His Bundle of Love / the Color of Courage

by Patricia Davids

  “The man is rude and he’s arrogant and I am certainly not interested in him.”

  “I’ll admit he needs a little fine-tuning, but he has potential.”

  “Potential for what? No, don’t tell me or you’ll sound like Danny. He never lets up with the ‘When are you going to settle down?’ speech. Once he got married, all he could think about was how I needed to find someone, too.”

  Being in love had made him forget the painful scenes from their childhood, but Lindsey never forgot them. She knew better than to believe she could make an army career and a marriage work. Her own parents had been perfect examples of how wrong it could get. The endless fights, the recriminations, the tears and the broken promises she had witnessed as a child were things she couldn’t forget. As far as she was concerned, it was better not to have children than to subject them to the kind of childhood she’d had.

  Marriage was hard enough without adding frequent reassignment, long separations and dangerous duty to the mix. Danny had been willing to take the chance that he could make it work with Abigail, and maybe they would be one of the blessed ones, but Lindsey wasn’t willing to open her heart up to that kind of pain.

  At Dakota’s stall, Karen leaned through the rails and ran a hand down the big bay’s nose. “Whatever made you think I was talking about settling down?” she quipped. The sly smile she cast Lindsey over her shoulder made Lindsey want to shake her.

  Leaning on the gate beside her sister, Lindsey decided to set her straight. “For your information, I have no intention of starting a relationship. The army is my life. I love moving to new posts, seeing new places, meeting new people.”

  “Why? I hated it as a kid.”

  “I guess the good Lord gave me the wanderlust gene. Our father had it and the next generation of Mandels will probably have it, too.”

  “Except that there won’t be a next generation of Mandels.” Karen’s soft words brought the extent of their loss into sharp focus.

  Lindsey slipped her good arm over Karen’s shoulders. “I’m sorry. That was a thoughtless comment on my part. We can pray that Danny and Abigail may still be blessed with a child.”

  “I guess we can’t spend our lives trying not to say or do something that will remind us of Danny’s condition. I think it has been hardest on Dad. He really wanted to see the traditions of the family carried on.”

  “I know. That’s my duty now. I’m going to carry on and serve with distinction.”

  “Why? Hasn’t our family given this country enough?”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I’ve often wondered if you aren’t trying to live the life you think Dad wanted without finding out what kind of life you wanted for yourself.”

  “This is the life I want,” Lindsey insisted.

  Karen sighed in defeat. “As long as that’s true then I’m going to be happy for you, but you don’t have to do it alone. Sharing life’s burdens is part of the reason God made it so that two could become one.”

  Reaching out, Lindsey tweaked her sister’s nose. “When did you get so wise?”

  “I think it was in Philosophy 101 my freshman year.”

  Lindsey smiled at her joke. The door to the hallway opened and Brian walked over to join them. “Do you have any questions, ladies?”

  Lindsey turned to study Dakota. The cast extended from above his knee to below his hoof. It was wrapped in bright blue cloth.

  “As you can see,” Brian began, “he is wearing special shoes on his other feet to accommodate the height of the cast and keep him standing level.”

  “Why is that important?” Karen stepped over to make room for Brian to stand between herself and Lindsey.

  “It will help prevent undue stress on his other legs. Horses carry most of their weight on their front legs. Unlike dogs or cats, they can’t stand three legged for long. We want him standing evenly, but not moving around much.”

  “I expected to see him hanging from a sling.”

  “We do use slings if we have to, but usually that is for bone breaks in the upper legs.”

  Lindsey drew her hand down Dakota’s neck. “He doesn’t look as if he feels well. Is he in pain?”

  Brian flipped through the chart that was wired to the front of the stall. “I’ve ordered pain medication. He’s been receiving regular doses. His X-rays show the pins are in excellent position. He should recover full use of the leg.”

  Lindsey finally voiced the question she had been afraid to ask until now. “Do you believe Dakota could be healed enough to walk three miles with a rider by late January?”

  “It might be possible, but I can’t give you a guarantee.”

  “He has to be fit by then. If it’s possible, then that’s good enough for me. If you do your best for him, prayer will take us the rest of the way.”

  “I’m sorry, but why does he have to be fit by late January?”

  She turned to face him. “Because the Commanding General’s Mounted Color Guard will be participating in the Inaugural Parade in Washington, D.C., on January twentieth and Dakota has to be there.”

  Brian shook his head. “That’s only ten weeks away.”

  “But is it possible?”

  “If this new treatment works as well as I hope, perhaps, but you certainly can’t count on it.”

  “He’ll make it. I know he will. I have faith.”

  “Unrealistic expectations will only lead to disappointment, Sergeant Mandel.”

  “Aren’t you a man of faith?” Karen asked.

  “I’m a man of science, especially when I’m in this building. Dakota’s progress will be carefully documented and analyzed to help gauge the success or failure of this therapy. I believe in what can be documented. I believe in results that I can quantify.”

  Lindsey studied his face and noticed again the stormy gray color of his eyes. Was he always so serious, she wondered? What did he do for fun? Was he married? She glanced at his hand. He didn’t wear a ring.

