One was turning his high-powered light towards my raft, when Carlos reached back to get his gun, and shot the man’s hand. He screamed in pain as Carlos grabbed the remaining two men with each hand and smashed their heads together. A fourth man quickly boarded, raising his gun but Carlos punched him. He kicked the gun out of his hand, and then aimed another kick at the groin. Taking a knife from the man’s side, Carlos plunged it into his chest and turned to plunge it into the fifth boarding Sal.
The remaining two men on different vessels were shouting and arguing with each other, as Carlos stabbed the fifth man one time before the asshole was able to fire at Carlos. The impact of the bullet threw Carlos off balance and overboard.
“NOOOO! Carlos!!!”
He hadn't put on a life vest.
This couldn't be happening.
No.
No.
No.
It was a haze of action. The three men looked over at me but lights suddenly began to surround me, coming closer, casting everything in increasing pulsing lights.
I heard a distant sound, not only of approaching boats, but of someone crying.
I looked down and saw the trails left behind by tears on my bloodied hands.
I realized that it was I who was crying.
No, not crying.
Sobbing.
He couldn't be dead.
No.
God wouldn't be so cruel to me again. He wouldn't do this to me for a third time.
I'd watched my mother die before my eyes.
I'd watched Chris’ soul fade from his.
He couldn't make me witness the death of the only other man I'd ever loved.
I was coherent enough to continue pressing down on Armand’s wound. I could do nothing more- I had no sterile cloths. The first aid kit on this raft had nothing useful.
I was keeping him alive and that was more than I could say for what I did for the man I loved.
The lights came closer to me and I could hear more talking. It was too much effort to speak.
Too much effort to even register what their words meant.
“Dr. Zavala, are you hurt? It's going to be ok.”
Sounded familiar, I think.
Brighter lights came closer. I had to close my eyes. My fingers were now numb and permanently bent with the pressure I'd been applying.
“Ma’am. We received a distress call. Did he call it in?”
I looked around waiting for someone to answer him.
“Ma’am. Can you tell me your name? Do you know what year it is?”
Would someone answer him!
I saw remotely as someone pulled Armand from me.
“Jesus. She has a grip on him. It's okay, ma’am. Let him go. We’ll get him help.”
But who would help Carlos?
The shock of someone touching my hands made me pull them back as if burned.
And they felt as if they were on fire.
I couldn't even straighten my fingers out.
“What's your name, ma’am?”
“It's Dr. Caridad Zavala.”
Someone yelled that but I just wasn't processing things quickly.
“She's not responding, Berk. Just get her off the raft. The yacht’s staff will give us information. Their security team is here and foaming at the mouth to get to her.”
“I'm going to help you up, ma’am. Understand?”
Who was this goddamn woman who wouldn't answer him?
Where was Carlos?
“Carlos?”
I heard someone ask but they looked at me as if I’d said it.
I just noticed how dry my mouth was.
“Who is that ma’am? Is there a third person we need to look for?”
That question snapped me out of whatever haze I was in.
My eyes focused on the man before me in a Coast Guard uniform.
“My boyfriend. Help him. He was shot by criminals and fell overboard.”
He looked confused.
“Where ma’am? Where's the boat we got a distress call from?”
“What?”
It was my turn to look confused. But I was pissed because we were wasting time. I pointed hostilely.
“Over there.”
He looked and looked back at me.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“There's no boat, Ma’am.”
I stood on wobbly legs and looked where I expected to find Sal.
Nothing.
Nothing was there.
“Hey. Hey. Hold on. Hang on to me.”
Blackness filled my vision.
My last thought was that this void of black closing in on me was the last thing my mother, Chris, and Carlos would've seen before leaving this earth.
Before leaving me.
31
Izzy
Cari was the rock that rocks went to for support. Nothing, and I mean nothing, shook her.
But Carlos’ disappearance had.
And yes, I was choosing to call it a disappearance because the other possibility wasn’t something any of us could accept.
Roman received a phone call a few nights ago. In a matter of thirty minutes, the whole Zambrano family was on alert and at Alejandro’s. Al and Rey had come over, also. They’d said they had no leads so far.
Roman had strode to them in all of his commanding fury.
“You're not bullshitting us, right? If you thought he was dead, you'd tell us?”
“Yea, man. You guys are family. Of course we would,” Rey had replied.
I walked up to Roman and grabbed his hand in support. He looked down at me and kissed my head.
Rey looked at me.
“Is Dr. Zavala awake?”
I shook my head. “Even if she was, I doubt she’d have anything helpful to add. Until the shock wears off a bit, whatever information she managed to give you a few days ago, is all that you're going to get at this point.”
“Shock still?”
“She was given a mild sedative.”
I wasn't going to add that this was triggering past memories and creating new horrific ones. No one needed to know Cari’s personal stuff to that detail.
