by A. D. Ellis
My eyes grew wide. “What’s in it?”
Rhys opened the first page and gently ran a hand over the inked writing. “It’s pretty much a journal scrapbook my mom kept. It’s got concert and movie tickets, pictures, notes, letters, cards, journal entries. She collected stuff in this book from before she and Dad were married up until her death.”
“Oh, wow. No wonder it’s so huge. So many memories in there.” I touched the page where his hand lay.
“Yeah.” He took a deep breath. “And not all of them happy. Not all good. Not all perfect.” Rhys’s face kind of crumpled. “Part of the reason I was away for two days was trying to come to terms with the content of this book and trying to forgive my sister for keeping this from me.”
“Why did she?”
“She was an adult when our parents were killed, got thrown into being my guardian, and had lost one of her best friends in my mom. I think this book was a way to stay connected to Mom. But by not sharing it with me, Caroline took something from me. She would always tell me that Mom and Dad’s marriage, our family, wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t believe her. This book was the proof I needed.” Rhys traced letters with the tip of his finger. “Caroline has apologized profusely. She feels bad. I love her and I’m not going to hold it against her, but I do wish she had let me be part of this, allowed me to learn about my parents, over the years. Maybe I wouldn’t be so messed up now.”
“Hey, maybe you weren’t ready for this book until now. Things happen that make sense at the time and then later they fit together like puzzle pieces. Be grateful you have the book now.” I placed my hand on top of his. “Would you like to share some of it?”
We spent several minutes pouring over concert, theater, and movie tickets. The names of the shows, the prices, the dates, each small piece of paper was a clue to Rhys’s mother and a time hop to the past.
Rhys pulled a pile of cards out of a pocket page. “I seriously don’t know how she even kept the book closed there toward the end. I guess she would have had to get a new one if not for the accident.” He showed me birthday cards, anniversary cards, and sympathy cards. He also showed me cards from his dad to his mom in which his dad apologized for grievances ranging from minor to pretty major if the context of the apology was anything to go by. “She’s saved a few in here from her to him as well.”
We silently read the cards.
“They had their issues, but the love between them is evident.” I handed him the last card.
“Yeah, I see that too.” He turned a page to where a notepad of paper was tucked. “This is her journal. I won’t bore you with it all.”
I nudged him. “You share whatever you want to share, don’t ever think you’re boring me.”
“She’s got entries in here from before they were engaged, days leading up to the wedding, days after, years after, Caroline’s birth, my birth, and everything in between. You know what I realized the theme to all of her entries is?” Rhys sniffed.
I waited.
“There’s good and bad, highs and lows, happy and sad. My mom and dad were about as perfectly imperfect as two people could be. I could feel the anger in some of Mom’s journals. She was so mad at something Dad had done or said. I gathered from the book, and from Caroline, that they had some doozies of fights. Sounded like they could get pretty dramatic and crazy.” Rhys smiled sadly. “I appreciate that I didn’t know about any of their issues. Would have probably scared me as a kid. But, in a way, I wish I’d known so I didn’t grow up measuring every relationship against an unrealistic ruler.”
“I can understand that.” I finished my cup of tea and placed it on the coffee table.
“Mom wasn’t crazy about her in-laws.” He chuckled. “Appears Dad had no love lost between him and her parents either.” Rhys was quiet for a moment. “It’s weird how a kid’s mind can build something, based on fact or not, and it becomes so engrained that it’s the gospel truth. I never realized there were fights and hurt feelings between my parents and their parents.”
“You were pretty young.” I patted his arm.
“There are a lot of mentions in here, along with cards and letters, about siblings and friends. Mom and Dad both seemed to have some great friends who carried them through rough times. My dad’s sister was one of his best friends and my mom adored her.” Rhys hummed briefly. “I barely remember her. She was older and died not too long after Mom and Dad if I recall correctly. But they both seemed to cherish her and their friends.”
