by Rona Halsall
Sara dashed upstairs and changed out of her joggers and the T-shirt that had Ezra’s milk splattered down the front. Thank goodness he was at nursery in the mornings now and the intense parenting of those first few years was behind her. She found a pair of jeans and a clean top that didn’t cling to the stubborn roll round her stomach, which had arrived during pregnancy and refused to go away. She ran a brush through her shoulder-length black hair, smeared a bit of foundation on her blotchy face, patted a bit of powder over the top and immediately felt better.
She studied herself in the mirror. Turned this way and that. Yes, she was a bit heavier than when she’d met Matt, but she’d only been twenty then, and after three children, it wasn’t surprising that her stomach muscles weren’t what they used to be – especially after bearing twins. Her hair still shone, her complexion was good, and although her eyes were a bit pink round the edges from her earlier tears, she knew that would quickly fade. ‘Not bad for thirty-eight,’ she reassured her reflection with a satisfied nod.
The ringing of the doorbell sent her running downstairs to find Hailey on the doorstep, looking anxious, frown lines creasing her forehead.
‘Come in.’ Sara stepped to one side to let her sister pass. ‘You didn’t have to dash over. I know you’re working, and I was just having a moment, you know…’
‘Get the coffee on,’ Hailey said as she headed for the kitchen. ‘And stop trying to cover things up.’ She dumped her bag on the floor and pulled out a chair at the table, looked at her watch. ‘I’ve got a meeting in… about half an hour.’
Sara busied herself getting mugs from the cupboard, milk from the fridge. ‘I’m not covering things up,’ she said with a little laugh, as if the idea was ridiculous.
Hailey snorted, then her expression softened. She brushed a hand over her short, spiky hair, which was naturally ginger but currently dyed magenta – a striking contrast with her pale complexion. ‘Come on, get your fancy machine going and tell me what’s up.’ She tilted her head, slate-grey eyes assessing her little sister. ‘I can tell when something’s bothering you.’
Sara leant a hip against the worktop while the coffee machine gurgled and hissed its way through its cycle, wondering what to say, whether Hailey would think she was being stupid. She turned and gave her a sheepish smile. ‘I think you’re here under false pretences. Just me being tired, you know, with all these early starts, and now that I’m working…’
Hailey’s job took her to the heart of troubled families and she was a keen observer of human behaviour. She could tell when people were lying, but would never judge. Not when she’d had such a difficult childhood herself. She knew things went wrong, that people made mistakes then had to live with them. She knew that just because a child might be neglected it didn’t mean they weren’t loved. She of all people understood complexity and was absolutely the best person to talk to about problems. But Sara felt awkward laying her marriage bare for somebody else to inspect, even if that somebody was her sister.
She took the first full mug from the machine and set it going to make a second one. How much should I tell her? she wondered, then caught her sister’s eye as she placed her coffee on the table and made a decision.
‘He’s never home, Hailey. Always working late.’ She hesitated, eyes firmly on the floor. ‘It’s not just that, though. When he is home, he’s always on his computer. Very secretive, like he’s chatting to someone, you know?’ She swallowed, a swell of emotion taking her by surprise, and when she spoke again, her voice was little more than a whisper. ‘He doesn’t see me any more. It’s like I’m invisible. The housekeeper, here to look after him and the kids. I don’t feel like we’re a partnership. That closeness we had – it’s gone.’
Hailey stared at her, mouth gaping in astonishment. ‘Are you kidding? That man thinks the sun shines out of your arse.’
Sara huffed and went to get the second mug of coffee from the machine. ‘No, he doesn’t.’
‘In all the years I’ve known him, and that would be… what?’ She scrunched up her nose while she did the calculation. ‘Eighteen years now? I’ve never heard him say a bad word about you. Not one. How many wives can say that?’
Sara came and sat at the table, her mug cradled in her hands, determined now to lay out all the facts.
