Mitch, the man she’d lived with in law school, had been handsome, sexy, intelligent and funny, but he’d never made her blood boil the way Slim did simply by walking into a room. At one time, she’d expected to marry Mitch. That seemed like such a long time ago now, so far in the past as to be part of someone else’s history rather than hers.
Slim poured two vodka cocktails, handed one to her and took a deep drink of his, all without taking his eyes off her. “You’re a million miles away. What’re you thinking about?”
She forced herself to meet his gaze. “I’m thinking about the last man I was seriously involved with. It was a long time ago. During law school. I thought I was going to marry him and have it all—a family and a career and a home.”
He took her by the hand and led her to the living room.
Drink in hand, Erin curled her legs under her and sat on the sofa while he plugged in the tree lights and killed the lamp before settling next to her.
“What happened?”
“9/11 happened. He tried. God knows he tried. He stuck it out for more than a year afterward, but…” She sighed, the weight of the difficult years that followed her brother’s death still heavy on her soul after all this time. “I’ve avoided anything that smacked of entanglement ever since.”
“Whatever became of him?”
“He graduated from law school, and last I heard he’s a partner in a firm in Philadelphia. He married one of our law school classmates, and they have a bunch of kids. Four at last count.”
“So you keep in touch?”
“I get Christmas cards with pictures of his beautiful family.”
“That must be hard to see.”
“It’s not, really. When I look at him and his family, I don’t feel anything other than happy for him that things worked out.”
“That’s awfully generous of you.”
She shrugged off the praise. “I don’t care about him. Not anymore. I stopped caring about him the day my brother died. It was like every emotion inside me died with him, and it took years—literally years—to feel anything other than numb. What guy wants to be around that?”
“If he truly loved you, he would’ve stuck it out.”
“I think he truly loved me, but I don’t blame him for leaving. I never have. It was almost a relief when he finally pulled the plug. There was one less thing that needed my attention when my grief required all my energy. I had nothing left to give him or anyone else. It was all I could do to be somewhat available to my parents.” She looked directly at him. “I’m not numb anymore. Not like I was. But I still don’t know if I have what it takes to do something like this, because I haven’t tried again since then.”
He brought her hand to his lips, and the caress of his skin against hers set off a reaction she felt everywhere.
“I’m not looking to pressure you, Erin. And I can’t possibly understand or even fathom what you’ve been through losing your only sibling—your twin, no less—in such a horrible way. But when I look at you, I don’t see grief or loss. I see resilience and fortitude and a stunningly beautiful woman who deserves to be happy after all she’s been through. I don’t know if I’m the guy to make you happy, but you make me want to try—and that’s a big deal for me, too, in case you were wondering.”
Erin smiled at his adorably vulnerable expression. “So what you’re saying is you want to try to make a go of this?”
“I think I do, but only if it’s what you want, too.”
“And what would ‘making a go of it’ entail? We’re not exactly babes in the woods here. We’ve got established lives that don’t intersect for a big part of the year.”
“A, you are most definitely a babe, and B, those are details that can be worked out later if it comes to that. God knows I’m no expert on relationships, but it would seem to me that two people who are relatively new to them might want to take it slow and not get ah
ead of themselves worrying about what happens down the road.”
“I can’t help but worry about that. In eleven days, you’re headed back to Florida for months.”
“And I’ll remind you again that you’re more than welcome to come with me.”
“What if you’re sick of me by then?”
“That won’t happen.”
“How do you know?”
“Because.”
She raised a brow. “Care to elaborate?”
“I couldn’t wait to get back to you tonight. Every minute I was gone felt like pure torture.”
Okay, that was a pretty damned good answer.
Before she could formulate a reply to such a stark statement, he said, “What if I forget to put the toilet seat down or leave my wet towels on the floor? And the underwear… That could end up anywhere. You might be ready to give me the heave-ho days before I’m due to leave.”
Erin shook her head.
“You seem awfully certain.”
“I was awfully glad to see you at Jenny’s.”
He leaned in, his intentions clear, and even though she knew what it was like to kiss him, this felt like the first time all over again now that they’d declared their intentions to give it a whirl. He kept his eyes open as he kissed her, so she did the same, watching him watch her.
Outside, the frigid wind howled and the waves crashed against the rocks below, but inside the cozy confines of her lighthouse, it was getting warmer by the second. His lips were soft but insistent, his eyes closing when their tongues met in a sensual caress.
Though the last thing she wanted was to stop what had only just begun, Erin broke the kiss. “Let’s go upstairs where it’s more comfortable.”
“I’m perfectly happy to sleep right here if you’re not ready for that.”
“If I wasn’t ready to sleep with you, I wouldn’t have asked you to come upstairs with me.”
“Well, all righty then. After you.”