I slid down onto my bed and lay my head on my pillow. I could still feel Stephen with me, holding me. “Stay with me,” I whispered, feeling the warmth of him surrounding me.
Closing my eyes, I let the exhaustion of the evening take over. I let the euphoria of feeling Stephen so close wash over me as I slid into the most wonderful, peaceful sleep.
Chapter 22
I knew I was dreaming again because I was at that bloody door. I could never seem to escape its presence. It haunted me day and night, taunting me.
I kicked and screamed and, of course, it didn’t budge. I could hear the laughter. Somehow, it seemed like I was on the precipice of something monumental. I could see it there. I could almost reach out and touch it. But, like always, I was being torn from its clutches. It was never going to let me in.
Sliding down to the floor by the door, I placed my head in my hands, which was always something I did in this dream. Time and time again, I wasted my energy trying to open something that was never going to open.
Suddenly, I heard my uncle’s voice, “Why don’t you just try to open it? Find the handle and turn it like a normal door.”
Rising my head, I looked up. Surely it wasn’t as simple as that. Surely, after all this time, that wasn’t all I had to do. Is there even a handle on this door?
Well, there’s only one way to find out!
Rising, I turned to face the door again. Instead of using brute force, I tried to use some intelligence.
Placing my hand on the wooden frame, I felt all around the edges. I got to where a handle should be and, to my utter amazement, there was one there!
Gasping, I stepped back. It was almost as if it had been there this whole time, laughing at me. Had it really been there and I hadn’t noticed? Surely this would have sprung up before? Surely I hadn’t been that stupid.
Placing my hand on the handle, I hesitated. I had come this far and didn’t want to turn back now. I couldn’t turn back now. But what if I turned the handle and nothing happened? The thought scared the shit out of me.
The laughter intensified, causing me to close my eyes. With my ear to the door, one hand on the handle and the other palming the wood, all I could do was listen.
There really was no other way. You had to turn it. It was your destiny. You had to do it for Stephen.
There was no other option. Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to be brave. I knew I had to know one way or the other. There was just no knowing whether I would wake up in a few seconds.
It was now or never.
I braced myself as I felt my hand push the handle down. I heard it click. Afraid to move, I took slow, deep breaths, wondering whether I would get this far, then have the door pushed closed again.
I couldn’t think like that. I’d come this far, so I had to keep going. Breathing against the door, I did the only thing I could do.
Pushing slightly, I was surprised when the door moved. It was finally open! I had done the one thing I was unable to do all this time. And, again, it was thanks to my uncle. He had come up with a solution so simple, I was sure it would fail. But he was right. I had finally managed to open this damn door and it was all because my uncle suggested I just try and open it. So pure and simple.
Laughing, I began thinking how preposterous this all was. How could I have not seen it before? I thought I was an intelligent woman, but I had missed it. Wasn’t it logical that to open a door, you must simply turn the handle? Of course it was.
Shaking my head, I got back to the task at hand. Letting go of the handle, I pushed it open. With a whoosh of air and a bright light, I was faced with memories hitting me like a battering ram.
“I don’t like your brother, Alexander. He always pretends he’s you so I never know whether it’s you or not.”
Oh, my god. It’s Stephen. A young Stephen is here playing with me.
“I tell you what, Arianne. Why don’t we think of a name only you and I will know? A little secret code so if you’re ever wondering, you can always ask.” Looking down at my teddy bear, he said, “I know. How about Mr. Wigglesby? He’s the name of your teddy bear. If you ask me the secret code, I will tell you it’s Mr. Wigglesby.”
Giggling, I hugged Mr. Wigglesby tight. “Okay, Alexander. It’s a secret. Just you and I will know. No one else. Promise?”
Alexander nodded. “Promise.”
The memory faded and another whoosh of air surrounded me. So many memories were scrambled in my head now, it was hard to take it all in. I had even named my cat after my teddy bear. I wasn’t supposed to remember, but my subconscious won out. I never knew why I chose that name for the bear and the cat all those years ago. I couldn’t even remember how it came to me.
