“I want you to be my friend.”
My chest wavered with a gulp of fresh air. “A friend?” John’s eyes flickered at my harsh tone. An ugly wedge divided us. “I don’t know if I can just be your friend.” The words hurt. My heart knocked against my chest walls. Too stubborn to cry, I glared at him. I was too old for this stuff. I scooted over to the corner of the swing when he stepped closer. Bones stirred and leaped down from my lap with a heavy sigh. He had heard enough, too. John took the book out of my hands then pulled me up so we were standing nose-to-nose, the intensity in his eyes like fury.
“Damn it, Maggie.” He sighed. “Don’t you think I don’t know about being on the short end of the stick? I didn’t want Brook to leave me for some jet-set career. I didn’t want to be a single parent. My job brought me here. It’s not where I wanted to be either. The only saving grace was meeting you and that has turned out to be utterly exasperating. And it doesn’t matter how hard I try to stay away, I can’t.”
“What do you want from me?” I asked, staring into his green eyes that darkened with the night horizon.
“There’s not one part of you that wants to know what we could be?”
John’s warm lips grazed mine. The lump in my throat ached. I couldn’t see past the three years I’d left in my career. Abernathy’s never quit. Abernathy’s are self-sufficient, strong, but his kiss melted me to the core.
“I just don’t see how a long-distance relationship could ever work.” I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d rather be alone than take on such an endeavor. Judy’s words rang in my head. I could hear my mother scold me. Judy and Mom would tell me to drop everything and run naked through the fields with this guy, but the thought of John not being close made me ache from head-to-toe. I didn’t want to ache.
John leaned back. “I think you’re being pigheaded.”
“I think you’re being unreasonable.”
“Jesus, Maggie,” he said.
His hands freed mine. And I was alone again even though he stood before me asking for something I craved, but didn’t have the guts to go after. “Sorry, John,” I whispered, feeling the pools of wetness form at the corners of my eyes.
John wiped my tears away with my thumbs as he held my face. “I know it seems complicated.”
I nodded in agreement, ignoring the plea in his eyes. Amazed at the dense darkness that surrounded us, I reminded myself life wasn’t about me. A door shut beyond the hedges between our houses. I wiped my eyes and turned my back to John at the sound of Chloe’s voice.
John cleared his throat and caught her as she bounded up the stairs. “Let’s give Maggie a break,” he said. “It’s late and you need to get in bed. Besides, I have to work tomorrow.”
I forced a thin smile after reaching for my book. “Your dad’s right, you both need your rest.”
Chloe pouted. “But tonight was so much fun.”
“We can do it again some other time,” he told her.
Doubt shrouded me. “Night, you two.” I picked at my thumbnail, thinking that morning would come soon enough even if I didn’t want it to. “Ugh,” I muttered.
John shooed Chloe away then touched my elbow. “This doesn’t change how I feel and it shouldn’t change how you feel either.” He lowered his gaze. “Night, Maggie. Have a good day tomorrow with Bradley.”
“Thanks,” I said, not letting my eyes wander from his face. I opened the screen door and closed it slowly behind me. I turned to see him one more time, but he’d gone. All that was left were deflated dreams, and the sound of John and Chloe’s voices drifting by in the night air like strangers.
I locked the door behind me and answered the ringing phone. Judy’s voice quivered as she said my name.
“Hi, Judy,” I said, trying to get a grip on my own strife.
“Hi, Maggie. I don’t mean to bother you on a Saturday night, but do you have a minute?”
I bit my thumbnail off as I listened to her voice tremble. I’d never known anyone like her. She was upbeat, never seemed to get rattled about anything, and could handle two boys like nobody’s business. “Sure,” I answered.
“Can I come in?” she asked.
“Um, where are you?” I said, peeking out the front window.
“I’m driving around the block. I pulled up before, but you were with John and I didn’t want to interrupt. Are you sure it’s okay?” she asked a second time.
