by Dori Lavelle
how Dax will react when he finds out I’m pregnant.
There’s no longer a doubt in my mind that I’m carrying his child. I don’t know how to explain how I feel, but the changes in my body are unmistakable. If he knew, he’d probably kill us both to punish me for something we’re both responsible for.
Aside from the nurse, no one else comes to my cabin, not even Faith. It terrifies me that I haven’t seen Faith since I got back. I’ve seen Karl once or twice, but he seems to have been retired from his earlier duties as my personal butler.
After Otto’s betrayal, Dax clearly doesn’t trust his staff anymore.
Dax, who’s sitting next to me on the bed, touches my cheek lightly. “Come on, baby, you’ve got to eat.”
His expression is gentle and warm, but he doesn’t fool me. I know the monster behind his eyes all too well now.
He places the steaming bowl of chicken soup on the nightstand and helps me sit up, which is a struggle because I’m unable to stay upright.
The nurse helps him put large pillows on both sides of me to keep me in one position.
He thanks her in German and picks up the bowl again. “Come on, baby,” he says to me. “Eat a little more.”
His words fall on deaf ears. I haven’t said a word to him since I got back. I never want to speak to him again. I want to hurt him, to claw out his eyes. But I’ve learned the hard way that I don’t stand a chance against him. He’s too powerful, too dark.
The chicken aroma drifts into my nostrils. My stomach clenches, rejecting it even before tasting it. But I eat some of the soup, reminding myself that I have to do it for the baby, if not for me.
In spite of my stomach rebelling, the soup tastes good, warm and savory. I find myself licking my lips when he pulls the spoon away.
“That’s my girl,” he whispers and gives me more. “I’m happy to see you’re recovering.”
Recovering? The word slams hard against my heart. He clearly has no idea how
much damage he has done. I want to tell him I wish he’d burn to a crisp in the flames of hell, but I don’t.
I part my lips so he can feed me more.
He continues to praise me after each mouthful I manage to swallow down. I
continue to stifle my rage.
Darkness will not win. Sooner or later, someone will make him pay, even if it’s not me.
My heart lightens a little when I remember that Christa and Curtis already suspect I’ve been kidnapped. But why is it taking so long for the cops to get to me? What measures has Dax put in place to make sure no one finds me?
The nurse nears the bed and says something to Dax in a soft voice.
He nods, then looks from me to the nurse several times. When he speaks again, his voice is sharp. The nurse takes a step back as he barks at her.
I wish I knew what they’re discussing, but not one word makes sense to me.
After the heated discussion almost escalates, the nurse gives a small nod and goes to sit at the table where her laptop and medical supplies are situated. She flips open her laptop and starts to type. My fingers prickle with the urge to get my hands on the computer.
Dax continues to feed me, as if everything is just fine.
“You know I love you, right?” He asks.
From a corner of my eye, I notice the nurse pick up her laptop and leave the cabin. As soon as the door closes, Dax puts down the bowl and places a hand on my cheek. It’s warm from holding the bowl of soup.
“What you did was dangerous, running away like that.”
My escape had endangered him as well. If I gain my freedom, he will lose his.
“I don’t love you, Dax.” After being unable to speak above a whisper for a while, my words take both of us by surprise.
He picks up my hand and holds it to his chest, at the place where his heart is buried. The thud of his heartbeat against my hand makes my stomach turn. A heart as dark as his does not deserve a heartbeat. It should shrivel and die beneath his chest.
“Because you’ve gone through a lot, I’ll ignore what you just said. You’re not in your right mind.” He touches my bald head. “And I’m going to believe that my guard, Otto, was the one who lured you off the yacht.” He sucks in a breath. “Were you even aware that he was planning a rape and dump? If you think he was about to help you, you were wrong. I was informed that he planned to fuck you before throwing you overboard to be feasted on by sharks.”
I bite into my lip and curl my hands into fists. I can’t decide which is worse, being raped by Otto and dying at sea, or being rescued by Dax to suffer another day before he eventually kills me.
No. In my opinion, this is much, much worse.
He picks up the bowl again and resumes feeding me. This time some of the soup
dribbles down my chin. Since I don’t bother to wipe it away, he does it for me, his finger swiping across my skin. Then he pushes it between his lips to lick the soup away. “I miss you,” he says. “Hurry up and get better soon so I can make love to you again.”
“Dax, please stop this. Let me go. I don’t want to be here. You know I don’t want to be here.” I swallow a sob. I hate that tears are pooling into my eyes. It disgusts me that I have to beg him for my freedom.
“You’re my wife. You’re not going anywhere.” His voice is eerily calm. “This is where you belong, with me.”
“You’re hurting me. By keeping me on this yacht, you’re hurting me every single day. You don’t want me like this, do you? You don’t want a broken, unhappy wife.”
Fighting him doesn’t work. I have to try another way.
His response doesn’t come for a long time, which means he’s either pissed off and getting ready to strike me, or I’ve finally hit a chord.
His voice is raw when he finally speaks. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” He clears his throat. “I didn’t mean for it to get this far.”
“It’s not too late,” I say quickly, latching onto the strings of his guilt. “You can undo it all by letting me go.”