“It’s such a gift to have family and friends you can count on.” My heart hurt to think of not having Bode or Kyson in my life. Even Sage and Bay were growing more and more important to me. And to lose Rhys? I hoped I’d never have to know that hurt.
Rhys sniffed again and wiped at his eyes. “As I was going through all of this, I found a single sheet of paper folded and stuck behind the back-cover flap, almost as if hidden on purpose.” He pulled out the small rectangle of paper. “Caroline had never even found it.” Rhys unfolded the paper. “It’s a letter from my mom to me. She wrote it only a week before she died.” His words caught in his throat. “She had no way of knowing she was going to die, but I think in some ways maybe she knew she needed to write this for me. Knew that one day, I’d need it.”
“Do you want to read it?” I tucked my arm into his and cuddled close. “Your choice. If it’s too personal, I understand.”
“Not sure I can read it without getting choked up. Here.” Rhys handed me the paper.
Dear Rhys,
One day, you’ll read this and I hope you know how loved you are. You weren’t a surprise, we just planned on you coming earlier in our lives rather than later. You had other plans. From the day you were born, I’ve known you were destined to be amazing and do great things.
I’ve known you marched to the beat of your own drummer from the very first time I held you. You’ve grown into such a good, smart, creative, and talented kid. I look forward to watching you continue to grow and seeing the greatness in you unfold.
I know I’ve never been the perfect mom, but I pray you know you’re loved and wanted and cherished. As you continue to grow, sometimes right before my eyes it seems, I want you to be safe, happy, and healthy. I wish for you to be loved and give love, find someone who makes you happy. We’re all halves just looking for our perfect match to build our whole. Find a person who will stand with you, stand by you, support you, appreciate you for you.
I look forward to your next art show at school. I know I’m biased, but I think you’re the most talented one there.
Your dad and I are so proud of you.
Love,
Mom
Tears ran down my face. I cried harder when Rhys sniffed and sobbed next to me. I gently placed the letter on the open book and gathered him in my arms. “Shhh, it’s okay. They loved you so very much. They would be so proud of your accomplishments.” I held him while he cried.
Rhys eventually wiped his eyes and sat up.
“I told you this would be a long conversation.” He chuckled and wiped at his nose. “This book, Caroline’s advice, even your words in the car the other day, all of them have led me to one conclusion.”
I held my breath.
“I’ve found that person to love me and to give my love to. I’ve found the person who makes me happy, who completes my whole. I know you will stand with me, stand by me, support me, and appreciate me. I know all of this because it’s what I’ll do for you.” Rhys kissed me. “I can take on the family drama and every imperfection as long as you’re by my side.”
“There’s absolutely no place I’d rather be,” I whispered against his lips before capturing his mouth in a kiss that spoke of welcome home, promises, love, and a beautiful future.
Everyone seemed to be settling into our work and personal lives. Bode and Sage were so sweet and funny together. Bode was super protective of Sage and his eyes shone with abject admiration of Sage’s intelligence. Sage seesawed between staring at Bode with extreme lov
e or frustration; there didn’t seem to be much in between. They were definitely in love and spent a vast majority of their free time perfecting their sex skills. Both men glowed and their affection toward each other filled me with warm fuzzies. I loved seeing my brother happy and in love.
I hadn’t yet worn down Bay and Kyson, but I was working on it. Kyson was an easier sell and would jump at the chance to take things further with Bay as long as he could be assured he wouldn’t mess things up for Bay and Arlo.
Bay, on the other hand, was a stubborn man. But beyond his stubborn streak, I’d slowly come to realize he had a lot of anxiety, both over parenting and just dating in general. He’d shared that he’d been burned in a lot of relationships; I got the feeling one ex may have outed Bay before he was ready. Despite Bay being quite a bit older than Bode, Kyson, and me, he hadn’t done a lot of dating recently. His sister had a lot of issues, then she died suddenly and he became an instant father to Arlo. It made sense that he was anxious about starting a relationship with a much younger Kyson. Bay really did have a lot of responsibilities that the rest of us couldn’t completely fathom.
