by Ember Casey
I frown and shake my head slightly. I definitely do not understand.
She lifts her gaze to mine again. “I’ve always imagined I would be able to marry for love, even though I knew my father would never see things my way. What choice did I have? Running away? I’ve known my entire life that my father would find me the best suitor and use me as some political pawn to win him whatever favor best suited him and our country.”
She shakes her head. “I have none of the freedoms of Princess Sophia. And I always assumed I would be married to either Prince Leopold or Prince William. But never—never in my entire life did I expect I would be married to Prince Andrew. It almost seemed too good to be true.”
“Oh. I—”
“I’m not accusing you of anything, Victoria. Nor am I blaming you. I’m happy for Andrew. And for you. I truly am. It’s just that I’m disappointed—that’s all. I’m particularly disappointed that Andrew would take the opportunity he had while speaking to the rest of the world to also announce that he was ending our betrothal. It might have been a little less upsetting if he’d told me before his speech that I was to be humiliated in front of the entire world on television.”
“Oh. God…” How did I not see that before? How did I not see how horrible Andrew’s announcement would be for this woman? Have I really become so wrapped up in my own problems—in my own head—that I can no longer see what effect my actions are having on others? How long has this been going on?
Since you met Andrew. That’s how long.
I press a hand to my forehead “God, I’m so sorry, Your Highness—”
“It’s Justine. Please. There’s no need for formality at this point.”
I blink at her a few times. She might be young—she might even be a little weak willed if she’s allowing her father to choose her future for her—but she seems to be a normal person. One who is currently hurting because of being unceremoniously dumped. And not just dumped—Andrew ended their relationship in front of me and the entire world.
“I imagine my father will be taking away the offer of the rights to the scepter as a wedding present for the two of you.” She sighs, rubbing her palm on her temple. “My brother has had a gambling problem for years. You’d think that Andrew would have known that when he engaged in a card game with him. Even if Andrew had won that night, my brother would have still found a way to get that scepter from him with my father’s encouragement. It’s been on my father’s agenda for years. Years. Probably since before I was born.
I nod. I do know enough about Montovian and European history to know that relations haven’t been great between the two countries for some time. I can’t even imagine what Andrew was thinking when he decided to play in a high stakes poker match with Prince Reginald.
“My father is going to receive the news now, as well. He’ll have been watching the press conference. He’ll know that Andrew has decided not to pursue his pageant, and now what? I’ll be a lady of the Montovian Court for a while? Have another party in celebration of my coming out to society—even though it happened several years ago?” She lets out a sharp breath. “Tell me, Victoria. What am I supposed to do now?”
“I…” I pause for a moment. “I don’t know.”
She presses her lips into a flat line and nods at me slowly. “Well, that would make two of us.”
We’re silent again for a few moments before she speaks again. “I’m not some pathetic fool, you know. This…this choice that Andrew is making… It will have consequences.” Her expression softens. “Though I’m certainly not blaming you for that, either. I could tell that Andrew’s announcement today was as much a surprise for you as it was for me.”
My head bobs in a slow nod. “It was.”
She purses her lips. “You may not know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m not trying to offend you—truly I’m not. But Victoria…” She shakes her head. “Living this life is not for the faint of heart. If you aren’t prepared for it…” She frowns, shaking her head again. “It can eat you alive, even if you are prepared for it. Even if you have grown up living it. I’ve prepared since I can remember to marry someone for the good of my country. I only… I thought that I could grow to love Andrew. I hope that’s not offensive to you.”
“Not at all. And believe me, I never anticipated he would be saying anything like that in his speech today. I wrote the thing, and he did it perfectly until the end. The ending was supposed to be a united front—announcing that you and he were going to join forces for the betterment of both of your countries. Had I known…” I shake my head again. “Look, even if I had known, Andrew would have made his own decision about it. He wants to do what’s best for his country—the same as you. And I’m sure when he comes to his senses…”
Her expression flattens and she lets out a long breath as she shakes her head at me. “He’s in love with you. I could see it the morning I met you at breakfast. I thought…” She sighs again. “I thought perhaps that together, he and I could get past it.”
It’s almost like a light bulb goes off in my head and I stand up, forcing a small smile. “Would you excuse me? I have something I need to take care of.”
She gives me a small nod and turns her gaze to the fountain.
I walk out of the courtyard and back into the hospital. I turn the opposite direction from the melee going on outside the king’s room, instead walking toward the rear exits.
Justine is right—this life would tear me apart. It isn’t only that I can’t provide Andrew with an heir. Having to play princess, even for a little while, is going to ruin everything about me. I won’t be able to question anything—any action that another person does. I won’t be able to travel the way I want. And I won’t be able to be myself anymore, not that I’m sure who my real self is at this moment.
I only have one thing I’m thinking about—one person I need to talk to in order to gain some perspective. And that person is the only one on my mind as I exit the hospital—and probably Montovia—for the final time.
Andrew
Everything is chaos around me.
