Landor reached across the table and brushed her hand with his fingers. “Don’t be embarrassed, Kisu,” he said. “You’re right that this is a subject that needs to be addressed.” Rayne took a deep breath and blew it out, then reached for the sasuna, hoping the cold drink would help cool her face.
Landor decided that she deserved to know everything. From the beginning. “One day you and your sisters were crossing the spaceport on your way home for a school break. We always went down to greet you when your transport came in, so we’d seen you, and scented you, countless times before. But on that day, at the exact moment your honeysuckle scent hit us, so too did the knowledge that you were our future. Why it happened when you were barely fourteen years old, we don’t know. We didn’t have a sexual reaction to you of course since you were still a child, but we knew, and it was one of the greatest moments of our lives. But, we also knew that you had many years to go before you’d be ready to be claimed. So, we decided it would be best for us all if we put distance between us. The next day we resigned our positions at the spaceport and volunteered to handle security related issues for ICARUS. It was the most difficult thing we’d ever done, but we knew then, and still believe now, that it was the best thing for you.
“After your eighteenth birthday, when you were legally an adult, we began allowing ourselves to get close enough to feel you and scent you during public occasions, when we knew there would be a lot of other people around to camouflage what we were doing. We never had any reaction to your scent, never even scented you at all, actually. We thought that meant that you were not yet mature despite your age. And we also thought that you lacked emotional maturity, as we’ve already explained. So we’d go back to work for ICARUS for another year or so before trying again, and again. It was always the same though. Every time.
“When we got the invitation to Tani’s wedding, we were very excited. Tani was getting married, and we knew that Salene was planning to formally link with the Gryphons. We told ourselves that had to mean that you’d be ready to be claimed, too. During the wedding we caught your scent as you passed by us and we were in no way disappointed by our sexual reaction to you. It was everything it should have been. Next to identifying you as our berezi, it was the happiest moment of our lives because, finally, the waiting was over.
“Imagine our confusion when, a little while later, we couldn’t catch your scent at all. We got as close to you as we could, as close as we are right now, but there was nothing. No scent, and no reaction. That’s partly why we were so frustrated when we reached the mesa that night. We didn’t understand what was happening, or what it meant.”
“Wait,” she said, frowning. “You could see me, but not smell me?”
“That’s right,” Landor said with a little smile. “When we can’t feel you, we can’t smell you, either. We realize now, of course, that that’s why we never reacted to your scent before. You must use your shield a lot when you’re surrounded by a lot of people.”
Rayne dropped her eyes. “I do,” she agreed.
“Why?” Ari asked. “I know it’s off the subject, but I’d like to know, if you don’t mind telling us.”
Rayne hesitated, then nodded. “Of course.”
“No, Rayne,” Landor said, stopping her. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t mind telling you guys,” she said. “It’s just a little embarrassing. When Salene, Tani, and I were really little, just toddlers, we were walking with our mother across a field. I don’t remember much, but I do remember the feeling of being surrounded by sunshine, tall grass, and Mom’s laughter. Then all of a sudden a stranger came out of nowhere, grabbed my arm and yanked me up into the air. She stabbed me with something sharp, then just let go of me, letting me fall to the ground. I wasn’t seriously injured, but the incident terrified me and I never forgot it.”
“We weren’t there that day, but many were, and we were told about it,” Landor said. “I don’t understand why it embarrasses you though.”
“I’m not embarrassed about that part,” Rayne said. “When I got older I learned that the woman was after a blood sample, and even though she was carelessly cruel about it, she didn’t intend to cause me any real harm. But, knowing that didn’t help, even though my parents seemed to think it should have. I’ve tried, I really have, but I can’t change the fact that I don’t like being in large crowds, especially when there are a number of people I don’t know, because it’s difficult for me to keep an eye on whoever gets close to me. It’s exhausting, stressful and, I know, foolish, and that’s what’s embarrassing.
