by Rona Halsall
She’d been familiarising herself with the online banking system when Matt had come in – checking through the various accounts – and had come across a deposit account that hadn’t been used for years. She’d checked back and found out it was contingency money from a building project completed ages ago. Nobody looked at the statements, not until the year-end accounts were prepared, a process that had been completed only last month. She stared at the figures, the sound of her blood whooshing in her ears as her heart raced.
Nobody will know.
And before she could think about what she was doing, she had transferred nine thousand pounds to her personal deposit account, her details already on the list of payees because she was on the payroll. Easy. Way too easy.
She stared at the screen, heart skipping, hands flying to her mouth and she almost made the decision to reverse the transaction, appalled that she’d done it in the first place. Stealing wasn’t the answer. It’s just borrowing, she told herself, her mind full of Matt’s words, the depth of his hurt. Her hand was shaking, her finger on the mouse undecided. Reverse the transaction or live with her decision? There was a choice to be made.
She logged off the banking site.
I’ve got to choose Matt, got to choose keeping the family together.
Chapter Ten
Sara had been living on her nerves for the last two weeks, ever since she’d transferred the money. She’d lost weight, wasn’t sleeping, had nightmares that she’d be found out and dragged off to jail, leaving her children motherless. Every morning she woke up with the intention of confessing her sins to Matt and seeing if they could work out a solution together. But every day, something happened to stop that conversation. It was never the right moment: there were children to deal with, she had to get to work, Matt was off out to meetings or locked in his office where she wasn’t allowed to interrupt. Life, it seemed, was unwilling to give her the opportunity to address her mistake.
But her biggest barrier to confession was the change in her husband. He was happier than she’d seen him in recent years, whistling, laughing, playing with Ezra, helping the girls with their homework, being affectionate towards her. Family life was a hundred times better than it had been before, and telling Matt the truth would ruin everything. Not just for him, but for the kids. They were loving having him at home, and so was she. He’d even agreed to pick up Ezra from nursery and look after him in the afternoons, on condition he had some time in the evenings to work. On the surface, it looked like everyone had got exactly what they wanted.
Hailey commented on it when she called in at the community centre one lunchtime, the first time Sara had seen her since she’d come round for coffee a couple of weeks ago.
‘Sorry I haven’t been in touch, but work’s been mad,’ she said, handing Sara a ham salad baguette she’d picked up for her on the way over. ‘And then I was at football practice with one of my service users last night, and I saw Matt with the girls and realised how long it’s been.’
‘Well, I know you’ve got a lot on.’ Sara put her baguette on the desk, aware of the elephant in the room, the real reason why her sister hadn’t been in touch. ‘Look, I just wanted to apologise for asking you for money.’ Her cheeks burned with the shame of it. ‘I shouldn’t have done it. Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking.’
Hailey wafted her concerns away with a flap of her hand. ‘Doesn’t matter. As long as it’s all cool between us now.’ She grinned. ‘Let’s just forget about it.’
Sara took a bite of her lunch, thankful that the awkwardness between them had been dealt with. She’d been avoiding Hailey, too embarrassed to call, not sure what sort of response she’d get.
‘Matt was telling me he’s really getting stuck into setting up his business. Honestly, he’s puffed up like the cock of the rock, isn’t he? I’ve never seen him looking so pleased with himself.’
Sara laughed and almost choked on her food. Her sister came out with some weird sayings, and she had a habit of chucking them into conversations like little grenades, guaranteed to get people laughing.
Hailey licked mayo off her fingers, her baguette leaking drips of it onto her lap, which was thankfully covered with the paper bag she’d brought them in. ‘You managed to rustle up the money from somewhere, then, without Matt finding out?’
Sara bit into her sandwich and nodded while she chewed, giving herself a chance to come up with something feasible. She swallowed, eyes on her food. ‘Yeah. We’ve got it sorted. His dad…’ She took another big bite, no intention of elaborating any further. Hailey could come to her own conclusions, and really, it was none of her business. Anyway, Sara couldn’t tell her the truth. That she was a thief. A chill ran through her at the very thought.
Not a thief, she corrected herself. I didn’t steal. It’s a loan and I’m going to pay it back. Matt had said he’d return the money to the savings account when he got paid from this big contract he’d been talking about, so it wouldn’t be long before she could put everything right.
Hailey changed the subject then, talking about Cassie and what she was up to on her art course in Lancaster, but Sara’s thoughts were stuck on her predicament. Even when Hailey had left, and she was alone in the office, it remained glued at the front of her mind.
Nobody knows, she told herself, as she wiped crumbs from the desk, hoping it was true.
‘Morning!’ James called to her when she arrived at work on Monday after a hectic weekend of football for the girls and play dates for Ezra as she tried to improve his social connections. She was surprised to see him, as he didn’t usually arrive until after ten, going into the family business first to sort out the work for the day with his staff there. He was sitting at their shared desk, papers spread out in front of him, looking every inch the boss, which Sara supposed he was, although she rather liked to think of it as her job when she was in the office on her own.