“No. I cannot do that. If I let you go, they will keep us from each other. I can’t live my life without you, Emma. I’d die without you.” His expression suddenly crumbles. I’ve never seen him this vulnerable before.
“No, you won’t. You’ll find someone else, someone who feels the same way.” I hope he never does. I never want any woman to experience what I have gone through.
“I don’t want anyone else. We were destined to be together. My entire journey on this earth was meant to lead me to you. You’re the one, my one and only.”
“The women you killed?” The words come out in a rush, before I can stop them. I never meant to say them out loud. Now I steel myself for the backlash. It doesn’t come.
“All the women I’ve been with.” He rakes a hand through his hair. “They were just stepping stones on my way to you. You’re the one I want. Don’t you see that?” He grips my hand with his, his eyes boring into mine. “We’re soulmates.”
“How can you hurt someone you love?”
“I never meant to hurt you. You have to believe that. But you made me do it.”
“No.” I shake my head. “The reason you’re doing this, hurting and killing people is because someone hurt you . . . maybe in your childhood?”
Maybe if I reach out at the scared little boy inside of him, he might soften and let me go. I have to be cautious, so he doesn’t guess that I know more than I’m letting on.
“If someone had hurt you, it’s not your fault that you’re doing these terrible things.” I pause. “You said your father hurt your mother. Did he hurt—did he hurt you too?”
A grunt escapes him, and he shoots up from the bed to pace the room, mumbling and cursing under his breath. I watch him in silence as he battles his demons.
Finally he goes to the wall of glass and just stands there rigid. “Don’t ever talk about that man. I don’t want to hurt you again, but if you push me—” He grabs at his hair. He no longer looks like a man in
control. He’s coming apart. “If you push me, I won’t be able to help myself.”
“You can’t hurt me more than you already have.”
He spins around and pins me with his gaze. The boy has gone, and the monster has taken his place. “I can do worse, believe me. I could bring Ruby to your cabin for a little visit.” A sneer spreads across his face. “I’m sure you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
I don’t say anything. I know he doesn’t make idle threats.
Knowing my fear of snakes, I’m surprised he hasn’t brought Ruby out the entire time we’ve been on the yacht.
“Go ahead, Dax. I’m no longer scared of you,” I lie, my heart thudding. “Do what you want with me. I don’t care.”
He rushes to the bed and stands there, his hands clenched so tight the veins pop from underneath his skin. “Don’t say that again. Ever.” His eyes are on fire, his lips a thin, pale line across his face.
Our deadly conversation is broken by the door opening and the nurse walking back in. My lungs almost collapse with relief. God only knows what he would have done to me if she hadn’t walked in.
He says something to her, a sense of urgency in his tone, then picks up the bowl and storms from the room. I’m sure he’s going to find a way to regain his composure.
With him gone, I lean on my newfound strength and decide to do something that could get me killed.
Chapter Twenty-One
I’m lying on my side, turned away from Dax, my hands tucked underneath my head, my tears making the pillow wet.
Thank God he hasn’t tried to sleep with me since he brought me back to this hell.
He puts his arms around me and kisses the nape of my neck. My insides clench up, but I don’t move away. I haven’t moved much or showed any kind of emotion for hours as I continue to gaze into space at nothing in particular.
I’m still tortured by memories of what had happened outside the yacht.
Lying here next to him, I wish he had left me there, that the sharks had gotten to me first.
He pretends to care for me, but I know what he is—a snake. He’s unpredictable and dangerous, ready to strike at any moment. The only reason he’s helping me regain my strength is so he can enjoy the thrill of breaking me apart again, piece by piece.
“Are you sure you don’t want any more food?”
I close my eyes, shutting him out. I’m not hungry. If I had it my way, I wouldn’t eat a bite. But I force myself to eat, just enough to keep the baby alive.
“How about a bath? It’ll refresh you.” He plants a kiss on my neck again. A wave of disgust sweeps through me.
“Sweetheart, I wish you would talk to me.” He tightens his arm around me. “I’m not going anywhere. Neither are you.”
He’s right. I’m not going anywhere, at least not yet. I don’t know how long it will be until I find another solution, another loophole I can manipulate. Right now I have to do something or the images inside my mind will make me go crazy.
I try to calm myself down, to pull myself together so I can think rationally. If I want to survive, I need to plan and I need strength. I need to steel my mind for whatever will come next.
I hate to admit it, but the only way I can continue to survive is to keep doing whatever he wants. I have to play his game, to pretend I’m present even though I’m far away, to make him believe I love him even though I’d rather drive a dagger through his heart. Lucky for me, his head is so screwed up he can’t see the truth in front of him. I’ll have to use his blind spot to my advantage. I need to protect the baby.
I fight the urge to lay a hand over my stomach. Even though this child was never planned, even though Dax didn’t want it, I’m overwhelmed by the motherly instinct to protect it. I can’t hide the fact that the baby is also a part of me. I pray God will help me get off this yacht before Dax discovers I’m carrying his child. It’s only a matter of time before I start to show.
