“I think that’s a great idea about Olivia’s man, to invite him here. I’d like to meet him myself.”
“He’s probably terrified of that. He won’t be as worried about me, because I’m old,” Gabrielle said and laughed. “Age is a great cover for a multitude of sins. People assume I’m innocent, which is not always the case.”
“You’re the youngest person I know.” Gwen smiled at her. “I wish I had your energy. I still haven’t seen a decent script,” she complained. “It’s driving me crazy.”
“It will come,” her mother said confidently.
“Maybe not. Actresses’ careers end at my age.”
“Not yours. You may not get the parts you once did, and maybe not as many, but you’ll get better ones. The great roles in film are for women your age, or even older.”
“Maybe I’m finished, or too old.” Gabrielle laughed again when Gwen said it.
“If you’re too old, what does that make me? Dead? Don’t be silly. A great part will come, and a great script with it. You need a hobby in the meantime,” she said. “Something to keep you busy.”
“Not piano lessons again. I still can’t play.” Gwen grinned at her.
“Why don’t you go back to painting for a while? You’ve got talent, you’ve just never had the time to develop it. You’re your father’s daughter.”
“I haven’t painted in ten years,” Gwen said, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. But it was something to do while she waited for a strong script to land on her doorstep. “I’ll think about it.”
“Don’t think. Just do it. That’s the best way to get things done. The only way really.” They chatted for a little while longer, until Gwen could see her mother getting restless and eager to get back to work. “You need to meet a man too. That would keep you amused,” her mother said as they made their way down the stairs, back to the studio.
“I’d rather find a good script. Besides, men don’t like famous women. I haven’t had a real date in two years.”
“The right man won’t care how famous you are. Only weak men are scared off by fame, and you don’t want that anyway. You need a good, normal man, like Federico. He has a very nice nephew in Venice, but he’s too old for you, he’s in his seventies.” She kissed her daughter and put her welder’s mask back in place. She was working on a horse, and the sheer size of it was impressive. There was a ladder next to it so she could do her work. Gwen had long since stopped telling her to be careful. Her mother was ageless and timeless and a miracle of some kind. “Try painting. The rest will happen at the right time,” she said, and Gwen felt encouraged when she left. She had called an Uber and rode back uptown, smiling as she thought about her mother. Gabrielle had told Gwen about a new service she’d discovered to deliver food from the best restaurants in the city. She said that she and Federico had ordered dinner from La Gamine before he left, and it was fabulous. She was always up-to-date on the latest trends, and open to trying new things, more than Gwen was.
When she got back to the apartment, Gwen dug around for her old art supplies. She pulled out an easel and a canvas. Most of the paints were dry and she needed to buy new ones. But she found a sketch pad and some charcoal, and decided to play around with that for now. As usual, her mother was right. Painting and drawing would distract her, and always made her feel peaceful. She sat down with her sketch pad after lunch, and the hours flew by until dinnertime.
* * *
—
Paul found a surprisingly nice furnished apartment that afternoon in a townhouse in the East Seventies, not far from Olivia’s apartment. It had three bedrooms and everything he needed, including linens and kitchen equipment. The owner was in Tuscany for a year on sabbatical, and it was available immediately, in move-in condition. It was just what he needed so he could see his kids on weekends. For himself, he preferred staying at Olivia’s apartment.
He called Eileen to tell her and make plans to see the children. He thought she’d be pleased that he was already organizing to see the kids, but instead they got into an argument about the twins’ schedules. She wanted Pennie to work on her college applications that weekend, and he wanted all three of them to come to the city and stay overnight.
“I don’t want their grades to go down the tubes in honor of your love life,” she said sharply. She’d been angry at him all day, when she thought of him lying to her and sleeping with another woman while he lived with her.
“Do you want me to come and see them out there?”
“No, I don’t. I’m not ready to see you yet. I need to digest what happened. You just moved out two days ago.”
“I thought you’d be happy I found an apartment.” He was disappointed, which was naïve of him. How could she be happy for him? He had left her for another woman.
“So you can continue cheating on me?”
“I’m not cheating now, we’re separated,” he reminded her, “and I told you about her.”
“Five months later, and only because I asked you. You didn’t come clean and volunteer it.”
“Can they at least come for one night?” She grudgingly agreed and then asked him the question that had been gnawing at her all day.
“Should I be calling a lawyer? Are we getting divorced?”
“I haven’t figured out what I’m doing yet. Maybe we’ll get back together at some point,” he said unconvincingly. He didn’t believe that, but he wanted to leave the door open, in case it didn’t work out with Olivia, or he found that he missed Eileen. But he hadn’t so far, and she sounded hostile on the phone. He couldn’t blame her. He was asking a lot of her and he knew it. “I haven’t called a lawyer yet myself. I’m not sure we need one, if we can make visitation work.” Jane had told her that morning that she should call a lawyer, and had given her two names, but it depressed her to think about it. She wasn’t ready to call one yet, or give up hope.