He gave her a warm smile and the tension in her shoulders eased a little.
Sara would be the first to admit that her working relationship with James had got off to a rocky start, mainly because Fiona had parachuted her into the role when he was away sorting out his family’s affairs. There had always been a slight air of resentment about him, she’d thought, a coolness, and even though he’d agreed to the new arrangement, she suspected he still wasn’t completely happy with it.
A week ago, it had all come to a head, brought on by a casual comment that felt like a dig at her.
‘I see you’re settling in,’ he’d said when he’d come into the office early that morning and found her already there, sitting at the desk. ‘Feet well and truly under the table.’ He’d said it with a smile, but his voice had a crispness to it that left her in no doubt about his meaning.
She went and made them both a cup of coffee, pulled the packet of biscuits she’d brought out of her bag and sat down on the other side of the desk, determined to clear the air. She had enough tension at home and didn’t need it at work too.
‘I’m only temping, James,’ she began. ‘I’m not after your job. I’m just helping out full-time for a month while your dad’s not well.’ She broadened her smile, seeing that he was going to take a bit of convincing. ‘By which time, it’ll be half-term holidays and I’ll be at home with the kids.’
He gazed at her over the top of his mug, blue eyes assessing. ‘That’s not what Fiona told me.’
Sara sighed, wondering if Fiona had misunderstood. ‘Well, she has her own ideas, doesn’t she? Realistically, I can only work part-time until we see what happens with this new venture of Matt’s. If that takes off, well, maybe we can afford childcare for Ezra.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s how it is.’
‘And I thought the two of you were trying to oust me.’ He gave a brittle laugh. ‘A coup.’
‘I wouldn’t ever try and take someone’s job from them,’ she said firmly. ‘If you wanted to leave, that would be different. But as far as I’m concerned, you’re my boss and that’s how it’s going to stay.’
She understood then how much the community centre and the work he did there meant to him. As far as she was aware – having had little opportunity for chats about their personal lives – he was single with no children, and she could see how it could become the focus of his world, his raison d’être.
‘Working here is quite addictive, isn’t it?’ she said as she offered him the packet of biscuits. ‘Such a happy place. Lots of positive vibes.’
James smiled at her. He was attractive when he smiled, she thought; when his eyes crinkled at the corners and the frown lines were wiped clean.
‘You fit in very well. And all these new ideas of yours have got the board very excited.’ He pulled a face as he took a biscuit, waving it in the air as he spoke. ‘Mind you, I’m not so keen on Fiona using them to demonstrate how lazy I’ve become. Do you know, I overheard her telling the secretary exactly that before the last meeting? Cheek of the woman.’ He took a bite of his biscuit, looked her straight in the eye. ‘I feel I can trust you to manage when I’m not here, though. You’re a quick learner and the clients clearly like you.’
After that, their relationship had grown warmer and she’d found he had a dry wit that she rather liked.
Trust. If only he knew, she thought now as she went to put her coat and bag in the cupboard behind the desk. She turned back to see that James had the bank statements up on the computer screen. Her heart leapt up her throat, her body frozen in place like it had short-circuited.
Oh my God, no!
She had taken on responsibility for the bank reconciliations now that he was confident she knew what she was doing, and she did all the online banking as well as posting everything to the accounting system. She’d been sure he wouldn’t bother with the detail, didn’t think he had the time. In fact, he’d told her as much. Maybe he hasn’t seen, she reassured herself, recognising the cheque account on the screen. He had no reason to look at any of the other statements. No reason at all.
‘You know we’ve got a new treasurer starting?’ he said, still staring at the screen. ‘I’m not sure I mentioned it, did I?’
Sara coughed, too shocked to speak for a moment. ‘No, I don’t think you did.’
‘Eddie decided he was getting too old for the job and resigned on Monday. Fiona’s delighted. She’s been trying to winkle him out ever since he fell asleep in the last board meeting, and to be honest, he hasn’t been on top of things for a while now. Anyway, she asked the rest of the board for nominations and they’ve come up with Julia Prentice. I think her daughter is friendly with Fiona’s.’ He looked over his shoulder at Sara. ‘You might know her too?’
She nodded, a flush of heat travelling round her body. Panic gripped her by the throat, making a reply impossible. Julia moved in Fiona’s professional circle – one of the great and good of the town, another superwoman who seemed to have it all and the energy of three normal humans. Sara found her cool and intimidating and they rarely spoke, even though their daughters were friends and played together on the same football team. She’d heard Julia was an auditor, a detail person, who worked for one of the large accountancy firms in Leeds.
The blood drained from her face and she busied herself in the cupboard, tidying the lost property shelf, not wanting James to notice her dismay. She’ll be on to what I’ve done in an instant! Her chest tightened with fear.
She heard James’s fingers tapping on the keyboard.
