by Ember Casey
“All right. I’ll go back to Montovia for one more night. On one condition.”
“Anything,” I say.
“You buy me some lunch first. I’m fucking starving.”
I surprise myself by laughing out loud. “Of course.”
We end up buying some pastries from a little stand on the platform, and we make it to the train just before the last call. Not that it matters, of course—they would have held the train for my brother and me. I wonder if they are aware that I am now the most-hated man in Montovia.
It will take a few days for the news to fully spread, I know, but we’re already too late to stop the worst of it. This is more than just a PR disaster—it is a matter of national pride and international politics. In a matter of a few short weeks, I went from being a well-respected prince to a symbol of shame.
The only bright spot in my life is Victoria. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her close—just hold her—but I know I must continue to play it carefully with her. She may have agreed to return to Montovia for a little longer, but as she said herself, she had little choice.
Another reason I can’t hold her is because William is in the compartment with us. There was only one private compartment available upon such short notice, so even though he fell asleep about five minutes after we left the Salzburg station, there will be no repeating what happened on the way to Salzburg, no matter how much either Victoria or I want or need it.
And I need it. I need to lose myself in her again, to drown in her sweetness, to give myself over to the feelings that course through me when I am near her. I cannot get enough of her.
I try to distract myself with other things—like the speech I’m going to have to make for the citizens of Montovia—but every time she moves on the bench next to me, I find myself distracted again. All she has to do is move her leg or let out a sigh or tap her fingers against the leather seat, and my full attention is drawn back to her again.
Maybe I should try and sleep like William, I tell myself. Victoria hasn’t said a word to me since we boarded, just stared at the scenery passing outside the window, and I don’t wish to disturb her. But I know I won’t ever be able to quiet my mind enough to sleep.
Finally, I can’t take the distance between Victoria and me any longer. Slowly, I reach across the space between us and place my hand over hers.
She jumps at my touch, but she doesn’t pull away. She doesn’t say anything, either, so I allow my fingers to curl over hers. That’s as far as I go—just holding her hand.
I love you, I think. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I do. Nothing will change that. If there was a moment when I could have turned back, when I could have written this story a different way, I passed it long ago.
We don’t say a word for the rest of the trip, but neither of us moves our hands, either. By the time we arrive in Montovia, I find myself feeling something akin to hope.
At least until I remember I still have to face my father.
The ride from the train station to the palace is a silent one. William is still a little groggy from his nap, and Victoria and I seem to have found a sort of uneasy peace—as long as we don’t think too hard or talk too much, as long as we just let things be between us, we are all right. She isn’t frightened.
Unsurprisingly, Stephan, my father’s steward, is waiting at the door.
“His Majesty wishes to speak with you at once,” he says to me. His beady little eyes snap to Victoria. “I do not think it wise to allow that woman into this palace again.”
“Unfortunately for you, I outrank you, and I say she stays,” I tell the man. “She is my guest, and I will have her treated with respect.”
Stephan’s nose twitches. “I suggest you go see his majesty immediately. He does not like to be kept waiting.”
Stephan doesn’t have to tell me that. And as much as I’d like to ignore my father’s demands, I know it will not help matters.
I turn to Victoria. “I’ll should go speak with him,” I tell her.
“I’ll escort her to her room,” William offers. “Or if you prefer, Victoria, we might have our fencing match. I’m feeling rather energetic after that train ride, and I suspect you might need to work off some steam.”
Victoria nods. “I could use a little exercise right now.”
I frown. As much as I dislike the idea of Victoria spending time alone with William, at least I know he won’t let anyone kick her out. She has some protection while in his company.
“Very well,” I say. “I’ll come find you in the gymnasium when I am done with Father.”
I lean forward, meaning to kiss her farewell—to give her something to remember, should William try to make a move on her—but I catch myself at the last minute.
She asked to be friends. Don’t scare her by pushing for more.
I straighten. “I will see you shortly.”
Then, before she can respond, I turn and stride down the corridor after Stephan, prepared to meet my fate.
Victoria
William escorts me to my room so I can change my clothes. My luggage isn’t back here yet, but everything I left is still in my room. I’m positive I told the maid I was leaving—Andrew must have stopped her from clearing the room before he came chasing after me.
He needs to stop doing that. I’m being an idiot, allowing him to talk me into one more night here. Andrew’s father certainly doesn’t want me here. I’m pretty sure if William wasn’t at my side, that Stephan guy would have tossed me out of here by himself.
One more night isn’t going to kill me. But I have to stay strong—not let myself fall under Andrew’s spell again. Except I know if he so much as comes near me—touches me the slightest bit—it’s going to be too easy to let what happened earlier happen again.
It’s almost like I have an angel and a devil sitting on either shoulder, each whispering in my ear. The angel says, “You don’t need him. You’re tough—you don’t need anyone.” And the devil is saying, “One more touch can’t hurt. One more night with him might be the best thing that ever happens to you.”
They can’t both be right.
