The Pain in Loving You

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The Pain in Loving You Page 8

by Steiner, Kandi


  He blanched. “That’s Dale Poxton?”

  I nodded. Most people in this town knew who Dale was, but hardly any of them knew what he looked like — not unless they were in his circle. Dale liked to keep to a certain type of crowd.

  Rhodes still hadn’t moved. His eyes were hard for a moment more before he shook his head, kicking off the wall and making his way toward the gym. “Let’s head back.”

  “Wait,” I said, jogging a little to catch up with him. “Why? Why did you ask who that was?”

  “It’s nothing. He just looked at you funny, I wasn’t sure...” His voice faded to a low murmur and he shook his head again. “Nothing. I was mistaken. How are your muscles today? Are you still sore?”

  I eyed him cautiously, but let him change the subject. I was ready to work, too. “I feel a lot better. A little sore, but I can move.”

  “Good,” he said, patting the treadmill as we entered the gym. “Hop up and turn the incline to six, speed to four.”

  I groaned, but tossed my bag down in the corner and did as he said.

  We worked in mostly silence for just over an hour as he moved me around the gym. He had set up an obstacle course similar to the one the week before, complete with the ropes and all. When I bent low in my squat to do the snake in the grass move, I shivered at the memory of his arms around my waist when he showed me how to do it before.

  “So what are you doing tomorrow night?” I asked as I lunged across the gym with two plated weights in my hands. My leg muscles felt stronger, steadier, far from the shaky mess they were the first time I did a lunge.

  “We don’t train tomorrow, it’s your day off,” he replied simply, head down, eyes on his clipboard.

  I huffed, straining against the pain in my quads. “I know that. So what are you doing? Want to come to the fair with me and my friends?”

  “No.”

  I dropped the plates and put my hands on my hips, turning to face him. “Why not?”

  “Pick up the weights, you’re not finished,” he answered, standing straighter before dropping the clipboard and crossing his arms over his chest. I mimicked him in the stance and instantly felt tougher.

  “Not until you tell me why you won’t come tomorrow night.” Since when did I have the courage to ask Rhodes to hang out?

  He sighed, running a hand through his dampening hair. “Natalie, last night was just me showing you how to cook a decent meal, okay? It was about your training. You’re my client. We have a relationship in the gym, but not outside of it.”

  I swallowed what felt like a wine cork wrapped in sandpaper and uncrossed my arms, picking up the weights again. He was right, of course, and I knew that. Still, he was friendly last night — we had fun. I was kind of hoping it wouldn’t just be a one time thing.

  Which was stupid of me.

  Because Rhodes was Rhodes and I was me. He could hang out with anyone he wanted to, including the beautiful women he trained that he seemed to find company with often. Why in the world would he want to spend time with me?

  “Okay. Sorry.”

  He nodded, his eyes watching me carefully. “Three more sets. Watch your back, you’re leaning forward too much.”

  I muttered under my breath but kept my eyes forward and made my way back across the room, lunging each step. My teeth still worried my bottom lip as I thought over the night before, wondering if I looked too much into it. Was he acting like a friend or was he really just showing me that eating healthy could work? I didn’t recall us really talking much about food, other than when we were doing dishes, but even still we talked about other things, too.

  Sighing, I shook my head. Whatever. It was fine because he was still my trainer, which was what I needed him to be. He knew how to help me reach my goals, and that was enough for me.

  Each lunge burned more than the last and I knew I was about to hit my limit. When I reached the other side and turned around, I hit something with the weight in my left hand.

  “Oh!” I turned to check on whatever I’d hit, thinking I’d be apologizing to some tiny club member in booty shorts and a sports bra, but when I came face-to-face with Mason, I dropped both weights and stumbled back a bit. One of them fell on my foot and I howled out in pain as I fell to the ground.

  Rhodes cursed and rushed toward me while Mason bent down to my level. “Oh my God, Natalie. Are you okay?” He moved to touch my leg but Rhodes beat him to it, pulling my foot up and tugging my sneaker off to inspect it as he squatted down next to me. His thumb moved across the delicate skin of my ankle and I hissed at the pain as chills raced up my legs and straight between my thighs. Rhodes followed the chills and lifted his eyes to mine. I blushed and looked away.