  The direction her speculations were heading surprised her. She forced herself to stick to the important topic at hand. “Has this therapy been tried before?”

  “In small animals like rabbits and dogs, but surgical repairs on horses are very different. Their weight is the biggest issue. The stress load on the healing break can be very high. That can lead to repair failures, especially if the horse is high-strung and doesn’t remain quiet.”

  “Dakota isn’t high-strung, but he loves to work. I’m not sure how he’ll take being confined.”

  “He has been quiet for us.”

  Lindsey ran a hand down Dakota’s back. “I still think he is in pain. Isn’t there something else you can do for him?”

  “I don’t want to add additional medications unless I have to. If he is having pain, I’m sure it will decrease soon.”

  Lindsey noticed that Brian seemed ill at ease. He didn’t make eye contact with her. He kept a tight grip on the chart as if it was some type of shield. His superior manner began to irritate her. Either he wasn’t really concerned about the horse or he didn’t think she knew what she was talking about. Why did everything this man said rub her the wrong way?

  “It isn’t fair that Dakota has to suffer because you don’t want to mess up your study.”

  “I assure you we don’t let our patients suffer needlessly.”

  “How can I be sure of that?”

  His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Are you questioning my judgment?”

  “Of course not, Dr. Cutter,” Karen interjected calmly. “I’m sure Dakota is getting the best of care.”

  “He is. If you intend to make yourself useful, Sergeant, I suggest you see my secretary first thing in the morning. She will supply you with a list of duties and the times we have set up for Dakota’s treatments. I’m sure she’ll be
able to find something you can manage with one arm.”

  With that, he left the two women and exited through an outside door.

  Lindsey cast a sideways glance at Karen. “You’re right, he has potential. He has the potential to annoy me to no end. He isn’t the only one who knows about horses. There’s more than one way to treat pain in an animal.”

  “You aren’t giving him a chance, Lindsey.”

  Maybe Karen was right. “I know, but something about him gets to me.”

  “Why?”

  “Maybe it’s because he never smiles. When he’s talking to me, I get the feeling that he’d rather be somewhere else. Maybe I just don’t like that he was right and I was wrong the day Dakota fell.”

  Karen studied Lindsey for a long moment. “I think there is more to your feeling than dislike. You know, I think I’m going to enjoy watching the two of you butt heads.”

  * * *

  As he pulled into the driveway of his home, Brian decided he had wasted enough time thinking about Lindsey Mandel. Why should he care if she didn’t trust his judgment? Except that he did care.

  Stepping out of his pickup, he opened the small carrier on the front seat that Isabella rode in and lifted her out. “Come on, girl, we’re home. Let’s see what the mailman left for us.”

  With Isabella tucked under one arm, he made his way up the walk to a small white cottage with dark blue shutters. The house stood on a tall hilltop overlooking the Kansas River as it wound its way eastward out of the plains and through the rolling hills of eastern Kansas before it emptied into the wider Missouri River near Kansas City.

  The view was one of the reasons he’d purchased the place. It reminded him a little of the view from his parents’ home in Montana. Although the Kansas hills didn’t compare to the foothills of the Bighorn Range, the view and the smell of the tall cedars and pine trees beside the front door always took him back to the mountains—back to where he and Emily had been so happy together. He let the grief pour out now that he was alone. The ache in his heart had become a part of him. It never left.

  From the brass mailbox, he extracted a handful of envelopes and flyers. “Looks like you’re in luck, Isabella. There’s lots of junk mail.”

  He tucked his mail under his chin as he struggled to unlock the door without dropping the rabbit, the correspondences or his cane. Once inside, he closed the door, then set his pet on the floor. She scampered to a box beside his chair and hopped in.

  Brian crossed the hardwood floor and sank with a sigh of relief into his recliner. He rubbed his thigh for a minute before leaning back and raising the leg cushion. From the table beside him, he picked up a silver-framed photo. In it his wife, Emily, smiled sweetly back at him. He had taken the picture of her when they were on their honeymoon. It had been her favorite.

  “You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had,” he began. “My newest patient has the most irritating owner.”

  He often told Emily about the challenges of his job, but tonight he found he didn’t want to tell her about Lindsey. It didn’t seem right.

  The silence of the house closed in, filling him with an aching sense of loss that never faded. He didn’t deserve to have it fade. He had killed the woman he loved and nothing would ever change that fact.

  He set the picture aside and picked up his mail. Sorting through it with Isabella was also a nightly ritual. The flyers from the local grocery stores he tossed into the box with the rabbit. She instantly began to shred them into pieces. Next to nibbling pencils, paper shredding was her favorite pastime and one he allowed her to indulge in only in her special plastic bin.

  It hadn’t taken him long to learn that a bored rabbit could be very destructive. He’d had to replace the wooden handle on his recliner twice during the first year Isabella lived with him. Fortunately, he had discovered the cure before any other items of furniture had to be replaced. If he gave her something fun to do, she was as good as gold.

  He turned over the first envelope. “Hey, we might have won ten million dollars. It says all we have to do is enter to win. Like that will happen.”