William walks me to the gym and is a perfect gentleman—he never lays a hand on me when Andrew isn’t there to witness it.
We duel for over an hour, but my heart isn’t really in it. My mind is filled with pictures of what Andrew must be going through, and I can’t help but wonder how he’s dealing with it. If he’s feeling as hopeless as he did last night. If he’s thinking again of ending it all.
After he wins what is probably the twentieth point in a row, William drops his épée and pulls off his mask. He’s frowning.
I pull off my mask, too. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m having trouble focusing.”
“I know. I am, too.” He walks over to the wall and hangs up his weapon before he pulls off his chest guard and hangs up the rest of his equipment.
I do the same and stare down at the floor after I’ve hung everything up.
“What is it?”
I lift my gaze to his, forcing a smile. “It’s nothing. I guess I just realized I have nowhere to go.”
A small smile plays on his lips. “I’m sure we can find somewhere in the palace for you to go, Victoria.”
“Yes, I’m sure you could. It’s not so much that I don’t have a room to go back to, but more that everyone inside the palace hates me. Blames me for what’s going on with your brother.”
He nods, and his mouth twists around on itself. “If I know my brother—and I believe I do—he’ll do everything in his power to set the record straight. That isn’t to say it’s going to be easy for him.” He gives a short laugh. “It isn’t as though Andrew has had to admit he was wrong very often.”
“Or on this grand of a scale, I imagine.” I pause. “I’m worried about him.”
William nods. “I heard about last night. Sophia made sure to tell me. I have to say, I wasn’t too pleased with being awakened by her at that early hour, but I’m glad she did wake me.
”
“Has he… Has he been like this before?”
William shakes his head. “Not to my knowledge.” His shoulders drop and his eyes widen slightly. “You don’t think…you don’t think he’s acting this way because of the attention I’ve been showing you, do you? I would hate to think that my actions somehow caused…” His voice trails off, choked with emotion.
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t think you caused anything. I think what’s going on with him is partly because of the scepter, partly because of Lady Clarissa, and another smaller part might be about me. But I don’t think it has anything to do with you.”
He gives me a grim nod. “Had I known… Had I known his intentions with you were noble, I never would have tried to make him think we were anything more than friends, Victoria.”
“I know that.” I force a small smile.
He nods again. “Good. I only… I was only inappropriate with you because of how it makes my brother squirm. I hate to admit that I’ve always derived some pleasure from making my eldest brother as uncomfortable as possible. He’s…he’s always been so stoic. So unaffected by anything. It’s been nice seeing he has a more vulnerable side to him. I’ve never seen it before he’s been with you.”
I don’t even get my mouth open to respond.
“I would hardly say I am vulnerable, William. On the contrary, I believe you may be the vulnerable one, Brother.”
William chuckles. “Perhaps so, Andrew. Though, I do not believe I remember the last time anyone could have called me vulnerable. But I dare say I would not mind having someone as lovely as Victoria on hand to do so or to show me how vulnerable I might be. You, though, Andrew…you are not nearly as alluring.” William slips his hand into mine. “Though I’m sure when you look at yourself in the mirror each morning, alluring is exactly what you call yourself.”
Andrew shakes his head. “Unhand her.”
“Or…what?”
Andrew’s gaze narrows, but there is nothing threatening about it. “Or I’ll reinstate some of the antiquated laws still in the Montovian archives. Perhaps I’ll start with the one where a suitor’s hand is cut off if he touches a lady out of turn.”
William pulls his hand out of mine and holds his up in front of him, surrendering. “I hope you know that should you reinstate that law, you’ll have to find money in the budget to hire someone to feed Leopold. Not to mention the other things that will have to be done for him once both of his hands are removed for touching ladies out of turn…” William laughs. “Very well, Brother. You win the fair maiden this time.” He twirls an imaginary mustache. “But next time, you won’t be so lucky.”
Andrew rolls his eyes to the ceiling. “Considering I heard you telling my guest how your only interest in her stemmed from making me feel uncomfortable, I dare say you won’t be needing to come near her again.”
William grins, still pretending to twirl the corners of his non-existent mustache. “Trust me, Brother, if you had not already laid claim to her, I might be trying to do so myself.” His hand falls and he glances between the two of us. “You know I would never—”
“I know.” Andrew nods, closing his eyes for a moment before returning his gaze to his brother’s. “I appreciate your attempt to lighten the mood, William. And I am sorry to be the one to tell you that our father has requested that you join him now in his office.”
William’s gaze narrows slightly and he rubs his hands together. “Is this about that newspaper article?” He shrugs. “Because if it is, I don’t need to hear it. I only need to hear your side—”
“No, you need to hear what he has to say, too.”
William goes back to twirling the fake mustache. “Sounds ominous.”
“It isn’t a joke, William. It’s a life and death situation.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to make light of anything quite that serious.” William chuckles. “Surely—”
Andrew’s shoulders drop in what I’ve come to recognize as guilt. Possibly shame. “You should go and speak with him.”