But I knew Kyson liked Bay at a deeper level than just attraction. I also knew Kyson was falling hard for Arlo. I wanted Bay to understand what I already knew about my cousin—if ever a time came for Kyson to give his heart away, he would love fully no questions asked. Bay and Arlo needed that type of love; I just needed Bay to see it for himself and let Kyson in.
Rhys and I were madly in love. It was hard to remember the junk we’d gone through. Had it been the hardest moments of our lives? No. Probably not even close. But our emotions had taken a rollercoaster ride as we went from casual hookups to the beginning of something more to enemies ready to scratch each other’s eyes out and then to business partners, lovers, and boyfriends. I wasn’t under the impression that things would be perfect, life didn’t work that way. But the fact that we’d overcome challenges early on made me think we were better prepared to face obstacles that may await us.
Rhys was contemplating seeing a therapist to work out his issues regarding his parents, his past, and his loss. His creativity was at an all-time high and I adored watching his skills. I wanted to buy over half of the pieces he made, but spending my own money at my studio seemed a bit counterproductive. Rhys promised to make certain pieces just for me. It was just one of the perks to sleeping with the co-owner of an art studio.
The Salty Lizard was in the black and showed no signs of revenue dipping if the historical trends were to be believed. I think every time Bode saw the amazing numbers on the spreadsheets, he did a little happy jig while silently telling Dick to fuck off. Or, knowing Bode, he probably said it out loud. I was so damn proud of my brother for having a dream and reaching for it; not only did he reach for it, he grabbed it by the balls and owned it.
Kyson’s massage therapy practice was booked solid with appointments most days. Kyson was looking to bring in another therapist and was already in the process of hiring an assistant who was knowledgeable in holistic healing practices. Word of mouth was Kyson’s best advertising at the moment and locals were flocking to get massages and holistic medicines. I’d never once doubted that Kyson would be successful in whatever he set his mind to.
The Silver and Gold Creative was doing great. Actually, it was doing better than I’d anticipated. I’d hoped to eventually get steady customers and sales, but I’d really thought it would take several months. But we had a lot of regulars coming in as often as we were open, and many of them bought large items as well as smaller pieces. The best part was that our most loyal customers were telling their friends and neighbors about the studio. The power of supporting local small businesses was strong and working out tremendously well for us.
And just when I started feeling comfortable and smug that things were going so well, we were hit with some challenges.
The vandalism and burglaries started small and random.
A bit of spray paint here, a busted window there.
But soon, our Mass. Ave. business neighbors and fellow inhabitants began to notice that the crimes were building, taking place more often, and appeared to be focusing on our street specifically. Yes, there were similar crimes taking place all over the downtown area, but the recent rash of transgressions seemed to be happening more in our area, up and down Mass. Ave., and especially in locations where the petty criminals were able to hide behind walls or objects or even just blend into the dark shadows. The crimes weren’t specifically hateful in nature, but more than a few instances of graffiti had included racial, religious, and homophobic slurs. For the first time since moving to the city, I began to feel somewhat unsafe and unwelcome.
The local crime watch beefed up their numbers and set out to patrol more often and keep an eye on things more closely.
Unfortunately, the Silvers and company didn’t escape the vandalism. Within a week, the bar, the massage practice, and our studio all got hit with broken windows and graffiti. Bay was dealing with the same at his motorcycle shop from the week before.
“I absolutely hate what they’re doing.” Bode stood with his arms crossed over his chest, frowning in the middle of The Salty Lizard. “The increased patrols are good, but we need to do more.”
“I think one of the best things we can do is remove ways for them to hide. Take away any walls or objects obstructing views and add lighting. Lots of lighting. If there are no shadows or crevices for the vandals to hide in, they aren’t going to feel as safe spreading their hatred.” Sage pushed his glasses up his nose.
