“Eh?” He looked at me with confusion. “J’comprends pas?” he muttered as he flicked the ash off his cigarette.
“What I mean is, now that we have…you know…consummated…this.” I giggled, my hand motioning to our nakedness. “When should we tell Angela and everyone else?”
“Non! Non! De quoi parle tu Lex?” JM, flew off the couch and stood straight up. A hardened look taking over his beautiful face.
“What am I talking about?” I yelled, as I began to freak out. Stay calm Lex, stay calm. “Well you said…and I just thought…”
“Jesus Christ Lexi! I said I loved fucking you, I didn’t say this was a lifetime commitment!” He began throwing his clothes on aggressively. Used, and trampled upon wasn’t even close to the feeling that washed over me.
“Well of course JM, I didn’t mean that, I just thought that we…we had a real connection…” I trailed off.
This wasn’t worth it. I was humiliating myself again.
“Forget it, just forget it. I never said anything at all.” I grabbed my clothes and stomped down the hall to the bedroom.
“Lex, I don’t want to hurt you but you can’t assume that after sex we automatically have a relationship!” He called after me. “We don’t even like each other! Esti d’tabernak!”
“LEAVE!” I screamed out over my shoulder. “Just fucking leave Jean-Marc!”
Slamming the door of the bedroom, I flung myself on the bed burying my face in the pillows.
He didn’t leave. I could still hear him pacing around the apartment. Well good! Let him think about his hurtful words! Was it really that wrong of me to assume he would want more than just one lust and fuck moment? My mind was racing and turning in circles and it left me feeling like all these months of sexual tension and angst were for nothing. How could I be so stupid as to let my guard down like this? I knew he was trouble from the first moment I met him; and I should have stuck to my gut and trusted my intuition.
My miserable thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the sound of my cell phone buzzing in the other room. Crap, I should have taken it with me. Thoughts raced through my head. Should I go get it and ignore him? Or ignore the phone? Despite the instinct to run for my cell the second I heard it, I managed to restrain myself. It buzzed again, elevating my anxiety and then-- silence. I listened for the front door to slam. It didn’t. I shivered again, still half naked straining for any sounds.
A moment passed before he started pounding on my bedroom door like he was going to break it down. I leaped a few feet back fear rising inside of me.
“What the fuck are you doing? You’re going to break the door down you caveman! This is Angela’s Airbnb remember?” My tear-stained face screamed through the wooden door. The only thing currently between us.
He stopped. Another moment of silence.
“Open the goddamn door Lex.” He growled. I recoiled even further back because the door had actually shifted as he pounded on it. I wasn’t sure he meant me harm at this point, or just wanted in.
JM’s voice sounded like nothing I’d heard before. Wild with rage, yet still controlled. Stupidly, my curiosity got the better of me and I opened the door just a crack, and peeked up to stare at him. He was seething practically foaming at the mouth. He was staring and heaving out of breath, like he was ready for war. I quickly noticed the hard lines drawn across his mouth. His eyes, onyx with pure hatred; when moments ago, they portrayed a whole other story of love and lust for me.
He pushed his way in almost knocking me over.
“What the fuck is this?” he snarled, holding my phone up in my face.
“Give me my phone!” I said, reaching for it feeling how small I really stood, barefoot, against the height of this man in front of me. What right did this guy have to pry?
He snatched it away and swatted my hand down.
“Bet you’d love to know who called you.” He arrogantly responded raising his voice.
“What the hell do you care?” I retorted.
“Actually, for your information, you little whore- I fuckin’ do care!”
I gasped and stood there jaw agape.
“Looks like it was your fiancé who called. When you didn’t pick up, “Mr. Romance” decided to text you.” He began to read aloud. “Alexis, I love you and miss you so much. Please tell me you’re coming home soon. I can’t wait to marry you. Xo”
“What?” I quickly shot a confused look towards the small screen.
“I’ve been called many things Lexi, and many of them are true, but the one thing I don’t do is take from someone else. I never would have even entertained the thought of sleeping with you, if I had known you were with someone.”
