by Wells, Nicky
My instinct was to flee, but Mike would be hurt if I did. I would have to put in a little time at the bar before pulling my disappearing act.
I ordered a Diet Coke and installed myself on a bar stool, carefully keeping my back to the dance floor while I sipped at my drink. Even though my headache had been a pretext, I could actually feel a pulse throbbing behind my eyes. That meant a full-on migraine was threatening to engulf me, and I sighed. It would take days to get rid of it, if it did take hold. Salt and fat were required to ward it off, and quickly. On an impulse, I ordered a bowl of chips. If I got my fill of junk food, I might just be okay.
The chips took their sweet time, and I lost all track of how long I had been waiting. But at last they arrived, and I was dipping the first chip into my chilli ketchup when a hand appeared from behind me, snagged a chip, and tickled me in the ribs.
‘This is Emily,’ I heard Mike’s voice. It seemed to come from a long way away. ‘Emily, say hi to Nate, my new guitarist.’
God help me.
I pivoted my bottom on the bar stool millimetre by millimetre. There was no getting away now. What would I do? Annoyingly, tears stung at the back of my eyes, and I blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. After a small eternity that lasted all of three seconds, I finally faced Mike. He had removed the moustache and sunglasses. And he was utterly oblivious to my inner turmoil. He wore a big, beaming smile that told me everything I needed to know. His new dream was within reach. As long as I didn’t shatter it.
I hadn’t yet looked at Nate. I didn’t dare to. Perhaps, if I avoided eye contact, he wouldn’t recognise me, and the whole thing would go away.
Mike helped himself to another chip. ‘Fancy you tucking into the junk food,’ he laughed. ‘So, now that I’ve got my two favourite people right here, let me introduce you properly.’
He waved his hands back and forth between me and Nate. I took a long pull of my drink and stared at the floor.
‘Emily, this is Nate Clarke, brand new guitarist for Fallen For Rock. Nate, this is Emily Trenden, my ace publicist and partner.’
His words hit me in the chest like an actual blow, and I coughed my Diet Coke all over the floor. Mike automatically patted me on the back, and in all the confusion, I forgot that I wasn’t supposed make eyes contact with Nate.
Nate stared at me in shock. At long last, recognition bloomed on his face. I could see it in his eyes and in the way his forehead lay in puppy dog folds. His thoughts were practically visible in big bubbles above his head. Emily? This is Emily? And she’s with Mike Loud?
‘Business partner,’ I croaked, still half choking on my drink. Mike kept clapping my back, and the rhythmic impact punctuated my speech comically. ‘He-meant—business-partner.—Not-partner-partner.—Just—business.’
‘You okay?’ Mike finally asked me, concerned. Nate didn’t say anything. He looked a little pale.
‘Tell him,’ I insisted, completely ignoring Mike’s question. ‘Tell him that we’re only business partners.’
‘We’re only business partners,’ Mike offered obligingly. ‘Emily is my publicist, and a fabulous one at that. I don’t know why I planted that “partner” joke. I know she’s got the hots for you. She was practically drooling when she saw you on stage. I guess I was trying to rile her. Sorry. Bad form.’
Nate’s face went a whiter shade of pale. If it were possible for a living being to be translucent, then that was what he turned. As for me, I very nearly died. Mike was so high on his happy cloud, he still didn’t notice anything awkward.
At last, Nate spoke. ‘Emily.’
Just the one word, and it was laden with a universe of meaning. But at least, he had said something, and he hadn’t run away.
‘Nate,’ I replied.
Nate subtly shook his head. ‘Emily,’ he repeated.
Mike looked from me to Nate and back again like a spectator at a tennis match. ‘You okay, guys? Do you know each other or something?’
I snorted. How was it possible that he hadn’t made the connection? I would have to spell it out.
‘Mike, for a musical genius, you’re being exceptionally dense. This is Nate.’
Mike’s mouth hung open. ‘Nate?’
‘Yes, Nate.’
‘What, Nate? The Nate?’
I rolled my eyes. ‘Yes, the Nate.’
The penny dropped. Mike swallowed hard and bit his lip. For a moment, he sported a mask of pure horror. Horror at what, I couldn’t fathom. That Nate should be Nate? That everything might fall apart?