  Which left me staring at Mason.

  He watched Rhodes and made a face before turning to me and asking the same question again. “Are you okay? What are you doing here?”

  Rhodes dropped my foot gently, leaving the sneaker off as he helped me to my feet. Mason stood with us. His eyes never left mine and I leaned on Rhodes for support, putting weight on my foot as slowly as I could. I was fine, but it smarted. “I… train here.” I swallowed. I wasn’t exactly ready for him to know that, but I guess I didn’t have a choice.

  “Oh,” he said simply. This time his eyes shifted to Rhodes and then back to me before he spoke again. “I didn’t realize you were into fitness.”

  I shrugged. “It’s, uh, a new hobby.”

  He nodded. “Cool. Well I don’t want to interrupt your session or anything. I was just dropping off a donation bag from my mom for the fundraiser this weekend and saw you through the window. I wanted to say hi.”

  I smiled, though it was strained. “Hi.”

  He chuckled, and for a moment his chocolate eyes shined the way they used to when he looked at me. When I was his. It warmed my stomach and made me want to throw up at the same time, shooting an all-too-familiar pain straight to my chest. “It was nice talking to you last night. I’ve missed that, our late night phone calls.” He shifted. “Is that weird?”

  Every muscle in my body was wound too tight, but I shook my head. “No. I get it.”

  He smiled, just a tiny little curl on his lips. “Are you going to the fair tomorrow?”

  I glanced at Rhodes then. He was still gripping onto my forearm and steadying me, though I had practically put all my weight on my foot again. “Yeah, Willow is dragging me,” I said, still watching Rhodes. When I faced Mason again, his smile was warm.

  “Cool. Well I’ll see you tomorrow, then.” His eyes landed on Rhodes again and he looked him up and down slowly with a slight snarl in his lip. I waited for him to extend a hand to shake his or at least introduce himself, but he did neither.

  I wasn’t sure how Mason was surviving Rhode’s glare.

  After a moment, he nodded to me once more, his smile returning, before he stepped out of the gym and I was alone with Rhodes again.

  “Thanks,” I said, pulling free from his grasp and rolling my ankle around before bending down to tug on my sneaker and retrieve the weights again. “I’m good. You want me to do another round?”

  Rhodes was staring at me, his face completely void of emotion. “Not about a guy, huh?”

  I swallowed, and suddenly the weights felt too heavy for me to hold. I placed them back on the rack and turned to face Rhodes. He hadn’t moved. “He’s my ex.”

  “Yeah, I caught on to that after you dropped a weight on your foot at the sight of him.”

  I blushed. “I haven’t really seen him much since it all happened. I was caught off guard.”

  He crossed his arms. “You told me this wasn’t about a guy.”

  “It’s not,” I tried and he scoffed, heading toward the back of the room. I followed. “It’s not, I swear. This is about me. Yes, at first, it was about him.” And still kind of is. “But I want this for me, too.”

  He stopped mid-stride and spun to face me. My eyes leveled with his chest and I had to strain my neck to look up at him. “Do you want him b
ack?”

  I chewed my bottom lip, unsure of how to answer. Rhodes’ eyes fell to where my teeth worked the tender skin and I watched the muscles in his jaw tense before he found my eyes again. “That’s what I thought. This is about him.”

  “It’s not just about him.”

  He swallowed, but didn’t argue. Instead, he sighed, his chest deflating, and stepped back to put distance between us. “It’s okay. It actually makes sense now.”

  “What does?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing. I’ll help you get your boyfriend back, Natalie.” He pointed to the elliptical. “Finish with the cardio drill we did the other day. The intervals. Do thirty minutes.” He pulled the white towel from his pocket and wiped his forehead before turning away from me.

  “Wait,” I tried, but he kept walking. “Where are you going?”

  “I have another client to tend to. We’re finished with weights today so just finish with the cardio and you can go. I’ll see you Thursday.”