Honestly, I’d told the psychiatrist on duty at the hospital where they’d taken her after her rescue. She had been a year ahead of us in med school. She needed to know because I knew this was triggering Cari.
Cari needed to rest or she was going to experience a massive breakdown.
As it was, she was only drinking water. She wasn't eating or talking. She would just stare out of a window. Maria Elena insisted that she stay with them, and since Cari was here, I was here.
And since I was here, Roman was here.
This is how it had been for three days now.
I’d come into her room earlier today and caught her at the window seat.
“I never said the words he deserved to hear.”
She hadn't turned around. I knew what she was talking about, though.
“You'll get a chance to tell him. And believe me, that man knew you loved him.”
“Knew?”
She laughed humorlessly.
“Knows,” I corrected myself.
“I didn't deserve him. Or my mother. Or Chris. You need to leave me too, before you die.”
“What?”
Her tone, and her words, were alarming.
My feet quickened over to her and I sat next to her on the window seat. Her knees were up to her chest and she had a blanket around her. It wasn't that the house was cold.
I saw her shivering.
She was cold on the inside.
“Everyone I love. Everyone I let near me, dies. Run, before you're next.”
I reached out for her hand.
“That is not true, Cari.”
She absently nodded her head.
“Don't lose hope. They haven't found any bodies.”
“And the boat?”
“They haven't found that either.”
Her exhale was shaky.
“Look. Armand is alive. Because of you. Alejandro is thriving and doing well, because of you. How many patients have you saved?”
“And in the end, Iza,” she looked at me briefly. Her eyes were eyes were so mournful, I physically felt her pain. My own eyes teared up seeing my best friend in such a state.
“I couldn't save those who I most loved.”
I couldn't say anything to that. She wouldn't be receptive to it anyway.
I stayed with her a few more minutes. She declined food. I told her that I'd leave her to rest and she nodded.
As I closed the door, I prayed that we’d hear something soon.
And I hoped it was good news.
32
Cari
“What is it?”
I rose when Maria Elena spoke. We, and the rest of Carlos’ family, walked towards Alejandro’s desk. He looked like he’d aged ten years. The man had dark circles under his tired eyes. The grim set of his mouth made my heart skip beats.
“Alejandro?” My voice was hollow.
I felt hands grip my cold ones and I looked to my left. Iza’s eyes were troubled and she held my hands tightly as she looked at me and Roman. His arm gripped her snuggly around her shoulders.
I’d decided to leave the shelter of my room yesterday and push forward. I would believe he was still alive unless told, or shown, otherwise.
Yea, I realized it had been a week and that chances were slim.
I also realized that I was in a state of shock and denial.
BUT, at least I wasn't in denial about being in denial.
My attention returned to Alejandro when I heard him sigh. He rubbed his eyebrows with his fingers, and Maria Elena walked around his desk and grabbed his forearms.
“Carlos?”
Her voice was halting. A thousand fears must have entered her mind as they had mine.
“Bodies washed ashore near the intercoastal on the beach. They are going to transport them to the morgue. They need one of us to go and identify one of them.”
“Identify? But…wouldn’t Rey know…” Marco asked.
Alejandro cleared his throat and placed his hand over his wife’s.
“A shark. It appears that the body…isn’t…” he paused a moment and swallowed. “Intact. They need one of us to identify tattoos or other…body markings.”
Maria Elena cried out, bringing her hands to her mouth. I heard someone crying hysterically and I looked around. All I saw were sad and mournful eyes looking at me. My body was shaking and I wondered who was doing that.
Who was shaking me? I didn’t feel hands, though.
I was numb.
And then it occurred to me as I fell to my knees that I had been the one hysterical and that my body was shaking uncontrollably.
“The bodies should be in the morgue in two hours.”
Two hours? I can’t wait that long!
Eyes focused on me again and I realized I had spoken those words aloud.
“…have no choice…”
Alejandro’s words did nothing to tame the fire seizing my chest. I could not stay here for two hours while they transported the body of the man I…
Loved.
I shook my head, whether in denial of my words or in denial of Alejandro’s words, I didn’t know.
I wouldn’t later be able to recall the next half hour of my life. All I knew is that I stood, reached for my purse, and ran to my car. Voices yelled at me but they jumbled in my head. When I was next coherent, I found myself having difficulty running. I looked down and realized my feet were sinking into sand as I made my way to where Alejandro had said the police were.
I looked down at my watch. From what I remember, it hadn’t been more than thirty minutes. I don’t know how I got here so fast, and that would’ve scared me if I had been in my right mind.
“Cari!!”
I vaguely heard voices screaming behind me and when I turned to look, nearly all of his family was behind me. Iza and Roman were the first to get out of their car and were running towards me.
Turning around, I ran faster growling at the annoying sand for slowing my steps. Finally, I was in front of Rey.
“Carlos…”
I was panting. I hadn’t run like that in years.
His assessing eyes looked behind me and saw the family nearing. I kept panting and stumbling for words to put together for a question.