And he rallied. He gave me a surreptitious smile and continued with his dummy act.
‘The Nate?’ he repeated, sounding exaggeratedly incredulous. ‘The one who you’ve been crying about?’
Nate, who had almost turned away, stopped in his tracks. Mike ploughed on. ‘The one that you’ve called a million times? The one that we tried to go and see the other morning after he’d been to your flat at night and missed you? The one that you’ve been desperately wanting to apologise to?’ Mike’s voice rose with every question, climaxing in on his coup de grace. ‘The one that you love? That Nate?’
I suppressed a giggle. Trust Mike to make good. Nate stood stock still.
‘Yes,’ I enunciated carefully. ‘That Nate.’
Nate didn’t move. Mike waited for a few seconds, but still no reaction was forthcoming. Nate’s lips were slightly parted, as though he was thinking about speaking, but he remained silent. Eventually, Mike carried on.
‘The Nate you love, yes? I want to be sure I’ve got this straight.’
‘Yes. The Nate I love,’ I repeated and took up the baton. ‘Even though I kicked him out, foolish me, and even though I hadn’t a clue what I was doing. This is Nate.’
‘Wow.’ Mike let himself sink on a nearby stool. ‘Wow.’
Nate and I faced each other awkwardly. I was still perched on my bar stool, and he stood opposite me. A little colour had returned to his face, and the look in his eyes was a little less hostile.
‘The Nate you love?’ His voice was a quizzical whisper.
‘Oh yes. The Nate I love. I love you, Nate.’
He recoiled ever so slightly. ‘Forgive me, Emily, but that’s a little hard to take in after all this time. No word, nothing, and I am to believe you’re sorry?’
‘Nate.’ I rubbed my forehead wearily. ‘I left you a ton of messages. The day the tickets got delivered, I called and texted, and I even drove round to your house.’
‘Tickets? What tickets?’ Nate was confused.
Mike chose that moment to pipe up. Thankfully, he dropped the silly demeanour, much as it had served a purpose, and spoke in his normal voice. ‘You guys have a lot to talk about. How’s about I make myself scarce? Just as long as…’ He gave Nate a meaningful look and dropped his voice so nobody but us would hear him.
‘Just as long as I can count on you, mate, to stick by the plan and join me in Fallen For Rock. No matter what happens between you two.’
‘Of course,’ Nate replied at once. ‘I wouldn’t dream of passing up this opportunity.’
‘Way to go. Listen, Emily, I’ll go home. Home. I’ll ring you in the morning, okay?’
I resisted the urge to cry. All of a sudden, Mike’s stay at my flat was over, and I felt like I was chopping off an arm. Mike had been my security blanket, and now he was yanking it away. On the other hand, I was tremendously grateful. If he hadn’t turned up to turn my life upside down, I wouldn’t be sitting next to Nate right now. I probably wouldn’t even have known what I had missed. Part of me wanted him to go, so I could talk to Nate. And part of me wanted him to stay, for safety, and to hold my hand if it all went horribly wrong.
‘Okay,’ I managed. ‘Call you in the morning. And thank you.’
He leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek. A chaste, swift one. But it gave him a chance to whisper in my ear. ‘No worries. And it’ll be all right, you’ll see.’
He straightened up and slapped Nate heartily on the shoulder. ‘So long, Nate. I’
ll see you for rehearsal on Sunday.’
‘You got it.’
And with that, Mike turned and left.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Nate pulled up a stool and sat down beside me. We both faced the bar, and Nate ordered a drink. For a little while, neither of us said anything. My heart, impossible organ that it was, gathered hope. The silence was tentative, but not hostile. Perhaps Nate would listen. Perhaps we could work this out.
‘Maybe you’d better start at the beginning,’ Nate eventually prompted. ‘What tickets?’
I smiled. I almost felt wistful at the memory. Walking upstairs, finding that envelope—what a turning point.
‘Remember how you entered a competition at Rock Radio FM to win VIP tickets for MonX? Well, you won.’
Under Nate’s incredulous stare, I related all the events that had unfolded since. I didn’t hold back; I spared nothing. Okay, I edited out some of the sex Mike and I had had, but I did mention that we had, you know, done it.
