~* * * *~
A Saturday night a couple of weeks later made me question my decision once again. George’s car broke down and was not worth fixing, so he had to borrow his brother’s car. When George started to drink too much, I tried to point out that he had his brother’s car. He wouldn’t listen to me even after I kept saying over and over that he had enough. He kept saying that he went to the store today and that he was really happy about what he picked up. No matter how much I questioned him, he would not tell me what it was. The only thing he would say was that I would be really happy when I saw it and that it was for me. He was so drunk, I just wanted to go home and was tired of hearing him talk about this surprise that he wouldn’t share. My gut was telling me that he had just picked up my engagement ring, but why play games like this and not say what it was? I could understand it being at a special place and time, but then he shouldn’t have said anything.
“I just want to go home. I’m not feeling well, okay?” I just wanted to get away from him. I hated when he drank so much and I didn’t like not knowing what he was talking about.
“I can’t believe you want to ruin the rest of the night,” he slurred.
“We can go out tomorrow night. I just don’t feel good right now and want to go to bed. I’m not trying to ruin our night.” I knew there was no sense trying to also explain how I didn’t like being taunted about a surprise and not being told about it.
I knew I probably shouldn’t have let him drive home, but I didn’t want him on our couch either when he was in that condition. I was so angry with him, but didn’t tell him. I just gave him a quick kiss goodnight and quickly got out of the car. “I will call you later if I feel better. Don’t be mad,” I said as I closed the car door.
I walked inside. The house was empty, my parents were out for the evening. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of soda. As I was climbing the stairs to go up to my bedroom, I heard a knock on my front door. Oh no, please don’t let it be George telling me he can’t drive home. I walked to the front window and peaked out to see who was there. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Danny.
Was it fate that Danny was at my door not five minutes after George dropped me off? Was he watching my house, waiting for me to come home?
“I hope it’s okay that I came over?” Danny asked me.
“It’s okay, but how did you know I was home?” I knew he had to be watching, but would he admit it?
“I was thinking about you all night. I watched for George’s car,” he hesitantly admitted.
“It is weird that you picked tonight to show up here. George got really drunk tonight and really pissed me off. He told me he picked up something at the store today, but wouldn’t tell me what it was, just that it was for me.” Why did I just tell him all that information? I instantly regretted the can of worms I knew I just opened.
“What do you think it is?” he questioned.
“I’m not sure, but he seemed really happy and excited about it.”
“I don’t like the sound of that. You don’t think he got that ring you told me about, do you?” he hesitantly asked.
“I really don’t know—I am thinking that is what it might be, though.” Why? Why did I open my mouth? Deep down, I think I must have wanted Danny to say I couldn’t marry George, that he wanted to marry me. I glanced over at Danny as I awaited his thoughts.
“You can’t marry him!” he snapped.
“Umm, yes I can!” I instantly got defensive. As much as I wanted this reaction from him, I also didn’t think he had a say in this because he didn’t want me. “If I choose to say yes, there isn’t anything you can do about it, is there?” Was I baiting him to fight for me? Oh my God, what am I doing here?
“You can’t marry him because you love me and I love you!” he exclaimed as I sensed an anger building.
His words hit me like a punch in the stomach. Of course, I loved him. He was my first boyfriend, the first person I had shared my whole soul with. I was arguing with myself in my head, as I knew I’d asked for this. What am I going to do now? “I’ve never denied that—I will always love you—but that doesn’t change anything!” My temper was also beginning to build.
“You’re right…I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I did. You have every reason in the world to not believe what I am saying. I hurt you and I am sorry,” he said in a softer tone now. “I just know you will be making a mistake…We belong together.”
“You can’t keep doing this to me!” I softly cried. “Just when my life starts to settle down you come here and turn me upside down again. I don’t know what I am supposed to do anymore, I really don’t.”
“You can believe me this one last time and give us one more chance,” he stated. “We belong together and you know it.”
“Are you serious? You want me to go out with you again? You don’t want to be with me, you just don’t want me with George!”
“You know that’s not true!” he argued. “Yes, I don’t want you with him, but that is not why I think we should get back together. Ever since the last time we talked, all I thought about was you being with someone else and I can’t handle it. I promise you this time will be different. You can’t marry him. I think we should seriously think about getting engaged.”
“WHAT? Are you high?” I couldn’t believe what he just told me. He thought we should talk about getting engaged?
“No! I am not high. I don’t want to lose you ever again,” he firmly stated as he grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him.
“You gave up smoking pot? I need to know, because if you’re going to be doing that then we really can’t even think about getting together.”
“I am not smoking anymore, I mean it,” he answered.
I studied his face and saw sincerity, or what I believed it to be. I could hear my heart beating faster as I laid my head on his chest. My hair, now long and wavy, seemed to cascade upon him. I could hear every beat of his heart and every breath he was taking as I leaned against him deep in thought. I felt an instant fire ignite in my toes that traveled up through my whole body, causing me to tremble as our hearts beat together.