Unlocking the front door, I answered her. “Um, yeah. You can park in the drive. No one is coming or going,” I said matter-of-fact. “That’s for sure.” I thought about the conversation with John. “I’ll see you in a minute.”
I stood in the doorway. The lights from her Suburban flashed across the front yard as she drove up. A rabbit darted into the perfectly trimmed hedges. Judy opened the back door of her truck. I smiled at her petit frame against the huge vehicle. She carried a brown paper grocery bag, her face lined with worry as she walked up to my house.
“What’s going on?” I invited her inside.
“I didn’t know where else to go. Hope you don’t mind. I brought some wine. You sure you don’t have any plans?” she asked, inspecting my quiet house.
“Just you. Everyone has gone for the evening and Bradley is out with his dad listening to jazz.” I closed the door behind her, followed her into the kitchen, then shuffled past her to get two glasses from the cupboard. “We had a family dinner tonight. It was so nice of my mom to fly Bradley in. Chloe and John joined us.” I popped the top off the wine. “Beckett was even here, weird.”
Judy’s face remained stoic. “Sounds fun.” she said, pouring the wine.
“Where are the boys?” I asked. They were always together, three peas in a pod, a momma duck with two ducklings in tow at any given time.
“They’re with Pink,” she answered, taking a long drink.
“Who is Pink?” I asked, never hearing about a friend by that name.
She swallowed and answered with a smirk, “Bill.”
“How’d your husband get that nickname?”
“Let’s just say he blushes easily. And he’d cringe if you knew that.”
I grinned. “Love it.” The earthy smell of red wine wafted up my nostrils, relieving the weight John left upon my shoulders. I slid out a stool and sat beside my friend. “So, it’s not like you to be driving around the neighborhood with a bottle of wine in your backseat this time of night. What gives?”
Tears formed at the corners of her eyes, and I dreaded what she was about to say.
“What if I have to go through chemo? I don’t know if I can do it again.” Judy drained her glass then refilled it.
I touched her forearm. “Oh, Judy, you came through this before, you can do it again. What did the doctor say?” I watched as she drank half her glass of wine in one gulp.
“I get the results on Monday.”
“We can do this,” I reassured her. “What does Pink think?”
She snickered. “I haven’t told him yet. I have to get a grip, know the exact prognosis before I drop the bomb. Last time was so rough on him and the boys.”
“Do you want me to go with you?” I took a swig of wine trying to mask the lump in my throat.
“I’m so afraid,” she answered, gulping for air.
“I’m going with you. What time shall I pick you up?” I asked.
“My appointment is Monday at noon.”
I poured myself some more wine. “I’ll see you at eleven-thirty. The boys will be at school. Pink will be at work and you and I will go see the doctor.” I patted her hand.
“I should have brought two bottles of wine,” Judy said, tipping the first one to the side. “This one’s almost gone, bummer.”
I sipped and studied Judy’s profile as her eyes inspected the bottle.
“They’re going to tell me I have to have this lump out. It all starts there.”
“I know. This really sucks,” I muttered, wishing I could take away her angst.
She pu
ffed out her chest. “I’m already flat as a pancake, how much more could they take. The girls in my book club thought I was crazy for not wanting implants after the double mastectomy. What was I going do with those?”
“Tip over?” I joked.
Judy shot me a look then cracked a mischievous smile. We both laughed. “So those things aren’t implants?”
She laughed even harder. “No, my petit mounds of prosthetics.” She pushed out her chest again.
“Yeah, big boobs wouldn’t look good on you.”
“I like my tomboyish figure,” she said.
“Me, too,” I added, holding up my glass to her. “You’re perfect just the way you are, and I bet Pink thinks so, too.”
“Thanks, Maggie. You’re a good friend.”
Judy reached over and hugged me. “I love you, Judy. We’ll get through this.”
“I just hate waiting. I want to know and I want to know now.”
Her black curly hair brushed my cheek. The strands were coarse and prickly, so unlike her. “Monday will come soon enough.” I closed my eyes and prayed. I couldn’t lose her, too.