‘The thing is, she’s asked to see bank statements so she knows where we’re up to.’ Sara stopped what she was doing, but couldn’t turn to look at him, dreading to think where the conversation was heading. ‘I noticed in one of the deposit accounts – the one we haven’t used since the new kitchen was done – there’s a transfer – nine thousand pounds…’
She could imagine the accusation in his eyes, felt his stare searing the back of her neck. She straightened up, sweating profusely now, her shirt sticking to her back.
Silence.
Her heart beat even faster, so fast it felt like her chest would explode. She could hardly breathe. He was waiting for her to say something, give an explanation.
He knows.
Slowly, she turned, aware that she was cornered. There was no escape. ‘Don’t tell anyone, please, James. I just needed a loan. I was desperate and…’ This was what she’d been dreading, and her body reacted like a deflating balloon, making her fold in on herself, shoulders hunched, her head hung low. She covered her face with her hands, ashamed and embarrassed and devoid of hope, wanting to crawl into the cupboard and curl up in a ball. An unexpected sob burst from her mouth and tears sprang from nowhere.
She felt a hand on her shoulder, slowly guiding her backwards, round the desk until she was gently pushed into a chair. He sat on the desk in front of her, and when he spoke, his voice was soft and soothing, quite the opposite of what she was expecting. ‘When you’re ready, you can tell me all about it.’
Although she knew she couldn’t hope for a happy outcome, she needed to explain herself, and when her sobs had finally hiccuped to a stop, she wiped her face and told him everything. Her lost investment, Matt being made redundant, their financial difficulties and then Matt’s business idea, an opportunity to get them back on their feet again if they just had that initial lump sum.
‘I am going to pay it back.’ Her eyes stayed on her hands, which were knotted together in her lap. ‘Honestly I am. As soon as Matt’s new business is up and running.’
‘And he doesn’t know anything about it?’
She sighed and shook her head, her voice no more than a whisper. ‘I couldn’t tell him. Didn’t dare confess to what I’d done. He’d told me, you see. Very specifically told me not to take risks with the money, and we’d agreed to leave it in the deposit account. But then I had this moment of madness.’
She clasped a hand to her forehead, her mind taking her back to the moment when she’d made the rash decision, reliving the feelings of frustration that had led her to a choice she now regretted with all her heart.
‘It was my money, you see – a legacy from my aunt – and I thought I should be able to use it how I wanted. And what I wanted was to have a career, and for that I felt I needed to upgrade my qualifications.’ He handed her a tissue from the box on the desk and she dabbed at her eyes, finally plucking up the courage to look at him. ‘I know there’s no excuse for what I’ve done, but…’ She gulped back her explanation, resigned to her fate. ‘Anyway… at least you know why I did it.’
He adjusted his position on the desk, one arm across his chest, the other hand tugging at his beard. His expression was pensive as he looked over her head at the wall, obviously thinking about her sorry tale and what he should do now.
She scrunched the damp tissue in her hand. ‘I know you’ll have to tell Fiona and the board. I know you’ll have to sack me. And I know I’ve committed a crime. But I promise I will pay it back. I will.’ She pressed her hands together, as if in prayer. ‘Please don’t tell the police. Please?’
He looked down at her, sympathy in his eyes rather than the judgement she’d expected. ‘Look, I understand.’ He raised his hands, palms up. ‘We’ve all made mistakes. And I know this is totally out of character.’
He gazed at her, his eyes fixed on hers, his hand tugging at his beard again as the s
econds ticked by. The silence smothered her, and she could hear herself taking shallow gasping breaths as she waited for him to carry on, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.
‘Hmm,’ he said, at last. ‘I think I might have an idea.’ He smiled at her. ‘How about I repay this money for you, then nobody needs to know. I can tell this new treasurer the transfer was an error, done while you were still learning. She won’t have a clue which account the money was transferred into.’ He nodded to himself as his idea gathered steam. ‘She won’t have time to double-check every transaction, will she? And if it’s gone back into the account, then there’s nothing to worry about. The status quo has been restored. The books are balanced. No harm done.’
She frowned, unable to believe what he was proposing. ‘What? No. I can’t let you do that. You don’t even know me that well. Honestly, I would pay you back, but…’ She shook her head. ‘No, I can’t let you do it.’
He looked at her, eyebrows raised, clearly surprised by her response and she found herself caught in a surreal landscape that her brain was struggling to register. She’d surrendered herself completely, put herself at his mercy, and now that he’d given her a way out, it appeared her mind wouldn’t accept it. Could it possibly be this easy?
‘It’s a genuine offer, Sara. I honestly just want to help, and tell me… what’s the alternative?’
He got off the desk and walked back to his chair, letting his question hang in the air while he settled himself, waiting for her to say something. But words wouldn’t come, because now she thought about it, there really was no alternative.
Her throat tightened. She couldn’t imagine the consequences if the police were involved. She’d go to prison, as sure as night followed day. And what would happen to her family then?