by Emma Hamm
“Shirking his duties?” she asked.
“Yes,” her sister snapped.
“Wasn’t that what I was doing then?”
Camilla’s mouth gaped open for a second, her eyes widening in shock before she shook her head. “No. You were seeking the ancients. Providing your people with an answer to all the questions they’ve had for centuries.”
“But him being here while the armies march, that’s not the same thing?”
“Well…” she floundered. “I don’t know.”
Sigrid had made her point. She didn’t have to explain it word by word to her sister. Yet again, Nadir was the same as Sigrid in a way that only fate could have provided them.
The guilt of leaving her people while she searched for an answer to her own soul… it still lingered. She didn’t know how else to leave them in a way they would have continued to piece together their lives in a way she approved of. And Sigrid knew she was right. There was a reckoning coming for the Beastkin. They had to learn how to be human, how to share the world in a way that the humans would understand, or they would never stop the war. Everything would continue to fall apart over and over again.
She turned back to Nadir, looked up into his yellow eyes, and felt her stomach turn. “Why are you here, Nadir?”
He licked his lips, staring back at her with eyes that gradually saddened until she couldn’t see anything but their murky depths. “My mother summoned me.”
“I thought your mother was dead.”
“So did I.” He held out his arm for her to take. “Unfortunately, you won’t be able to meet her.”
“She’s difficult to meet?”
“She’s dead.”
The words froze Sigrid’s blood in her veins. The dragon inside of her groaned at the knowledge that yet another of theirs was dead. For a moment, she had been hopeful that there was a chance for the dragons. There was another who could teach her all the things she’d hoped to learn.
Now, it really was just the two of them.
She blew out a breath. “I’m so sorry for your loss, husband. I hope she led a good life.”
“It was a life.” His eyes turned toward the walls of the city behind them. “In truth, I really didn’t have that much time with her. I don’t know anything about the woman who birthed me.”
She knew the emotion behind those words. The sense of loss that now he would never understand himself. She’d felt the same in the moment she realized the ancients were a dying breed, and they didn’t have the hidden meaning to her life locked away in their hidden halls.
Sigrid reached for his hand and linked their fingers. “The history of our lives doesn’t shape who we become. That’s a choice you and I both have to make.”
“History cannot be forgotten.”
“But it can be remade.” She looked up at him and hoped he would understand her words. “I need you to believe that, Nadir. There’s far too much riding on our decisions in this moment. We cannot give up.”
A rustling sound behind them made Sigrid glance over her shoulder. She’d almost forgotten the strange creature she’d brought with her.
Eivor revealed herself, large eyes wider than she’d ever seen them. The medicine woman crouched in the sand and carefully picked her way toward them. She looked like a crab scuttling to the nearest place where she would be safe.
“Matriarch?” she asked quietly. “What is this place?”
“Bymere.”
“No, the ground resonates with old war. There’s blood hidden deep in the sand, like a river beneath us.”
Sigrid looked at Nadir whose brow had furrowed.
“Who’s this?” he asked.
“Her name is Eivor. She is…” Sigrid floundered. How did she describe this creature? She couldn’t say this was what they would all likely become. She didn’t know if that was the truth. But it certainly seemed this was an option for the Beastkin people if they didn’t follow the path she was certain was the only one for them.
“Different,” he replied.
“That’s the way to say it, yes.”
He detached himself from her hold and made his way to Eivor who was still low to the ground. Her eyes watched him, the fur on her face stirred by the wind and the scales flattened against her skull in fear.
Nadir bent next to her, then held out his hand. “My name is Nadir. It’s good to meet you, Eivor.”
“I don’t know if you should say that.”
“Why not?”
“I’m a soul stealer. Medicine woman of old, but also one that should never be touched by another person without fear they won’t be… the same.”
A chuckle bubbled out of his chest. “I lost my soul a long time ago, friend.”
“To whom?” Eivor’s brows furrowed. She sat up straighter, as if his declaration had wiped away all her fear. “I might be able to get it back. Soul stealers can bargain sometimes. If I was the keeper of your soul, I’d make sure it was safe.”
Nadir pointed over his shoulder at Sigrid, and she felt her heart flutter.
He looked back at her with heat in his yellow eyes. There was a declaration there, something she couldn’t quite imagine but was certain he wanted her to hear. Was he saying that she was the keeper of his soul? That she was somehow more important to him than anything else?
He confirmed her thoughts with a few soft words. “She stole it the moment I first saw her.”
Eivor’s eyes flicked between them. “Sigrid? But she’s not a medicine woman.”
The creature didn’t understand it, but that was fine. She didn’t want Eivor to understand what this man was saying to her.
Her face heated, cheeks no longer hidden by a mask that would have at least saved her the embarrassment. He saw every bit of her emotions flickering over her face. Nadir’s eyes heated even more, and she was certain it was a dragon staring back at her.
He straightened, stalking toward her with a determination that made her stomach flip. Sigrid clenched her fists.
