by Rona Halsall
Her jaw clenched. Nine thousand pounds. It was an awful lot of money to owe somebody.
James studied her face and gave her a warm smile. ‘Don’t look so worried. I promise I won’t be asking you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. It’s just a meeting. Eating great food, chatting to interesting people. You never know, you might actually enjoy yourself.’
Her mind grasped hold of his words and folded them into a new way of looking at things. ‘It’s like another job, then?’
He gazed at her, a little smile playing on his lips. ‘I suppose so, yes. If it helps, let’s consider it like that.’
It does help, Sara thought. It helps a lot. Because if by any chance Matt should find out, she could tell him it was just work and she was doing her bit to bring in some extra money.
‘It’s not a big dinner,’ he continued, ‘just a networking thing that’s been arranged by a sportswear supplier in Leeds. I haven’t even met the guy who’s organised it, but he’s got some selected suppliers attending that we’re interested in doing business with, to either increase our current range or expand into new areas. I’ve got to shake things up a bit to keep the business viable. That’s what it’s all about.’
‘So why do you need me there?’
‘Well, firstly it’s going to be a mixed audience, so I want you to talk to the men while I talk to the women.’ He held up a hand. ‘I know it sounds sexist, but this is business and I’m afraid it’s how it works. Think of it as market research. We need to find out what they’re looking for in terms of a deal. Where their negotiation points are. Just slide little questions into the conversation, see what you can discover that will help when we come to start the sales process proper.’
It didn’t sound like an honest way to do business to Sara, but what did she know? Her business studies degree had prepared her for theoretical situations only, and the real world was a very different beast. She supposed James knew the ways of the sportswear industry, and, however unsavoury it sounded, she figured if she did a good job, she’d get her debt paid off faster.
It’s going to be okay, she told herself as they got up to leave, knowing that her priority was to do whatever it took to pay back what she owed and keep her secret safe.
Chapter Seventeen
The day before the networking event, Sara’s stomach griped and gurgled like there was an alien in there scratching to get out. Nerves always affected her this way and she knew it was the thought of her evening out with James that was to blame.
He’d been to the community centre more often over the last week, as they were approaching an unusually busy patch. He was in meetings with Fiona, and spent time handing over more jobs to Sara and getting prepared for the implementation of the new project, which he would be managing once the funding came through. Sara would then be formally appointed as deputy manager of the centre, on a permanent contract, with an appropriate pay rise. That was the plan, she’d been told, although nobody had sought her opinion on the matter, Fiona having assumed she’d be happy with this as a way forward.
The idea of a permanent contract made her feel queasy. Is it really what I want? She wasn’t entirely sure, but until Matt’s new client paid him, she had to carry on working to keep their finances on track, while every day she felt further away from her family.
James was taking her out to lunch again today. This would be the third time, and she’d found she’d begun to relax in his company. For once she could just be an adult – rather than a mother or wife – and their conversations ranged far and wide. The only time she’d dared to ask about his private life, though, he’d avoided her question and made no mention of his daughter.
‘I’m a divorcee,’ he’d said. ‘I live alone with a crabby old cat called Monty.’ Then he’d smiled and added, ‘Really I’m a pretty boring old fart. Let’s talk about you. What are your ambitions?’
He liked asking her big questions. The sort that only had answers in her dreams, because reality was never going to allow her to achieve them. But more importantly, he listened to her replies, seemed properly interested in her as a person, and it made her realise what a long time it had been since Matt had listened to her like that. These days, their conversations were little snippets, sound bites between dealing with children or going to work, coming back from work. She couldn’t even remember the last time they’d been out together as a couple without the children. Her lunches with James made it very clear that her relationship with Matt was in the doldrums and needed some serious attention if things were going to improve. But there was no time, no space, no opportunity, and it added to the pile of worries that were collecting in her mind, a mental in-tray that was full to overflowing.
