“Wh-what?” My breath comes out sharp and shaky.
“Reese is downplaying the situation,” Vivian bends forward and whispers. “Sadie, we’re gonna need you to spearhead the whole thing. Do you think you can handle that?”
The younger sister rolls her eyes at Vivian. “You’re gonna scare her off,” she mutters roughly. I’m giggling, head light and giddy, as her eyes turn back to me, pleading. “Really, all you’ll have to worry about is doing the market research stuff. Coming up with a business plan…” Reese tells me naively, “That’s simple, right?”
It’s not simple. It’s a big fucking deal. But I’m up to the task. I’m definitely up to the task.
The sisters are entrusting me with something really important. It’s a huge vote of confidence.
I straighten my spine and lift my chin even though I’m scared as hell. “Yes, I can handle that. I’d be honored to.”
Viv sits up in her chair and claps excitedly.
“That’s what I was hoping you’d say.” Reese winks and bites into her cupcake again.
“I’m thrilled that you guys would come to me for this. You have no idea what it means—”
There's a knock at the door and all eyes go in that direction. "Come in," Reese hollers over her shoulder.
The door swings open and her fiancé, Leo, sticks his head into the office. "Good afternoon, ladies."
Darn, he’s hot!
The super-DILF’s eyes narrow in on his soon-to-be-bride as Viv and I singsong a "Good afternoon" in reply.
"Hey babe." Reese's eyes are affectionate but confused. "What are you doing here?"
He chuckles incredulously. "Doctor's appointment. Like we talked about fifteen minutes ago."
She slaps her forehead. "Oh right. Yes, of course. Baby brain.”
The two of them used to be neighbors right after Leo moved to Copper Heights. He needed someone to watch his son, Brenton, after school. Reese stepped up to the task. Before you know it, they discovered their mutual love of bumping uglies. And then they fell in love. This is the happily ever after part.
Ever the perfect gentleman, Leo comes over to help Reese out of her seat. He takes a closer look at her and rolls his eyes, a knowing smile on his lips. “You have frosting all over your face, Cupcake Girl.”
Her cheeks turn red as she giggles. “Help!” she pleads meekly, batting her eyes up at him.
"My pleasure." He leans down and not-so-discreetly kisses the icing sugar off the corners of her lips.
Her facial expression? Pure euphoria.
Then they whisper indecipherable love words to each other as she feeds him the last bite of her cake and he licks her fingers, too.
And there’s that old jealousy in my chest again. That longing to have something like that with someone special. Some day.
Viv just sort of snorts under her breath. “Get a room, you two. Nobody wants to see all that mess.”
I laugh.
And the thought of Xavier pops into my mind. I’ve been thinking about him. A lot. Ever since he intervened the other day when Cobi was giving me a hard time. I don’t need a knight in shining armor. I’m perfectly fine defending myself. Still, it was nice having someone stick up for me. That hasn’t happened much in my life. I hate admitting that I want more of that. More of him.
As I sit here, I try to push him out but it’s useless. It’s his face I see smiling down at me, it’s his fingers I feel splaying on my pregnant belly in my stupid, stupid daydream.
I wish I weren’t so damn smitten with that smug, confusing, infuriating man.
Chapter Fifteen
Xavier
I’m having a hard time paying attention in my AA meeting today. My eyes keep darting back to the news headline on the screen of my phone.
As Queen’s Health Worsens, Prince Edmund Well-Poised to Take Throne
My gut clenches every time I watch the picture accompanying the article from that Ridgeland Daily News. It’s my father and his tiara-loving arm-piece grinning widely for the cameras at some red-carpet event.
The article goes on to detail the many public appearances that the royal couple has made in recent weeks on behalf of the Queen. They even speculate that Grandmum might be contemplating abdication in order to take time away from the spotlight and enjoy what little time she has left.
When I first read the article, I immediately called Thomas. He wasn’t able to provide the reassurance I was looking for. He told me that Grandmum is completely bedridden, barely able to lift her head from the pillow at this point. The press is unaware of this detail. A shiver runs through me whenever I recall the way his voice dropped to a panicked murmur and he said, “I’m really worried, Sir.”
I may be trying my hardest to hide from my reality, to evade my responsibilities toward the Monarchy but it doesn’t change a thing. My grandmother is dying. How can this be happening?
She’s always been tougher-than-titanium, larger-than-life, more than a mere woman…and now she’s dying? Coming face-to-face with her mortality is jarring. The Queen can’t just die.
All my life I’ve been fairly certain that if you cut her open, you’d find a network of steel rods and wire circuits. Proof that she’s not like all the rest of us. She’s always been superhuman. To me, at least.
I can’t come to grips with it. I don’t know how. That’s why I just want to stay here in Copper Heights and hide out. It feels safe here. For the first time in a long time, I feel safe.
Being near Sadie makes me feel safe.
I’m trying to fight it. I’m trying to resist. But every time she smiles at me, that deep, cold, empty well inside of me fills up with warmth, just a little bit more. She’s fun and unapologetic and too beautiful for words. And I just want to hold her, to build a fortress around us. A place where nothing else can infiltrate. Just me and her.
