“Come on, dude! Don’t tell me you didn’t have faith that I could get my girl back!”
My brother shrugs. “I was starting to have my doubts, man.”
I squeeze her to me and she giggles. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” she reminds us all.
Mom is at the stove sprinkling herbs into the pot. “Oh honey, it might be a little too late for that. I’ve already got your wedding dress all picked out…” At Angie’s semi-horrified gasp, my mom laughs. “…No pressure.”
The jovial mood in the room fizzles out when Clyde steps into the kitchen with a grave look in his eyes.
One glance at her husband and my mother abandons the sauce, dropping the spoon onto the counter. “Honey…” She swallows hard, her expression shrouded by apprehension. “What’s wrong?”
A quivering breath comes out of the man’s throat. No one else in the room dares to take a breath.
“It’s cancer,” he says, “And it’s bad.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Angie
Dinner was quickly forgotten when Clyde walked in with his heavy announcement. Polly absolutely fell to pieces as her husband explained the diagnosis the doctors had just thrown at him. Ben and Madden worked hard to calm their mother and bolster their stepfather although neither of the brothers seemed too confident in their reassurances.
Clyde’s diagnosis is bad. Treatable, but bad.
He has a hard road ahead of him and he’s going to have to fight like hell if he wants any real chance at surviving this.
Ben has been completely quiet since we pulled out of his mother’s driveway. He just sat there behind the wheel in muted uneasiness. His silence kind of spooks me out.
I hate that the major thought pulsing through my mind is we’ve been here before. After his dad died, this is what happened. He iced me out. He was going through a lot and he wouldn’t talk to me. He just did the whole macho, I’ve-got-this-covered thing any time I tried to intervene. That was the beginning of the end. It’s how we started growing apart.
Here we are again seven years later. We’ve only recently gotten back together and I’ve told him that I want to take it slow but the truth is, I’m all-in and by god, I don’t know what I’d do if he shut me out again. I’m scared.
I’m in bed next to him, grasping, trying to make conversation. “I haven’t done my oncology rotation yet and I don’t really have experience with treating cancer patients but I’ll gladly go to Clyde’s appointments with you guys. Just for support, y’know.” Ben doesn’t move. He just lies there on his stomach with his thick arms folded on the pillow, his chin propped on top. He stares blankly at the headboard. I run my fingers along the tense ridges of his back. “And I’ll explain anything you don’t understand. Or if you just need someone to talk t—”
“Gigi…” he groans hoarsely. “Stop.”
I press my eyes shut. A mild wave of nausea stirs the hollow of my stomach as I slide onto my back and close my eyes against the emotions threatening to spill out. I press my lips tightly together, almost to keep from blurting something out. We stay like that for a long time.
Ben understands my concern. I hear it in his voice when he says, “I just need some time to process all this, okay?” I feel him shift beside me and when my eyelids slide open, he’s on his side, looking at me. His arm bands across my stomach and his fingers clench on my hip.
I nod slightly and we fall silent again. But I just want to comfort him. I just can’t help it. It’s in my nature. “There’s so much available these days, in terms of treatments. Clyde’s chances are really good—”
“Please, Gigi. Don’t.”
I don’t want to be insensitive and force him to talk about something he’s not ready to deal with but at the same time, I don’t want a repeat of what happened all those years ago. My fingers slide along his tattoo as I try to decide how to broach the situation. But I underestimate how well this man knows me. He runs a knuckle along my jawline, reaches over and puts a soft kiss on my lips.
“You and me—we’re solid, Angela. Don’t worry. I just need…”
“Time?” My fingers curl around his bicep.
“Yes.” The word falls quietly from his mouth.
For now, I accept it. He needs time.
Ben stretches an arm over me and twists the knob on the lamp. The room falls into darkness. Despite the fact that the blanket is pulled all the way up to my chin, I feel a chill without his arms around me.