James took her to the same pub every time, as it was nice and quiet, and it was unlikely that anyone Sara knew would be there at that time of day.
‘I need to ask you about tomorrow,’ she said when he arrived back at their table with drinks.
‘Yes, I was wanting to talk to you about that too.’ He placed her half of beer in front of her before sitting opposite, raising his own glass in a silent toast and taking a sip.
Sara gave him a relieved smile.
‘You first,’ he said.
‘Mainly… I was wondering what to wear. How fancy will it be?’ Actually, she was panicking because she literally had nothing suitable for a business dinner. The best she could do was smart casual, as all her dresses had been bought before she’d had Ezra and acquired a few more inches round her middle and thighs. She would have to go out and buy something, hopefully from a charity shop so it wouldn’t break her meagre budget.
He laughed, amusement twinkling in his eyes. ‘You know, I’m sure you’re telepathic. I was thinking about this very thing only yesterday. I saw a fabulous dress in a shop window and I thought of you.’ He looked away, put his beer down on a mat. ‘Sorry if this is presumptuous in any way, but I bought it.’
Her heart skipped a beat and she wondered if she’d heard him properly. He bought me a dress?
‘The colour will be just perfect with your skin and your hair.’ He looked up at her, a sheepish smile on his face. ‘And those lovely brown eyes.’
She blushed, mouth opening and closing, lost for words. No man had ever bought her clothes before. Not even Matt had done that. James didn’t seem to notice her shock, and carried on talking.
‘I was also thinking it would be better if I give you a lift. There’s engineering works on the line at the moment and people have been telling me how unreliable the train service is. Can’t have you stuck or arriving late, can we?’
Sara was about to answer – say she didn’t think it was a good idea for them to travel together – when he started speaking again. ‘I know you think it’s risky, but I’ve checked and there’s nobody in the centre tomorrow night. So why don’t I pick you up from there? I can bring the dress over, you can get changed in the office, then you can change back into your work clothes on our way home. What do you think?’
Sara didn’t know what to think, or where to start with an answer, her mind still stuck on the fact that he’d bought her a dress. She picked up her beer and took a couple of sips, her eyes firmly on the table.
‘I can’t let you buy me clothes,’ she said eventually. ‘That’s hardly me paying off my debt, is it?’
‘Too late, it’s done, and it was in a sale so can’t be returned.’ He gave her that smile again, and her heart did a little flip. ‘You’ll light up the room. And that will make it all worthwhile.’
What could she say to that? The answer appeared to be nothing, and she found herself agreeing to his proposals in lieu of a better alternative. It’ll be fine, she told herself as she left work that evening, but her stomach was telling her otherwise.
The following day, Sara’s anxiety had notched up to another level completely. She found she couldn’t face lunch, and kept making mistakes as her thoughts filled with everything that could go wrong with the arrangements for her evening out. How could s
he keep it secret from Matt?
It had been a struggle to tell the lie in the first place, the words hesitant, tasting sour in her mouth, her eyes flitting all over the place as she spoke. But she’d made sure she was busy unloading the dishwasher when she told him so he couldn’t see the guilt on her face and she couldn’t see the frustration in his eyes that his routine would be disturbed. He’d responded with a bang of the door as he stormed off into his office and he hadn’t mentioned it since. His apparent acceptance of the arrangements didn’t make sleep any easier though, her lie chattering inside her head, keeping her awake. She wondered if it would be better to just tell him everything, but each little deception made it harder to come clean and confess the truth.
I’m putting it all right, she told herself. No need for him to know. Just have to be patient.
Once Hailey had taken the girls to football and Matt was busy bathing Ezra, she started to get herself ready. After a quick shower, she did her hair and make-up, then put on a clean set of work clothes – navy trousers and a white blouse – so Matt would believe her story of it being a work event.
‘You’re looking all dolled up,’ he said, coming into the bedroom as she was putting the final touches to her make-up. The mascara wand froze on its way to her lashes for a moment before she carried on with what she was doing, hoping she didn’t look as flustered as she felt.