‘You only think that because he hasn’t said anything in front of you.’ Her mouth twisted from side to side. ‘We have our moments. Disagreements, just like any other couple.’ Hailey raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. Sara continued. ‘He’s been really snappy and short with me recently, like there’s something on his mind. A secret.’ She leant forward. ‘There’s something he’s not telling me. I know it. And it’s making me wonder…’
Hailey frowned. ‘Wonder what?’
‘Well…’ Sara bit her lip, hardly daring to speak her thoughts out loud because that would make them real. ‘Do you think he might be having an affair?’
Hailey sat back in her chair, mouth opening to speak before she closed it again. She picked up her mug and sipped at her coffee while she thought. ‘How long’s he been like this?’
‘I’d say it must be three months now.’
‘And have you spoken to him about it?’
Sara gave an exasperated sigh. ‘It’s never the right time. I just seem to annoy him, and I don’t want an argument. Don’t want the kids getting upset. Poor Ezra hates raised voices, you know that. Gets himself all worked up.’
Hailey frowned. ‘So who do you think he’s having an affair with? Have you any clues? Or is this just a wild guess to rationalise his behaviour?’
Sara shrugged. ‘I don’t know. But I can’t get the idea out of my head. It seems the only explanation.’
Hailey put her mug down and leant forward. ‘Is it, though?’ She raised an eyebrow.
Sara scowled. ‘What’s your theory then?’
‘Maybe he’s telling you the truth. Maybe he is just working late. I mean, he’s a bit alpha male, isn’t he? Thinks his job is to bring home the money and yours is to look after the house and the kids. Perhaps his boss is putting pressure on him and he can’t say no.’
Sara considered this for a moment. Hailey was right about Matt’s black-and-white view of marriage, instilled in him by an armed-forces upbringing, his father coming from a family with a long tradition of men who’d gone off to fight in wars and women who’d stayed at home.
‘Look what a fuss he made a few weeks ago when you started work and Ezra went to nursery. He didn’t like that, did he?’
Sara pursed her lips. Her sister was right; it had been quite a tussle of wills. Done in the most civilised of ways, of course. Not all-out war, but sniper fire over the cornflakes. No obvious upset of any kind, apart from the clenching of her teeth as his barbed comments found their mark, wounding her. Eventually she’d compromised and set her sights much lower than she would have liked. Instead of looking for a job that would use her business studies degree, she’d decided to seriously consider the offer of part-time work at the community centre.
She remembered the night well, having shipped the kids off to Hailey and made a special dinner for her and Matt so they could have a proper chat without the children listening in.
She’d said her piece, the one she’d rehearsed a dozen times that day, and he’d sat very still, gazing at her across the table as she laid it all out, making the point that she’d put her career on hold, spent fourteen years at home, and now felt a bit claustrophobic. Also, she’d argued, it would be good for Ezra to start at nursery part-time because he needed to get used to being away from her before he started school in September.
Matt had reached for her hand across the table. ‘I suppose it makes sense, and I want you to be happy, love. So if you need to work…’ He smiled. ‘A local part-time job seems the best idea. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of looking after the kids, and it doesn’t make you too stressed, well, I’m fine with it.’
Hailey’s voice broke into her thoughts. ‘For w
hat it’s worth, I really haven’t got Matt down as a cheater. I mean, the way he was brought up, it’s just not something he’d even think about, is it?’
Sara chewed her lip as she considered her sister’s words. Although Matt had a strong bond with his parents, she didn’t know them very well. Their home was in Cyprus now, a place where they’d lived for a time during his father’s armed service. Both of them suffered from arthritis, and the climate was a blessing for their health, but it meant she and Matt didn’t see much of them, and most of their interactions were by Skype rather than face to face.
‘Hmm. You’re right that his parents really drummed it into him that marriage was for life. In fact, when he proposed, he said he’d always be true to me, and told me that I shouldn’t accept unless I would totally commit to our relationship.’ Sara picked up the teaspoon and stabbed it into the sugar bowl, at a loss to know why things had suddenly changed between them. ‘But right now, it’s not working. Even when he’s here, it’s like his mind’s somewhere else.’
