“Do you need to stop for a moment to take a breather?”
Shaking her head, she inhaled sharply and blew out. “No, I’m fine. I don’t know what’s come over me.”
“Catherine, you’ve been cooped up in hospital for days, wondering whether the love of your life was going to wake up. Of course it’s going to take its toll. You have every right to let the last few days out. It’s what your body is telling you it needs. Just listen to it. You will feel better in the end.”
Stopping in a parking space, Catherine turned to me. “I hardly know you, but I feel like you’re a really good friend.” I smiled, thinking how true it was that I felt like that at times. “Has anyone ever told you that you have this knack of making people feel calm? I don’t know what it is, but when I was falling apart just then, it seemed like the moment you touched me, I felt like I wasn’t alone.”
Taking off my seatbelt, I offered Catherine a hug. “You aren’t alone, Catherine. I’m your friend now, and will always be there for you. For both of you. I just wish you would have come to me with your fears. I could have been here for you a lot sooner.”
Pulling away from me, she shook her head. “You’ve had enough to deal with lately. You didn’t need me to add to your woes.”
I could understand why she felt that way. Everyone was feeling a little preoccupied with one thing or another lately. Sometimes life had a way of spinning in circles.
“Sometimes sharing your fears and anxieties helps to lessen the burden. You took it all on yourself when you have people who would have been more than willing to share it with you. I want you to know that if you ever feel lonely again, I will be there if you need me.”
Putting her hand on my arm, she smiled. “Friends.”
I placed my hand on her arm, too. “Friends.”
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door. “Well, let’s go see how the woman of your dreams is doing, shall we?”
Smiling brightly, Catherine said, “Yes—let’s.”
Walking into the hospital had the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end. It wasn’t too long ago that I was a patient—waking up to the thought that Stephen was no longer with me. Feeling a tight knot in my stomach, I quickly remembered the dream I had this morning. It was the same dream, but Stephen was there. He was somehow able to get into my subconscious. How he did it, I don’t know, but it filled me with a new sense of hope. He could come to my dreams, and if that was all I could have of him, I’d be more than willing to take it.
Taking the lift to the third floor, we were immediately greeted by a mass panic. Alarms were going off and everyone was running around.
“Oh no. They’re not going anywhere near…” I started.
“It’s fine. They’re running in the opposite direction.”
We walked the rest of the way in silence. Now that we were getting away from the pandemonium, all seemed quiet. We passed a few rooms and Catherine eventually stopped in front of her door. She knocked and we both heard Lisa-Marie shouting for us to come in.
When I laid eyes on Lisa-Marie for the first time since I left the hospital, it had an immediate effect to my system. When I left her a few days ago, she was pale. Her normally bouncy auburn hair was lifeless, and her bright, childlike freckles had seemed to fade from her cheeks. Now, all her colour was back, making the freckles stand out more. Her hair had more body, and her eyes sparkled with a new sense of mischief. But, most of all, her smile was back. A smile I never thought I’d see again.
“Lisa-Marie, what can I say?” It seemed like an awful way to greet someone when they had just woken from a coma, but it was a start.
I rushed over to her and she held her arms out to me. “You’re looking so well.”
“What can I say? It’s just me, I guess.” She winked. “So, what’s been going on?”
Pulling my coat off, I sat down in the chair beside her and watched as Catherine sat on the bed and held her hand.
“Not much. Just a little of this and that.”
“Out saving the world again?”
I smiled, thinking she certainly hadn’t lost her sense of humour. “Something like that,” I chuckled.
Lisa-Marie looked up at Catherine, then back at me. “Catherine told me you told her about the train.”
“I had to tell her, Lisa-Marie. I felt I owed her that much. She was suffering. I needed her to know there was hope.”
“What made you think there was any hope?”
“Well, I figured if you had survived a train crash and getting shot, you could survive anything.”
Lisa-Marie laughed heartily, but Catherine scowled at her. “This isn’t funny, Lisa-Marie. I almost lost you.”
“I know, babes. But, you have to admit, it is kind of funny. Maybe I’m superwoman.”
A laugh spluttered through my teeth, raising a smile from Catherine. “I know what you’re saying, but it still scared the shit out of me.”
“She hasn’t left your side, Lisa-Marie.”
Looking up at Catherine, Lisa-Marie intertwined their fingers. “I know.”
Caroline smiled. “Where are your parents?”
She sighed and looked over at me. “They were here, but I asked them to leave for a bit so I could talk to Cassie.”
Catherine straightened her back. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No, of course not. You can stay. It’s just a bit delicate talking about this in front of my mum and dad. I just want to talk about that night. I want to make sure I don’t get you into any trouble with the story I’m going to tell the police.”
My heart ached when I thought about Lisa-Marie even contemplating lying for me if I asked her. She was a true friend.
“I would never ask you to lie for me, Lisa-Marie.”
“I know you wouldn’t. But I still want to make sure you’re okay with what I tell them.”
“Just tell them the truth. You can obviously tell me, but you have to be honest about everything.”
