by Amanda Renee
“Choose one and you’ll find out.”
“Without.”
Delta reached behind her and unfastened her bra, allowing it to fall to the floor. His gaze upon her bare breasts empowered her to continue her seduction. He reached for her hand, but she took a step backward.
“Now, now.” She waggled a finger at him. “Patience is a virtue. With or without.”
“Please, without.” He groaned, reclining against the back of the couch once again.
She hooked her thumbs in the waistband of her leggings and eased them past her hips. Reveling in the warmth of the fire against her bare skin. She stepped out of her pants and stood before him, with only a slip of lace shielding his view from the rest of her.
“With or without?”
“Without.” His voice was barely a whisper.
She swung her hips as the lace slid down her hips and onto her thighs, before releasing and allowing it to fall the rest of the way. She stood naked in front of him, allowing him to see every inch, every scar, every imperfection.
His piercing gaze met hers. “You still have one more to go.”
Delta laughed. “I can’t get more naked than this.” She knelt in front of him. “Unless you mean this.” She reached for his belt and began to unfasten it. His hand covered hers, stilling it.
“Ask me again.”
She could play this game all night. “With or without?”
Garrett rose before her, guiding her to her feet as his eyes roamed the entire length of her body once again. He held her face in his hands and kissed her mouth lightly before whispering, “I want you without.” His fingers slid toward her scalp and under the edge of her wig, releasing the band.
“Garrett!” She tried to pull away from him but his arm wound around her waist and tugged her to him. “Don’t do this.”
“Without.” His voice was as firm as his body against hers. She stilled in his arms. “I want you, every inch of you, naked, raw, bare. I want to see you. Not the pretense of you. It’s just hair, Delta. It offers no protection, at least not from me. I want you without.”
Delta sucked in a breath and closed her eyes as he continued to remove her final covering.
“You’re so beautiful, Delta Grace. Embrace that beauty when you’re around me.”
Delta ran a hand over what used to be her hair. “I asked Cooper to do it. And I’ll ask him again this weekend since it’s starting to grow back. It’s going to fall out and I refuse to let that happen. I took control.” Once she’d arrived home last week, she’d shaved the rest of her body, with the exception of her eyebrows. She hadn’t lost them completely the last time and she hoped she could fill them in with pencil again if need be.
“I love you bare.” Garrett cupped the back of her head and claimed her mouth as his tongue sought hers.
“Garrett.” He tilted her head back, exposing her throat. He trailed kisses down the hollow of her neck until he reached her breasts. He ran his tongue over one nipple, then blew across, causing them to harden further. “Garrett, please.”
“By the time I’m finished, you’ll be saying those words over and over again.”
Chapter Thirteen
Garrett listened to Delta’s soft breaths in the darkness of her bedroom. And he hated it. He found himself counting the seconds after each exhale and then tensing when her next inhale didn’t come as quickly as the last few. He’d done the same thing when Rebecca had slept next to him.
He lifted a sweaty hand to the side of his neck and checked his heart rate with two fingers against his watch. It was a steady hundred beats a minute and that was when he knew he’d made the mistake of staying.
He didn’t know how to support Delta and keep her diagnosis a secret from Bryce and Kacey. They would know. They would pick up on the signs. They would ask questions and they would be afraid of losing someone else they loved. He couldn’t put them through that again. He wouldn’t.
Garrett bolted upright. He had to get out of there. The walls felt as if they were closing in on him. He glanced down at Delta and saw Rebecca instead.
“No, this can’t be happening.” He forced himself to stand.
“Garrett?” Delta rolled over and clicked on the light.
“Oh, God.” It was Rebecca. She pushed aside the covers and stood. “It can’t be.”
“Garrett, what’s wrong?” She turned to face him. “You’re drenched!”
“Delta.” He sighed in relief and dropped to his knees when he realized he was having a flashback. It had to be the hair, or the lack thereof. Rebecca had been as platinum as they came. There would have been no mistaking the two, even in the dark, if they had hair. “Delta...we shouldn’t have done this...”
“Excuse me?” Delta grabbed a robe from the back of a chair and tied it tightly around her. “Please tell me you did not just say that.”
“Delta, I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I didn’t realize—”
“Get the hell out of my house!” she shouted. Jake jumped on the bed and began barking wildly at him.
“Delta, please let me explain.”
“Why did you even come here?” Delta stormed out of the room only to return less than a minute later with his clothes. She threw them at him, nearly taking his eye out with his belt buckle. “Get dressed,” she ordered. “I gave you an out. This was exactly why I had pushed you away. But no, you had to come over here. You had to force the issue. I didn’t want you around to see this. I was doing just fine on my own. You had me snowed.”
Garrett tugged on his boxer briefs and jeans as Jake continued to bark. “I can’t do this to my kids.”
“Don’t you dare use them as an excuse.” She reached across the bed for Jake’s collar to quiet him before continuing. “You told me they didn’t have to know. We agreed that I would keep my distance on the bad days. You can’t even admit that this is about you. You’re the one who can’t do this. You’re a coward. Now leave and don’t ever come back.”