The cloud seemed to fade again, bringing me back to Alexander and Arianne. Laughter filled the air as they danced around in circles.
“Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are,” they sang as they laughed and skipped around.
“You know your eyes twinkle in the light. You have beautiful eyes, Arianne. I should call you Twinkles.”
I giggled, feeling the heat rise to my face. I was young, but I knew I loved Alexander. I knew I would never want to be away from him. Ever.
“When you and I grow up, I want to be your mate. Can you promise me that, Alexander? I don’t like Simeon. He plays games with my head. Michael is nice, but he’s not you. You’re my best friend.”
Alexander cradled me in his arms, making me feel so loved and safe. “Okay, Arianne. I promise.” He pulled me away and tugged on my arm. “Come. Let’s sneak into headquarters.”
I giggled, thinking how naughty Alexander was. He always tried to sneak me into headquarters. He knew how much I liked it there. His father worked there, overseeing all the guardians who watched out for their chosen souls. Sometimes when we snuck in, we could watch everything that was happening down on earth. Alexander and I sat for hours, watching what some souls were doing. I always liked it when they watched movies so Alexander and I could snuggle up and watch it, too. The guardians liked to sit with their chosen ones in times like those. They were not only there in times of trouble, but also in times of solitude. Angels liked to touch the souls as they relaxed. It sometimes made them fall asleep. Those times always made me giggle. One day, I hoped I could relax people as good as the guardians did.
The memories sucked me in like quicksand. I was sinking and sinking, but I wanted to be sunk this time. I wanted to be buried deep within the memories as they were now becoming clearer and clearer. My name wasn’t always Cassie. It was once Arianne. I was the girl Stephen told me about. The girl who he promised he would find again. Stephen kept his promise. He always kept his promises.
Dragging me back to the door, the memory faded and a new one could be seen through the haze. I was much older now, and my father was with me.
“Arianne, I’ve told you before about hanging around with that Alexander. I don’t like him. He’s never been good enough for you. Now, Simeon or Michael… They would be good matches for you. You should be mated with one of them, not Alexander. It’s a pity that Michael has already chosen Elizabeth; otherwise, I would have picked him as your suitor.”
Sinking to my knees, I begged, “But I love him, Father. I love him more than life itself. Please don’t make me chose. If you force me, I will always choose Alexander.” I knew I shouldn’t defy him, but I had to make him see. Surely he would want his daughter to be happy.
He shook his head in dismay. My father was a beautiful man with bright eyes and curly brown hair. All angels were beautiful. But he couldn’t see the beauty that surrounded me. He couldn’t see the devotion Alexander and I had for each other.
“He is no good for you, Arianne. Can’t you see that? Simeon looks just like him. He is a good boy. Why can’t you be with him? Why don’t you want to be with him?”
I gripped my eyes tight and shook my head. Why couldn’t he see what I saw? “He’s bad, Father. He pretends to be Alexander.”
“Don�
��t be preposterous, child. You’re making allegations that could lead to some serious consequences. You can’t flippantly wave something around like that. It isn’t right.”
Why didn’t he believe me? Why couldn’t he just see? “But I’m telling you the truth, Father. Please believe me.”
He shook his head. “What I believe is that Alexander has brainwashed you into believing this. You have been spending too much time with him, Arianne. It’s time it stopped. As of now, I forbid you to spend any more time with him. It’s obvious to me that he’s corrupting you.” Turning his head towards me, he sighed. “Now you have two choices, Arianne. You stay here and be mated with Simeon, or you can be sent on a mission. It’s your choice. I will give you a few days, but you must come to me with a decision. It’s now or never, Arianne. But no more Alexander. I don’t even want to hear his name mentioned anymore. Do you hear?”
I did hear—loud and clear. I could hear too much. I wanted to scream and shout and put my foot down, but I couldn’t. I was the daughter to a high-ranking Archangel. I could never disobey him, no matter how much I wanted to. He was my leader, my proprietor, my father.