  He didn’t face me again as he said the words. He just threw them over his shoulder and let the door close behind him as he exited the gym. I stood there for a moment staring at the door he’d walked through like it would open again, but it didn’t. Sighing, I climbed onto the elliptical and took a long drag from my water bottle before starting the session.

  Rhodes told me to do thirty minutes but I did an hour. I texted Willow when I was finished and told her I was going to hit the hot tub but she could start heading that way. She was just finishing up at her weekly coffee house poetry slam, which was just about a half hour from the club, so it worked out perfectly.

  I changed into my one-piece quickly and grabbed a towel from the locker room before heading out to the pool. The rain had cleared, but the pavement was still wet as my feet padded across the small garden area to where the pool and hot tub were tucked away. It was a full moon and the light from it reflected off the soft blue of the pool water, casting a cool glow over the white folding chairs lined up on either side. I tossed my bag and towel on one near the shallow end of the pool just as I heard light laughter.

  Following the sound, I glanced toward the hot tub on the other end of the pool and sighed when I noticed it wasn’t vacant. Probably two old, drunk, Poxton Beach Country Club members doing God knows what. So much for steaming out the soreness in my muscles. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around me again, though my muscles cried out in disagreement. There was no way I was going to join whatever party was happening over there, though. I lifted my gym bag strap onto my shoulder but as I turned to head back inside, I glanced at the hot tub again.

  And I was met with fierce green eyes.

  Rhodes was staring at me, brows low, his mouth narrowed out into a straight line. An older woman who I didn’t recognize was kissing up his neck. She caught his earlobe in her mouth and wrapped her long, manicured nails around his jaw, pulling him into her touch.

  I swallowed, but I couldn’t look away. Rhodes watched me carefully, but his gaze was just as unwavering as mine. When the woman’s hand dipped below the water line, my stomach sank and I felt a wave of something roll over me. Nausea? Jealousy? I wasn’t sure, but I’d had enough. Averting my eyes, I tucked my towel around me tighter and skipped going back inside, heading straight for the entrance, instead.

  I thought maybe he would come find me. I thought maybe he would tell me not to worry, she’s just a client, blah blah blah. But he never came. Then I realized, why would I think he would? Rhodes didn’t owe me anything — least of all an explanation for having a woman’s hands in his swim trunks. I was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much but fifteen minutes went by with my head spinning and no answers coming. Willow pulled up in her cherry red Jeep and snapped me out of the spell.

  “Ow owww,” she whistled when she came to a stop. “I can’t believe I get to spend all night with this sexy beast. And I stole some wine from my parents’ stash? Oh yeah, tonight will be trouble.” She winked and I tossed my bag in the back before plopping down beside her and fastening my seatbelt. When I didn’t smile or joke in return, she frowned, but didn’t ask me what was wrong. She just threw the car in drive and turned up the volume on the radio.

  She would ask me for details when we got to her house. I knew that. This was only a temporary relief. And I knew I’d have to tell her what I was feeling. I’d have to tell her what was going on with Mason, with Rhodes.

  The problem was, I wasn’t sure I really knew, myself.

  Chapter Seven

  THE FAIR THAT CAME to Poxton Beach in late May was nothing like the state fair that rolled through South Carolina each October, but it was an event that drew all the locals out in addition to the tourists passing through. It was themed around corn, being that it was held right in the middle of harvesting season, and there were food competitions, Future Farmers of America showcases, and rides for a promising night of entertainment. I always got excited for it before, but Willow had to practically drag me from her house this time.

  “I promise we’ll have fun, Natalie,” she said for the seventh time as we made our way through the dirt lot to the entrance. I was struggling, trying to balance and walk somewhat gracefully in the nude, strappy wedges she’d forced me to wear. “Just ignore Mason and Shay. They’ll probably be off doing their own thing, anyway.”

  “Wishful thinking.”

  She glared at me, applying another coat of lip gloss.

  “Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll try. For you and only for you, Lo,” I trailed off, watching my feet as we walked. “You’re right, we don’t have much longer together. I want to have a fun summer with you, regardless of them. Especially since you’re probably leaving me early, too. Because we all know you’re going to get into the advanced program.”

