What should I wear? This is different from the other nights. We have finally broken through the walls which kept us apart. Is this an indoor date? It wouldn’t do any harm to spice things up a little. At least I can have fun while I’m here! It might be a good thing I let Alyssa pack after all…
She dug through her bag, where she had left items, she didn’t think she was going to use. She found a lacy black underwear set with suspenders and stockings. Rachel remembered buying the set years ago when she wanted to impress Mason, but had never found the courage to dress that way in front of him.
I’m sure Amelia was already giving him enough of a show as it was.
However, this time around she felt like a goddess in it. She couldn’t wait for Red to set eyes on her. She was sure, he would appreciate the effort she had gone through to impress him. She dug out another garment that Alyssa must have snuck in while she wasn’t looking. It was an olivine, off-the-shoulder, curved neckline, midi dress. She paired it with a sterling silver droplet necklace, she had picked up at a market a couple of weeks ago. Rachel’s makeup was plain apart from her dramatic smoky eyes, concentrating the darkest pigment on and around her eyelids. She combed back her hair from her face and clipped it in place with a diamanté barrette. Examining herself in the mirror, she barely noticed the bruises covering her skin. She felt beautiful.
This man really is bringing out the best in me. I haven’t felt this happy in my own skin in such a long time. Especially after that night, I didn’t think I’d ever feel sexy again. I still don’t know, how I’ll feel when he touches me, but I’ll tackle that when I get to it.
Just then she heard Red calling out from the great room. She felt ready to meet him and wandered out of the bedroom. He had his back to her as he was unpacking the food from the carrier bag. When he finally turned around his mouth dropped wide open. She could feel his eyes examining every inch of her outfit, taking in all the effort she had put in. Finally, he managed to close his mouth and smile wildly.
“Don’t tell me you did this all for me?”
“Who else is here?” she gestured around her.
He swaggered forward and grazed her lips with his, the gloss sticking to his skin. He licked his lips and stroked her bare shoulder with his thumb.
“Dinner first. Then dessert. Although damn, you look like the whole meal!” he exclaimed.
She let him get back to unpacking the food as she laid the table. Whenever she looked up, she caught a glimpse of him staring at her, before he averted his eyes. She felt truly sexy. Rachel helped carry the food across from the counter to the table and she started serving. They tucked into noodles, spring rolls, curry, and pork dumplings. Although the food was delicious, her mind was elsewhere. She knew they still needed to talk before anything serious happened.
Afterwards they cleared things away and put the dirty plates in the dishwasher. Red rummaged in the remaining bag and pulled out a bottle of rum and cola. He pulled two glasses out from the cupboard and signaled for her to go outside. They both sat down at the table on the patio and he poured drinks.
“You look absolutely stunning tonight, Rachel.”
She felt her heart flutter, “Thank you. I guess after the waterfall I felt that things had changed between us. I’m still not sure what this is though. I’m not sure how I should be feeling.”
He looked her in the eyes, “I can’t tell you how to feel. How do you feel about me right now?”
“I really like you,” she blushed.
“Well, that’s certainly a start. I really like you too. I knew there was something different about you from the moment I met you. You were full of fire and ready to take on the world. You still are, after all that has happened to you.”
“About that… I think I’m ready to talk.”
Am I? I have to tell him. I need to let him know what happened. But what if he doesn’t want me afterwards? What if I’m tainted goods? I must.
“Go on,” he spoke softly.
She took a sip of her drink, letting it settle into the pit of her stomach. The liquor helped to ease her nerves and she started speaking.
“The other night I was working late at the office. After the party, clients had come flying in specifically requesting me. I wanted to impress my uncle, so I thought I could stay ahead of the game by powering through it. Before I knew it, it was after midnight and I thought it was better, if I went home. It was then I heard noises coming from the corridor. I thought it was a cleaner, or someone coming into the office because they had forgotten something. When the lights came on, I realized I was in trouble. Valentino was angry that you had embarrassed him in the bar and even angrier, that I had gotten you released. He wanted to send a message to the Romanos and I think he was just planning to wreck the joint, but I happened to be there. He had the men pin me down and he started taking off my clothes. I panicked and hit him with my head, which only pissed him off. He let the guys do what they want and they started touching me all over, hitting me and stripping me. They were planning to rape me, but Alyssa came to check up on me after she realized I hadn’t returned to the apartment. They heard her coming and ran out but Valentino threatened to come back for me. I couldn’t do anything after that. I was so weak and so ashamed that I couldn’t stop them. The images replay in my mind every night. I can’t stand to look at myself anymore. I’m disgusting…”
She burst into tears, her shoulders heaving. Red quickly put down his glass and rushed over to her, gripping her tightly. She buried her head into his chest and he let her cry it all out. They must have been like that for over half an hour before she finally pulled away. Her eyes were rimmed red and sore, but it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder. She looked up at Red and saw his face was strained, his lips tight in a straight line.
I knew he would be disgusted with me too. Who would want to be with someone who couldn’t defend themselves? Who let multiple men have their hands run all over them? I am a waste of space that no man would ever want, let alone Red.