Iza and Roman caught up. They weren’t panting nearly as much as I was. My eyes moved to the detective again.
Another detective walked over.
“I thought Rey said to go to the morgue. We haven’t loaded the…bodies…for transportation yet.”
“Al, bro, come on. Is it Carlos, man? We can’t wait to know. This is our brother.”
Al looked at Roman. “I don’t know, Rome. I can’t tell.”
Roman growled. “Why?”
Al sighed and he looked at Rey and then to the rest of the family.
“This doesn’t leave here. If I even had a whiff that any of you incited another family or group to stir shit, I wouldn’t be talking to you, friends or not.” He exhaled. “The bodies are not intact. Whether it was a shark or a human, we don’t know yet. If I could’ve spared you, I would have. You’re family, man.”
Numb.
I barely felt my hands or legs. My tongue felt heavy but I forced it to move.
This was all triggering me in someway. At least I could recognize that.
My psych rotation was definitely helpful now.
Shock.
I must be in shock.
“Where is the body!”
It came out harsher than I’d intended, and I found I didn’t care. Al and Rey looked at one another, and nodded.
All of us followed them as they took us to one of three body bags.
“If all of them aren’t intact, why this one?”
My brain seemed to be recharging itself. I was quite proud of my semi-smart question.
Rey answered.
“Tattoo.”
The breath whooshed out of me.
“He has many. How would you know-”
Al looked at Alejandro to answer him. “Family tat.”
If Maria Elena were here with us, she would’ve bellowed.
I think I was taking her place as an inhuman scream left me.
“I want to see! Open!”
I was beyond reason. Beyond.
My brains were once again leaving the land of reason and entering the land of instinct and survival.
“Please,” Alejandro said.
Rey nodded and unzipped the bag. The grotesque body was in there, maimed beyond recognition.
He pointed. “Here.”
The sample of skin that was shown had the notorious Zambrano family tattoo. I looked at Iza and we both smiled, and then we began laughing like lunatics from the release of pent-up nerves. The men around us looked at one another with wide eyes.
“Izzy, baby. What’s going on? You’re scaring me.”
She grabbed his forearm as her nervous laughter subsided. “Where did Carlos have the family tattoo?”
I barely noticed the growling of my stomach. If I’d said that I’d had a bottle of water in the last several days, that would have been an overstatement.
Never mind food.
It can growl all it wants. I had no desire to eat or drink.
My attention roamed elsewhere as I heard her speak. I didn’t need to pay further attention since I had my answer already.
Well, one of them.
“The neck, where all of us have it.”
Iza nodded. “Right. That skin,” she answered, pointing, “is not from a neck. More like an arm or leg. See,” she went on to explain and point to differences as my eyes continued to float in the distance, lost in hopes and thoughts. I heard someone say that the tattoo was missing the crown.
I vaguely registered the happy laughter from the family as they complimented mine and Iza’s shrewdness.
Instead, my heart led m
y head to the memory of our last night. Bryan Adams’ song playing as we danced. Our love, hopes, and dreams communicating themselves through our eyes to one another without even uttering a single word.
And I hadn't even told him that I loved him.
Tears came to my eyes as I wondered if I would ever have that chance again.
I came back to reality, listening to the others talk.
“The other two have been ID’d, and are not Carlos.”
“Can any of you ID this if it’s not Carlos? Anyone missing?”
I didn’t hear anything said after. Something in the distance caught my eye. It was a man moving slowly, limping, with his left arm up against his chest.
“Oh my God.”
My whispered words must have been loud because everyone looked where my gaze was centered.
I heard them murmur but it faded in the background of my heavy breathing.
I immediately began running towards the stranger. My shoes were pissing me off so I tossed them off and ran faster.
When His face finally came into focus, my feet move faster still, increasing the burn in my legs and thighs, a punishment from them for the years of non-use.
I was two steps away from him when I stopped abruptly, preventing my body’s momentum from slamming into his tortured body. An inhuman sound was released from the pit of my soul. My knees collapsed and slammed into the beige, soft sand. Another inhuman sound uttered from my throat as my hand rose to cover my mouth.
Carlos grunted as he, too, fell to his knees.
My panting was loud to my ears but I still heard his murmurs as we stared at one another in shock.
Both of us were in shock for different reasons.
“Thank God you’re safe, Caridad. Thank God. I was so worried…”
He looked up and did the sign of the cross.
I barely registered what he said because of my own horror.
“Oh my God. What did they do to you?”
The waves beyond were louder than my whisper but he still heard me. It wasn't until my vision grew blurry that I realized I was crying.
Sobbing.
With his good arm, he brought me close to his chest- a chest that was more red than tanned-skin. A chest marred with infected cuts and…?
Cigarette burns?
A sob tore from me.
I wasn't a doctor at that moment.
Carlos: A Zambrano Family Novel Page 16