“En plus…”, he shook his head as he ran his fingers through those tresses, that earlier were tickling me over and over across my naked flesh, as he made me his.
“I’m disgusted with you. How dare you go behind this guy’s back? You don’t deserve this guy. You’re just trash.”
“It’s not what you think!” My voice now back to lacking confidence, squealed in protest. “It’s not like that! You don’t know the whole story.”
“You’re right I don’t, and honestly, I don’t want to. In fact, I don’t want to know anything more about you Alexis.”
With that, JM threw my phone on the bed, turned and disappeared out of the room. The front door slammed and left an echo behind him, leaving me all alone. Drowning in misery and confusion.
I felt my hand clutching my chest as I lurched forward and collapsed to the floor. He didn’t know… he didn’t understand…I should have explained, but where to start? Not to mention…that text. What was that crap? Something was off--, that text didn’t even sound like Jason.
I dragged myself across the floor and lifted myself onto the bed in shame and despair.
Chapter 18
“Hey girlfriend!” I’m back from the woods baby!” The sound of Angela’s sing-song voice came through my earbuds as I walked through the trails of my favorite mountain spot.
“Glad you had fun sweetie.” I tried to smile to hide the pain that still coursed through my body. It had only been twenty-four hours since JM and I had tipped the scales from passionate desire-- to passionate hatred. I couldn’t even believe how much had changed in a day.
‘Oh shit…I leave you alone for a week and I come home to “depressed Lexi”?”, Angela complained. “Okay whatever’s got you down I’m coming.”
“It’s fine Ang. Honestly, I’m okay.” I tried to perk up a bit with a failed effort.
“Yeah whatever. I can tell when you’ve spoken to your parents or Jason. I’ll be there in thirty minutes okay?”
I laughed. “That’s not what happened but okay. Just make it forty-five though, I’m running and need time to get back home.”
I turned and began to make my way back to the apartment. I wasn’t sure what Angela would think about this whole situation and honestly, I was a bit afraid of her reaction. My stomach began to growl and demand food. I realized that I hadn’t had anything to eat since yesterday afternoon.
Angela was already there by the time I returned. Sitting on the steps sipping a Starbucks latte, and holding an extra one with my misspelled name on it. Beside her was a small wooden crate, filled with fruits, cheeses and wine.
“Coffee AND wine?” I asked as cheerfully as I could muster. “You certainly know the way to my heart.” I gestured heart beats with my hands pumping over my chest and winked at her.
“Well you seem a bit more cheerful at least.” She pressed. Ang was not one to waste time.
“I’m sure your week was better than mine so before I get into it, tell me first all about Vermont. Get up, come on let’s go inside. Grab the goods.” I smiled back at her as I fumbled with keys.
Now settled, with gluttonous intentions, I waved Angela to proceed with telling me about her adventure. I needed a little uplifting conversation before having to go down a road that would surely have me crying again, and possibly wailing acr
oss my best friend’s lap like a ridiculous drama queen who chipped a nail.
“All right Lex, but I’m giving you the short version because I came here for you.”
“The drive was easy and fun. We stayed in a beautifully rustic, old log cabin. It was set on a lake that we could fish and swim in. Honestly, I was in heaven!” She smiled, with a distant look in her eyes. “I was out there doing naked yoga every fucking morning on the forest ground. I’ve never felt so alive! There’s nothing like the feeling of soft moss under your bare feet. I was so connected to mother nature.” Angela eyes were half closed now as she reminisced about her connection to nature.
“Wow…sounds great. I wonder how that feels like on your naked ass?” I pondered aloud, trying to look serious.
Angela just glared at me like I had completely insulted everything she stood for.
“Sorry Ang. I just don’t get the whole naked and afraid shtick.”
“Whatever Lex. You should try it sometime. Maybe it would help dislodge that stick you keep right up your ass.” She said sticking her tongue out at me making me laugh. Thankfully her disdain for me barely lasted a minute.
“Maybe you’re right.” I admitted. “What else?”