William frowns, his eyebrows knitting together. He looks over at me and gives me a solemn bow. “Thank you for the honor of dueling you again, Victoria. It is always a pleasure to see you.”
I force a smile and give him a small curtsy in return.
The low growl that comes from Andrew’s throat is audible for anyone in the gymnasium to hear.
I turn to him, shaking my head as William walks out. “It’s harmless flirting, Your Highness. But you already knew that. You heard him explaining that to me. Your brother is sweet and he’s been one of the few people in the palace who has actually been kind to me over the past few weeks. If you would just—”
He strides over to me and pulls me into his arms before he kisses me.
It takes me a second to realize what he’s doing and I pull away from him. I shake my head at him again. “That is not something a friend would do, Andrew.”
“Fuck friendship.”
My gaze narrows. “I think we already tried that in the train car earlier.”
He stares at me, his expression unchanged. “If you knew what I had just endured, you might be more open to providing me with some comfort.”
I lift a brow. “You want pity sex? You? Prince Andrew is asking me for a good, old-fashioned pity fuck?”
His jaw clenches. “Hardly. I was merely suggesting that if you knew what had happened today in my father’s office—”
“Then tell me—”
He slides an arm around my waist. “That is precisely what I was trying to do.”
I grip his wrist and pull his arm away from me, taking a few steps back. “This is not how friends behave, Andrew. Considering you’re the one who laid the ground rules—”
“I already told you we could fuck our friendship.”
“And while that is certainly tempting, Your Highness, I believe I’ve already explained to you that what happened on the train car this afternoon is not going to happen again. So if you’d like to fuck our friendship, that is perfectly fine by me. I’ll see if my bag is here, and if it is, I’ll be on the first train out of here. And I’ll expect you not to follow me this time.”
“Victoria, if you would listen—”
“I am listening, Andrew. I have listened. I’ve listened to every bullshit excuse you’ve given me about why I’m not good enough for you. I’ve listened to every reason you needed to hurry up and find a wife. I’ve listened to everything.”
I stare at him for a moment and my heart almost twists out of my chest. I have no idea what’s going on in his head, but whatever it is, it’s obviously almost killing him. He’s trying so hard to be stoic, to cover every bit of emotion playing in his mind.
My eyes fall closed as I try to decide what to say. “Andrew…” I open my eyes to look back over at him. “I’m not your answer. I’ve told you that before. I know I’m convenient. I’m here and I’ve been here listening to everything that’s been going on over the past few weeks. I get that I’m some sort of security blanket for you. But it’s time for me to go. It’s time for me to stand up for myself and not let you use me like this anymore.”
I frown. “Look, I know we’ve used each other. I know I’ve been just as much to blame for what’s happened between us. And I’m sorry if I led you on in any way. I’m sorry if you thought we could ever be more than fr—”
I don’t even get the word friends out before he’s standing in front of me again. He doesn’t touch me this time, but he looks down into my eyes, almost into my soul. “I’ve already told you how I feel about you, Victoria. I’ve already said the words. You have not. You say I am the one misinterpreting your signals, but I don’t think so. I think you’re afraid I’m going to hurt you, and you have every reason to believe that.
“But believe this, Victoria. I love you. I can’t tell you the precise moment I knew I loved you, but I know it now. And after what happened this afternoon in my father’s office, it is the one and only thing I have to hold onto
. You are the only thing I have to hold onto.”
Andrew
I want to hear her say it. I want to hear her admit out loud the way she feels about me. Just once, I want her to be honest about what is happening between us.
She looks down at her feet. “Andrew…you can’t keep saying things like that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth. Leaving it unsaid doesn’t make it any less true.”
“Saying it out loud doesn’t make it any more right. Or possible.”
“It’s always possible, Victoria. We always have a choice, even when it feels like we don’t.”
She still hasn’t looked at me. I want to wrap my arms around her, pull her into my chest and hold her close and let her body tell me what her words can’t. When we’re in each other’s arms, there’s no ignoring the depth of what is happening between us.
But if she is intent on denying it…I cannot force her. I can only continue to remind her that my feelings haven’t changed.
“My father agrees that a public apology is the best course of action,” I say. “He’s also changed his mind on the issue of me marrying Lady Clarissa.”
Victoria finally looks up at me, her eyebrow raised. “He has?”
“Mainly because he’s back to deciding that the best way to resolve this is for me to marry Princess Justine instead. He says that King Maximilian has agreed to give up his claim to the royal scepter as a wedding gift. Of course, he’s also demanding a compromise concerning the land rights of Amhurst Valley. My father isn’t pleased about that, but he still sees this as the only way to save face and win back the respect of our citizens.”
I can’t read the look in Victoria’s eyes—is she upset by this news? Relieved? Angry? She takes a step away from me, putting some distance between us again.
“See?” she says. “Marrying Princess Justine is still the best option for you.”
“It might solve my immediate dilemma, but that doesn’t make it the best option.”
“Doesn’t it?”