I should have known my speech would cause quite a stir. Should have anticipated that there would be consequences for my brash words. But I didn’t let myself think about the mess I’d have to deal with after declaring my feelings. I thought only about the truth. About finally standing up and showing the world my true self. About being the man Victoria deserves—one who will proudly declare his feelings for her.
Now? I’m not so sure it was the right decision.
The moment my speech was done, my family crowded around me. Several reporters rushed forward, even though they knew such behavior would have them quickly removed—this story, apparently, is worth the risk. By the time I was able to part the crowd, Victoria was gone.
She ran. I laid my heart on the line, and she ran.
But what did I expect? I gave her no warning. I made a public announcement about my feelings for her with little thought to what came next. I’ve thrown her into the public eye without her consent.
I need to find her. Speak with her.
Someone is tugging on my arm, pulling me away from the sea of reporters. It’s William—and he’s slowly dragging me toward the door.
“Come on,” he says. “Don’t be an idiot.”
But it’s too late for that. I am an idiot. I was blinded by my feelings and didn’t think about the consequences. I thought this would be a grand romantic gesture—instead, I can see I’ve just complicated everything.
I let William pull me out of the room, back into the privacy of the corridor on the other side. My mother and Nicholas follow—but I suddenly realize that Princess Justine is nowhere to be seen.
“Where’s Justine?” I ask. “She’s not still out there, is she?” The last thing I want is to leave her to those vultures back there.
Nicholas shakes his head. “I didn’t see where she went.”
I frown. Another thing I didn’t think about—Justine.
I look up at
my mother, who’s watching me closely with an expression I can’t identify.
“What is it?” I ask her. “Isn’t this what you wanted? For me to make my own decisions about my life?”
Something softens in her eyes. “Of course it is.” She reaches up and puts a hand on my cheek. “And I’m very proud of you for taking a stand. But I suspect there might have been better ways of handling this situation.”
She doesn’t have to tell me that. I pull away from her, shaking my head. “I need to go find Victoria.”
“Andrew,” my mother says, reaching after me.
“Go back to Father’s room,” I tell her gently. “I’ll return there after I’ve found her.”
I don’t wait to hear what William or Nicholas have to say—I already know I’ve royally fucked up. I turn and stride down the corridor, desperate to find her—and to avoid the members of the press in the meantime.
She couldn’t have gone far. It’s only been a matter of minutes. Perhaps it’s not as bad as I feared—perhaps she only sneaked away to somewhere private to avoid the press, and she intends to come and find me as soon as the reporters and photographers have dispersed. As I turn down a corridor, I notice members of the Royal Guard ushering a couple of reporters back out of the hospital. Good—that situation is being handled, at least.
That doesn’t leave me any closer to discovering where Victoria has gone, however.
I walk down the corridor, glancing into the rooms on my left. On my right are large windows overlooking a small courtyard.
A small movement through the window catches my eye. There—the flash of sunlight off of dark hair. She’s out there.
I run to the door and burst out into the courtyard. “Victoria.”
But it’s not Victoria who rises from the bench in front of me—it’s Princess Justine. She straightens her shoulders and raises her chin, but I can tell immediately that she was crying not so very long ago. There’s a redness about her eyes that causes a stab of guilt in my gut.
“Princess,” I say, stepping toward her. “I have to apologize for—”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she says.
I stop. I certainly can’t blame her for this response—I treated her carelessly. If I’d actually thought about what I was doing, I would have spoken to her privately before the announcement. But that’s the problem—I didn’t think. And now I’ve let everyone down.
“There’s no excuse for my behavior,” I say slowly. “This is not what…” I run a hand through my hair. “I never meant to—”
“You were thoughtless,” she says. “Selfish. Some would even say cruel.”
Her words are harsh, but I cannot deny their truth. “I truly am sorry—”
“I don’t want your apology,” she says, crossing her arms. “You’ve already humiliated me publicly. An apology won’t change that.”
No, it won’t—and like everything else in my life, I’m not sure how to fix this.
“Part of me is furious with you,” she says, her eyes bright with that very emotion. “Another part of me is hurt. I’ve done everything I was supposed to do…and it wasn’t enough. I was rejected in front of the entire world.”
I start to respond, but she holds up a hand, stopping me.
“Another part of me is…relieved,” she continues quietly. “So relieved I feel like I might be sick.” She looks up, her eyes meeting mine again. “I thought… There was a time I thought you and I would have been a good match. That we could have been happy. Even found love in each other. It was more than I’d ever allowed myself to hope.”
I take a careful step toward her. “If circumstances had been different…I think we could have found some sort of happiness together. But love…”
“I know,” she says quickly, nodding. “I’m still…processing everything, but I’m starting to see. You love her, this Victoria. I mean you truly love her. The sort of love that only comes around once in a lifetime, I suspect. And only for those who are very lucky.”
I regard her soberly. “I love Victoria with all my heart.” With all my soul. With my very being.