Taking a deep breath, Lisa-Marie’s eyes glazed over as she stared ahead. “I came around to see you that evening. On my way to the shops, I thought I would just pop by and see how you were getting on. I knew you had this new job prospect and just wanted to make sure you were happy. I also wanted to see if you wanted to go out over the weekend.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t make that.”
“I’m sorry, too,” she smiled. “Anyway, I knocked on your door and waited for a few seconds. When you didn’t answer, I was about to turn away when the door opened. That girl answered. She said she was your best friend from school and was waiting for you to return from the shops. She seemed friendly enough so, when she asked me in, I entered.”
Lisa-Marie took a deep breath. “The minute she shut the door, she started asking questions about who I was and how I felt about the train crash. I obviously knew that she knew, so I told her. I had nothing but praise and adulation for you. Instead of her acting like a best friend, everything I said just seemed to anger her further. In the end, I felt a little uncomfortable. I got up to leave so I could call you as soon as I left. Something didn’t sit right with me, and now I knew I was right.”
I felt my gut clench. Lisa-Marie was a good person who didn’t deserve anything that happened to her that day. I knew that from the moment I touched her hand, which was why I implored her not to take that train. And now the guilt for what happened this time was riding through me. It was hard not to feel anger the whole time Lisa-Marie was telling me. It was hard not to scream in rage. I’ve always thought the word “hate” was a very strong word, but it came close to how I felt about Kali. She took my parents away from me, betrayed a true friend, and tried to take another from me. Who wouldn’t hate someone for that?
The atmosphere in the room was silent as Lisa-Marie continued, “When I made my excuses to leave, she got out her gun and pointed it at me. She started saying something to the effect of how you going out saving the world is stopping it from going around. She started babbling on about angels.
She really didn’t make any sense.
“Anyway, she made it clear to me that I should be dead, and I knew she meant every word. I tried to flee, but she shot me. I don’t remember anything after that.”
No wonder Lisa-Marie wanted to tell me this story first. Now I could understand why she wanted to alter the truth.
“Do you still want me to tell the truth?”
“I don’t want you to lie.”
“I know you don’t. Facts are facts, though. At the end of the day, she shot me and you. That can never be disputed.”
“I know.”
“What have you told the police?”
“Both Michael, Stephen, and I have told them she was obsessed with Stephen. That she was really pissed off when he joined the station and wasn’t interested in her.”
“Then I’ll just verify that. I’ll tell them I turned up and foiled her plans. When I tried to get the gun from her, she shot me. It’s as simple as that, Cassie. They don’t have to know about the gift, the train crash, anything.”
I bit my lip. “I still don’t feel comfortable with this. You’re going to lie to the police just to protect me.”
She looked abashed. “Wouldn’t you do the same for me?”
“Of course I would.”
“Then shut up!”
All of us giggled, making the tension in the room dissipate. “How are you feeling anyway?” I asked.
“Glad to be alive, Cassie. I feel pain, but I accept that. Pain means I’m alive, and I’m really not ready to leave this world quite yet.”
Without thinking, I took her hand. Lisa-Marie tried to flinch it away, but I held strong. A vision came to me in an instant, just like it always did.
She was at a party. The weather was glorious so it must be next summer. She was in the garden with Catherine, and she looked over at me. I was standing there with a drink, and smiling back at her. I truly look happy.
“Happy Birthday, Lisa-Marie,” I said in salute.
“Thank you, Cassie. Caroline and I have some news. We wanted to share it with you before we announced it to everyone else.”
I look eager to hear. “Oh, yes? What’s that?”
I could feel Lisa-Marie’s absolute euphoria riding through her. “Catherine and I are going to have a baby!”
I released my grip, gasping for air, but then a huge grin appeared on my face.
“What did you see?” Lisa-Marie asked eagerly.
“I think I’ll keep this one to myself. But I can guarantee it’s good.” I winked.
I could feel Lisa-Marie’s happiness flowing through her. She had always wanted a family of her own, but because of her feelings towards women, it would never be possible to conceive in the normal way. I assumed the shooting really did give her a new outlook on life.
I stayed for another hour, talking and giggling at silly jokes. I was so engrossed in the whole conversation, I didn’t realize how long had passed.
“Shall I get you back so you can get some rest?” Caroline asked, concerned.
“You don’t have to. I can make my way back home. Besides, I could use the fresh air.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
We said our goodbyes and I started walking towards home. I stopped to get some food, then was about to walk up the stairs to my flat when I felt something. I wasn’t sure what made me turn around, but I could definitely feel something.
Spinning on my heels, I saw someone familiar. I had never met this person before, but it didn’t stop the little butterflies in my stomach.
As she neared, she gave me a gentle smile, which immediately relaxed me. Angel—must be. And there was only one angel I could think she would be.
Without thinking, I shortened the space between us. She could tell I sensed something because her posture became more confident as she walked.
Before she could speak, I reached out to grab her hand. The feeling of nothing confirmed my suspicions. “Hello, Luana.”
Her look of utter shock was overwhelming. It almost caused me to giggle. “You remember me?” She knew me—or who I used to be.