Don’t touch him, she told herself. He isn’t yours to touch, not anymore. They didn’t even know each other anymore.
Apparently, Nadir was not thinking the same thing. He notched his hand at her waist and pulled her closer to him. Again, he tucked her against his body and placed his cheek at her hair. “Come home with me,” he whispered.
“Where do you want me to go?”
“The palace.”
Gods, she couldn’t go back there. The people were already afraid of her. She’d nearly destroyed their city.
Memories played behind her eyelids as she hid her face against his neck once again. The way the towers and parapets had crumbled the moment her wings had touched them. The glass domes atop the city had melted beneath her breath. But it was the screams of the people that still haunted her dreams. Their fear would never leave her side.
She wasn’t a monster. She’d never thought herself to be one, knowing she wanted to protect people far more than she wanted to hurt them.
And yet, the Red Palace had still fallen. All because of her.
Nadir tightened his arms around her. “You cannot be afraid of the past. Isn’t that what you just said?”
“I’m not.” It was a lie. She was more afraid of what they’d think of her now than anything else in her life.
Before, she wouldn’t have cared at all. They were the enemy. A group of people who she could discard in her thoughts as people who were careless and wanted to see her own people die. Now, she’s lived there. She’d seen the good in the Bymerians and it still hurt her heart to think that she’d become exactly what they’d always feared she would become.
Nadir pulled back and forced her to look at him again. “Fly home with me.”
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? The last time I flew over your country—”
He pressed a finger to her lips, forcing her to stop speaking. “I think you’ll find many things have changed within the Red Palace. They’re used to me now. They’ve seen me as a dragon m
ore times than I can count, and they haven’t been afraid of what I could do. There’s no reason for you to be so afraid, Sigrid.”
Why were his eyes slitted? That was the man speaking to her, but the dragon that existed within his soul.
She narrowed her gaze on him. “What has changed? You don’t seem like yourself.”
Nadir shook his head. “I’ll tell you everything that happened soon. First, we have to get back to the palace. We can speak with the remaining advisors, tell them to send messengers to return the army.”
“You still think that’ll work? After everything that has happened, you think the advisors care at all about our people? Mine or yours?”
He bent down and pressed his forehead against hers. “I still have faith that the people of both our countries have a shred of decency within them. We have to believe in them. Otherwise, why are fighting so hard to keep them safe?”
Gods, why was he always right? He’d changed so much in a year. He wasn’t the boy who didn’t care about anything. He was a man who wanted to fight, to learn, to discover, and she’d missed every moment of the transformation, because she’d been with her own people. Forgetting what it was like to be with someone whose intellect matched her own.
Sigrid blew out a breath. “Then let’s go to the palace.”
He released her, striding out into the sand and changing into the giant red dragon she remembered so well in her dreams.
Something inside her winced the moment she saw the claws tipping his back feet. Even the twin claws at the joint of his wings had sliced through her scales so easily. She’d almost forgotten how much they hurt.
He was so powerful in this form, and the dragon inside her was still slightly afraid that he wanted to hurt them.
Camilla stepped to her side, pressed a hand on her shoulder, and shoved her forward. “Go on then.”
“What? You’re coming with me.
“Not with this one.” Camilla pointed at Eivor who had crumpled back to the ground at the sight of the huge male dragon. “She needs to be taught how to act around people. You can’t show up with her at your side when the palace already is afraid of you. I’ll take care of it.”
“We’re in the middle of a desert.”
“Right next to a city of people who want to help the future of this world.” Camilla grinned. “You know I’ve always been good at making friends. I’ll find my way to the palace soon enough. Just give us some time.”
“You know, I rarely say how lucky I am to have you as my sister, but I am.”
Sigrid didn’t know how else to say it. Sometimes, she was afraid she used the woman at her side too much. That someday Camilla would wake up and realize she was done with all this. That, above all else, was her greatest fear.
“I know you’re lucky,” Camilla replied, snorting and shoving at Sigrid’s shoulder again. “Go on. Go with your man and head back to the city. We’ll follow along behind. Besides, I’m sure he’s leaving some important people behind just so that he can fly around with his favorite person.”
“I’m not his favorite person.”
“You’re fooling yourself if you think that. Go on with you. I’ll do the cleanup.”
Sigrid stepped away from her sister, gesturing her gratitude before making her way out into the sands. If there was a hero of this story, of saving Bymere and Wildewyn, she wasn’t so certain that hero was her. In fact, she was almost certain the real hero of this story was Camilla.
Nadir lowered his head and chuffed at her. The blast of air pushed her back a little bit, but she grinned. This was what she had been waiting for. The returning feeling of elation when it was just her and the only other person in the entire empire who knew what she felt like. Who could understand the rush of power that came from existing within their scales.
She let her body melt away, becoming something more. Something so strong it frightened her sometimes.