She agreed to send the children to him on Friday after school, on the train, and he promised to send them back on Saturday night. That way they could catch up on homework on Sunday. And the boys wouldn’t miss soccer practice. He felt jangled at the end of the conversation. If they did divorce, he wanted to stay on good terms with Eileen, but that didn’t sound possible at the moment. It was still too fresh, and her emotions were raw. She had a gaping wound in her heart.
He told Olivia about it that night, and said that Eileen had been difficult.
“My mother said it would get messy eventually,” she said quietly, and he looked surprised.
“You talked to her about me? You told her I’m married?”
“Obviously.”
“She must think I’m a real jerk walking out on a wife and three kids.”
“She wasn’t crazy about it, but she’s a reasonable person. When you get divorced, she’ll be fine.” He nodded, and didn’t tell her he hadn’t called a lawyer yet. But he was planning to. He just wasn’t ready for the big steps. The process was harder than he’d thought it would be, even though he was madly in love with Olivia. But he felt sorry for Eileen and his kids. This was a huge change for them, and he was excited about seeing them that weekend. He was going to take them out to dinner on Friday night alone, sleep at his new apartment with them, and he invited Olivia to join them for lunch on Saturday so she could meet them.
“Are you sure about that?” she questioned him with a doubtful look. “You don’t think it’s too soon for them?”
“I’d rather they meet you sooner than later. We can just say we’re friends for now. But that way, they won’t get upset about it, and they’ll see what a nice person you are.”
“I don’t know how great I’ll be with kids. I haven’t been around any. And I’m only ten years older than your daughter. She may not be crazy about that.”
“She’ll love it. It’ll be like having a big sister or a grown-up friend,” he said confidently. “And t
he boys are easy. All they care about are sports and video games.”
“Neither of which I know anything about,” Olivia said, looking worried, but he insisted it would be simple and fun. He knew his children.
They fell into bed after that, and she forgot about the children. She loved being able to sleep with him every night now, and make love whenever they wanted. He really was a free man, and he had finally left his wife after five months of promising to. He was proving to be a man of his word, and she was certain her mother’s concerns were unfounded. All she had to do now was meet his kids, and it would be smooth sailing after that. That was what Paul told her, and she believed him. He believed it himself, and he didn’t lie to her. Only to his wife.
Chapter 7
Paul left work early and met the children at the train at Grand Central Station when they arrived from Greenwich on Friday afternoon. They had taken the train after school, and arrived at five-nineteen. They each had a tote bag, and Mark was carrying a small suitcase that Eileen had packed with clean clothes for all of them. The treasures they each wanted to bring and their laptops were all in their tote bags. It was the first time their father had seen them since he’d left the house the week before. He felt a wave of love and relief wash over him when he saw them step off the train, the boys first, with Pennie right behind to keep an eye on them. She had taken on more of a parental role with them just in the past week, to help their mother.
The boys leapt at him and hugged him, and he had an arm around each of them as he looked into his daughter’s eyes and saw the cold disapproval and smoldering anger there. She didn’t reach out to him when he let the boys go, and she was stiff when he hugged her.
“Hi, Dad,” she murmured, as they headed toward the main terminal of the station and threaded their way through the jostling crowd to the street.
The four of them got in a cab, and the boys chattered all the way to Paul’s new apartment on the Upper East Side. The building was small and elegant, and the boys looked impressed.
“This is cool, Dad,” Mark said, pleased. Seth was more hesitant, and Pennie had said not a word in the cab or as she looked around. The apartment was small and compact, but nicely decorated. The room he assigned to the boys had twin beds, and a large flat-screen TV on the wall. Pennie’s was bigger and more feminine, done in pale blue–flowered chintz fabrics. His own room was down the hall, with a big, comfortable king-size bed, a flat-screen TV, and a view of the garden. They all reconvened in the kitchen a few minutes later, and Paul had set out guacamole and chips, which he knew they loved. No one ate at first. The vibes Pennie gave off toward her father were glacial. Her sympathies were with Eileen, not her father. She also knew that he “probably” had a girlfriend, as Eileen had said. The boys didn’t know that.
“So what do you think, guys?” Paul asked them with a fatherly smile when they came back to the kitchen. He was hungry for their approval, and anxious for them to feel at home in his new digs.
“I think it was mean of you to leave Mom,” Seth said quietly, and Mark gave him a shove and glanced apologetically at their father, while Pennie stood staring silently, out at the garden behind the building. It looked autumnal and bleak.
“Don’t say that!” Mark scolded his twin. He wanted the visit to go well so they could see more of their father. They had talked about it on the train into the city, but Seth was hurt that they hadn’t been warned of the breakup, and his father hadn’t said goodbye to them when he left. “Sorry, Dad,” Mark said, and helped himself to the guacamole.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye to you. Things just kind of happened last Saturday, and we decided on the spur of the moment that we needed a break. I think it’s been coming for a long time, but we didn’t want to see it.”
“Are you coming back?” Seth asked, worried. His brow was furrowed, and he looked suddenly more grown up. They were about to turn twelve, and were less rowdy than they had been. Paul hesitated before he answered.
“I don’t know yet.” He didn’t want to lie to them. “Your mom and I need to talk.”