  Willow wrapped her petite arms around me and gave me a squeeze. “I love you! Don’t get sad on me now, though. Tonight’s about fun.” She pulled out a purple sparkly flask. “And that fun starts now.” She winked, took a swig, and passed it to me.

  Smiling, I accepted her offer and threw back a shot. Last time we were out I made the mistake of turning down alcohol. This time, I wouldn’t be so stupid. I was down for anything to numb all the feelings bubbling up inside me.

  “I wish you would have let me wear sneakers,” I complained. “It’s a fair. It’s mostly dirt and grimy concrete covered in fair food. Why did we have to get so dressed up?”

  “Because Mason is going to be here and if you want to get him back, you need to look drop dead gorgeous every time he sees you. The more he sees that you’re doing fine, the faster he’ll realize how badly he messed up.”

  “I haven’t changed,” I pointed out as a driver waved us to pass in front of his car in the gravel parking lot. “Not yet. I’m still the same girl he dumped less than three weeks ago. Plus, he saw me yesterday when I’m pretty sure I looked like a sweaty walrus.”

  She laughed but stopped me just before the entrance. “You have changed, Natalie. You’re already walking with your chin held higher, and believe it or not, I can tell you’ve lost weight. Especially in your face.”

  “It hasn’t even been two weeks, Willow.”

  “Well, then Rhodes must work magic.” I eyed her and though I tried not to, I blushed. Rhodes definitely had some kind of voodoo juice happening. “Besides, from what you told me about yesterday, Mason said he missed you.”

  “He said he missed our calls.”

  “Exactly. Which reminds me that he called you in the middle of the night the night before. I don’t think getting him back is going to be as hard as you think. Especially after he sees you in this dress.” She smiled.

  I fidgeted, shifting on my feet that were already sore. Every time I heard Mason’s name, my stomach fell to my feet. But I couldn’t tell if it was for the same reasons as before. “I love Mason, Lo. You know that. I know that. But this is about me, too. It’s about getting me back. Or rather, getting a new me. A me that’s never existed before. A better me.”

  Sh
e smiled at that, linking her arm through mine and leading us through the entrance. “Every life-altering change stems from a series of small, seemingly meaningless amendments.” She winked as they scanned our tickets and I shook my head. My best friend was a wacko.

  We passed by Dale and my mom on our way to the spot the group had agreed to meet at. They were judging the cornbread competition, against my mother’s will, I’m sure. She hated eating any kind of carb — she preferred to drink them. Willow and I wished them luck and then continued on through the fair, sneaking swigs of the flask she’d packed as we walked.

  I really did love the vibe of the fair, and with each passing step, I started to relax a little. It might have been the alcohol, or it might have been the bright lights, loud, tacky music, and array of aromas wafting in around us. Aside from the few children crying, everyone was in good spirits at the fair — it was hard not to be. And though my stomach was still in knots over all the confusing thoughts whirling around in my head, I did my best to push them all down and focus on having fun.

  When we met up with the group by the Himalaya, Mason and Shay were already with them. Shay rolled her eyes when she saw me, tossing her long brown hair over her shoulder before whispering something in the ear of a girl I didn’t recognize. She had platinum blonde hair and long tan legs like Shay’s. They really did look like walking Barbie dolls.

  Dustin gave me a hug when he saw me and I squeezed him back, thankful to still have him in my life regardless of what was going on with me and Mason. “Heard you were training at the club,” he said as he pulled back. “That’s awesome.”

  Shay scoffed. “Waste of money, if you ask me. No amount of workouts can make up for eating your weight in fried food and Twinkies.”

  My cheeks flushed and I felt a pain stab at the back of my stomach as Shay and her friend giggled. I looked to Mason, waiting for him to put her in her place, but it was Dustin who shook his head.

  “Stop it, Shay. It’s not funny.”

  She shrugged, eyes on her nails like she was filing them with straight laser beams. She was still smiling. “Maybe not to you.”

 

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