He gazed deep into my eyes, told me again that he loved me, as he wrapped his arms around me, and kissed me.
My whole body woke up and yearned for every touch of his hands that were all over me, and for his lips on mine, as we folded into one person, united once again.
If it was even possible, I fell more deeply in love with him after that night. After he left, I was alone with my thoughts, and reality smashed me in the side of my head. I needed to break up with George once again—and once again because of Danny. I was really afraid of how he was going to react, especially suspecting that he had paid for a ring for me.
I managed to put it off for a day, saying that I still didn’t feel good, but I knew I was running out of time. An emergency call to Leslie and Liz was made. This time, when they showed up with the tissues, I didn’t need them but my situation was clearly not good. No one wanted to be in my shoes; I didn’t want to be in my shoes. I was floating on a cloud of happiness, yet I had to get through the worst storm in history in order to have that sunshine that would be on the flip side.
~* * * *~
“Tell me you are joking, you can’t be serious.” George’s words of despair echoed in my head. I just told him that I was breaking up with him because of his drinking.
The tears were falling down my cheeks quickly. I did care about him, but I had to follow my heart, didn’t I? I couldn’t even look him in the eyes.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box.
A box that I knew was holding an engagement ring for me.
“I was going to give you this tonight at dinner,” he softly said as tears were building in his eyes as well.
“I am so sorry. I know you don’t believe me and I don’t blame you one bit,” I barely managed to say.
“This has to do with Danny, doesn’t it? You want me to believe it is my drinking bu
t I don’t believe you!” His voice was filled with anger.
“It does have to do with your drinking! Why did you have to get so drunk the other night? If you were so happy about us getting engaged why couldn’t you have shared that happiness with me, instead of with a bottle?” I just couldn’t let him know that it was Danny, and I really wasn’t lying, in a way.
“Just leave. I don’t want to see you right now!” he yelled.
I walked away in tears. As much as I wanted to get back with Danny, I felt really bad about the pain I just caused someone who truly loved me and wanted to marry me. I told Danny that I couldn’t see him that night; I needed time to myself. I had a lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away. I knew I did what I needed to do, but that didn’t make it any easier.
I told Danny that I had to see George one last time. I kept seeing his face standing there with the ring box in his hand, and I knew I needed to try to talk to him one last time.
A few days later, I went to see George. I wanted to make sure that he was okay and tried to explain it better. I thought if I gave him some time we could talk better. I spent all of the previous night going over in my head what to say. I just didn’t want it to end the way it did.
I walked up to the door and rang the bell. I didn’t tell him I would be there. I tried to call him on the phone a few times the previous week, but got no answer.
His brother opened the door and a look of hate filled his face. He just stood there glaring at me.
“Is George here?” I softly asked. I was really scared by the look on his face and my hands began to tremble.
“He didn’t tell you? He sold your ring, bought a car, and left. He moved out of New York because of you!” With that, he slammed the door in my face.
What had I done? I was beyond dumbfounded at the chain of events.
I needed to see Danny. I needed him to hold me and tell me that everything would be all right. I needed to know that I didn’t just make the worst decision of my life. I rang his phone once as soon as I got back home.
In seconds, he called me back.
“Please come over, I need you!” I cried.
In moments, he was walking in my front door. He found me crying on my bed. He didn’t say a word but wrapped those arms I so desperately needed around me and just held me tight. He didn’t question me until later about what happened to get me so upset. We decided not to talk about George and what happened after that night. We were anxious to begin our lives together, once again.
~* * * *~
Danny was true to his word. Time flew by for us and things were better than they’d ever been. He wanted to spend a lot of time with me. He called me when he said he was going to. We didn’t fight all the time, and life was the way it was meant to be. I continued dental school, and we enjoyed life as the couple we were destined to be. We talked often about getting engaged soon. We even went and bought a phony ring for me to wear for the time being until we could get a real one.
The first day I walked into class with the ring, my dental schoolteacher flipped. She couldn’t tell that it wasn’t real, and had no reason to think differently. She was so happy for me. I was happy for me, too!
I was doing great in dental school, getting all 90s and I really enjoyed going. It was going to be really sad once we graduated and we wouldn’t get to see each other every day. I wasn’t even nervous about the final. I knew that I would do really great on it.
On graduation day, Danny was right there by my side cheering me on. After the ceremony, my teacher came over to us and handed us a wedding present. I was completely shocked by her act of kindness and knew I would really miss her.
At the graduation dinner dance, we shared a magical night. We slow-danced to every song that played, with our eyes locked on each other and arms holding tight. We were a couple deeply in love, for the first time in our history we were truly happy and in our minds, we were engaged.