“Oohh…we also went to a winery where we made our own crazy strong, homemade wine.” She held up a bottle and grinned. “Honestly, I loved every minute of it but I do wish you would have come. But tell me about you.”
I sighed. Where to start?
I began with my first run-in with JM. The way in which we stared at each other, and flirted through the shop window. “Flirting through a shop window?” she repeated. “What are you guys? Like twelve?”
“Yeah maybe…” I mused. Anyway, I finally got up the nerve to go in and talk to him and he was so fucking rude Ang! Like a complete three-sixty-- from the guy who had been smiling and practically coaxing me to come into his shop.”
“So… he was different in person than the guy you thought he was in your head?” she stated bluntly.
I paused. Angela had always had a knack for pointing out the obvious. “Well…okay fine.” I grumbled defeated. “Where were you last week when I needed you?”
“You could have just messaged me Lex. I would have called you back.” She said now with a gentler tone.
“I’m sorry…you’re right. Sorry I’m such a pain in the ass lately.” I looked down at the floor slumped, with my sadness overtaking me. It was a wonder that Angela was still here, listening to the crap I was whining about.
“Anyway, I left the shop in a complete fit and ran back home. When I got there, somehow, he was already waiting for me. I guess he left from the back of the shop and hopped on his bike or something. Anyway, he came up behind me and grabbed me, pinned me to the wall in the front hallway…” I motioned to the entranceway.
“Next thing I knew, we were kissing and it was so…Oh my God, Angela it was so good! He was so intense and passionate. Rough, but like in a really good way!” I could feel my cheeks flushing with the memory of his touch. Just retelling the story was eliciting all kinds of physical responses in me forcing me to cross my legs.
Angela was staring wide eyed at me her mouth gaping open.
“Of all the things, I thought you were going to tell me, this is by far the last thing Lex!” She gasped. “Did you fuck?”
I buried my face in my hands. “Ang!”
“Well did you? Because it sure sounds like that’s the direction this is going.” She continued.
“Yeah…we slept together.” I whispered biting my lip in embarrassment.
“Holy crap! Tell me everything! JM is known in our circles as a bad-boy but he hasn’t been with anyone that I know of in a while. His last girl really fucked him up, and apparently he swore off women after that.”
“Really? I didn’t know that….” I said softly. “What happened to him?”
“He was deeply in love until he found out via text of all things, that his girl was cheating on him.” Angela continued.
Oh my God…. My heart stopped. I slowly slid down the wall to the floor. My head in my hands, I could feel the tears coming, a sob escaped my mouth and I heard myself wince.
“I didn’t know…I didn’t know, Angela I didn’t know!” I heard myself now wailing.
“Lex? Now I’m getting nervous…Please tell me how this story ends”, Angela asked softly, her hand resting gently on mine.
Somehow, I managed to get the rest out. I told her everything. From the most passionate intimate moments, to our fight over that ridiculous text from Jason afterwards.
Now, it was so obvious why he had reacted the way he did.
I had to fix this. Maybe there was still time?
“Ang…I need to see him, speak to him, I need to fix this!” I said getting up off the floor and wiping trails of black mascara streaked across my cheeks possibly making it worse.
“I need to fix this before it’s too late.”
Chapter 19
I texted JM immediately.
Hey…it’s me. Again. It’s not what you think. I’m not with him anymore.
There is so much you don’t know.
Please call me.
Of course, he didn’t answer. What was there to say really? He thought I was a lying-cheating-bitch like his ex.
What the hell was with that text from Jason though? It was so odd and so unlike him. It reeked of distasteful and malicious behavior. I just knew that somehow my mother, the gossip queen of Toronto would either know the answer, or be able to find out. So, I reluctantly called her.
“Hey mom.”
“Alexis darling! What a surprise! How are you my love? Oh, I have the best news! The Rollands are coming in for the wedding, all the way from New Zealand! Can you believe it?!”
I sucked in the heavy air that seemed to cloud around me, suffocating every last ounce of willpower that I had left. “Mom. There is NO wedding. You know this already.”