Scales unfurled down her arms, and she grew ten times larger than her human form. The sun reflected off her scales like a precious gem. Horns grew from her skull and leather skin spread from her arms to create wings.
A deep grumble echoed in her mind. It wasn’t anything that Nadir had said out loud, but now, they had more of a connection than ever before.
His voice deepened, gruff with emotion she’d never heard while he was human. “You’re beautiful,” he said.
There was a layer of two voices in the words. One she recognized, and the other which was decidedly new.
The second voice was terrifying and wondrous all at the same time. She couldn’t focus when it was speaking with her in rumbling tones that made something inside her shiver. Not in pleasure or any human emotion, but with a desire for freedom and the wind under her wings.
She inclined her head, flexed her wings, and launched into the air. She didn’t want to think of all these emotions running through her when she didn’t know how to process them.
It shouldn’t feel like this. She hadn’t seen him in such a long time. There should have been some kind of awkwardness in their meeting.
Instead, she felt very much as though they were old friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while. The time between them was nothing more than a small blip. They continued on as if nothing had happened.
But it had.
So much had happened between them that her head was spinning. She’d destroyed his city. He’d marched on her country and renounced everything he was. Everything he loved. How could she ignore that? How could she move past that knowledge?
Clouds parted as she soared through them. Beating her wings, she rose above them until all that was beneath her was a sea of rolling white.
What would it be like if they just continued to fly? Was there more out there in the great ocean surrounding their empire? Were there more countries that might be more accepting of them and their differences? Sadly, she had a feeling they’d only find a vast nothingness. The world was empty other than the judgement and hatred of their own people.
A caress of soft leather touched the tip of her wing. She glanced over to see Nadir flying beside her, his wing barely touching hers, but there nonetheless.
They glided through the air together, silence filling their minds. No, there was more than that, she realized. There was the utter sense of relief pouring off both of them like fine wine at a noble’s dinner table.
He was so happy she was there. It radiated off him in waves through their connection and she… Gods, she was so pleased to finally be able to be herself and not worry that someone was afraid of her.
The horns on his head reflected the sunlight. The deep burgundy was far more reflective than she remembered, and his scales were far harder. It would make sense that his dragon had aged with him. Perhaps what they’d seen of each other back then was still the teenage version of themselves.
She wondered how much she had changed.
A deep chuckle echoed in her mind. “You are more beautiful,” he said. “Your tail is longer, and the spines along your back are like glass.”
“You’re harder,” she replied. “Where you were once weak, you’ve grown stronger. Your horns are far more impressive, decidedly more deadly, and you look more like a battering ram than the dragon I remember.”
Again, he chuckled. “Good. That will serve us well in the coming battles.”
“I don’t want to fight, Nadir.”
“I don’t think we have a choice in that, wife. Our people have already made that decision without us. Now, we can only hope to protect them from themselves.”
Maybe that was their reason for living after all. She turned her face toward the Red Palace that appeared on the horizon. Sigrid had spent so much time trying to find the reason for her being here, and maybe it had been hidden right in plain sight.
She curved her wings in, diving lower and lower toward the city with him at her side. He glanced at her once, a smile on his dragon face, then dove straight for the city.
Sigrid waited for the screams. They couldn�
��t react well to a dragon flying straight at them. That would only make them remember all the things she’d done.
But no screams echoed at his approach. Instead, all she heard was a few murmurs of people who pointed up at Nadir, then continued on their day.
She did a lap around the city, flying high enough that anyone who saw her would merely think it was a stirring of the clouds above them. She would blend into the sky like this. Perhaps her fear was nothing to concern herself with. Maybe, he was right. Maybe they had really changed and were more accepting of the Beastkin.
Somehow, she doubted it.
Sigrid was careful to fly as close to the gardens of the palace as possible. Here, she would be hidden from most people’s prying eyes. She dropped out of the air mid-change, landing lightly in a crouch behind a rather large bush of roses she didn’t remember growing there.
They provided the perfect cover for her to catch her breath. The furs on her shoulders made her stand out even more than just changing from a dragon into a woman. They would see her as something even more otherworldly.
She waited until she heard the tell-tale crunch of feet on gravel before she slowly straightened. She knew that gait anywhere, although it made her uncomfortable to admit she still remembered the way he walked. It had been a year. Shouldn’t she have forgotten that dancing pace?
“Sigrid?” he called out.
She blew out a breath. She could do this. They weren’t going to be afraid of her. There wasn’t a chance he would let them attack her anyways. What was going to happen if they were afraid? They’d flinch away? She’d deal with that her entire life. She could do it again.
Walking toward him was one of the hardest things she’d ever done. Guilt rode her shoulders and pressed down on her lungs. She could do this, no matter how afraid of it she was.
Nadir held his hand out for her to take. “There aren’t many people here, wife. They won’t see you unless we want them to.”
“Do we?”
“That’s up to you.” The softness in his gaze encouraged her to set her shoulders and jaw. “I can take you through the hidden routes, if that makes you feel better.”