We lie there, side by side. Both awake, both restless. And just as sleep is about to pull me under, I hear him whisper into the stillness. “I need you, Gigi. Don’t doubt that.”
Our hands find each other in the mess of blankets. Our fingers lock together. “I’ll be right here.” I say the words even as I struggle against the walls rising up to protect me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Angie
"Jeez, Soph. Could you have found a shittier place to rent?" I stick my head into the rundown little bathroom and the putrid stench of urine and stagnant water makes my eyes water.
My sister shoots me a glare. "If you could be more supportive, that would be great." She pulls on a string and a cloud of dust rises as the blinds draw open.
"I don't understand how the county hasn't had this place condemned." I cough and wave the dust away from my face.
Sophia got a good price on a location for her daycare. But the price is the only good part of this deal. The building is located right in the middle of Copper Heights’ industrial row, between a huge hardware store and lumber warehouse.
I can’t believe I just watched her sign a long-term lease on this shithole. “Remind me again—how did you end up getting such cheap rent on this huge place?”
“The previous tenant was a huge plastic manufacturer, I think. This was their warehouse. They ran off when the state came after them for tax evasion. The landlord told me that he’s hurting for cash so he’s sectioning off the building into smaller units and renting to anybody with two nickels to rub together. And I, my friend, happen to have two nickels to rub together after pawning my engagement ring.” My sister grins manically. She’s really proud of herself for finding this deal.
"It's gonna be so much work, getting this place up to scruff. I mean, is this building even safe?" My eyes sweep over the paint peeling off of the walls, the cobwebs ornamenting the ceiling, the network of random rusty pipes sticking out of the walls. I need a tetanus shot just standing here.
She turns to me and deadpans. "Look—you don't have to help if you don't want to. I've got this, Angie. Whether you're involved or not."
“Of course I’ll help you, Soapy. That’s not even an issue. I just don’t want you to take on more than you can handle.”
She gives my arm a little shake. "I know you probably think I'm crazy, opening up this business but I have no choice. I can't just sit back and feel sorry for myself. I spent months in a ball on Reese's couch, feeling sorry for myself but I can't be passive anymore. I'm having a baby and I'm in this alone. I have to step up to the plate."
My eyes start prickling for her and I throw my arms around her. "You're not alone. I’ve got your back no matter what."
"Thank you, sis," she whispers as she crumbles in my arms.
"God, I hate Josh so much right now."
She sniffles. "This is so much bigger than Josh."
I pull back to look her in the face. "Ugh! Saint Sophia of Perpetual Faith. Please don't tell me that you've forgiven that rat."
She laughs and runs a finger beneath her eye to catch a tear. "I'm trying. It's a process."
"You're a better woman than I am." I shake my head bitterly.
My sister smirks as she nods. "And I have better hair."
I roll my eyes and bump my ass into hers. "But I got mom's hips!" I grab a roll of packing tape and climb onto a rickety chair by the window.
"You did..." she concedes ruefully. Sophia picks up a stack of newspapers and hands me a sheet. I spread the paper over the wi
ndow and tape it there. “You also got the goddamned heroic firefighter. Swoon…” She hands me another sheet of newspaper. Sure enough, it’s that article about Ben saving the family from the fire.
I take it from her and Ben’s handsome, sot-covered face smiles up at me. A swarm of butterflies get caught up in my knotted belly. “He’s so strong and protective. And complicated.”
“Complicated?” I hear the skepticism in Sophia’s tone.
A sigh rolls through my body as I tape another piece of paper to the window. “He’s been shutting me out,” I admit. “His stepfather was just diagnosed with cancer and the whole family is majorly spooked. I think they’re reliving the way things were when his dad died.
“Oh, hun. I’m so sorry to hear that.” Her face is twisted with sympathy.
“I just don’t want things to turn out like the last time. When his father died, he wouldn’t talk to me about it. He threw himself into his music and shut me off. And then, without warning, he broke up with me. I couldn’t handle it if that happened again.”