That’s not realistic, though. My contract with Ethel is ticking by. Each day brings me closer to the end.
I just don’t know what I’ll do when it’s time to go back home.
The AA group’s chairperson clears his throat from the front of the room. When I lift my gaze, his attention is on me. “Do you have anything to add today, Xavier?”
Carl is a middle-aged guy. Average height and build with an astonishingly symmetrical goatee. He carries a little extra weight around his waist and he constantly reeks of sugary e-cigarette vapors. But he’s got good intentions and he’s gone out of his way to be friendly with me since I started coming here.
Sliding my phone into my back pocket, I shake my head and make a non-committal sound. He doesn’t quite seem satisfied with my answer, but at least he doesn’t push it. Instead, he moves on, instructing everyone to stand and hold hands for the closing prayer. I follow along on autopilot, my heart and my head not at all into it tonight.
As people begin to filter out of the room, I linger by the refreshments table, half-heartedly stirring a packet of sugar into a cup of black coffee. Carl speaks as he starts folding up the metal chairs scattered about the room. “How you doing, man? You look a bit distracted tonight.”
I scratch at my stubble, trying to figure out the most succinct way to explain exactly what’s going on with me. I decide to address the biggest problem first. “I’ve met this girl,” I tell him simply.
A salt and pepper brow climbs a few centimeters up his forehead. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing…”
I lean my weight on the edge of the table and swirl my cup around between my fingers. “The problem is, I’ve got a lot of things going on in my life right now. With my family and…And I’d only planned on staying in Copper Heights for a few weeks. Honestly, I’m not even supposed to be here…” I drop my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. “But this girl…”
“She’s that great, huh?” Carl’s goatee frames his smile perfectly, as if each individual hair follicle was hand-placed by Mother Nature herself.
“She’s…she’s more than great.” I struggle to find the right phrasing. “Sh
e’s addictive.” My head snaps up when I use the word.
Carl immediately understands what I’m trying to say. “You’re worried about the effect that being with her will have on your sobriety.”
“Right.” I give a curt nod.
That part is certainly true but the whole story is not that simple. What I don’t tell him is that I know I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve the happiness, the excitement, the damn bliss I feel with her. After the bad things I’ve done, I don’t deserve any of the good things she represents.
He folds his thick arms across his broad chest. “Well, has she encouraged you to do anything that will compromise your recovery?”
“No, not at all,” I say quickly before adding slowly, “she doesn’t even know about my situation.” Worry pleats Carl’s brow as he lets me continue to pour out my guts. “I want to spend more time with her but I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“The thing about her is…she’s wild and adventurous and when I’m with her, I just feel…” Discussing feelings has never been my strong suit but talking about this situation with Sadie is particularly difficult because it’s so new and different and strange and it triggers my guilt on the deepest level. She’s all the things I decided I no longer deserved after that damn accident.
Carl scrubs his thumb back and forth on his chin. “Did I ever tell you the story of how I started drinking?”
I scan my brain for a few seconds before shaking my head. “No.”
He heaves a breath and begins, “I’ve always, y’know, had a thing for…older women. When I was a teenager, nothing got my blood going like the sight of one of my mom’s friends in her housecoat and bedroom slippers and rollers in her hair.” He gets all wistful when he says it. “Sneaking into the Playboy Mansion would pale in comparison to that. At least to me. I spent most of my life trying to deny it. But twenty years ago, I fell in love with Mrs. Packard. I wanted her so bad, it consumed me. It became so overwhelming, I couldn’t take it. So what did I do? I went out and married a woman my age, of course.” He laughs to himself. “Obviously, that didn’t help the situation. It only caused more pain—for myself, my wife, my kids…and the woman I loved. I started drinking to numb that pain.”
I stare blankly at him, not quite sure where he’s going with this.
Again, he reads my expression. “What I’m saying is that denying my true self out of fear didn’t help anyone. It just made a whole lot of people miserable. If you want this girl and she wants you, you have every fucking right to indulge, to let yourself be happy.”
It feels like someone is painfully shoving their fist up my throat. Suddenly, breathing isn’t so easy. Carl’s words are hitting me right in the feels.
His big, strong hand comes down hard on my shoulder. “You heard me right, Xavier. Even after everything that’s happened in your life, you deserve fun, adventure, love. You deserve it all.”
The hand that holds the coffee cup is shaking now. I set the drink down on the table so I don’t spill it. I’ve got goosebumps all over.
Carl smiles again. “Enjoy this girl. Don’t let the artificial mental blocks stop you. Of course—always be mindful and if things start to feel shaky, then know when to hit ‘stop’. But as long as you respect each other’s boundaries and needs, there’s no reason to deprive yourself.”
His words resonate with me so deeply. I want him to be right because I want to get closer to Sadie. I want to give myself permission to get to know her, to touch her, to be with her. Even if it’s just for a little while.
As I ponder his words, an elderly woman with a walking stick and a shaky gait ambles through the door. “Baby!” Carl howls excitedly as he rushes over to greet his lady friend.
The two immediately start making out. I mean, really, truly making out. It’s almost as if their faces are in a wrestling match. It’s a bit much to watch. I clear my throat.