“I’m going to kill them.”
“What?” she was shocked.
“I’m going to hunt them down and slaughter them in their beds. The fucking scum of the earth. Bottom-feeding bastards. How could they ever lay hands on you? I had thoughts that something like this had happened, but now you’ve confirmed it, all I want to do is fucking kill the cunts!” he screamed his anger.
She laid a hand on his arm, “Aren’t you disgusted by me? Don’t you think I’m pathetic from not stopping them?”
Suddenly his face softened and he turned to her, pain in his eyes, “Don’t you dare blame yourself. If someone gets raped, why would you ever blame the victim?” He picked up his cup, “If I threw this cup at the wall right now, would you blame the cup for smashing? Of course not. There was nothing you could do and the only thing I feel right now is anger at those bastards. You are so pure and willing to help everyone and they harmed you for it. I want to break every finger that touched you. Fuck. I’m raging right now. Listen, you have survived one of the worst things to ever happen and you’re sitting here still willing to live on. You’re the strongest person I know. I hope you know that. And thank you for telling me. I know it must have been difficult to relive those moments. I promise you, we’ll never have to talk about it again if you don’t want to. But at any moment if you feel like you do, I’ll always be here.”
Tears started flowing once more, but this time it was more from happiness than sadness. She looked deep into his eyes and could tell, he meant every word.
“I thought it was all my fault. I thought you would judge me for not being able to protect myself, for not stopping it. I still feel so filthy after it all. It doesn’t matter how much I clean myself, I can still feel their hands crawling all over me.”
A shiver ran up her spine and they sat in silence for a moment. He allowed her to process her thoughts before he spoke gently.
“You will never have to experience that again. Not while I’m around. I swear
, as long as I’m alive, I will never let that man near you again. Pearl was right about putting me on this job with you. You don’t have to be scared anymore, you have the protection of the Bailey brothers.”
She gave him a watery smile before he embraced her in a warm hug. She nestled into his chest once more and breathed in his scent. He smelt of Chinese takeaway and aftershave, but even that weird mixture felt like home. She had never felt so content in her entire life.
Eventually he pulled away and retook his seat next to her. When they finished the last of their drinks, he poured them two more. She was starting to feel slightly tipsy already.
The flood of emotions must have weakened me to the effects of alcohol. It might help with what’s to come later. I really hope I can get over my fear and be with him tonight.
“I guess we all have dark memories which hold us back. I have no idea what you’ve been through and can only hope I will find out some day.”
She looked over at him and could once more see the untold pain behind his eyes. She wondered, what he was covering up and suddenly the urge to know, grew on her. Maybe by both sharing their worst memories, they could finally recover from them together.
“Tell me.”
He spun his head around, “Tell you what?”
“Tell me your story. From the moment I met you, I knew all that humor was a façade. Just a way of covering up the pain deep beneath your skin. What’s happened to you, Red?”
“I would rather not speak about it. Some things are better left unsaid.”
“That’s what I thought too. But do you know how good I felt after telling you? After realizing that life will go on and I can recover? Maybe it wasn’t an instant fix but just letting someone else knows helps to ease the pain, share the burden a little. You’ve been carrying something around on your shoulders all this time. Let me help you carry it. You don’t have to be strong around me.”
He stared deep into her eyes before he took a large sip of his rum. She watched as he contemplated telling her the truth. Finally he gave in.
His voice was dark as he began speaking, “I had a girlfriend a while back. She wasn’t like the others. We had been fooling around for a couple of months, when I cut things off with all my other flings. I just wanted to be with her, she made me happy, made me feel normal. Things were going well, we used to talk every day and see each other at least twice a week. That might not sound much to you, but for me it was a big step. I had lost my parents when I was younger and ever since then, it was just me and my brothers. Van always looked out for us and started working. Most the time I spent entertaining Ace when he was younger. I guess that’s why I’m the funny one. I was there to look after Ace during the day and there in the evening to comfort my big brother when he got home, exhausted from work. Someone had to keep it light and breezy and I was the one the duty fell down to. We have always been very close and with the line of work we do, we are all quite secretive. It takes a lot of time and effort for us to open up to anyone. We don’t trust easily. So when this girl came along, it took me by surprise how much I was able to tell her. Our relationship started to develop and I thought that it started to look like a future for me. It was then I found out she was pregnant. I was scared and stupid and I wasn’t ready. I must have been about seventeen at the time, with no way to support her or the baby. I told her to get rid of it, but she refused and said she would raise it on her own. We argued constantly on the phone about it, but not once did I tell my brothers. Then one night I finally realized that I had to own up to being a father. I knew how hard it was to live without parents and I wouldn’t want my child to ever have to experience something like that. I got on my bike and headed over to hers. I was going to tell her, that no matter what, I was going to raise that child and support her. But when I got there…”
Red’s voice broke and he stopped to take a sip of his drink. She was staring at him, unable to take her eyes of as he relived the moment. The fading sunlight gave away the tear hanging onto his lower eyelid. He quickly blinked it away when he noticed her watching and carried on the story.