She nods. “I can see that, truly. And I’m beginning to understand that it’s better this way—that you never could have loved me the way I’d hoped. That’s why I feel so relieved. I allowed myself to believe in a fantasy for moment, but now I’m realizing that I’ve narrowly escaped what would have been my own personal hell. We never could have had that love. I was an idiot to believe it, even for a moment. But for now, I’m free. At least for a little while.”
There’s a profound sadness in her eyes, something that goes beyond my terrible behavior toward her.
“You can still find love,” I tell her gently.
She gives a short, bitter laugh and waves her hand. “Not all of us are so lucky. No—I suspect my father will try and marry me off again fairly quickly. He’ll have our press secretary spin some story about how we actually rejected your suit in favor of a better offer.” One side of her mouth curls up in a wry half-smile. “I suppose I could always publicly reject him and turn everything on its head, but I don’t have the bargaining power you do.” Her smile grows sadder. “And I don’t have any better alternative. I’m not in love with someone else. If I’m being perfectly honest, I’m jealous—jealous that you’ve realized what would make you happy and that you were brave enough to go after it.”
“Justine—”
“I’ve accepted my lot in life,” she says. “I suspect I’ll end up marrying some bore of a nobleman and we’ll have the required number of children and be perfectly civil to each other for the rest of our lives. A lot of people in this world have it far worse.”
I frown—mostly because, not even a couple of months ago, I had a similar view of my own future.
“She loves you,” Justine goes on. “But she’s scared. And understandably so.” She steps closer to me, looking up at me. “Don’t let her slip through your fingers.”
“Wait—was she here? Did you see her?”
“She was here briefly. But she ran off.”
“Which way? Where did she go?”
She indicates a door on the far side of the courtyard. “She didn’t say where she was going. But if I were you, I’d hurry. I didn’t get the impression she was going to look for you.”
Oh, God. She’s run again.
I hurry across the courtyard. I must find her. Quickly.
At the door I pause and glance back at Justine. She’s leaning over the fountain at the center of the courtyard, trailing her fingers in the water. She must sense me looking at her because she lifts her head.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “For being so understanding. It’s more than I deserve.”
That sad smile is back. “Thank you for giving me a few more days of freedom. It’s more than I could have hoped for at this point.”
My heart is heavy as I leave the courtyard. It feels like the more I reach for happiness, the more people I hurt. I’ve left Princess Justine in an unenviable situation. The rights to Montovia’s royal scepter will probably never return to us now. And because of the stress I’ve caused, my own father lies unconscious in a hospital bed, barely clinging to life. I’ve destroyed everything.
But Victoria is still my light. Still my beacon of hope at the end of a long, dark road. I have to find her.
And I have a feeling I know exactly where she is heading.
Victoria
My chest seems to expand, the stress lifting from me somewhat as I walk a few blocks away from the hospital. Finding a seat on a bench near some shops, I pull out my phone and type in a quick text. It doesn’t take long for a response or for William to find his way to where I’m sitting.
He grins as he approaches, plopping down on the bench next to me before he drapes his arm across the back of the bench. “Good call choosing a place out in the open like this. Of course, it won’t stop my brother from killing me when he finds me with you—especially since he’s publicly declared his affection now.”
“I…” I pause, looking over at him. “Did you know he was going to do that?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not sure even Andrew knew he was going to do that.” He rubs his jaw. “It probably wasn’t the right time. Or place, for that matter. And what he did to Justine…” He arches a brow. “Are you sure you want to be involved with someone like him?”
I squeeze my eyes shut for a second before returning my gaze to his. “No. That’s why I asked you to meet me out here. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I…” My heart is thrashing in my chest again, so loudly I can barely hear my own voice. It doesn’t help that I can barely croak out more than a whisper. “I’m not sure about anything anymore.”
“You know, my mother and my sister are much better at handling these relationship situations than I am. Though I suppose they both are indisposed at the moment.” He sighs. “I never thought I would find myself giving out advice at any rate. Particularly regarding the state of Andrew’s relationships.” He chuckles. “It’s a bit strange, to say the least.”
I blink at him a few times. Texting him was a mistake, obviously. Maybe I misunderstood his offer of friendship earlier. Maybe his behavior toward me really was only a ruse to upset Andrew.
He sighs again, rubbing his jaw as he shakes his head to himself. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not being very helpful. What is it I can do for you, Victoria?”
“I don’t know.” My voice is choked with an emotion I don’t quite recognize. “Part of me wants to get out of here again.” I let out a long breath. “I promised him I wouldn’t. But I can’t breathe in that hospital. I can’t seem to breathe in this country. And I know I’m being selfish—your father is lying in a bed and you should be there—”
He rounds his shoulders in a small shrug. “Doing what? Fluffing his pillows?” He tilts his head. “Believe it or not, this conversation is probably the most helpful thing I could be doing right now.” He motions around him with his hand. “The future of this country might depend on it.”