As I was getting ready to answer, something else hit me. The sound of children laughing. Luana sensed my bewilderment and squeezed my hand. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “It’s nothing. It’s just my shoulder,” I lied. “I wish I could remember you, Luana. I realise who I am, but I can’t remember anything.”
Remember, the voice whispered.
Oh shit. Please don’t do this to me now.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Cassie? You look pale.”
Nodding, I realised I was still holding her hand. “I’m sorry. I bet you think I’m strange just walking up to you like that and taking your hand.”
I released my grip and Luana giggled. “That’s nothing compared to some things I see on a daily basis.”
I chuckled a little, thinking how true that must be. It would seem it’s true for all of us.
Motioning to the door, I looked at Luana. “Would you like to come inside? I’m told I make the best hot chocolate.”
Cassie…, his sweet voice echoed, and it took every ounce of strength not to sink to the ground. Instead, I just stood there. Instinctively, my hand grabbed hold of Luana’s arm as I gasped.
“Cassie, what’s the matter? Tell me. There’s obviously something wrong.”
The tingles fell over me like a calming wave. It instantly relaxed me. I closed my eyes and breathed out. I was immediately calm again.
“Come inside,” I tell Luana. “It’s best not to talk about it out here.”
Luana followed me up the stairs and I let us both inside. I immediately got to work pouring some milk into two mugs and retrieving the hot chocolate from the cupboard.
As I made it, I watched Luana as she sat on my sofa, surveying the room. I wasn’t sure why, but I was immediately drawn to her. It was almost as though I was meeting an old friend again. I just felt happy with her. Then again, all angels made you feel that way.
Grabbing her mug with my good hand, I placed it on the table in front of her. Luana smiled and nodded as I went to retrieve mine.
Sitting on the chair, I watched as she took a sip and closed her eyes. “You’re right. It is the best hot chocolate.”
I felt the tingles all over my body and it immediately made me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, placing the mug back on the table.
“I don’t know. I just feel…overwhelmed.” And I was being truthful. I was feeling overwhelmed. Stephen made me feel that way.
“I can see it in you, Cassie. You look happy on the outside, but your eyes betray you. You’re suffering.”
As if I hadn’t cried enough, the tears immediately began to fall.
“You miss him,” she whispered.
Nodding, I hung my head. I did miss him. I wanted to be brave, but it was hard.
Sucking in a breath, I wiped away my tears. “He’s not here anymore, so what difference does it make?”
“Do you feel him with you? Do you call out his name and feel him there?”
How did she know? From the look on my face, she could tell I was shocked. “How did you—?”
“He must know of your choice by now, right?” I nodded. “Well then, I can’t understand why he’s not here. It’s not like Stephen to beat around the bush.”
Blinking rapidly, I had to gather my frantic thoughts. Did she just say what I thought she said?
“Stephen can come back?”
Luana laughed and sighed. “Dear girl, wild horses wouldn’t stop him from coming back here if he knew you loved him.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around what she was saying. “But…he’s back home. He’s where he wanted to be. I thought that was what he wanted all along. He told me how much he missed it there.”
“You’re his home, Cassie. Haven’t you figured that out yet?”
I felt the tingles flow over me. It was almost as if Stephen was confirming what L
uana was saying.
She looked off into the distance as if she were trying to figure something out.
“How do you know all this?” I asked.
“Let’s just say I do. What I can’t understand is why he isn’t here. He must have gone to the Council to seek per—” Then she suddenly stopped. It was like she knew something wasn’t quite right.
“What is it? What is it you know that I don’t, Luana?”
Looking at me, she smiled widely. “Some things never change.” And then I saw the regret. She just let something out she wasn’t supposed to. I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to get her into trouble. Seeing I wasn’t going to ask her the one burning question I had, Luana breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you. Now, can you tell me what’s happening with you?”
I told her about my dreams and the sensations I felt whenever I thought Stephen was with me. “And then there’s what happened last night, then just outside.”
Sipping her hot chocolate, Luana shook her head. “What?”
“A voice keeps telling me to remember.”
In thought, Luana looked off. You could see she was trying to piece together everything. Suddenly, realisation seemed to hit her. “Oh, dear.” Those two words were like a battering ram to my heart.
“What’s going on, Luana? Please tell me.”
Her eyes met mine, sympathy oozing out of them. “It’s an impossibility to remember who you are unless an angel tells you. I assume you know the consequences of that?”
“No, but I assume it’s bad.”
Luana nodded. “Very bad.”
And then it hit me. I replayed her words about Stephen having to go to the Council. “I have to remember in order for him to return.”
She sighed. “It certainly looks that way, kiddo.”
“And you say it’s an impossibility for me to remember on my own?”
With sadness in her eyes, Luana nodded. It was like all the air had escaped my lungs. The calming tingles verified what was said, and I knew Stephen was trying to calm my frantically beating heart.
“Then I’m left with no other choice,” I found myself saying.
Luana looked up, puzzled. “What?”
Her Guardians Lost (Her Guardians Trilogy #2) Page 11