“Do you hear, Arianne?”
Bowing my head, I nodded. No matter how much I hated it, I had to give in. I had no other choice.
Scrambling away from that memory, I was quickly swept into another. I could see Alexander as Arianne held onto his hand.
“Come to me tonight, Alexander. Come to me so we can be mated. I can’t live without you. I have to be with you no matter what.”
I could see his hesitation. I knew he wanted this as much as I did, but something was holding him back. “But what if your father finds out? He will hurt you. I can’t have that happen, Arianne. I won’t let that happen to you.”
Gripping his hand tighter, I willed him to listen. “Please, Alexander. I want this. I need this. Ever since we were little, I wanted you to be mine. You know that as much as I do.”
“Yes, but at what cost, Arianne?”
I had to make him see. If we were mated, nothing could take that away. It would be for life. “The cost is us, Alexander. The cost is us being together. Joining as one union. You and I know we haven’t mated with anyone before. I’ve always saved myself for you. Don’t you know this by now?”
Alexander dipped his head and smiled. “Yes, I know.”
“He will never have to know, Alexander. We will come together as one and share in each other. This is something he can never take away.”
Nodding, Alexander kissed my hand. “Okay. Tonight, I will come to you. You know I can never stick to the rules anyway,” he smiled with a wink.
Feeling lighter than air, I gently kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Alexander. I will be waiting.”
A sudden whoosh of air surrounded me as I was faced with another memory. A memory of Alexander and me together, making love.
Closing my eyes, I let my own memories sweep over me. How could I forget this, Alexander? How could I forget you?
Keeping my eyes closed, all I could hear were the sounds of our heavenly cries as we joined together. I daren’t open my eyes as it would seem like I was a peeping Tom to my own memory. I could remember it, though. I could remember every kiss, every touch, the feel of his skin on mine. The build-up of knowing we had become one made it all that more explosive.
How could I have forgotten that?
Feeling the tears slip down my face, I waited until the memory faded. I didn’t need to see anymore. I remembered everything.
“If we ever break apart for any reason. Promise me you will find me, Alexander. Promise.”
Taking my face in his hands, he momentarily closed his eyes. “I promise you, Arianne. You are my life now. You were always my life.”
Sinking to the floor, I let the pain wash over me at what happened next. I remembered it as clear as day now.
Another whoosh of air snapped my eyes open as I gazed upon me the very next day. I was so in love with Alexander, I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly, there was noise. Lots of noise surrounding me, and the pain of knowing what was coming next was excruciating.
My father was mad, very mad. I remembered being panicked, thinking he had found out what we had done. He would be spitting mad if he knew I had mated with Alexander.
Rushing out to my father, I prepared myself to take on his wrath. I knew the inevitable was coming. I knew I was going to be punished severely.
“This is the last straw, Charisma. Something has to be done about this. I’ve already set the plans in motion. And it’s a good thing. At least he will be far away from here. Far away from—”
Looking timidly at my mother, I saw her concern as her eyes snapped up to mine. “Father, what is wrong?” I asked softly.
Watching him spin around, he faced me with such disappointment and anger, I thought I would burst with pain. “I told you that boy was no good for you.”
Hanging my head, I had this sudden panic he would punish Alexander more than me. “You don’t understand. I can explain.”
“Explain what, Arianne? Explain how your so-called best friend slept with his brothers’ mate? What kind of person does that, Arianne?”
Gasping, I placed my hand over my mouth. Surely he hadn’t done that to me. I needed to see him. I needed to know why. There must be some kind of explanation. Maybe Elizabeth was lying.
“I don’t believe her, Father. I don’t believe that he would be with her.”
“Well, believe it, Arianne, because your precious Alexander admitted it himself. I was there when it came from his own sinful lips.”
Shaking my head, I felt the tears burning my eyes. “No…no. I can’t… I won’t believe it.”