“I keep my shield up in those situations so my sisters, my parents, and anyone else who might be able to pick up on my emotions will think I’m calm instead of terrified. That’s why I was on the mesa the night of Tani’s wedding. I was exhausted from trying to look relaxed all evening and I just needed a break.” She sighed and shook her head. “I’m so sorry. I know that my full shield hides my scent, but I promise, I had no idea my partial did as well.”
“We figured that much out,” Con said. “There’s no need to apologize.” Rayne tried to smile, but she still felt terrible.
“Rayne, there’s no reason to be embarrassed, and we certainly don’t think you’re foolish,” Landor said. “Your secret is safe with us and what’s more, we will help you in those situations by adding our diligence to yours.” She looked at him in surprise, and he smiled. “We don’t want people we don’t know getting too close to you, either.”
“Thanks,” Rayne said, and this time her smile was real.
“Regarding our reaction to your scent,” Landor said, and her smile faded. He reached out to touch her hand again. “Since your return, our sexual response to you has been muted because of your health, which is perfectly normal. We’ve caught your scent a few times over the past couple of days, this morning in the Roar Room for example, and I assure you that as your health improves, our sexual response will become stronger. It’s not going to be a problem for us, Kisu.”
“Thank you for clearing that up,” she said, blushing again, this time at the depth of her relief. Then she thought of how long the Bearen-Hirus had suffered, and how hard it must have been for them. “I feel so bad for you guys. You’ve been through so much for so long, and here I was feeling hurt and sorry for myself. I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t do anything to be sorry for, Rayne,” Ari said. “You had every reason to feel as you did. We made a lot of mistakes, but what matters to us is that you understand that we made them while trying to protect you.”
“Yes, I do understand that,” Rayne said. “I didn’t at first, and that hurt, but I get it now. I really do.”
“Thank you,” Ari said. “That means a lot to us.”
“Are there any other concerns you can think of?” Landor asked.
Rayne thought for a moment, then voiced her only remaining concern. “What will you do when you discover that I really am just as immature as you feared I was?”
“What will you do when you discover that we’re hopelessly old fashioned?” Landor countered.
“Old fashioned?”
“We’re nearly three hundred years old, Rayne. We’ve always been considered old-fashioned, even among our contemporaries.”
“Why?”
“Initially we were labeled old fashioned because we refused to engage in sexual activities during those years when it was possible for us to do so, before we fully matured.”
“Wait,” Rayne said, holding one hand up. “Are you saying that you’ve never had sex? Ever?”
“No, we haven’t,” Landor said.
“Don’t worry though,” Con said, smiling, “we’ve done lots of research on the subject.”
Rayne smiled until she saw that Landor was frowning at her. She looked at him questioningly. “Rayne, abstaining was a choice that we made between ourselves, for our own reasons, centuries before you were even born. Please don’t think it means that we’d think badly of you if
chose not to abstain yourself.”
“I’m glad to hear that because, truly, it would be enormously unfair on your parts if you did. But, the truth is that I’m just as old fashioned as you, apparently. On that subject anyway. And you might as well know that aside from what Mom taught us, I haven’t done any research on the subject.” She looked down at the table, her cheeks heating yet again. “I could though, if you want.”
“No no, that’s not necessary,” Con said quickly. “We prefer to teach you ourselves.”
“Good, so would I,” she said with a relieved smile. “So, no more secrets? No hiding?”
“No hiding?” Landor asked. “Does that mean you’ll lower your shield?”
Rayne’s eyes widened in surprise, but after a moment, she nodded. “Yes, of course, that’s only fair.”
“Wait,” Ari said, holding up one hand. “Don’t do this if you’re not comfortable with it, Rayne. We can wait until you’re ready.”
“Thanks, Ari, but Landor’s right. No hiding means no shield.”
“When your shield is up, can you feel us?” Con asked.
“No, if you can’t feel me, I can’t feel you, and that’s not the way it’s supposed to be for Clan Jasani,” she said. “Although, I can smell you with my partial shield up, which is why it never occurred to me that my scent was blocked.” As soon as she finished speaking, she dropped her shield completely.