She just kept talking, blatantly ignoring my words. I tried again.
“Mom, stop!” I yelled. Silence rang through my ears and back again. “I got a text from Jason’s phone yesterday.”
“That’s nice dear, I’m glad you too are chatting more regularly again.” She chirped.
“No mom, we are not! You know why? Because I left him.”
“Oh yes Alexis. I’m not an idiot, you know how many time I’ve left your father?” she laughed.
This woman was maddening, she knew just how to press all my buttons.
“I’m pretty confident it wasn’t from Jason himself.” I continued. “Would you know anything about that?”
“Well what does it say my dear?” She continued lightly.
I read her the text. “Alexis, I love you and miss you so much. Please tell me you’re coming home soon. I can’t wait to marry you. Xo”
“So? What do you think mom? Have you heard from him lately?” I pressed her.
I paused, waiting for her to respond.
Silence.
“Mom?”
“Well sweetheart, you know…. I …okay look, your father and I have had our fair share of issues over the years. I know that many times, I wanted to hear him say certain things and he never did…so I just thought that if you received a message like this one…”
I was incredulous. “You sent this?” I gasped. “You didn’t! you couldn’t have…how?” Words came spewing out of my mouth like vomit.
“Well yes, I did Alexis but honestly it was for your own good. I mean, waiting for you to forgive him and come home is taking an inordinate amount of time! We have a wedding to plan for goodness sake!”
I couldn’t believe it. Feeling nothing but hatred for this sad, pitiful excuse of a mother, I finally unleashed everything that I had held in for so long. “How much clearer do I need to be? I am NOT coming back to Toronto. And there is NO wedding because I’m not marrying Jason!”, I screamed into the phone until my voice was shaking. “And on top of all that, it is beyond me how someone who is supposed to b
e my loving, caring mother could even consider trying to push me into a marriage of convenience! For fuck’s sake mother, what is this? The nineteenth century?”
I stopped to gulp down some air because it was all winded out of me. “Now, for the last time, you sneaky manipulative bitch. Leave me alone!” Without even thinking I threw my iPhone across the room and into the wall. It would have been nice for it to split apart and explode into a million pieces. But sadly, it only bumped the wall and fell to floor with a dull thud. Still, it was something. I’d finally given the old crow a piece of my mind. The next few hours went by a complete and utter blur. A haze of crying, yelling and drinking with Ang. By the time nightfall came, we both passed out on the couch. That homemade wine, sure had a magical effect on the both of us.
Chapter 20
The smell of coffee wafted across my face, coaxing me to open my eyes. The light felt bright even through my closed eyelids. But, I forced them open anyway in an effort to find the source of that luring, caffeinated scent.
I was still in my clothes from last night, and my body was sore from sleeping awkwardly on the couch. I noticed a glass of water, a bottle of Advil with a pink note, covered in Angela’s bubbly handwriting.
Hope you slept off all the shit from last night and wake up today filled with all the love, beauty and joy that you are. Sorry to leave before you wake babe, but I got shit to do today. Also, I made you coffee. You’re going to need it ;) -love you, A
Ang was the best. I really needed to do something special for her. I made a mental note to book us a spa getaway. Maybe Eastman…it was a little way out of the city, but I’d heard it was absolutely divine.
Padding across the living room and into the kitchen, my head was still spinning. The coffee would soon cure it. Maybe some food too? Nah. Better not risk it.
I checked my phone with high hopes, but JM had still not responded. Sadly, his silence told me everything I needed to know. It made the hole in my heart grow bigger and deeper with every passing minute. I messaged my brother Logan in Whistler and asked him if I could go visit him. I gave him a heads up that if he had heard anything about my wedding, that it was all lies and that there would be no wedding. That should prompt his curiosity into responding. I can picture his open mouth, and his high-fiving me-- disappointing our parents even more. Both of us were failures to them now. Whether he answered or not though, it was time to make my move. This time, for good.
Inked Love: An Enemies to Lovers Romance Page 10