“Mom,” Bradley yelled from the front door. “I’m home.”
Judy leaned back and shifted her weight on the stool. I brushed her hair away from her face and caressed her cheek.
“Where are you?” he called.
“In here,” I answered, turning to see him as he entered the kitchen. “Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah, and I met some of Dad’s friends. Crack-ups.”
I smiled. So Beckett had friends. I wondered if they were new friends, how much had he transformed his social circle, and then dropped the thought. I was happy to see him move on. “I’m glad. This is my friend Judy. Judy, this is my one and only son, Bradley.”
Bradley shook Judy’s hand. Her expression only something I could read, the expression of a woman praying she’d see her sons grow into adults.
“Nice to meet you,” Bradley said.
“I’ve heard a lot about you. Your mom is very proud of your accomplishments.”
Bradley smiled. “Thanks.”
“I better get going. Pink and the boys will wonder where I am.” Judy covered her mouth to yawn.
Bradley put his hands in his pockets. “You don’t have to leave on my account.”
“Really, I should go. Harry will give Pink a run for his money if I’m not there to help.”
Bradley snickered when I glanced in his direction. “Yeah, I remember those days.”
“I bet you do. I’ll see you Monday,” she reminded me.
“I’ll walk you out.”
“It was nice meeting you,” Bradley said. “Have a good night.”
“Bye,” she replied with a little wave.
Judy and I walked out on the front porch to say our goodbyes. Her eyes darker than night. Her pointer finger shot up as her eyes gleamed with thought. I crossed my arms listening to the stillness that surrounded us.
“Hey, you never told me what you and John were discussing.”
“Nothing,” I said.
“It didn’t look like nothing.” She fingered her keys.
With pursed lips, I hesitated. “He wants a long-distance relationship. It’s complicated.”
“And?” she prompted.
“And I don’t know if I want complicated. It sounds exhausting. Montana is a long way away. It’s not like I can hop in my car for the weekend.”
“Maybe not, but then again, there are probably lots of woman who’d give their eye teeth to meet a man like him, but who am I to judge?” Judy pursed lips and stared at me.
I closed my eyes and let out a groan.
She poked me in the arm. “See you Monday,” Judy said. “And just so you know I overheard a mom at the library the other day talking about her child’s hot pediatrician.
I opened my eyes with the spur in my side.
“She was gossiping about your doctor and all she had were good things to say about him. I want you to know I stayed an extra ten minutes to hear the whole conversation.” Judy inspected me from head-to-toe. “You’re pretty hot, too, if you’d give yourself a chance.”
My ears prickled at her compliment. “Great, would you like to date me? You live a lot closer than Montana.”
“Maybe so, but I won’t be wearing chaps and a cowboy hat, although Pink would love that. Something to think about.”
It was the first smile I’d seen cross her face all evening. I laughed. “See you Monday.” Judy strolled down the porch stairs to her oversized Suburban. She climbed in with a little hop and a whole lot of kick ass.
Chapter 19
Mom stood with her back against the counter sipping coffee from her favorite mug.
“How come I never get to come to your house?” I asked, refilling my coffee cup. The scent of hazelnuts woke me up, making me crave chocolate for breakfast.
She cleared her throat. “Well, for starters, you sleep too late on the weekends. I might as well get out and come here. Besides, when we talk about you, you’re on your own turf and I think you find comfort in that.”
“Nice,” I retorted. Her eyes flickered with conquest as she peered over the rim of her ruby red reading glasses. I forced a grin. “Clever.”
“That’s why I’m the mom,” she said.
“Ah, but you forget, I am a mom, too,” I reminded her, sipping at my coffee.
“Yes, but your conquest is different.”
I waggled my finger at her before reaching into the donut box for another nutty dunker. “Ah, but that’s the difference between you and me. I don’t view Bradley as a conquest.” I bit the donut in half. Like a chipmunk with overzealous ambition, I chewed and chewed and chewed, savoring my breakfast treat. “Yum.” I moaned in my mother’s direction, tiny crumbs dropped from my mouth.