A moment later they all smiled at her. “Thank you,” Landor said. “For lowering your shield, and for agreeing to give us a chance to get to know each other.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Rayne said. “I want to make this work as much as you guys do.”
“We’re glad,” Landor said, then picked up his wine glass. His relief was so strong that he needed a moment to let it settle. He took a healthy drink, then put the glass down with a smile. “We have some good news for you.”
“Is it that I can leave the rest of my vegetables and skip to that chocolate pie before I get too full?”
“Not even close,” Landor said, grinning.
“Don’t be mean, Landor,” Con said as Ari whisked her plate away and put the dessert in its place. Rayne laughed as she picked up her fork.
“Thanks, guys,” she said before taking a bite. She closed her eyes to savor the taste of cool rich chocolate. She swallowed and opened her eyes with a sigh, then laughed when she saw that Landor, Con, and Ari were all watching her with grins on their faces. “What was it you wanted to tell me?”
Landor blinked and gave his head a little shake as he tried to remember. “Oh yes, good news,” he said. “Pip scanned everyone onboard for Controllers, and the results were negative.”
“Pip? Do you mean Ric’s son, from Dracon Ranch?”
“Yes, that’s him,” Con said. “He’s the Armadura’s physician now. I thought we told you that.”
“I don’t think you mentioned his name, but if you did, it didn’t register at the time. Are you sure he scanned everyone?”
“Positive,” Landor replied, the sudden change in her demeanor causing him to frown. “We even double checked the personnel list to make sure no one, human or Clan, was missed. We had him scan the three of us too, just to be safe.”
“What’s bothering you, Rayne?” Ari asked.
“I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that there’s someone on the Armadura with a Controller. A strong feeling.”
“I suppose we could ask Pip to scan everyone again,” Landor said.
Rayne stilled as once again a thought barely tickled her mind, then vanished. Having a phrase repeated had done the trick before, so she decided to try it again. “Say that again, please.”
“What? That we can ask Pip to scan everyone again?”
Rayne’s head tilted slightly as she waited for the thought to come back. When it did, she nearly dropped the drink she was holding. Thanks to Con’s fast reflexes, she was spared a lap full of juice, but she barely noticed. “Caxap!” she swore, startling the men.
“What is it?” Landor asked.
“Pip scanned everyone,” she said. “You, the crew, everyone on this ship, right?”
“Except for you, yes, that’s right,” Landor replied.
“Who scanned Pip?”
Landor, Con, and Ari all froze for a long moment. “I don’t remember seeing his name on the list,” Con said.
“Me neither,” Ari said. They both stared at Landor who took another moment to think back.
“No, it wasn’t there,” he said finally. As soon as the response was out of his mouth, all three of them started growling softly, causing the hair on the back of her neck to rise and cold chills to race down her spine.
“Wait,” she said urgently, holding her hands up to get their attention before their sudden anger got out of control. “This isn’t Pip’s fault, and he didn’t betray you. You have to remember that. If he does have a Controller, then he’s a victim.”
“You’re right, of course, Kisu,” Landor said, visibly relaxing. Rayne released a relieved breath. “Thank you for stopping us before we lost our senses again.”
“I’m a little surprised,” she said. “Why did this set you off?”
“Good question,” Con said, turning to Landor. “Do you know why?”
“It’s not that this is worse than what happened to you, because it doesn’t even come close,” Landor said. “I think it’s a cumulative effect. Each bad thing just adds to the growing pile.”
“I see,” Rayne said. “It’s like that old saying, the straw that broke the camel’s back. Right?”
“I think so,” Landor said, then shrugged. “I’ve no idea what a camel is but if my assumption that it’s a beast of burden is correct, then it sounds right.”
Rayne started to laugh, then froze. “Straw,” she said suddenly. “That’s it!”
“What?” Ari asked.