My sister’s eyes narrow with determination. “Then don’t let him close down on you. Force him to open up. In the most loving, supportive way possible, get him to talk to you about his feelings instead of bottling everything up. You’re his woman. Standing by him in hard times is part of your job—along with delivering strategically-timed blowjobs.”
We laugh together.
“Just make sure you let him know that you take your role in his life seriously and that you won’t accept him giving you the cold shoulder.”
I get off the chair and move it to another window. “How’d you get to be so smart?”
“From making my own share of mistakes,” she tells me and smiles. “I may be pregnant and alone now but I will find love again and it will be epic. And I just want you to have that epic kind of love, too. With Ben. You guys have gone through so much to get to this point. Don’t waste your second chance.”
I nod at her with newfound determination inside of me. “I won’t waste this chance. I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Angie
Polly’s leg bounces up and down with nervous anticipation as we wait in the brightly-lit hallway of the hospital’s oncology wing. Clyde is inside having another scan. Her hand is balled tightly around the wad of tissues she’s been using to dry her watery eyes.
Madden is pacing, wall to wall to wall. He won’t sit still. His non-stop movement is making everyone nervous but he can’t seem to control himself. Ben is next to me, knees wide apart, head dropped down, completely silent. He still isn’t talking. I wrap my arm around his back and lean my chin on his shoulder just to let him know that I’m here if he needs me.
“Why is it taking so fucking long?” Madden scrubs his hand over his scalp as he stomps around restlessly. He glances up at the clock on the wall. “It shouldn’t take so fucking long.”
Still, Ben doesn’t move an inch. His silence is driving me crazy, getting under my skin.
I find myself rambling to fill the quiet. “I’m sure that everything is fine,” I say, even though I’m not sure at all.
Polly’s eyes meet mine. “You think so?” she asks expectantly. “You’re a doctor. His chances are good right? He’s gonna be okay?” She’s so vulnerable and she just needs all the reassurance she can get.
I smile at her. “Of course he’ll be okay—”
At that, Ben surges up out of his seat.
"You don't know that, Angie! None of us know anything." He turns to his mother. "You have to be prepared for the worst. You can't let it take you by surprise like the last time. With dad, we weren't ready. This time, we have to be."
Polly shivers at her son's frigid, detached tone. “Don’t you talk like that!” she cries sternly.
“I just don’t want you getting your hopes up,” he says in defence.
His mother rises up out of her chair. “That’s my husband in there!” She jabs a finger in the direction of the room where Clyde is being scanned. “It’s my job to keep my hopes up for him. I’m the one who’s going to have to pull him through this. When he’s too weak to fight, I’m going to have to be his strength. So it’s your job to keep my fucking hopes up!”
The silence in the room is so charged that it crackles. Ben hangs his head and drops back into his chair, delivering a grumbled, “I’m sorry.”
Polly eyes him sharply. “You need to be apologizing to Angela. You still don’t seem to get it.” The woman blots her eyes with her tissues. “Love is fragile and fleeting. You’ve got to cherish it. You’ve got to preserve it. You don’t ever dare disrespect it because it hurts like hell when you lose it.” She drops into her seat. “Some people are lucky enough to have one true love in their lifetime…Me? I’ve had the misfortune of having two.”
Confusion invades my mind. “The misfortune?” I question quietly.
“The more love you get, the more opportunity you have to lose it.” Her words are tangled with grief. She closes her eyes and runs her tongue along the seam of her lips. “I’ve had two loves. And once upon a time, I thought I was the luckiest woman alive because I had them both at the same time…”
My confusion deepens. “Both at the same time? You loved them both at the same time?” It’s nearly impossible to imagine a woman like Polly in the middle of a love triangle. But that’s what her words seem to indicate.
The smile that covers her lips is both rueful and wry. “Oh honey, the three of us loved each other in every sense of the word.”