Nate was thunderstruck. ‘Of course I saw the story and the photo. But really, I didn’t recognise you. What with the hair and everything.’ He shrugged.
I laughed. ‘I don’t blame you. It’s not like you’d have expected me in Mike’s arms. Alas…’ I sighed. ‘My employer recognised me because of course the whole office had seen my new hairstyle, the “new” me…’ I grinned and patted my ‘new’ do before I continued with my story. ‘After I saw you in the coffee shop with your blombe—’
‘Where? What? Who?’ Nate didn’t follow this crucial loop in my tale.
‘The coffee shop. In Covent Garden. I hung out there a few weeks back to find you. But you turned up with a blonde woman, and you looked very cosy, so…’ I swallowed. ‘I thought I’d definitely lost you for good.’
Nate scrunched up his forehead. I wanted to reach out a finger and touch him. It felt so good to be speaking with him again. And that attraction in my loins, that physical desire, that longing, that bond…well, it was driving me up the wall. I shifted on my seat to appease the dancing down below.
‘Blonde woman? Oh my god, you mean Liza!’
‘Liza?’
‘Liza. She’s my new bassist, after Dean left. Well, she was my new bassist. You know, of Blue Heart.’
‘Really?’ My heart did a somersault at that easy explanation, but my mind was more cautious.
‘Yes, really.’
‘You looked awfully…together.’
‘No more so than you and Mike.’
Touché.
‘I suppose that’s a valid point. I’m sorry.’ I furrowed my brow, trying to recall what Blue Heart’s bassist looked like, but I couldn’t remember. I hadn’t paid him—or her, as it were—the slightest attention, though I did remember a female backing voice.
‘Blue Heart,’ I mused. ‘What’s with that, anyway? I don’t recall your band being called that?’
Nate laughed. ‘The name was a by-product of our split, yours and mine. I joked that I had a blue heart and the others liked that notion, so we went for a rebrand and here we are,’ Nate summed up.
‘Here we are,’ I concurred, slightly altering his meaning. ‘But Nate, where were you? Why didn’t you return my calls? And what brought you to my flat the other night?’
Nate sighed. ‘You’re so not going to believe this.’
‘I will. Try me. I’m ready for anything.’
‘Well. All right.’ He grimaced. ‘After you threw me out that night, I was destroyed. I mean, really destroyed. I hadn’t seen this coming.’
I flinched. ‘Sorry. I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s okay. I think I get it now.’ Nate smiled ruefully. ‘Anyway, I was angry, too. I was going to send you a really mean text, but I changed my mind. I was at the Tube station, and my hands were shaking so badly, I dropped the phone.’
He looked at me as though this explained everything.
‘Yeah? And?’ I prompted.
‘I dropped my phone on the track. When a train was pulling in.’
‘Oh. Ouch.’
‘Yes. Ouch. Or scrunch, more like. Heck, it was only a mobile phone, but it meant that you couldn’t get in contact with me that way. It occurred to me that that suited me fine.’
‘Ouch again.’
Nate shrugged.
‘Okay, but what about your landline?’
‘I changed it.’
‘You what?’
‘I changed it. I’d already lost the mobile, so I had to let everybody know my new number. I thought, what the heck, I’ll get a new landline too. I told the phone company that I’d been getting nuisance calls, and they assigned a new number right away.’
‘Wow.’ I was reeling inside. ‘But I left you message on your landline. Even on the day of the gig. Well, at least I think I did. I suppose the answerphone was a bit strange, but I thought maybe your inbox was full or…’ I scratched my head, trying to recall. ‘Didn’t you get any of them?’
‘Nope.’ Nate grimaced. ‘All I know is that I changed my number on the Monday, and that was that.’
I shook my head. It didn’t make sense, but who knew what glitches happened at telephone companies. Anyway, it didn’t matter now.
‘So that explains why you didn’t respond to my calls and texts.’
‘Indeed.’
We sat for a moment.
‘But Nate, I came round to your flat when I found out I’d—you’d won the tickets. You weren’t in. Where were you?’
Nate shrugged. ‘I’ve no idea. I could have been anywhere. In the studio. At Boz’s house.’ Boz was Nate’s best friend and drummer. ‘What does it matter? It was bad timing, that’s all.’