Mom handed me a rumpled napkin. “Bradley’s not my son. You chose your battles. And I’m choosing you. So tell me about this whole John and Montana thing.”
I rolled my eyes and swallowed. “Mom, he wants a long-distance relationship. It’s not like Montana is next-door or even within driving distance. Don’t you think I’ve thought about this? I don’t want him to move, but he feels like this is something he has to do. He’s unhappy here.”
“So are you. Why don’t you just pack up and go, too?”
“Who says I am unhappy?” I ate the other half of my nutty dunker.
“Oh come on, Maggie, your job is a chore for starters. Education has shape-shifted into a monster and it’s eating you alive.”
“I’ll agree with you there, but I started this career and I’m going to finish it. Three years. Just three more years.”
“There’s no doubt in my mind that you can make it. You have the determination of a bloodhound. The only thing that can stop you when you get going is probably that hunky neighbor of yours. So try your hand at a long distance thing. He’s not packing up and leaving tomorrow. By the time he sells and gets organized you’ll have another year together under your belt.”
“What are you talking about? It’s not going to take him a year to get organized. And why is this so important to you?”
“Because I see something that you don’t.”
“And just what is that?”
“You, happy.”
Deflated, I let out a sigh. Was I really that unhappy? I thought about the conversation that Judy overheard at the library. I thought about John and me on the porch. I thought about John in chaps and a cowboy hat. I thought about John and me, rolling around in my bed without a care in the world. I let out another heavy breath of air and put my head down on the counter. “I have to finish my career.”
“Fine finish your career, then get on with it. I hear Montana is a lovely place. Every time I see a picture of the wide open Montana blue sky, it makes me want to jump on a horse and ride the open plains.”
“Oh, geez.”
“Morning,” Bradley said. “What’s going on in here? Who’s going to Mon
tana? Now there’s a place I’d like to run away to.”
“Thought you loved Boston,” I said. “And no one is going to Montana.” Mom slid the donut box across the counter in Bradley’s direction. “Want a donut?” I asked. “I’ll share.”
Bradley grabbed a nutty dunker and made it disappear in two bites.
“Your mom’s being stubborn. She has the chance of a lifetime.”
Bradley sat next to me and nudged the donut box back in front of me. Good boy. I smiled and carefully picked my next bite. I nibbled at the end as tiny bits of peanuts dropped in front of me. Mom stared at me through narrow slits.
“So what’s the opportunity?” he asked. “Nana, can you pour me a cup of coffee, black?”
“There is no opportunity?” I said, not wanting to discuss my love life with my son, not wanting him to give Beckett the skinny on my personal life, after all he did try to set me up with that designer, Paul Mitchell last summer, but not for the right reasons. He thought I needed to be with someone. I held Mom’s gaze.
“What’s with the attitude?” she said, refilling her coffee cup. “We’re all adults. Bradley can handle this.”
Bradley reached for the last donut. “Do I want to know what you two are discussing?”
His questioning eyes stared through me.
“Don’t you think your mom deserves to be happy even if it means doing something out of her comfort zone?” Mom asked.
“Still not certain what you two are debating here, but sure, if you have an opportunity take it. You never know when the next one will come along. Montana sounds pretty cool.” Bradley finished his donut. “Anyone going to make bacon and pancakes?”
“See, Mom, it’s all about the food,” I said, patting Bradley on the shoulder.
“I thought I saw bacon in the fridge,” he added.
I snickered, thinking bacon and pancakes sounded like a great idea.
“I still say John is great guy. Give it a chance,” Mom mumbled, not quite under her breath.
Bradley shot me a look. His eyes brightened with question. “The guy next door with the kid? Really?”
“Her name is Chloe.” I tightened the belt on my robe. “Yes, the guy next door.” I waited for my son’s two cents. Uncomfortable with the silence, I got up found the pancake mix and a mixing bowl.
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