Pointing at me, I could feel the adrenaline coursing through him. “Believe it, Arianne. I would never lie to you. This has happened, and Alexander will pay. Plans are already in motion to send him to earth. He is to roam the land alone, suffering the consequences of his actions. It was about time it was done. He will bring with him his memories so he can feel the pain of his actions. I won’t be completely harsh with him, though. Once he has shown mercy, once he has rehabilitated himself, he can come back. But it will take time, Arianne. It will take years.”
No, this can’t be happening. The pain of hearing Alexander had admitted he slept with Elizabeth overwhelmed me. I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe he would betray me like that. I thought he loved me. I thought he wanted to be with me and only me.
“This is a good thing though, Arianne. With Alexander out of the way, you can make time for Simeon. Spend time with him. Get to know him. I’m sure, with time, you will come to love him.”
Gripping my hand to my chest, I shook my head. I looked up at my mother and saw the anguish in her eyes. She knew I was suffering. She knew I was in pain. However, my father was oblivious. He didn’t care. I bet he was glad Alexander had done the one thing my father always expected of him. It would make him even more determined to show me he was right all along. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let that happen. I wasn’t going to be pushed into the arms of another when I had shared my soul with Alexander. He had my soul now. It was crushed and lifeless after being beaten by his betrayal.
“I want the mission,” I whispered.
“Sorry. What was that?” my father asked.
“That mission all the Archangels have been discussing lately. I want to be touched. I want to live my life on earth.” I didn’t want to remember what had happened here. I wanted the pain to be gone. If I couldn’t have Alexander, I didn’t want anyone else. I would rather be alone on earth. I would rather live in ignorance. Sweet, blissful, heavenly ignorance. I knew I wouldn’t be able to heal otherwise. I knew I would never be able to get over him.
It was the lesser of the two evils. I refused to be mated with his twin, Simeon. I’d never liked him and I never would. I would rather spend eternity in limbo than let him anywhere near me.
“Arianne, do you realise the decision you’re makin
g? Do you realise you will give up your seat here and be mortal on earth? Your memory of us and who you are will be lost in your human life.”
Nodding my head, I smiled, thinking I wouldn’t want anything more right now. I was angry at Alexander. The betrayal of it was coursing through my veins. I wanted out…the sooner, the better.
“I want to do this. It is for the greater good, isn’t it, Father? I will make you proud. I know I will.” I was smiling on the outside, but I felt sick on the inside. I was desperate to just crawl into a hole and never resurface.
My father closed the gap between us. His smile was wide as he grabbed my hand. “I know you will, Arianne. What you are giving up is truly selfless. I’m very proud of you.”
My heart constricted at his words. I wasn’t being selfless. I was being one hundred percent selfish. I wanted it gone, all of it—the agony, the pain, the anguish.
“Are you sure about this, my child?”
Smiling sweetly at my father, I turned to see my mother’s face. She looked troubled. I didn’t know if she knew about what had happened or not. The way she looked at me, had me faltering. Was my decision causing her pain? Could I really do this to her? What if she didn’t want me gone?
But then her face lit up with the most breathtaking smile. My mother was stunning. She was giving me her permission, her acceptance.
“I’m sure, Father,” I finally said. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”
With a quick nod, he patted my shoulder. “Then it is done. I will set the wheels in motion. May you make a world of difference, Arianne. And your mother will be there as your spirit guardian. Even though you will never know she is actually there, she will be watching over her beloved daughter.”
Smiling, we all had our last embrace. I was going and I couldn’t be happier. Soon, I wouldn’t feel the pain anymore. I was going to be a baby. A sweet, innocent baby girl who would grow up with a new family and make new friends. I was ready. More ready than ever before.
Let the sweet ignorance begin.
The memory faded, leaving me heartbroken and alone. I now knew that Alexander had never betrayed me. But I couldn’t understand why he took the blame for what his brother did.
Her Guardians Lost (Her Guardians Trilogy #2) Page 23