“I, for one, am thrilled that we’ve been blessed with the ability to feel Rayne,” he said. “Especially since she cannot feel her own pain.”
“You’re right, Ari,” Landor said. “It is a blessing for that reason alone.” He reached for one of the cloths that Ari was holding and climbed onto the bed where Con and Ari joined him a moment later. Together they washed Rayne, their strokes light and gentle as they cleansed her from head to toe, making sure that she was unharmed. Con covered her with a sheet and watched over her while Landor and Ari went into the bathroom to wash up, and when they came back, he took his turn. Landor climbed onto the bed and, moving carefully so as not to wake her, he shifted her so that she was lying on top of him, her cheek resting against his chest. Con and Ari laid down beside them, each placing one hand on Rayne’s body. Connected in every way possible, they all fell asleep.
Chapter 16
Rayne stood in front of the mirror admiring her binding marks with an enormous smile on her face that widened when she heard Landor call her name. “In here,” she replied, turning from side to side so she could see as much of Landor’s bearenca as possible. When Landor, Con, and Ari all entered the bathroom a moment later she looked at their reflections, then laughed out loud as she turned around and grabbed hold of Con’s arm to get a closer look at their lau-lotu.
“You didn’t see them when you woke up?” Ari asked.
“No, I was too worried about waking you guys,” she said. “So that’s what I’ll look like. I don’t remember seeing a red gold bearenca before.”
“That’s because there isn’t one,” Landor said, smiling down at her. “The only bearenca whose coloring comes close to yours is Arima Hope’s.” Rayne clapped her hands in delight, earning indulgent smiles from her men that she missed when she turned to admire her own lau-lotu in the mirror again.
“You don’t appear to dislike your binding marks,” Con said, smiling at her in the mirror.
“Dislike them?” she asked in surprise. “I love them! They’re beautiful and perfect and they’re you. All three of you.” Her voice dropped as she ran her fingers over the image of Ari on her right arm. “No matter what happens, I’ll have you with me all the time now. I’ll never be truly alone again.”
“No, you won’t,” Landor said. “Not on this plane or any other.” She smiled up at him and opened her mouth to speak when her stomach growled. “It’s obviously time to put some food in you. And in us, too.”
“Sounds wonderful to me,” she said, then turned toward the sink and opened a drawer for her toothbrush.
“What would you like for breakfast?” Con asked.
“Everything,” she said, her eyes dancing.
“Excellent idea,” Landor said. “We’ll give you a few moments of privacy while we call down and request that the cafeteria be delivered to our room.”
“Don’t forget to order something for yourselves, too,” she said with a grin.
Twenty minutes later Rayne was sitting at the table in her new robe, sipping coffee while she watched her Rami load her plate with enough food to feed three of her. Or one of them. She didn’t say anything though. She’d grown up watching her fathers do the same thing to her mother on a daily basis. It gave her a warm feeling inside to see her men do it for her.
“What’s that look for?” Con asked as he set her plate down in front of her. She looked at the plate which held a waffle covered with sliced strawberries, a cheese omelet, ham, bacon, a croissant, and…were those blueberries scattered over everything? She looked up, grinning.
“I see you took me literally when I said everything,” she said.
“Not quite,” Ari said. She arched a brow at him. “They were out of cinnamon rolls. Sorry.”
“I think this might be enough,” she said happily, watching them fill their own plates before picking up her fork. “Did any of you check with the infirmary to see how Salene’s doing?”
“Yes, we did,” Con said. “Blake said that she didn’t sleep well. Salene insisted that it was because she didn’t like being watched while she was trying to sleep and requested a private room. We told Blake to put her in the room you were using.”
“Thanks,” she said, her smile slipping for the first time that morning. “I should go visit her.”
“Blake said one of his conditions for releasing her from the infirmary was a promise to take something to help her sleep, which she did. He told me that she’ll probably sleep the entire morning, if not the entire day.”
“What about you guys?” she asked, cutting into her waffle. “Do you have to work this morning?”
“We’ll have to check in with the captain this afternoon I’m afraid,” Landor said. “But the morning is ours to do with as we wish.”
“Would you mind showing me how to shift?” she asked.
“Mind?” Landor asked. “We’re looking forward to it.” Rayne looked up, surprised by his vehemence. “We’ll be a lot happier knowing that if anyone attacks you with metal legs again, you’ll be able to rip them off with one bite and spit them out.”
“The image you just painted is kind of gross, but at the same time, appealing. I’m looking forward to having that kind of strength and power.”
“So are we,” Landor said. They all fell silent while they ate, but after a few moments they sensed that Rayne was worrying about something.
“Share with us, Rayne,” Landor said. “Please?”
“Of course,” she said, putting her fork down and reaching for her juice. “Last night I felt you guys again, kind of like before, but this was much stronger. It wasn’t just your arousal I felt. I felt what your bodies felt.”
“We felt you the same way,” Landor said.
“Tri-phase?”
“Yes, as unbelievable as it is to us, that’s the only explanation we can think of,” Ari said. “Do you feel us now?”