“She’s been crying a lot,” Seth said, and Mark groaned. This was not what they had agreed to on the train. They were going to keep it light and have a nice visit, not grill him about his plans or make him feel guilty.
“I’m sorry to hear it. This is a big change for both of us. But maybe it will do us good. It’s hard to keep a marriage on track for eighteen years. People change.” Especially if you didn’t want to get married in the first place, Pennie thought but didn’t say anything. She knew she had been the catalyst for their marriage, and had carried the weight of that ever since her mother had told her at fifteen. Their separation felt like it was her fault too, because she’d gotten pregnant that summer, and her parents had been upset with each other ever since.
“I’m glad you let us come to see you,” Mark said, suddenly serious. They were all reassured to see that there was room for them there, but it made the change seem more permanent, as though he was planning to stay away for a long time, or forever.
“Why don’t you settle in for a little while, and then we’ll go to dinner,” he said. He had made a reservation at an Italian restaurant he’d been to with Olivia that he thought they’d like, with pasta and pizza and a traditional menu. He’d made a reservation at Serendipity for lunch the next day, with all the fabulous desserts. They’d been there before and loved it. There was a festive feeling to it, like a birthday party. It seemed like the perfect place for them to meet Olivia, young and light, but he didn’t tell them his plan. He wanted to surprise them, and Olivia was going to just “drop by” to meet them, “casually.” She was still hesitant, and nervous about it.
Pennie didn’t say a word as she followed her brothers out of the kitchen, and they went back to their rooms to check them out some more. Mark turned on the TV, and Seth opened his laptop and played a game. Pennie closed her bedroom door to put on heels and a sweater she had borrowed from her mother for dinner. She looked beautiful and grown up when her father knocked on the door half an hour later, and she emerged.
“Wow, you look lovely, Pen,” Paul said.
“Thank you,” she said through pursed lips. She was refusing to be swept along by their father trying to put them at ease and make it all seem normal. It wasn’t. She knew her mother was having a sushi dinner with Jane that night, so she wasn’t alone, which made Pennie feel less guilty for coming to the city and leaving her. Even though she was angry at him, she wanted to see her father too. But it made her feel like a traitor to her mother. There were sides now, and she was on her mother’s, but she loved him too. It was very confusing.
They took an Uber to the restaurant, and Paul was relieved that the kids liked it. It was nicer than the restaurants they usually went to, and made the evening feel special, and the food was very good. They were back at the house at nine o’clock. Paul gave them the Wi-Fi code, so they had access to the internet, and Seth turned on the TV in their room to watch his favorite shows, just like he did when they were at home. But none of them were sure if they were supposed to entertain their father, or could do what they wanted. They didn’t know the protocol for visiting a separated parent, and were trying to take their lead from him. He was treating them more like guests than his children, and he left them for a few minutes to call Olivia. He told her it was going well, although Pennie hadn’t warmed up yet. After the call, he stopped to see her in her room. She was lying on the bed, reading a magazine she had brought with her.
“Everything okay?” he asked her from the doorway, not sure if she wanted him to come in, and she wasn’t sure either. He felt more like a stranger now, in the unfamiliar setting, but he was still her dad, for better or worse.
“I guess so,” she said, putting down the magazine. “Why did you do it, Dad? Couldn’t you have worked things out at home?” She knew their marriage hadn’t been smooth, but his leaving seemed so radi
cal, and so unnecessary. They didn’t fight that much. But she couldn’t judge how disconnected they’d become, and he didn’t want to explain it to her. He couldn’t tell her about the affair with Olivia that had changed everything and that Eileen had finally discovered it when he hadn’t come home the previous Friday night. He wondered now if he had wanted her to figure it out, and had given her the necessary clues.
“Things happen,” he said quietly as he walked cautiously into the room and sat down on a chair. “Just like they did with you and Tim. You don’t plan them, and then you have to deal with the fallout. Your mom and I have been drifting apart for a long time, and then it suddenly all came to a head, and we both thought I should leave.” It was a modified version of what had happened.
“That’s what Mom said. Are you going to get divorced?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. It’s possible, but not a sure thing yet, that’s why I’m here. To figure it out.” He wouldn’t have admitted that to Olivia, who thought he was on the fast track to a divorce now, and considered him a free man. So did he when he was with her. But when he saw his children, he wasn’t as sure. And Eileen was part of that. Seeing them made him miss her more than he’d expected to when he left. He had thought it would be a relief to move to the city and be with Olivia all the time, and it was, but there was a piece missing too, and Eileen was it. He realized that now. “Is your mom doing okay?” he asked softly.
“She’s trying to. She’s very brave about it, but I’ve seen her crying. She doesn’t say anything bad about you,” she said.
“She wouldn’t.” And he knew she could have. “She’s a wonderful person. I’m not sure how much we have in common anymore, other than the three of you. And you need more than that to make a marriage work.” Pennie nodded, wanting to hate him, but she didn’t. He was still the father she loved even if she was angry at him for leaving. She wanted to ask him about the girlfriend he might have, but she didn’t dare. It was too awkward and painful to bring it up.
The Numbers Game Page 9