“That’s a really good idea,” Bay interjected. “My shop is on a corner and the side that’s dark and somewhat hidden is where they did the most damage.” He rubbed his chin. “I’ve got some thoughts on adding lighting. Should be an easy fix.”
Kyson nodded. “They didn’t mess with my building on the exposed sides, they did their worst in the dark alley.” He looked at Bay and smiled. “Same for me, some lighting and removing some of the dark corners of that alley will go a long way.”
“I hate that we have to adjust just to keep our businesses safe, but adding lighting is a pretty easy and inexpensive option.” Rhys glanced toward the back of the bar. “Even here, they went for the areas that were likely the darkest and most hidden. We add lights and flush them out, maybe they’ll turn their attention elsewhere.”
“Better yet, the cops see them and catch them so they aren’t vandalizing other local businesses.” I slid my phone in my back pocket. “I’m going to go to the studio and assess our outside lighting situation. See if I can come up with something aesthetically pleasing to fix the issue.”
“There’s my little artist, gotta one up all of us with a fix that’s also pretty.” Bode teased and nudged me with his elbow.
A few minutes later, Rhys and I stood outside the studio. The area affected by the graffiti was an outside side wall. The building was angled and the wall in question faced an old courtyard. There weren’t really any obstructions to hide vandals, but the location was definitely dark.
“So, our options include an easy out of placing some lights and being done with it.” I gestured toward the courtyard and wall.
“Or?” Rhys raised a brow.
“Or we turn it into an art project, blast the whole area with light and beauty. Make the wall and courtyard a celebratory piece to highlight the studio, our talents, and what makes this street unique and special.” I shrugged. I didn’t have an actual idea for the project just yet, but I knew with Rhys on my side, we’d create something gorgeous.
“I like the way you think.” Rhys nodded. He glanced toward the wall. “What are your thoughts on that huge crack?”
“Seems to be from years of settling and patchwork here and there. You want to get rid of it?” I eyed the fractured wall. I knew the building was physically solid and sound, it passed inspection with flying colors.
Rhys was quiet for a while as he stared at the crack. “You know, a few months ago, I would have insisted on hirin
g a crew to fix the wall before we tackle a project that’s supposed to bring light and beauty because there’s no way I would have been able to see past the ugliness and brokenness.”
My heart simultaneously clenched and soared. I knew how much Rhys was working to change his outlook on what perfect meant to him. “And now?”
“Now? I’m reminded that imperfections are what make us unique and beautiful. We all have our cracks and fractures and ugliness; instead of trying to hide them, we should celebrate them, highlight them, and use them to bring people together. Use our shared imperfections to make others see beauty in things that maybe wouldn’t have been considered beautiful before.”
I pulled Rhys into my arms and kissed him soundly in the shadowed and underkept courtyard. “Have I told you lately how much I love you and how proud I am of you?”
“I love you too.” Rhys nuzzled my nose. “Proud of me?”
“You’ve worked so hard to change your outlook. It’s not been easy to learn that you didn’t have the perfect family, but you’re learning to accept imperfections as unique and beautiful instead of pushing them away or hiding them. You’re changing and becoming even better than the man I first fell for.”
Rhys smiled and kissed me. “I’ve had a good role model and teacher.”
The evening of our official unveiling came about a month later. The rest of the guys had added their additional lighting and most of the vandalism had died down. Two teens had been caught with spray paint bottles recently and the cops were hoping the kids would rat out their accomplices. The crime watch was still being extra vigilant, but most of the affected businesses had also added lights and removed obstacles. Most of us were feeling like we could breathe a little sigh of relief.
Once Rhys and I had decided to fix our lighting issue with an artistic piece, we’d spent a couple days hashing out ideas before settling on two pieces that would allow us to showcase our talents. The final products were gorgeous and meant a lot to both Rhys and me.