‘You can’t go jumping to conclusions, though.’ Hailey reached out and took the spoon from Sara’s hand, moving the sugar bowl out of her reach, much as one might do with a child. ‘Communication, Sara. That’s where most marriages go wrong. People not talking to each other. If you want to find out what’s going on, you’ll have to ask him. Just be straight. What harm can it do?’
Sara looked at her sister and gave a rueful laugh. ‘What harm? You haven’t seen him when…’ She stopped herself, sucked in a breath and chose her words carefully. ‘You know what I’m like about confrontation. After everything with Mum…’ She stopped herself, lips pressed together. ‘I’m not like you. I can’t let it bounce off me. It stresses me out. So I’m not going to pick a fight until I know the facts.’
Hailey leant across the table and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. ‘I know. It’s okay, don’t get yourself upset.’ She smiled. ‘If it’s facts you need, then let’s do a bit of sleuthing. If he’s supposed to be working late tonight, I’ll drive by his office and see if there’s anyone still there. How about that? Now Cassie’s off at uni, I’ve nobody to go home to.’ A flash of sadness crossed her face and she looked away, gulped down the rest of her coffee.
Sara knew Hailey was struggling a bit without her daughter around. They were very close, and Cassie’s absence had left a big hole in her life. A hole that she filled with work and exercise and obsessive house-cleaning. She was an exemplary mother, and even though her husband had left when Cassie was eight, she’d made sure that her daughter had the sort of upbringing she and Sara would have wished for themselves.
‘No, you don’t have to do that,’ Sara said, appalled at the idea of her sister snooping on her husband. But Hailey was undeterred.
‘I’ll wait outside his office this evening. I can be there about four to make sure I don’t miss him. Then when he leaves, I’ll follow him, and if he doesn’t come home, at least we’ll know where he’s going and who he’s meeting.’ Her eyes met Sara’s. ‘The only way to sort out problems like this is to confront them, and if you’re not ready to ask him… Well, this is the only way to find out the truth, isn’t it?’
Sara thought about it for a moment. What harm could it do? Hailey was right: knowing would be better than not knowing. Then her mind could stop racing around looking for solutions to problems that maybe didn’t exist.
‘Okay, you’re on.’ She almost managed a smile. ‘Thank you, I really do appreciate your support, you know.’
Hailey shrugged off her thanks. ‘What are big sisters for, eh?’
‘I’m going to see if I can find anything in the house that might give me a clue as to what he’s up to. Because I honestly don’t think it’s work.’ She frowned as she tried to put her thoughts into words. ‘When he says he’s going to be late, he always looks away. Seems a little antsy.’ She sighed. ‘It’s hard to explain, but when you’ve been with someone for as long as we’ve been together, you just know that something’s not right.’
Hailey checked her watch and pushed back her chair. ‘Gotta go. Look, I’ll keep in touch and I’ll see you later.’
Sara stood and went to the door with her, gave her a quick hug. Will Matt recognise her car? she wondered as she watched her sister drive away. It was a silver hatchback, very common, nothing standout about it, she reassured herself, and Matt wasn’t the most observant of people.
She crossed her arms and leant against the door frame, letting her eyes take in the scenery, the view over the jumble of slate roofs and gritstone buildings of the town to the moors above. Their terrace would have housed quarry workers back in the day, and stood proud on the lower slopes of the valley. If she looked to her right, the road was elevated enough to give a panoramic view over Wharfedale. This was her world, where she’d felt safe bringing up a family, but she had a horrible feeling the past was about to repeat itself, rupturing the life she’d crafted, and there wasn’t a thing she could do to stop it.
Chapter Three
A comprehensive search of drawers and cupboards uncovered nothing obvious to explain Matt’s recent change in behaviour. Sara had been so absorbed in her task that she’d lost track of time and now, she realised with a start, it was time to pick up Ezra from nursery.