‘And the other night? Why did you come round to my place?’
More shrugging. ‘I had the strangest feeling. I don’t know, really. It was only an impulse. I thought—I don’t know. I just turned up. But you weren’t in, and that obnoxious neighbour of yours showed up…’
‘She said you knocked on her door.’
Nate snorted. ‘As if I would. She stuck her head out and had a rant about how you were always coming home late these days, and you didn’t seem to be doing respectable work anymore, and you were harbouring a rock man in your guest room.’ Nate got Mrs Bowden’s tone of voice just right, and I couldn’t help laughing.
‘And you believed her?’
‘Well, why wouldn’t I? With her level of nosiness, she’s a fount of information, as you well know.’
‘Or disinformation, as the case may be.’ I pulled a face.
‘Yeah, well. I wasn’t to know. I simply assumed that you’d moved on.’
I shook my head. ‘What a catalogue of disasters. But what about my note? Didn’t you find my note?’
Nate was perplexed. ‘What note?’
‘The one I wrote and stuffed in your letter box at your flat the other day.’
‘Nope.’ He shook his head. ‘Probably I ought to check my mail every once in a while.’
‘You mean…’ I stared at him in dismay. ‘You mean my note is still in your letter box? You haven’t even seen it?’
‘Nope.’
‘Wow. I don’t know what to say.’
We regarded each other solemnly. After a brief pause, Nate raised his bottle in a half toast. ‘Where do we go from here?’
‘I… Wherever you want, Nate.’ I lifted my shoulders into a shrug and held out my hands, palms up. ‘You already know how I feel.’
‘You love me,’ Nate reiterated. ‘Do you really mean that?’
‘Do you really have to ask?’
He looked at me closely. His eyes bored into mine as if trying to penetrate to the deepest recesses of my soul. I held his gaze, barely daring to breathe. Time stood still.
‘No. I don’t really have to ask,’ Nate eventually whispered.
I continued to hold my breath. Would he… Should I say something in return? But no, he broke eye contact, and I swayed with exhaustion.
‘What about Blue Heart?’ I blurted
out to say something, anything. ‘How will they take it if you leave?’
‘I won’t.’ Nate was calm self-assurance.
‘But you promised Mike!’ A note of hysteria made my voice slightly shrill. ‘It means the world to him.’
‘It means the world to me, too,’ Nate replied. ‘Just imagine. Me, playing with Mike Loud. Wow.’
‘So, but why… How come—how are you not leaving Blue Heart if you’re joining Mike?’ I struggled to comprehend.
‘It’s my baby. I can’t simply leave. Mike understands that. For the time being, I’m going to be in both bands. Dance on two weddings, if you will. It’s no big deal. Lots of musicians do it. It’s really hard to earn a decent living, so most people double and triple up on their bands. Mike gets that. He’s been there. If…’
Nate took a sip of his beer. ‘If Fallen For Rock takes off in the way he wants to, I’ll have to make a decision. And I’ve promised him that Fallen For Rock will come first, so if we need to record, I shall record. If we tour, I shall tour. I’ll stand by that promise.’
‘Good. Oh good.’ I felt dizzy with relief. Whatever happened, I hadn’t scuppered Mike’s chances of making his dream come true. ‘You’ll love the songs, you really will. Mike’s an awesome writer.’
‘I know,’ Nate grinned. ‘What I can’t wrap my head round is this transformation in you. I mean, look at you. I really didn’t recognise you at first.’
‘I know. I hardly recognise myself. I’m sorry it took so long to get there. To, you know, the real me.’
‘That job at the bank was a killer.’ Nate was matter of fact.
‘Oh God yeah, it was. But it’s coming in jolly useful now for all sorts of negotiations and plans.’
‘I like the new you. It suits you.’
I blushed. After everything that happened, Nate made me blush like on a first date. ‘Thank you.’
Another silence descended on us. We had said everything that was to be said, and nothing at all. We had caught up on our lives, but not on our future. We could turn any which way. Anything could happen. I felt like my life hung in the balance.
‘Would you—’ Nate started.
‘Shall we—’ I said at the same time.