“That’s what I used to write those messages on the shift,” she said. “I used straw.”
“Where did the straw come from?” Landor asked.
“I’ve no idea,” she said. “I’m glad I remembered that much. I’ve been wondering about it.”
“In that case, I’m glad you remembered, too,” Landor said, smiling. His smile faded as he thought about Pip. “Do you have any suggestions on how to handle this situation with Pip? We like him well enough so far, and he’s a great doctor, but he’s only been with us a couple of months. You’ve known him most of your life, haven’t you?”
“Yes, I’ve known Pip since we were kids,” she said. “He was the eldest of the children on the ranch by a few years, but he was so small that he blended in with the rest of us. He was really smart, usually serious, and always studious, but he was gentle and kind, too. The last time I saw him he was working with Doc. He’d finished his schooling and was officially a doctor, but he said that he’d never be able to call himself a real doctor until Doc said he was, and Doc wanted him to train with him for a few years first.”
“We knew he’d been trained by Doc,” Ari said. “It’s perhaps the largest factor in our decision to grant him the post of Chief Medical Officer on the Armadura when our previous doctor retired. We didn’t know much more than that, though. From what you just told us, I suspect that this is going to be difficult for him.”
“Yes, I think so too, but it can’t be helped,” she said. “The Controller has to be neutralized, but don’t forget what I told Ata.”
“About?”
“If a Controller realizes you’re trying to neutralize it, it’ll force the host to commit suicide, and it won’t stop until it succeeds.”
Landor nodded. “That’s why Pip came up with a hand held metal scanner to check the crew, so they wouldn’t know what he was looking for. He stuck a colored light on one end and told everyone it was a virus scanner. We can’t use that on him, obviously.”
“Then you’ll need to find a way to neutralize him before that impulse or order or whatever it is gets activated.”
“Then tha
t’s what we’ll do,” Landor said. “You’re starting to droop, Rayne. Are you finished eating?”
“I wish I could eat more of this pie, but I can’t, so yes, I’m finished, and yes, I’m tired even though I slept most of the day.” she said. “I’m not going to bed yet, though. I want to take a long hot bath, first.”
“Sounds like a good idea,” Landor said. “Do us a favor though, please, and take that vox with you. We have to work tonight, so don’t hesitate to call us if you need anything at all.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I’ll take it, I promise.”
“I’d be glad to start the bath for you before we leave,” Ari offered.
She looked at him in surprise. “That’s not necessary, Ari, but thank you.” He nodded, but now that her shield was down she had no trouble feeling his disappointment. “What did I miss?”
“Miss?” Landor asked.
“When Ari just asked me if he could fill the tub, my reaction was that I could do it myself and that he…all three of you…had much more important things to do than run a bath for me, especially when I can do it myself. But I felt his disappointment when I declined his offer. I don’t understand it.”
“For one thing,” Landor said, “there is nothing and no one in this or any other universe that is more important to us than you.”
“For another thing,” Ari said, “we’ve waited centuries to have a woman we can do things for.”
Rayne understood that, or thought she did. But it still didn’t make sense to her. Reading her confusion correctly, Ari leaned forward and placed his fingers over her wrist. He stroked his thumb lightly across the pulse point, sending a startlingly intense thrill through her. “For me, running your bath would be…enjoyable. First, I’ll make sure the tub is spotlessly clean because nothing less will do for you. Then I’ll start the water, making sure that it’s hot enough to be relaxing, but not so hot that it’s uncomfortable for your delicate skin. I’ll add some honeysuckle foaming oil to the water because you like it, and because it matches your natural scent which we love, and because it’ll keep the water from drying your skin out. I’ll go through all of the towels in the cabinet and pick out the thickest, softest, plushest ones I can find, and I’ll set them out for you. I’ll put your body wash and shampoo on the ledge, along with some extra washcloths and whatever else I can think of that you might want or need.
Rayne's Return (Hearts of ICARUS Book 3) Page 15