‘I’ve decided I need to up my game. Fiona and Julia always look so impeccably turned out, I felt quite shabby at the last meeting.’
‘So who else is going to be there?’ he asked. He was trying to sound casual, but she knew it was a loaded question. ‘And what exactly is this incredibly important event you’re going to anyway?’ There was an edge to his voice, and she knew he was put out that she’d taken his work time away from him that evening, delaying his progress.
He was watching her in the mirror, and she glanced down, busied herself packing away her make-up. She kept her voice light, as if this betrayal of trust she was about to embark upon was nothing of any consequence. The knots in her stomach pulled tighter. ‘I told you. It’s an event for board members and managers of voluntary-sector groups. A compliance update. There’re so many new laws about data protection, risk assessment, health and safety, safeguarding…’ She shrugged, gave him a little flicker of a smile. ‘It’s a job to keep up to date with them all. So that’s what it’s for and that’s why it’s important.’
She caught his expression in the mirror, his eyes narrowed, assessing. He doesn’t believe me. Her stomach churned. She’d never been a good liar and she felt her cheeks redden. Just get out of the house, she told herself as she pushed her feet into her shoes and stood, ready to go. It’s like having another job, she reminded herself. That’s all. Nothing bad.
She could sense Matt’s eyes on her, watching every move. ‘What time are you going to be back?’
She halted, realising she had no idea. If they were going to Harrogate, the journey alone would take the best part of forty minutes, and James hadn’t mentioned when he expected the dinner to finish. Perhaps they go on into the night, she thought, wishing she’d got more details. Oh God, what do I say? She pretended to wipe a mark off her shoe, unable to look her husband in the eye. ‘Um, I’m not really sure. Not too late, I don’t think.’
She straightened up, slung her bag over her shoulder and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. ‘I’d better go,’ she said, hurrying out of the bedroom and down the stairs, where she picked up her car keys and made a swift exit before she blurted out the truth. He’d kill me if he knew I was going out with another man. Even if it is only work.
But was it? Or was there a part of her that saw this blossoming relationship with James as something different? A little piece of her heart that was vulnerable to his attentiveness, his thoughtful actions, his interest in her as a person.
She pushed the thought away. Stupid, stupid woman, she chided as she started the car and pulled out of the drive, focusing instead on her family and wondering how the relationships she’d been trying to protect had fallen apart so quickly. The girls weren’t talking to her because she was missing football practice. Matt was annoyed with her for going out when he wanted to get some work done, and even Hailey had been a bit snappy when she came to pick up the girls.
I’ll do this event, just this one, she told herself, feeling a little sick. Then that’s the end of it. I’ll see if I can negotiate another way to repay the money.
She unlocked the community centre and went into the office, where she found a stunning aqua dress hanging behind the door. The fabric had a gorgeous sheen to it and the beautiful cut made it drape softly. Elegant and classy and undeniably expensive, she thought, as she checked the tag. Size 12. Perfect. She wondered how he knew. It was hardly the sort of thing that came up in conversation. There was a matching pair of shoes, and she tried one on, surprised to find that it fitted too. Higher heels than she was used to, but she could manage for one night. Quickly she got herself dressed, carefully folding her work clothes into the bag she’d brought, hiding it under the desk so it would be out of sight if, by some remote chance, someone came into the office.
She smoothed the fabric of the dress round her hips, delighting in its silky feel against her skin. Perhaps she was showing a bit more cleavage than she was happy with, but there was nothing she could do to cover herself up, and anyway, maybe that was the point. Thankfully it was a flattering cut, so she didn’t need to feel embarrassed about the extra weight round her middle. She went into the loos and studied her reflection in the mirror, did a little twirl, delighted with what she saw. Amazing what a difference a fabulous dress could make to your confidence, she thought as she gazed at herself, sure that it had taken years off her.