  He crumpled the envelope and contents and tossed it into the box. Isabella attacked the new paper with glee. The next two envelopes were bills. He considered tossing them in with the rabbit, but decided against it. Telling the electric company that his rabbit had ripped up the bill wasn’t likely to keep the lights on if he missed a payment. The third envelope bore the logo of the United Jockey Club Research Foundation. Knowing the UJC Research Foundation had donated nearly one million dollars in grants the previous year, he quickly tore open the letter.

  “Listen to this, Isabella. They are interested in my new study. They’re calling it groundbreaking work and their grant committee is interested in learning more. They plan on sending a representative to hear my presentation and review my data at the Equine Surgical Conference in January.”

  Brian glanced at his pet, but she was only interested in her game. Picking up Emily’s picture, he studied the face he knew so well.

  “Do you know what this means, honey? If they back my project, I won’t have to beg money and cut corners to make ends meet at the clinic for years.”

  Things were falling into place for his work. The conference would bring the best and brightest equine surgeons in North America to hear him, along with a dozen other speakers. If he could persuade Equine Equipment to have one of their ambulances on display he might be able to convince the college advisory board to actively pursue purchasing one for the clinic. Just the thought of the horses who could be saved by being safely transported to the clinic brought a lump to his throat.

  He held Emily’s picture close to his heart. “I wish you were here to share this with me.”

  After a while, the unshed tears stopped stinging the back of his eyes. Little by little, the silence of the house lulled him into sleep. As he did almost every night, he fell asleep in the chair with Emily’s face pressed to his chest and her presence filling his dreams.

  Sometime later, Brian awoke with a start. He had been dreaming, but not about his wife. The woman he saw riding toward him on a bay horse had had red hair and green eyes. Disgusted with himself for letting Lindsey intrude into his personal life, he got up and put Isabella in her cage before making his way to his bedroom.

  Sleep was a long time in coming. When it did arrive, he dreamed about his childhood—about lying on his back and looking up through the green aspen leaves and feeling the whole world was full of promise. Green leaves that were the same color as Lindsey’s beguiling eyes.

  * * *

  Early the next morning, Brian walked into the entrance of the Large Animal Clinic with a half-formed plan for the day. Isabella lay firmly tucked in the crook of his arm. He hadn’t slept well and he was sure it showed. Thoughts of Lindsey had kept him up until long into the night.

  Why on earth he couldn’t stop thinking about her was something he couldn’t understand. And she was going to be here again today. The plan he had come up with for dealing with her was to make rounds as early as possible and then barricade himself in his office. It wasn’t much of a plan, but it was all he could come up with at three-thirty in the morning. Looking up, he was surprised to see Jennifer crossing the room quickly to meet him.

  “Good morning, Dr. Cutter. Let me take Isabella outside for you.”

  “Thank you, but I’d like to have her with me in the office today.” He had a feeling he was going to need her comforting presence to help keep him on track and not think about Lindsey. Sergeant Mandel, he corrected himself.

  Jennifer gave him a tight smile and took Isabella out of his arms. “I’m just going to take her anyway. You know how loud voices upset her.”

  “Not that I’ve ever noticed.” Puzzled, he tried to make sense of Jennifer’s tense demeanor. “Are you planning on yelling at me? Whatever I did, I apologize
.”

  Gathering the oversize rabbit into her arms, Jennifer said, “It’s not something you did.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. Oh, before I forget, Sergeant Mandel is going to be in today. Give her a list of her horse’s treatments and let her do what she can to help.”

  Jennifer’s look held a trace of pity. “She’s already here. I’m just going to be outside with Isabella for a while.”

  With the rabbit in her arms, Jennifer hurried out the door.

  Shrugging off her peculiar behavior, Brian limped toward his office. So Lindsey was here already. That shot down the first stage of his plan. He would certainly encounter her when he made rounds. As he was unlocking his door, two of the fourth-year students came down the hall from the holding area. They stopped short at the sight of him, then hurried past with their heads down. He glanced after them with a puzzled frown. What was going on? Whatever it was, he wasn’t ready to face it until he had at least one cup of coffee.

  Inside his office, he set out the carpet-covered boxes Isabella used as steps to reach the top of his desk and her favorite spot—an old towel in a shallow tray at the far corner. After starting the coffee, he held his cup under the brewer until it was full, then slipped in the pot. The first sip of the scalding hot, dark brew was exactly what he needed. Taking a second sip, he set the cup on his desk, put on his lab coat and headed down the hall to check on his patients.

  The first thing he noticed when he entered the stall area was the large group of students clustered outside Dakota’s stall. He hurried forward. If something had gone wrong and he hadn’t been called, heads were going to roll.

  Chapter Five

  “What’s going on here?” Brian’s irate bellow caused the students hovering outside Dakota’s stall to part like the waters of the Red Sea.

  Lindsey winked at the elderly woman inserting hair-fine acupuncture needles along the horse’s neck and turned to face the oncoming battle. She even managed to put on her sweetest smile. “Good morning, Dr. Cutter.”