* * *
DELTA SLAMMED THE front door so hard it cracked a pane of glass.
Shit!
She plastered her back against the wall and held her breath as she listened for the sound of his SUV. Why hadn’t he driven away? She refused to look. She refused to give him the satisfaction because Lord knew he had his fill of satisfaction tonight. At her expense.
Jake jumped on the back of the couch and pushed his face through the curtains. His tail stood straight out and vibrated with tension. Garrett still had to be on the porch if Jake was able to see him. The cars were parked off to the side and the front door light didn’t shine that far.
She heard what sounded like a door close and then the start of his engine. Within seconds, it had faded in the distance. Her body went limp as she slid down the wall to the floor...and cried. Another man had walked away from her because she had cancer. At least she had a perfect record.
Jake jumped off the couch and ran to her side. He nudged her face repeatedly with his until she met his gaze. “I’m okay, boy.” She dug her fingers into his thick coat and hugged him to her. “At least I will be.” Jake rested his head on her shoulders, content to remain in that one position.
She wanted to go for a run but knew her body didn’t have the stamina. She wanted to hit something but didn’t want to scare Jake. She wanted to scream but didn’t want to frighten her landlords across the way. She wanted to throw something, but that would only make her angrier when she had to clean it up. She wanted to not have to hold it together for once. She needed a release.
Jake pressed his body closer to hers. His nose was inches from her ear allowing her to match his breathing pattern until she calmed down. It amazed her that an animal knew what she needed when the man who’d just made love to her didn’t have a clue.
Even Eddie at his worst had never left her feeling used. Just unwanted. Now she had the unfo
rtunate knowledge of both. She released Jake and pulled herself up. She needed to strip the bed and scrub any traces of him from her body. He was the one man outside of her family she thought had understood her. The one man she thought she had a future with. The man she thought she loved. If she ever saw him again it would be too soon.
* * *
AN HOUR HAD passed since Delta had thrown him out and he’d returned home. Dylan had been concerned when Garrett walked in but didn’t ask questions. Which was good because he didn’t have any answers. He also wasn’t willing to betray Delta’s trust by broadcasting her illness around either. Although, he didn’t think he could betray her trust any more than he had tonight. He had never meant to hurt her, especially not that way. And he was still trying to rationalize the situation.
He stood at the kitchen window and looked into the darkness. The sun would rise in less than an hour and there was no way he’d get any sleep now. Even if he wanted to, his guilt wouldn’t let him.
He knew the facts. Delta’s cancer was ninety-five-percent curable. Hodgkin’s lymphoma was nothing like pancreatic cancer. Delta had started treatment immediately. Rebecca’s cancer had already advanced before it had been detected. And it had spread by the time she began chemotherapy. The two situations were entirely different. Then why did it feel like his heart was being torn out of his chest once again?
Garrett tugged on his boots and stepped into the frigid early-morning air. Not bothering to put on a coat or gloves he made his way to the shed attached to the back of the house and unlocked it. With a flick of the switch, he flooded the backyard with light. The yard was a mess and he was low on firewood. He gathered the branches that had fallen during the last snowfall, snapped them into smaller pieces and tossed them in the kindling box on the porch. He grabbed the ax from the shed wall, stood a slab of wood on the tree stump and started swinging.
The steel head split the wood with a resounding crack. He stood another piece upright and swung again and again until his back and shoulders couldn’t take it anymore. Then he gathered the wood in his arms and stacked it alongside the house.
His body ached, his hands were cold and his ears stung, but it wasn’t enough to drive the anger out of his head. He was mad at Rebecca for dying. He was mad that pancreatic cancer was linked to a hereditary gene and his children had an increased chance of getting it. He was mad Delta had cancer again and he was mad for not being strong enough to support the woman he loved. The realization hit him like a Mack truck. He was in love with Delta and he had just destroyed any chance he’d ever had with her.
“Daddy?” Kacey called to him. “What are you doing out here?”
He spun around to see her silhouetted in the back-porch doorway. “Go back inside, honey. It’s too cold out here. I’m just chopping some firewood before the sun comes up. I’ll be in shortly.”
“The sun’s up and so is Bryce,” she said. “I’ll feed him and get him ready for school.”
Garrett looked skyward. The sun hadn’t quite risen above the horizon, but it was close enough. “No, baby. You will not get Bryce dressed and ready for school. That’s my job.” He crossed the yard and locked the ax in the shed before joining her in the doorway. “Didn’t I tell you to get inside? You’re letting all the heat out of the house.”
After the way he’d treated her, he doubted Delta would keep Silver Bells as a customer. How could he tell his kids they would never see Delta again? Kacey had already grown attached to her and that was his fault. He should have limited contact between them, yet she’d been good for his daughter. Bryce would miss her, but he would roll with it like he rolled with everything else. Garrett didn’t think he’d survive another round of Kacey retreating into her shell. She’d just begun to come into her own and be a child, and he was going to throw another wrench in her little life.
“Why aren’t you wearing a coat?”