“Well, I can tell that all three of you are a little wary right now, and I guess it’s because you’re worried about my reaction. But other than that, no.”
“Reach for us,” Landor suggested. “Imagine yourself feeling what one of us feels right this moment.”
“Okay,” Rayne said. She closed her eyes a moment, then reached out with her feelings. A moment later she smiled. “I feel how happy you are. I can’t quite separate you from one another, but I feel your combined happiness the way I feel my own.”
“That’s just the beginning,” Landor said. “As we get better at it we’ll be able to feel more with less effort. We’ll practice with it later, all right?”
“Sure,” she said before popping a strawberry slice into her mouth. She chewed slowly, as a new thought entered her mind. “What about my inability to feel pain?”
“What about it?” Landor asked.
“Well, the soul-link triad took away all of my scars,” she said. “I just wonder if it took that away, too.”
“Anything’s possible, I suppose,” Con said. “Even time travel. But we don’t think it’s probable.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re inability to feel pain isn’t a physical problem. It’s in your mind.”
“You think I’m crazy?”
“Not remotely,” Landor said.
“What then?” she asked. “Maybe if I understand what I did, I can undo it.”
“We don’t know for certain, Kisu, we can only guess,” Landor said. “The Tigrens checked you carefully but could find no physical reason for your inability to feel pain. It was a mystery to us all until you told us about the experiments that were done on you without anesthetic. We suspect that a part of your brain stopped registering pain in a desperate act of self-preservation. We have no idea if it can be reversed. Perhaps Jareth will be able to help with that when we return to Jasan.”
“In the meantime?” she asked. “I don’t want to repeat what happened yesterday.”
“Thanks to tri-phase, we can already feel a bit of what you feel. With practice, the ability will strengthen so that
even if you can’t feel your pain, we’ll be able to do it for you.”
“No, I don’t want you feeling my pain,” she said adamantly, her eyes wide with horror at the thought.
“Rayne,” Ari said, his voice so gentle that she couldn’t help but look at him. “If I were shot or stabbed, and I fell unconscious, would you use your ability to feel my pain to determine how badly I was injured?”
“Of course I would,” she said with a reluctant sigh. “Okay, I get it.”
“I believe that the Fates gave us tri-phase because you can no longer feel your own pain,” Con said. “But, no matter the reason, it’s a gift, and we are grateful for it.”
“I know, and I’m grateful too,” she said. “I really am. It’s just going to take me a while to adjust to it.”
“It’ll take all of us a while to adjust to this,” Landor said. “Just remember that feeling each other is a choice, and we can stop it the moment we want to.”
“Good point,” Rayne said. “I wonder if my shield will block your ability to feel me, or my ability to feel you guys.”
“That’s easy enough to determine,” Ari said. “Raise your shield and we’ll try it.”
Rayne nodded, then raised her shield just enough to block her emotions. Then she reached out for her Rami again. Nothing. She tried again, then shook her head. “It’s not working for me. How about you?”
“No,” Landor said, then looked at Con and Ari. They both shook their heads. “This could be a problem.”
“How?” Rayne asked in surprise.
“If we’re in a situation where you have to hide behind your shield, we won’t be able to determine if you’re hurt,” Landor said.
“I wonder if I can fix that,” she said thoughtfully.
“Fix what?” Con asked.
“I was born with the ability to fully shield myself, I told you that,” she said. “But the partial shield, that I’m using now, was something I taught myself to do with lots of practice. Maybe I can figure out how to let you three feel me, while blocking everyone else.”
“Do you really think you can do that?” Ari asked in surprise.
“I won’t know until I try,” she said. “Since we’re linked now, I think there’s a chance, at least.”
“Then we’ll work together on that, too,” Landor said. “You about finished?”
“I am,” she said, setting her fork down. Even though she’d taken no more than a bite or two of everything on her plate, she was stuffed. “I’ll go put some clothes on.”
“Good idea,” Landor said, grinning at her. Rayne rolled her eyes at him as she got up and hurried to her dresser. She grabbed the first items she touched, then went into the bathroom. She came out a few minutes later in a pair of stretch pants and a t-shirt, her hair pulled back into a short ponytail, and her body nearly vibrating with excitement.
“Do you know how shifting works?” Landor asked as he bent to put his boots on.
“What do you mean? Physically?”
“No, I meant do you know how to shift.”
“Ah,” she said. “My understanding is that my humanoid form and my alter-form both exist, but only one can manifest at a time. When I call my alter-form forth, I become myself as a bearenca.”
“Excellent,” Landor said, smiling proudly at her. She rolled her eyes.
“I did grow up with shifters, you know.”
“Yes, but witnessing something and actually doing it are not the same,” Con said, opening the door for her.
“That’s true,” she said, stepping into the corridor. “May I ask you guys a personal question?”
“You may ask us anything you like, Kisu,” Landor said as they started walking toward the Roar Room. “You are our Arima. We will not keep secrets from you.”
“I appreciate that. But if I ask something you don’t really want to talk about, please promise to just say so.”
“We will consider that option,” Con said. “What would you like to ask?”