Ben’s head shoots up. Madden’s pacing halts and he pins his mother with a glare. “Mom, what the hell are you talking about?”
She hesitates, seeming to regret her words. Then, she heaves a breath. “Well, I guess that now is as good a time as any to tell you all the truth…Clyde was more than just your father's best friend. In fact he was more than a friend to both of us.”
A loud, wheezing sound accompanies my harsh intake of air. Next to me, Ben’s whole body goes rigid. Madden braces himself with a hand on the wall.
My voice comes out as a squeak. “Like…like a reverse harem?”
Polly’s cheeks are flaming red. “Well, I don’t think they call it a reverse harem when there’s only two men involved. I think that ménage might be the more appropriate term.”
The questions just keep pouring out of me. “So sort of like MFM?” I ask innocently as I try to make sense of this new information.
“Actually, more like MMF most days, to be honest. Don’t get me wrong—they treated me like a queen but those two big, strapping men had a hell of an appetite for each oth—”
“Mom!” Madden grits out, completely horrified. If his stare goes any wider, his eyeballs will come rolling out of their sockets.
Polly waves a hand in the air, shooing our condemnatory energy away. “Oh stop it with your judgmental stares. What can I say? It was free love. We were trying to keep the 70s alive."
"I don't need to hear this," Ben roars as he lifts out of his seat again.
The woman watches her son with a cocked brow. "Well, I know the two of you would like to hold onto your image of me being as pure as the freshly-fallen snow but sorry to inform you that I busted free of my chastity belt a long time ago. That’s how the two of you got here, in case you didn’t know."
Ben’s features are crumpled with revulsion. “I need some fucking air,” he announces as he heads off toward the stairs. His body radiates pure rage.
“Ben—I wait,” I call after him. He doesn’t even slow down.
I run after him, taking the stairs, two by two.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ben
I know it’s Angie standing there before I even look up from the bench where I’m sitting. Without a word, she lowers herself down into the seat next to me.
“Are you okay?” Her voice is soft and full of concern.
I laugh dryly. “Nope.”
We sit quietly, watching cars move in and out of the hospital’s parkin
g lot. I can tell that Angie wants me to dig deeper into my feelings but she doesn’t pressure me. She just sits silently, patiently.
“That was super weird, huh?” she says finally.
She pushes up close to me, coaxing me to put an arm around her and because I can never resist her warmth, I oblige. “Yeah, super weird.”
Another beat of silence passes, and then she prods some more. “I know this must be difficult to talk about but I’m here for you, Ben. I just want to know where you’re at in your head because I don’t want you to spring any more surprises on me when I least expect it. That wouldn’t be fair to me.”
I consider her words. I think back on the feelings I kept from her when my father died. I didn’t let her in. But back then, I was a kid. Now, I’m a man and I need to act like one. My mom may have been rambling like a mad fool inside the hospital a little while ago but one thing she said sticks out in my mind. Love is fragile and fleeting. You’ve got to cherish it. You’ve got to preserve it. You don’t ever dare disrespect it because it hurts like hell when you lose it. She’s right about that. I have no excuse to shut Angie out. I know better so I’ve got to do better. Even if it’s hard.
“I guess it wasn’t enough—having the burden of wondering if Clyde is gonna be okay or not. The Universe also had to drop this huge, new bombshell, too. It’s not everyday you find out that your mom used to get gangbanged by your dad and the man who eventually became your stepfather.”
I feel her cringe in my arms. “There's so much more to a ménage than just the sex. It's about connection, power dynamics, role-reversal. It's very empowering toward women. It’s arguably a manifesto on modern feminism.”
I stare down at her in my arms with a horrified feeling in my chest.
She instantly reads my expression and bursts out laughing. “No, no, no! I’m not suggesting that we try that! That lifestyle may work in some couples but not ours. You’re it for me. You’re the only one.”
The Blue Collar Bachelors Box Set: The Complete Blue Collar Bachelors Series Page 76