I found a dental assisting job quite easily and was anxious to begin working. I’d never been happier than I felt right then. I had everything I wanted and was anxious to move forward.
I heard that Air Supply would be coming to a local theatre. My mom loved their songs as much as I did, so she offered to go with me and even offered to buy us the tickets. Even though Danny and I were together, there was no way he would want to go to a concert like that. I was really getting close to my mom and looked forward to a night out with just her and me.
Our seats were fantastic. Mom knew every song just like I did. It was a perfect way for her and me to enjoy some time away from the house, just us girls. Before and after the show we talked a lot about Danny and she was really happy that things were going so well for us. It was a truly perfect night.
~* * * *~
Christmas time was upon us. It felt like being in heaven when you’re with someone you love. Everything seemed prettier and I couldn’t wait to share the holidays together. We agreed that we were going to wait until sometime next year to really get engaged. I was still wearing my phony ring, which was just fine with me. He wanted to save up and get me whatever ring I wanted.
For Christmas, he gave me a new ankle bracelet with our initials and date on the back. We still said July 7, 1977 was our date, even though that wasn’t really true. I gave him a new ID bracelet and my mom crocheted another gorgeous sweater for him, since he’d worn the first one out. We ate dinner with my family and we went to his house afterward to have desert. The phrase ‘my face was lit up like a Christmas tree’ came to mind, as I felt like all I could do was smile.
We decided not to go out for New Year’s Eve. We just wanted to be at home together. We made love from one year into the next.
CHAPTER TEN
1984 – Age 21
“Do you have any idea just how happy I am right now?” I softly said to him. My head was resting on his chest and his arms were tightly wrapped around me. I felt so safe and secure.
“I love you,” he whispered back. “I can’t wait until we’re married and we can be like this all the time.”
“I love you, too,” I responded, as I found his lips in the dark and kissed him. “It will be so nice to be able to stay together and not have to say goodbye.”
I hated that he had to leave. It would’ve have been so nice to be able to stay wrapped in his arms all night long and wake up with him by my side, someday.
“Why don’t you see if Leslie is free tomorrow night, or should I say tonight since it is so late? I’ll get Dave, we’ll go to dinner and a movie. Sound good?” he asked.
“Sounds good, hopefully she’s free. If not, maybe Beth can go.” I was truly ecstatic and beaming in every sense of the word. What a truly great start to the New Year. I just knew that this was going to be the best year of my life.
We worked during the day. Our nights were filled with quiet time relaxing at home, movies, dinners, parties, friends, and lots of laughter. We were making memories that would last a lifetime.
I never questioned nights when Danny and I didn’t see each other. I felt secure in our relationship and our plans for the future together. I trusted him with every ounce of my soul.
On Valentine’s Day, a huge, beautiful bouquet of roses was delivered with a note attached.
Dear Cassidy,
I love you so much!
Forever & Always,
Love Danny
I called to thank him and he told me that he was taking me out to dinner that night.
Sitting in the dimly lit restaurant, I stared at him and my heart overflowed with the love I felt for this man. I couldn’t help but smile as I sat daydreaming, and forgot everything else around us.
“What is that look for?” Danny asked with a laugh.
“What look?” I asked with a giggle. “I just love you so much and I’m happy, is that a crime?”
A smile that lit up the room crossed his face. “Of course not, silly. I love you too.” He reached across the table and gently caressed my hand.
~* * * *~
<
br /> We talked constantly about getting married and planned our future together. I thought back to the past and how close I’d come to not having what I did right then. What if I hadn’t taken that risk and not given him another chance? Where would I be then? Would I have been so close to having all my dreams fulfilled? I believed with all my heart that we were destined to be together. Last time just wasn’t the time it was supposed to happen.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Danny. I’d noticed something not quite the same the previous few days, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. This was the first time I saw him in three days, which hadn’t happened since we got back together. Every time I called, he wasn’t home.
“Nothing, serious. I am just really tired. Work is busy lately. Now that the warmer weather is starting, it has been crazy. By the way, I am going to have to work quite a few nights this week, so don’t be mad at me, please?”
“I’ve barely seen you all week.” I tried to not sound angry, but I clearly was.
“I know, but there’s nothing I can do. Go talk to my dad and tell him you don’t want me to work. It’s not like I have a choice. Do you really think I would rather work than be with you? We will go out this weekend, I promise, wherever you want to go. Just think, the more money I make, the faster we can get married.”
It was hard to hide the disappointment from my voice but I tried to. “All right, but you can’t expect me to be happy about it.” I knew he needed to do what his dad told him, but that didn’t mean I had to like it and that I didn’t miss him every minute we were apart.
“Come here.” He motioned for me to come closer. “I am sorry…really, but this is my job and I need you to understand that. I don’t want to fight about it.” He pulled me closer and in an instant, I was in his arms.
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