“Because Daddy’s an idiot.” He pulled out a kitchen chair and patted it for her to sit on. “I want to talk to you.”
He sat in the chair across from her and reached for her hands. “Daddy, don’t.” She backed away from him. “Your hands are cold.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” He rubbed them against his jeans. “I need you to let me take care of your baby brother from now on. I know you’re good at it, but I want to be good at it, too, and the only way I can learn is if you let me do things for him. But you may have to show me how sometimes.”
“I’d be your teacher?” Her face lit up at the idea.
“Exactly.” He wanted to hug her but he knew he wasn’t warm enough yet. “And since I’ll be learning your job, you’ll have more time to play with your friends.”
“And learn guitar.” She slid from the chair and ran into the living room to open her guitar case. “I can’t wait until my next lesson.”
“About that.” Garrett followed and perched on the edge of the coffee table. “I think it’s best if Dylan teaches you instead of Delta.”
“But I want Delta.” She deadpanned him.
“Well, honey.” He had planned to have this conversation later, not before school. “That’s not going to be possible.”
“What did you do?”
“Me?” The accusation surprised him, although it wasn’t off base. “Delta has to go back and forth to visit her family more often and she won’t be able to teach you anymore.”
“Doesn’t she want to see me?”
“Of course she does.” The last thing he wanted was for his daughter to feel unwanted and unloved. “This has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
He hated lying to his kid, but he refused to allow one more person to hurt her. And while he was confident Delta would never purposely hurt Kacey, the truth would devastate her.
Kacey relatched the case and pushed it away. “It’s okay. I don’t want to play anymore. I’m going to get dressed for school. You need to get Bryce ready.”
And her walls were up once again. An eight-year-old shouldn’t even know how to turn their emotions off like that. Nor should she have to tell him how to care for his son, even though she was right. The time had slipped away from him this morning and he didn’t want them to be late.
Kacey disappeared down the hall to her bedroom. Today would pass and they’d get through it together. He reminded himself that he didn’t need anything more than to see his kids healthy and happy. Despite the heartache of this morning, he had done the right thing by protecting them from Delta’s cancer. Then why did the right thing leave him so cold and empty?
* * *
DELTA BARELY HAD the strength to drag her body out of bed Saturday morning. If she’d had her way, she would have slept until noon. But Jake’s bladder and empty belly would have none of that. It had been four days since she’d kicked Garrett out of her life and she was still waiting for him to stop invading her every waking thought.
She checked her text messages and voice mail, relieved when there weren’t any. Hiring an apprentice had worked out better than she had thought it would. He’d been able to handle half of her jobs and was available in case Silver Bells had a call. They hadn’t and a part of her wondered if she even had them as a customer anymore. She’d like to say she didn’t care, but she did. After all, they were her largest account.
She fixed a bowl of food for Jake and sat it on the floor. “Here you go, boy.”
Her back ached as she stood, along with every muscle in her body. She didn’t have a temperature and was chalking the pain up to chemo side effects. So much for this time being easier than the last.
She fixed a cup of coffee and had just gotten comfortable on the couch when Jake began to circle by the back door. “Are you kidding me?” she asked him. He barked a response forcing her to get back up and let him out again. “I really wish you could do all your business at the same time.”
She barely had the door open before he took off down the stairs and ra
n across the pastures toward her landlords’ house, where he’d most likely beg for his second breakfast of the day. Typical male...never satisfied.
Delta made her way back to the couch and clicked on the TV. Every channel was engrossed in one Valentine’s Day activity or another. She’d always hated cupid, but now she despised the little bugger.
Today was the tenth, the first day of the Silver Bells couples-only Valentine’s Day retreat and she couldn’t help but wonder how her ideas had worked out. She’d put much more of her time and heart into the project than she had intended to, but she’d secretly enjoyed it. Too bad she couldn’t see the final result. As curious as she was, she wasn’t curious enough to risk running into Garrett.
Jake’s distant barking followed by a child’s laughter drew her to the window. She peered through the curtains to see Kacey and her dog running and jumping in the pasture next to the house. She reached for the doorknob and then realized she wasn’t wearing her wig. That was the last thing Kacey needed to see.
She ran to her bedroom and lifted the wig from the stand. If Kacey was out there, Garrett had to be close by. But she hadn’t heard his truck. That was odd. She looked in the mirror and adjusted her hair quickly before running back through the house. The action left her breathless by the time she reached the door. She swung it wide and stepped into the cold.
Jake had a ball in his mouth and offered it to Kacey, who happily threw it for him. Delta glanced around the property, but there was no sign of Garrett.
“Kacey!” Delta called to her, causing both her and Jake to turn in her direction. “Come on inside where it’s warm.”
Delta’s teeth chattered as she waited for them. Jake could outrun anyone, but kept pace beside Kacey. They both reached the porch panting and sweaty.
“Delta!” Kacey scampered up the steps, threw her body against Delta and hugged her. The force almost knocked her back through the door. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” More than she had ever imagined. “Let’s get inside.” She broke the embrace and ushered them both into the warmth. “Where’s your father?”