She heard the front door open and close. Aware that it was probably time to go, she stepped out of the toilets.
‘James, I—’ She froze. Fiona stared back at her, looking as startled as Sara felt, her hand on her chest, eyes wide.
‘Christ, you scared me,’ she said, looking Sara up and down. ‘I was driving past and saw the office light on and thought I must have forgotten to switch it off earlier.’
The door opened and James walked in, looking suave and sophisticated in a slate-grey suit, white shirt and a tie that was the same colour as her dress. A nice touch, Sara thought, as was the matching silk handkerchief in his breast pocket. There was no doubting the fact that they were going out together, no possibility of explaining this away as pure coincidence.
Fiona’s eyes flicked from James to Sara.
‘You said you were going to football practice tonight,’ she said, the line between her eyebrows a deep furrow, an accusing tone to her voice. ‘I asked you.’
Sara cringed, couldn’t speak. She glanced at James, who winked at her before he turned to Fiona with an easy smile.
‘Sara’s kindly helping me with a business meeting. That’s all this is.’ And the way he said it made it all sound very natural, Sara thought, watching the scene as if she were an interested onlooker, disassociated from what was really happening.
Fiona turned to look at him, face pinched, clearly annoyed. ‘Right, I see,’ she said, her voice cutting the air like a pair of scissors, all snippy and sharp.
‘I’m sorry about football,’ Sara mumbled, her face burning. ‘I didn’t… I couldn’t…’ She ground to a halt, aware that there was no excuse for her bare-faced lie earlier in the day.
‘I told Chelsea we could all go out afterwards. She was so excited.’ Fiona’s lips disappeared into a thin line. ‘I was looking forward to a catch-up too. We only have time for business here, don’t we? And I want to…’ She gave James another hard look, and their eyes locked for a moment before James glanced at his watch, then at Sara.
‘I’m sorry to rush things along, but we’d better be off.’
Sara’s gaze fell to the floor, unable to deal with the stare that Fiona was giving her – a look so full of accusations and questions and disapproval that her b
ody burned with shame. She hated letting people down, and that was all she’d managed to do tonight, Fiona being another one to add to the list. Although Fiona was technically her boss, she’d also been a good friend to Sara over the last few years, and she didn’t want to think she might have done something to bruise their relationship.
She followed James out of the building, feeling the prickle of Fiona’s glare on her back until James opened the car door for her and she got in. She won’t say anything, she reassured herself as she fastened her seat belt. She might be cross with me but she’s very discreet. Her heart raced; she wasn’t completely convinced. What if she says something to Hailey? Or the girls? She clung on to the seat belt as James whipped the car round a corner, shushing the voice in her head. She couldn’t listen, not now.
‘That was like being caught out doing something naughty by the headmistress,’ she said into the silence of the car as she watched the outskirts of the town fade away. She turned to James. ‘If looks could kill, you’d be dead.’
He was quiet for a moment, then a wry smile twitched at his lips. ‘Yeah, I think she’d quite like me to be dead.’
‘I’ve noticed a bit of… a niggle between you two.’ Sara watched his reaction, saw a frown appear.
He sighed. ‘Okay, if I tell you this, it stays in the car.’ He glanced at her.
‘I’m not going to tell anyone anything. Who have I got to tell anyway?’
‘Fiona, for one. It’s better if she thinks you don’t know.’
‘I promise I won’t utter a word. You’ve got me intrigued now.’
‘Me and Fiona, well, we had a bit of a…’ He pursed his lips. ‘I’m not sure what you’d call it. A fling?’
Sara stared at him, eyes wide. That was the last thing she’d been expecting to hear. Fiona was such a pillar of the community, exuding virtue and involved in so many good causes, it seemed like a contradiction in terms. An affair? Fiona and James? She turned to look out of the window so he wouldn’t catch the incredulity that was surely plastered all over her face.