“It was too late. She had told her mom and had a massive fight. Her mom kicked her out the house. She had her bags packed and had her sister on the phone. I think her sister had told her to move in with her. She was carrying the bags in one hand and the phone in the other when she was walking down the stairs. She tripped and fell. The ambulance arrived but it was too late. Just like that my child was gone. Our relationship never recovered. She blamed me and to this day I still blame myself. If I had just manned up and taken responsibility she would have been living with me and I would have my child. My child would be almost ten by now. How time flies, huh? Every year I wish I could throw my child a birthday party. But you can’t have a birthday without being born.”
Silence hung thickly between them. The emotions swum through her, she could feel his pain rippling underneath her skin and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and wrapping herself around him. Suddenly, the roles were reversed and she was the one comforting him. He didn’t let a single tear fall from his eyes, just a low moan rumbled through the back of his throat. The cry for the child never born. The child he lost.
“It wasn’t your fault. It could never have been your fault and if you had told anyone that story, they would never have blamed you. You have been carrying a weight all these years that wasn’t yours to carry. It was a horrible thing to happen to both you and the girl, but nothing could have prevented it. She could have moved in with you and the same thing could have happened. She could have moved in with her sister and nothing happened. It was all just a devastating accident. You need to let go, you need to forgive yourself. You were young and scared, hell, who isn’t scared of having a kid, especially at an age like that? You’re a good person, Red, with a strong moral compass. There was nothing you could have done.”
He unburied his face from her stomach and looked up at her. Gently, he brushed a stray hair from her face and tucked it carefully behind her ear.
“I wish we could both see one another from each other’s eyes. I wish you could see how pure and strong you are in my eyes and I wish I could see how faultless and good I am in your eyes. You were right though, it does feel better to tell someone. I don’t know how long I’ve kept that a secret. I guess I was always worried that someone would turn around and tell me that I should take the blame. Confirm my biggest nightmare of being the killer of my child. One day I may forgive myself but for now telling my secret is enough. I’m just glad I had someone like you to tell it to.”
His fingers brushed the top of her hand. She felt callouses from where he rode his bike rub against her soft skin. It felt like a new layer of trust had been built between them and suddenly she was no longer afraid of being with him that night.
He has opened up to me, bared his very soul. When I told him what had happened, he didn’t judge me. He made me feel beautiful and strong. Those men didn’t break me, they built me from that moment. Red is the one to finally make me realize that. You’ve had my body, Red, now have my heart.
Delicately, she leaned down and her lips grazed his. Tingles swept down her arm and he gently stroked her skin under his thumb. His hand making its way up, until it had latched behind her neck and pulled her head in. Their mouths pressed together as she clambered on top of him, straddling his legs between her thighs. The warmth pulsated between their bodies when he bit down onto her lower lip. Their kiss deepened as she thrust her tongue into his and swirled it around his inner mouth. The taste of his saliva was sweet from the rum and she savored it before retreating. When she pulled away, she could see his eyes flickering with lust and need. His eyes looked down and she followed his line of sight when she noticed her dress had ridden up, exposing the tops of her stockings. Fingers danced across the top of the lace, plucking at the elastic so it pinged back onto her skin. The little sparks of pain mixed with pleasure when his other hand crept up her inner thigh and brushed against the outside of her panties.
She could feel her clit throbbing as he swept his thumb side to side and pressed down on her lips. The arousing sensation forced her to bite down on her own lip in a way to contain her excitement. It wasn’t until she could feel the tang of blood from the pressure that she realized, just how much of an effect he was having on her.
“Come.”
She didn’t have time to reply as he stood up, forcing her to grab onto his shoulders and hook her legs around him as he carried her in. The cold bite of the marble from the kitchen counter-tops ran up her exposed limbs when he placed her down. He swayed his hips, forcing her to widen her legs as he nestled in between. His lips were on hers from just a second before his mouth wandered. His lips trailed down her neck and nipped at her collarbone, goosebumps prickling her skin. His hands fumbled with the sleeves of her dress as he pulled them down the length of her arms, the dress peeling away with it. Her bra was revealed and he leaped upon her milky white breasts. He bit into one gently before easing a finger underneath and popping a pink nipple out. Instantly his mouth was upon it, sucking until it was hard and sore. He gave the other one equal attention before reaching behind her back and unhooking the bra entirely, flinging it to the side where it caught onto a cabinet handle. She laughed at the sight of her bra swinging wildly where it landed. His hand dug into the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh and she looked at him quizzically. He stared back with a teasing smile before lowering himself down into a crouching position. His face was now level with her crotch and his hands were caressing her thighs, kneading the flesh between his fingers. When he grabbed the hem of her dress, she helped him by lifting her butt from the counter, allowing him to whip the material away. She was now topless and wearing just stocking and panties.
I would normally want to cover myself up, hide myself away. But the way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel, I want to have more. I want his hands all over me. I want him to see every inch of me. I’m living in the moment.
The Bailey Brothers Box Set- the Complete Trilogy Page 31