Her phone rang as she was walking to the car. It was Fiona, a school mum, whose daughter Chelsea was best friends with the twins.
‘I just wanted to check… are your girls supposed to be coming back to mine after school today?’ Fiona had a very distinctive voice, the sort that carried and could quieten a room. She sounded flustered, which was unusual, and Sara stopped walking to listen. ‘It’s just I’ve gone and double-booked myself. I’m supposed to be at a PTA meeting. The secretary just rang to go through the agenda, and I’d forgotten all about it!’
‘Wow, Fiona, you are human after all,’ Sara laughed. ‘I bet that’s a first, isn’t it?’
She waited for a reply, but none came, and she hoped her joke hadn’t caused offence. They’d known each other since their girls had made friends when they’d started secondary school, but Fiona was also sort of her boss now that Sara worked at the community centre, and it had altered the dynamic between them.
‘Well, I’ve had to change my plans,’ she said quickly, to fill the awkward silence. ‘Matt’s working, so I’ve had to cancel my night out. I can pick them up now.’
‘Oh, thank goodness.’ Sara heard a quick intake of breath. ‘No, sorry, that sounds wrong. I’m sad you’re missing your fun. You’ve been looking forward to it, haven’t you?’
‘Yeah, I was.’ Sara could hear the disappointment in her own voice and didn’t want Fiona feeling sorry for her. It’s only a night out, she told herself. There’ll be others. ‘Anyway, it’s not a problem,’ she said, making herself sound brighter than she felt. ‘Not a problem at all. In fact, why doesn’t Chelsea come to ours, then at least the girls get their evening together?’
‘That would be perfect.’ Fiona sounded delighted. ‘You sure you don’t mind?’
‘Of course not. I owe you a favour anyway, don’t I? After giving me a job, it’s the least I can do.’
‘Honestly, I’d cancel the bloody thing, but I’ve got to be there, you know, as chairwoman. Wouldn’t look good if I didn’t turn up.’
‘Look, don’t worry about it. You go and do your chairwomanly thing. You’re doing a brilliant job, by the way. Everything seems to be running much better since you’ve been on the board. At least we parents know what’s going on these days.’
Fiona had moved into the area three years ago, and had already made quite an impact, finding herself positions on the management boards of several organisations, including the school and the community centre where Sara now worked. She’d explained to Sara that she’d made some money when she’d sold her previous business, and wanted to take a bit of time out to give back to the community while she decided what to do next. Not that she needed to work.
She and her family lived in one of
the big gritstone villas that would have belonged to the quarry owners in times gone by. The house had been rundown when they’d moved in, and they’d done a complete renovation, adding a huge orangery across the back with the most stunning views over the Wharfedale valley. Sara had only met Fiona’s husband Maurice a handful of times, when she’d gone to collect the girls from sleepovers, and he seemed pleasant enough, if a little distant. He was fifteen years older than Fiona and ran a clothing business, with factories in India that he visited on a regular basis. It seemed to suit Fiona that he was away a lot – absence makes the heart grow fonder, she’d commented – and it gave her space to be queen bee in her own world of charities and public sector bodies, which were always on the lookout for board members with business acumen. Sara wouldn’t be surprised to see her standing as an MP in the future. Or finding some other influential position. She was definitely a mover and shaker, and Sara had to admit to being slightly in awe of her. At the same time, though, Fiona was easy to get along with, which was probably the secret of her success.
She laughed now, an earthy sound at odds with her perfect diction. ‘Oh, stop it. I don’t think it’s all me. There are a few new faces and we do seem to be pulling in the same direction, unlike the last set of board members. Anyway…’ She strung out the word, clearly looking for a way to end the conversation. ‘I’ll see you later. Is nine okay for me to pick up Chelsea?’
‘Yeah, that’s fine. Hope you have a good meeting.’ Sara ended the call, pushing the phone into her pocket before running down the path to her car. She was cutting it fine now, and Ezra got upset if she was late.