The lovers separate, giving me matching sheepish grins. Carl beams as he introduces me to his frisky girlfriend Delores. Y’see—that’s fucking beauty. It’s love. “Good night, folks,” I say, as they turn for the door.
“Good night, Xavier.” And then, they disappear down the hall, hand in hand, whispering sweet nothings to each other.
Everything Carl said replays in my head. Especially the bits that go against the core beliefs I’ve adopted in recent years.
I deserve fun, adventure…love.
Love?
Maybe not love. But the rest—the fun and the adventure—I’m damn sure I can find that in Sadie Nichols.
Chapter Sixteen
Xavier
When I leave the AA meeting, I head straight for our apartment building. After a quick stop at my place, I descend the stairs down to Sadie’s.
I knock on the door. There’s no answer. The lights inside are off. Anxiety grips my gut. What if I’m too late? What if some other chap had the good sense to get here ahead of me, before I could get my head out of my arse? Maybe that tosser ex-boyfriend of hers.
I drop to the top step of the creaky staircase and bow my head into my hands. Jealousy and worry kick up a violent flurry inside of me.
But before long, I hear the door open behind me, creaking on its hinges. My heart soars. The girl steps out, wearing a tunic covered in watermelons—smiling watermelons—and matching pants. Where the hell do they even sell shit like that? There’s a basket of dirty laundry topped with textbooks propped against her hip. Of course. Laundry day again.
That makes me smile.
Her expression does not reflect my amusement. She gives me a ‘what are you doing here again?’ look. I stand.
"I was printing a ticket for the movies tomorrow night and I accidentally printed two.”
An ironic sound sputters past her lips. “You could have asked for a refund.” A wet tendril of dark hair falls across her cheek, framing her perfect face. She must have been in the shower when I first knocked. With an angry movement, she pushes it back into place.
“I’ve decided to invite you to come along with me instead.” I throw her a lopsided smile. “Come along with me...Look at it as repayment for the sugar."
The corners of her lips draw tight. Her eyes narrow with determination. She tries to brush by me. The soft flesh of her arm grazes mine and it just about drives me mad. “I’m done playing these games with you, Xavier,” she grinds out.
Hurt feelings and unfulfilled expectations throb in the space between us.
“Sadie—”
“No!” she holds up a hand. “Look, Xavier—I like you. I’ve done a really bad job of being subtle about it. And if you don’t like me too, that’s okay. But what’s not okay is you stringing me along and—”
Before she can get another word out, my hands are cupping her cheeks and my mouth is puckered hard against hers.
She’s startled.
Her lips part to gasp and I steal the opportunity to slide my tongue against hers. I kiss her deeper, licking into that smart mouth, tasting her the way I’ve been dreaming of since the day I met her.
My hands slide down over her breasts and I feel those nipples tight and erect for me. I get an image of us in bed, with me on top of her bared body, tasting those perky nipples. I groan deep in my throat and suck her plump bottom lip between my teeth as my arms circle her waist.
Her knees weaken and the basket of laundry tumbles from her hand, bumping its way down the stairs, scattering clothes and books every step of the way.
“Shit…” The word comes from her mouth, soft and airy.
My finger on her chin brings her attention back to me. "I'm taking you to the movies tomorrow night, darling.”
I'm being forward. I know it. I don't really care.
After all that, she tries to act like she’s still in control. She fists a hand on her waist and shifts her weight to one leg. “So you aren’t even gonna ask?"
I psht. "And give you the chance to say ‘no’?”
She looks weary all of
a sudden, tired of being jerked around by life. “You want me to go to the movies with you? Tell me why, Xavier.”
Making a joke would be the easy way out. Downplaying how much I’m into her would be much less scary. But the look in her eyes tells me that she needs to hear it, tells me that she hasn’t heard it often enough from the men she’s known. I take both her hands and I thread my fingers through hers. “I want you to go to the movies with me because I want to spend more time with you, Sadie. Because I like you. The problem is, I have my doubts about whether I deserve for you to like me.”
“Xavier…”
“There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, darling girl. But maybe for now, we could just work with what we’ve got.”
Her head bobs lightly. She pushes a hard breath past her lips and she shivers. Her shoulders relax.
One carefree grin from her and giddiness takes hold of me. And I realize that’s what I’ve been waiting for all day. Her smile.
"Fine. I'll go." The pretty pink flush on her cheeks is endearing.
My fingers dance across her cheekbone, loving the way she’s blushing for me. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say, sweetie.”
I feel myself getting sucked into her stare again and I turn away because if I don’t pace myself, I’ll end up shoving her back against the cool, red bricks and fucking her right here against this wall. I jog down the stairs and pick up her dirty laundry, shoving it all back into the basket.
“You want me to come sit with you?” I ask softly.
Sadie shakes her head, suddenly so shy and sweet. “No, that’s all right.” She nods at the books in the basket. “I have these bad boys to keep me company.”
She wants some space. I can respect that. This was all a bit much to spring on her out of the blue. “Let me walk you downstairs, at least.”
The Blue Collar Bachelors Box Set: The Complete Blue Collar Bachelors Series Page 93