“Aside from Clan Bearen, do you have any close family? Brothers or parents?”
“No, Rayne,” Con said with a sad smile. “Our mother died when we were little more than babies.”
“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have brought this up.”
“It’s all right, Rayne,” Ari said. “It was three hundred years ago and we were very young. Sadly, we barely remember her.”
“What happened?”
“It was a simple accident,” Landor said. “She was an artist, and had just finished a painting of us with our fathers. She had it framed and was standing on a ladder in our father’s office trying to hang it. It was a surprise, and she wanted to see how long it took them to spot it. She lost her balance and fell. It wasn’t a long distance, just a couple of feet, but she hit her head on the corner of the desk. That was it. She was gone.”
“Your fathers must have been devastated,” she said, imagining how her own fathers would feel if they lost her mother.
“They were,” Con agreed. “Even though she was not their Arima, they loved her deeply. After she died, they became like ghosts of themselves. They stuck it out for a few years, then they took us to the Hidden City and left us with their brothers. We never saw them again. When we were older, we were given a letter from them, admitting that they’d promised our mother that if she died, they’d raise us to adulthood before following her to the next plane. It was a promise they could not find the heart to keep.”
Rayne bit her lip hard in an effort to hold back her immediate response, momentarily forgetting how easily they could feel what she felt. “We agree,” Landor said. “It was dishonorable of them to break their word to the woman they loved. Aside from ourselves and our uncles, no one knew about the promise, but that didn’t make it any easier for us to come to terms with it.”
“What did your uncles think about it?”
“They didn’t like it, and they didn’t understand it,” Con said. “It made them angry, but they hid that from us as much as they could. When we were twelve years old they fell in love themselves and were mated. Aunt Belinda was a wonderful and sweet woman. She filled a place in our hearts that we hadn’t realized was empty before she came along. When we were in our late teens she got pregnant, which she and our uncles had been trying to do for years. They were so happy. We were happy for them. Then, about half way through her pregnancy, something went very wrong. She died, and our uncles followed soon thereafter.”
Rayne saw the sadness in their eyes, but more than that, she felt it. She felt their loss, their heartache, their loneliness, and their despair. She understood that at least part of their determination to wait for their Arima was grounded in the fact that the two women they’d loved as mothers had been human, and had both died in ways that might not have killed a female Clan Jasani. She saw no reason to point that out to them, though. They were intelligent men, and unless she missed her guess, they’d already figured that out for themselves.
They stopped in front of the Roar Room and Landor opened the door. Once they were all inside the ante chamber and the door was closed, she turned to face them. “I know this is probably not the time for this, but I have to ask.”
“No need,” Landor said, a sad smile on his face. “Even though we’re now beginning to understand the reason our fathers did as they did, it doesn’t change the fact that they dishonored themselves and our mother by breaking their word. We would never do that to you, Rayne, nor would we put our children through what we experienced. If we’re blessed with children, and you are taken from us, we will remain on this plane until they’re fully grown and no longer in need of our guidance before we rejoin you. On this you have our most solemn vow.”
“If that happens, never forget that I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes,” she said. She blinked away her tears and took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s go do this.”
“Yes, let’s,” Con said, opening the door into the shifting chamber. Rayne went through the door and stumbled the m
oment her foot sank into the deep padding. Landor caught her before she fell and carried her into the center of the room.
“Wow, graceful start.”
“Everyone stumbles the first time the floor sinks under their feet,” he said as he set her down, then hovered until he was sure she would remain steady.
“Thanks,” she said. “Now what?”
“Imagine your bearenca in your mind and call to her,” Ari said, holding his arm up so that she could see what her bearenca looked like.
Rayne nodded, took a deep breath, then closed her eyes and imagined herself as a bearenca. She felt an odd pulling sensation that she didn’t recognize and opened her eyes. Just as she started to ask Landor what it meant, she realized that she was no longer in her human form. For one thing, she was taller than her Rami which was just plain weird. For another, she was standing on four feet. She looked down, grinning inwardly at the long sharp claws curling out from toes covered in red gold fur.
“Wow,” she thought, “I’m in desperate need of a mani. Or is it a pedi?” She raised her nose to the ceiling and laughed, then froze, startled by the odd sound that came out of her mouth.
“Was that supposed to be a laugh, Kisu?” Landor asked. Because of her experience with Wolef, she immediately understood that he was speaking to her telepathically. She looked around and saw that all three of them had shifted and took a moment to admire them. Then she did an odd little hop and leap of excitement and took off running. She was surprised by how fast she moved, and how powerful she felt. She caught something out of the corner of her eye and glanced that way, smiling inwardly to see Landor loping along beside her. She looked to her other side and saw Con, and sensed that Ari was right behind her. Without warning, she put on a burst of speed and outdistanced them by several paces for just a few moments before they caught up. She was laughing delightedly when the part of her mind that was now purely bearenca spoke to her for the first time. She stopped so suddenly that she flipped head over heels a few times before coming to a skidding stop on the thickly padded floor in her humanoid form.
Rayne's Return (Hearts of ICARUS Book 3) Page 30