I have decided to give birth to the child, even if I’m still not sure whether I want to raise it. In this moment, I don’t see myself being a mother, not after everything I have endured. My priority is to keep Dax from using me as a punching bag, harming the baby in the process.
For the first time today, I turn to look at him. His face is gentle, like that of the man I had once fallen in love with, the man I trusted with my heart before I discovered the darkness that lurked behind his eyes.
I force my first smile in days. “A bath would be nice.”
The sparkle in his eyes tells me my answer pleases him.
“I’ll help you.” He pushes himself to his feet and starts undressing me. Part of me is nervous that he might see a change in my body. If he does, it doesn’t show on his face. I feel the need to move my hands to my stomach, to cover it up, to protect it, but I force myself to stay still.
“I thought you’d never come back to me,” he says as he lowers me into the bathtub.
“I’m here,” I lie, a fake smile curling my lips.
“That makes me a very happy man.” I take the sponge to wash myself, but he takes it from me and does the job while I wish for him to finish soon.
When he’s done, he dries me off and wraps me inside one of his bathrobes. It’s the first time since I got on this yacht that I’m covered up completely. I sit on the edge of the bed with my hands in my lap waiting for what would come next, praying he wouldn’t want sex.
“I’ll get you some food,” he says and disappears from the cabin. He returns quickly, carrying a tray of food. As if I were a baby, he insists on feeding me the lasagna and salad, then he gives me a small bottle of cool water.
“Finish it,” he orders as I raise it to my lips. “You haven’t been drinking enough. The nurse said it’s important for you to stay hydrated.”
Even if it takes me a while to finish the water, he makes sure I drain the bottle of every drop.
He reaches for the empty bottle, a bright smile on his face. “It’s done.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, leaning against the pillows.
“Not to worry. You’ll find out soon enough.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “Let’s just say, you’ll remember this day for many years to come, maybe forever.”
The way he says the words makes me feel uncomfortable and I have no idea why.
Chapter Twenty-Two
My eyes snap open in the middle of the night. The lights are off and Dax is snoring softly next to me.
What woke me up?
My answer is the sudden pain that explodes in my belly. It feels as though a pair of strong hands are wringing my intestines. The pain is so intense it sends bile shooting to my throat. I taste the sour and bitter taste on my tongue.
In search for relief, I fold my body, my knees pressed against my chest, my hands around my belly, my eyes tightly shut, my lips trembling. I can feel beads of sweat popping through my skin.
“You okay, babe?” he whispers in the darkness.
Instead of responding in words, I give a tortured groan as another unforgiving cramp hits the center of my belly, followed by another.
The light goes on, but I don’t open my eyes, afraid it could hurt. It feels painful just to breathe, every simple act pushing the pain up a notch. The few breaks between each cramp are too fleeting to offer me sufficient relief.
Dax climbs out of bed and comes to my side, sitting next to me as he always does. He lays a hand on my cheek. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”
“The baby,” I whisper, warm tears seeping through my closed eyelids. In my desperation, I don’t care if he knows I’m pregnant. I’m desperate for help, even the Devil’s. I need the pain to go away. Maybe he can save the baby.
“What baby?” He lifts his hand from my cheek.
I snatch a breath, but the air seems to have thickened. It’s too hard to breathe.
I open my eyes to meet his dark gaze. I wait for another short break before I speak. When I do, my words feel broken on my tongue. “Your . . . Your baby.” I bite back tears. “I’
m pregnant. Please, help me. Help the baby.”
“No,” he says, his voice sharp. “I cannot do that.”
Another cramp strikes before I can ask why. My body doubles over. “Please, Dax.”
“You thought I didn’t know?” He gives a dry chuckle. “I do. The nurse let me in on your little secret.”
My eyes widen as he stands up and starts walking around the bed, his body like a volcano on the brink of eruption. “I know it all,” he laughs louder now. “I know everything you’ve been up to. I know that you were trying to get my mother to betray me. I guess you found out my little secret as well. Actually, I didn’t lie to you. She has been dead to me for years.”
I want to speak, to defend his mother, to protect the baby, but I’m too paralyzed by the pain to do anything but breathe.
“I’ve spent hours trying to come up with a punishment that is appropriate for what you did to me. When the nurse told me about the baby, a baby I didn’t want, I got this brilliant idea.” He inhales sharply. “You ran away from me because of that baby, didn’t you? You wanted to protect it from its own father.”
“Dax, please.” I find my words, but I don’t even know what to say to him.
“The baby was an obstacle that stood between us. So was my mother. Not that she was much of a mother anyway.”
“What did you do?” I shout out, ignoring another wave of pain.
“Don’t worry about her.” He shakes his head. “She died a peaceful death even though she deserved worse. I got rid of her just as I’m getting rid of that thing in your stomach.”
My mind goes back to the last couple of hours he had spent with me in this cabin. He knew the whole time. Was that why he was arguing with the nurse?
“It wasn’t hard to get you to ingest the abortion pills the nurse gave me, not as hard as I thought it would be.”
“No,” I roar, grabbing onto my body, my fingers gripping the skin of my belly as though I can hold the baby inside me, to somehow protect it from the poison he fed me.
“There’s nothing you can do. It’s too late.”